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who do I need?
So this girl, lets just call her c. We've been friends for a long time, and she knows i really, really like her, but she's dating someone else. I feel like ever since she started dating another guy, I feel like my love for her is poison to our friendship, and we are drifting apart. I don't want to lose her, but I don't want to hurt her feelings either. I love her, but the more I love her, the harder it is for our relationship to work out. Then, there is another girl I'm good friends with, I recently just met her. lets call her k. K likes me, I can tell, and I think I like her too, but my feelings with c are holding me back from k. I don't ever want to hurt k's feelings, and i feel like i am making k like me more without meaning to. Even if kate and I worked out, it would be an online relationship, like instagram and skype you know, and C and I live next door from eachother :( I just need help, please, from a girl. someone who is good with this stuff...
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First, I would like to apologise for taking too long to reply. I had to ask several colleagues about your dilemma in order to be a able to assess the situation properly. Two head are better than one so to speak.
Just so you know, accessibility always trumps convenience. K maybe a convenient match for you since she already likes you, but you have to ask yourself if you like her back the same way?
C may be accessible but liking her the way you want to may pose a threat to your friendship, which leads to an inconvenient ending.
I know it may sound like I'm just pointing out the obvious. I do this in order to be sure that I have a real grasp of your dilemma?
So if this is the case, you are on a lose-lose situation. The chances are against you, and it will surely not end well for any of the people involved.
First question: Does C like you back? Do you see any inclination for her to be with you? I mean, beyond friendship. I say this because you might be assuming how she would feel out of fear of rejection as well.
Second question: Do you like her so much that you're willing for C to go on with her life and just wait for your time if ever it would come? One of my colleagues did it and mind you, she is still waiting. She said that the trick is, "Contentment."
Last question: If K is accessible, do you think you'd be happier? Distance may pose several problems, but sometimes, we blow things out of proportion in order to lead ourselves to follow what we want to follow.
Assess your situation properly first. When you finally get a handle on your situation, you WILL be able to decide properly.
Never decide based on emotions, because if you do, you're just relying on your animalistic instinctive nature. And usually, it leads to catastrophe.
Rely on proper non-prejudicial and unbiased logic.
I am guessing that by the end of your logical assessment, you would actually ask yourself why it became a problem. Why do I know this? We usually look at the outside world and give too much importance to it that we forget about our own value.
Please consider this first.
I hope you make the right choice, or not make any choices at all.
Good luck.
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So I'm guessing C knows you like her? If that's the case, she chose someone else and you shouldn't hold out for her. Your friendship probably is poisoned because she's using you to make herself feel good, but she has to toe a line now so her boyfriend doesn't suspect she's getting this ego boost in a once-flirtatious way. At least you know K really likes you, but you don't have to start a relationship if you're not ready to move on yet. Good luck and be careful!
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Hi sugar! Let's see if I can help!
Youve known C a long time,you love her.Very much.
She is involved with someone else,you said she is dating,is she official with this guy,or taking a test drive? Both are 2 different things.Does she know you love her? If so,and she hasnt responded in which you hoped,you need to let it go honey. Give yourself a break and take time out and deal with your emotions before being with someone else because you never want to enter a new relationship with heavy baggage and emotions.
You could also,try to meet someone near you,someone you could see on a regular basis.
Im in a long distance relationship myself,it sucks,and it so hard,and you will feel the tug of distance and apartness soon after awhile.
If you pursue Kate,make sure you will for sure be able to see her,and in fact start planning now when to see eachother,because sadly you cant be official until you meet face to face.
C and you live next door to each other,thats hard,but try to avoid her for a few days and see how you feel,start detatching your emotions,because in the end,she may never feel the same way about you.Only she knows what she feels.
Do some alone time,and pick,in your gut what you feel is best
Be blessed
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You definitely like C more, well love. I'd say if you truly love this girl wait for her. Girls love it when a guy waits for them. As for K it sounds like you have just friendly feelings for her and it wouldn't be a good thing to lead her on.I'd say keep both chics as friends for now and who knows you might start to like K even more than C. Sounds to me as if C is not going to be leaving her boyfriend anytime soon. You're still single dude do what you want without hurting anyone. You wanna make sure you're happy but you don't hurt anyone. Hope this helps :) ladylala
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Hmm... This is quite a tough situation. It would be quite difficult to move on from c, with the fact that you live next door to her. But even if you don't see k as much- I defiantly think that you should move forward with her, especially as you said that she likes you. You've got to accept that c isn't available. I know that it's easier said than done- I myself had a huge crush on my best friend, it hurt me so much when he started going out with another person. I never told him how I feel; and as all three of us are in the same classes, I felt really awkward. And I'm not going to lie- it was crap, having to see him with someone else when I wanted to be with him. But I just tried my best to move on. And I still get moments where I still get feelings for him, when you're in love with someone it's unlikely that the feelings will go away. But I pushed them feelings to the back of my mind and just had to get on with things. But you and k obviously have a connection. And that's what makes our situations different because you have k who you like, so it's not like you're completely alone... Just go for it, see how it goes with k and I can almost guarantee that after being with k for a bit you won't be thinking about c as much. Like I said before, you're still probably going to have moments where you have strong feelings for c- but you'll have k to invest your feelings in, and if you give it a chance; then I'm sure that you'll get closer with k. But if you still feel strongly about c after being with k for a bit, then I suggest that you break it off with her- as that wouldn't be fair for k. But if it did come to that, just try to not let it get you down- and I'm sure that whether it's k, another special person, or even eventually c- you'll find someone who's right for you :)
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To answer this question, I think I need to tackle this step by step; incidentally, that is also your answer!
Person C knows you have strong feelings for her; however, not only does she not reciprocate, but she is dating someone else. You're being a good friend by being so respectful of her feelings, and keep in mind that you probably will not be able to maintain the same level of friendship until you resolve your feelings for her. Don't put too much pressure on yourself; instead, give yourself time to move beyond your unreturned feelings--explain to Person C that you may need some time and distance until you're able to go back to just being a good friend to her.
With Person K, I am hearing two different issues: 1) You don't like her the same way, and 2) It would be an online relationship. Right now, in your heart, there is only Person C. And until you are able to properly get over those feelings for Person C, you won't be able to be in a relationship with anyone else--any other person would be a rebound, which I don't think you or any other girl would be happy with.
Furthermore, if your relationship is purely online and not in person, that's really not a relationship to enter into. Keep in mind there is no such thing as a purely online "relationship"; or, should I say, those types of relationships are very difficult to maintain.
My advice is to give yourself time. Try to limit contact with Person C so that you won't be so heartbroken, and continue being the respectful/considerate person you have been with her. If you do want to hold onto the friendship with her, you can--but it's always hard to hang out with a friend when you have a unrequited crush on her, and it's best to give yourself adequate time + distance so that things don't become awkward between you two. As far as finding someone new, it will happen in due time--trust me! The last thing you want is a rebound with someone you don't particularly like the same way--you'll wind up unhappy and she'll wind up hurt.
Hang in there. In time, you'll find your stride :)
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