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Boyfriend ignoring me but I act like I dont notice
Good morning and good afternoon advicenators. I am an 20 years old girl with a boyfriend who is 23. We have been together for the past 2 years. Here is my situation: Tuesday of last week, my boyfriend texted me in the morning but I did not answer his text. Later in the afternoon he called me but I did not pick up. All this was because I was frustrated with school and I was not in the mood to talk to anyone. Of course he got upset and felt as if I was ignoring him but I was not. I was planning to call him later before I went to bed. I had no intention on making him feel bad about it but when he confronted me with it I apologized and he forgave me. since then, our relationship has been off-balance. He has been ignoring me but I act as if I dont notice it because I feel like he wants to get revenge. When I text him, he takes forever to text back but I always text him right back. When I call him at night, he doe not pick up and texts me in the morning saying that he went to bed early. I really do not know what to do. Can someone please advice me on what I should do. Thank you in advance.
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Tell him what you think is happening.
Don't pull that passive aggressive girly shit of saying "Is something wrong?". Your instinct and common sense have told you what is likely wrong, so do the same thing he did. Be direct and say "I feel like you are ignoring my texts AND I'm worried you are doing this to punish me for what happened last week."
Maybe he doesn't realize he is doing this. Maybe he'll get over it on his own in a few more days. Or maybe, he's being a really immature little prick who said he forgave you and then turned around and had his own secret little temper tantrum where he tries to punish you for a mistake you made that you admitted, and apologized for.
If he agrees that that is what he is doing, on purpose, remind him that is not how forgiveness works and that he has to be honest with you, not play games when he is upset.
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I would start off with a "is something wrong?" when you feel hes acting like this.
Then try a "well you seem quieter then normal is everything ok??" come at him from a "concerned" angle. Kind of a killing someone with kindness sorta thing. Usually people cant or wont lash out when someone is clearly "just trying to make sure everything is ok" with them. If your sensing something IS wrong and hes acting out because hes still upset over what happened, ASK if hes still upset about that and let him know none of that was his fault and you were having a really bad day and youve been stressed out alot and ask how many times are you supposed to say your sorry for it, because it was a mistake? he simply caught you at a bad moment and although one should try to never lash out at a loved one when their stressed, honestly its GOING to happen sometimes, thats just life, theres nothing anyone can do about that.
It upsets me when someone tries to silently crucify me over something i did when it was just a misunderstanding or a mistake on my part and ive already said im sorry and thought we worked through it and yet they still refuse to let it go and move on.
Im a straight forward kind of person and i would just ask in the way that i mentioned above and then say you wont do it again it was clearly a mistake, youve already told him that so he needs to grow up and move on.
if after youve talked to him ((and hes a guy so usually they give the "OKAYYYY" as the sign of giving in and moving on now)) go back to being your usual boyfriend loving self and try to pay him a little more attention so that he SEES that your sorry. If he even brings that whole thing up AGAIN and/or tries to hold it over your head later down the line then he needs to go. Thats a sign right there that he clearly HASNT let it go even after you both talked it out and not only that but is trying to hold it over your head to try to make you feel bad about it so youll do something HE wants you to do and thats NOT happening.
good luck! ; )
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I agree on confronting him with it. He is basically doing to you what he 'thinks' you did to him. This can mean he is immature and needs to do some growing up and until he does, the relationship will never be really solid and secure,
OR... he may have something else going on that is working against him. It is his incorrect, negative thoughts that led him to act as he is doing.
Think on it whether he has shown other areas, or situations where he has problems with his thinking that leads to odd behaviors in other areas and if so he may have cognitive behavioral disorder. Here's a link that explains it:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Hopefully all that is needed is a good talk and setting some ground rules and expectations that are reasonable that both of you agree to. If neither of you are willing to stick with agreed to rules, then perhaps the two of you or at least one of you are not ready to be in a relationship yet.
I will say this, it is reasonable for you to want your bubble time, alone time to work out your frustrations by yourself. Others when feeling as you did do the opposite and want their closest people around them, a partner, best friend or parent for example to help them get back to their cheery self. Your personalities may differ here in how each of you would respond. It takes understanding each other that well and be willing to give each other what they need to keep the relationship on an even keel. So have a real good talk with him. Then both of you apologize for your behaviors and promise to do better with the understanding and agreed on rules for your relationship. If he still isn't willing to see reason, give him time to cool off and then choose another time to have this same conversation, if he still isn't responsive and willing to work on things, then I would suggest it is time to break up. that might be enough to bring him to his senses or he will move on. Hopefully it doesnt come to that point, but in dating, it's a time of discovering things you like and don't like in a person because you are actually working on coming up with a picture of what the personality and character is of the person you will eventually end up in a long term relationship or marriage with. The ones will faults that are irreconcilable, are ones to leave behind and move on to someone better.
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Can you not go and see him? You can't ignore someone if it's in person. My personal opinion, it doesn't matter what type
Of day you're having- you shouldn't ignore someone your dating, especially someone you've been with for two years. You could have told him you were having a bad day and just wanted to sleep it off, but honestly-you handled it in an immature way. Real maturity would see that. Now your boyfriend is doing the same to you, and you don't like it. Learn from your mistake, and apologize to him
If you think he's doing it out of spite. Sometimes you got to value you're relationship more than your ego. Good luck.
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Do what he did, and confront him. It's not right to get revenge in a relationship, even though many people struggle with it, but especially if you weren't even doing it on purpose/to hurt him or anything. Ask him if that's what he's doing, and if not then ask what's going on, or of everything is okay. But definitely talk to him about it.
Hope this helps~
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