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is it okay to have a crush on your older brother?
I have a crush on my 19 yr old brother I've been fantasize about him since I was 13 what should I do ask him out or seduce him?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
No, don't do that to him. Family is family, turn your attention to someone else. Don't make mistakes.
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I will start by saying the other advisors are correct. It is wrong to try and have sex with a family member, it is called incest. Besides being morally wrong it is also illegal in all western countries and cultures.
That being said it is understandable as to why you are having these fantasies. You're not alone in having them. Both boys and girls have them after entering puberty and become sexually aware. Some fantasies focus like you on an older sibling, some on parents of the opposite sex. Others may focus on the mother, father , older sister or older brother of a friend. It is completely normal.
To act on these fantasies is where you depart from normal. Yes even with your friends older siblings if they are much older than you. With a parent, sibling or first cousin having a sexual relation with them at any time is incest and illegal. The reason being is mostly because of the chance of pregnancy and the baby suffering from many different forms of mental retardation and birth defects. It is also morally wrong and if you are religious you will find it so in the bible of your religion.
What to do about these fantasies. You cannot act upon them for the reasons given. You can if you wish masturbate to them if you feel you must. This though is as far as you can take these fantasies.
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It's not a great idea and I'd forget any thoughts of seducing him or attempting to realise the fantasy in any way. When our hormones become active the first flush as you might say can be 1. Very powerful and compelling and 2. Equally indiscriminate regarding possible targets. OK, brother's around, on the scene. Representing maleness and manliness no doubt. Which is why you're latching on to him. He's familiar too, and in a way 'safe'. But of course we do not form sexual relationships with our siblings. Fantasy is harmless, but he's emotionally and sexually a 'dead end' really, isn't he? He'll always be your brother, naturally. You'll share stuff you maybe don't share with any other guy. You'll be close in absolutely unique ways. But not in a sexual way. How about trying to broaden your horizons? Think of, and fantasize over some guys who are NOT related. The sexual tension can really build up at your age, the best way is to relieve it through masturbation. And that's THE best time to really explore those fantasies and desires in your mind. Nothing you're saying here is totally abnormal, or freaky. There's nothing to worry about. The crush will pass. But (back to where we started really) physically realising the fantasy is not a good idea. He'll probably be rather shocked if you attempt to as well. I'd tend not to even mention the subject to him at all. You've aired your feelings here, got them out into the light. That's a good way of dealing with them and handling them. And you have lots of good replies to read through and think about. I'd sum it up as natural feelings and urges, all part of becoming a woman. Just temporarily locked-on to the wrong target sweetheart! It happens. X
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I agree completely with Missundersmock. Along with the hormones of puberty, this is a time when young girls and boys first start to look at people of the opposite sex for attributes and personality traits that are to their liking. Sometimes it simply starst out skin deep and whether the person is just hot looking. Later after experiencing both good and bad personality traits, we refine our search for GF/BF's, always trying to find someone a step better for us, some one more to our liking. eventually, this list should help you find the kind of person you'd never tire of being married to til the day you die.
So what you can do as a teen is to start keeping a journal, handwritten or on your pc, of a list of things you like in males, even those related to you. You already find some things admirable, maybe even sexy about your brother. Write them down. You will see things in guys during your life that attract you in a way to a guy, he might be married, engaged, dating a girl already, he may be younger, older or old enough to be your grandfather. Please understand that this kind of attraction is to help you to later find the right guy for you for life, and it does not in any way mean that this is happening because the guy is supposed to become your sex partner. Thats not how this works. I was doing this kind of thing with my girlfriend already at age 10, 11, spying on couples my parents or hers had over, mainly focus on the other husband and talking about what we found hot or attractive, what we admired in the guy. This is normal. Using the males you admire to satisfy your sexual urges is not normal and also not ethically right. If you have trouble controlling your feelings for brother still after reading this an understanding better what you are going through, then I also suggest you keep your distance from him until you get over this.
Another basic psychological issue young teens and older ones are going through at this age is a need for a male in their life who is unwittingly supportive of her, this is the kind of support that helps build her self esteem because it is a positive and much needed one in a females life especially at this age. Some girls don't have fathers around or ones who do not give them positive, supportive attention. Most often girls get this needed self esteem from a male member of the family so easily it may be that your brother is more supportive of you than your Dad. When I was a teen and went through the same stage of needing approval and building of my self esteem, I began to hang around my Dad more than Mom. I wanted to be able to talk to him about my day, my interests, anything I was working on, I was into playing guitar and writing my own songs. Mom might say she liked it but what I really needed to hear is what a male thought of my talent. Dad showed real interest in what was important to me and encouraged me to take my talents further. When it came time for need of approval as a lady, are the guys going to find me attractive, it was good that Dad was never too busy to give me a hug, take a moment to make a positive comment on the clothes I just chose for myself on a shopping trip. If you are truly getting some of this fatherly support from your brother without either of your totally aware of it, just attempting to seduce or have sex with brother, whether successful or not, is enough to change the way you interact and relate to each other for the rest of your lives because it will always be in your memories and you will lose the support that a young girl needs from a male family member, preferably the Father, and if not a grandfather, uncle or brother.
Hope this helps you to see the situation in another light.
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OK. You shouldnt do EITHER of those things. Thats called incest and its wrong.
I can understand having dreams or fantasies because your body is changing, but its definitely NOT ok to try to have a sexual relationship with your sibling. If you were to ever get as far as having sex and end up having a baby, that child would have major birth defects, and could come out mentally retarded because your DNA is too alike.
I think you should stay away from him, or try to keep a distance for now until you get over this. It could just be a phase (you didnt mention how old you are now) so i can only guess this has been the span of maybe a few months to a year or two at the most??.
You will find someone that has all your brother best traits in the future thats NOT related to you, and you will love him a ton promise. ; )
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