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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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What questions do you have for me?:)
Many people write me back. So I need a clue by a referal to something you said and I answered last time.
Thanks
Hi guys, I'm 20 and female and the guy is 22. This may seem silly to some of you guys and a lot of you are probably going to just answer and tell me to suck it up and talk to him but if you don't know what it's like to be shy then please don't just assume that I can bite the bullet and tell him that I like him and we live happily ever after.
Although, I should probably start at the beginning. I work at a grocery store and when I started back in June of 2012, I had this supervisor that I thought was so cute.The only talking we would ever really do is when I first began running a register, he was the one that trained me and then when he thought I was good to be on my own, he would let me run on his numbers and then we would only talk when I needed his help to override things or just answer a question/deal with a customer. He has since moved to a supervisor position still in the front end but not over the cashiers. Then has moved, yet again, to a supervisor position of another department completely. I still see him when he comes to the front to get food or drinks on his break or when I go back to my locker, I pass by him stocking things. Now, I've always thought he was cute but it was kinda one of those things that it's nice to think about but I knew that it was never going to happen because he was a friend of my brother's and I work with him and we never really talked, that kinda thing.
Well, fast forward to just last night, my brother is away in Manhattan right now, watching his favorite band in concert. He went with his girlfriend's brother, so his girlfriend was out at the bar last night with my supervisor. My brother's girlfriend and I talk, we're cool with each other but we don't text often. So, when she texted me last night and said she was at the bar, I had only assumed she needed a ride home or something. But she continued in saying that she was at the bar with my supervisor - I could tell she was pretty tipsy in how she was texting me - and she texted me and told me that she had told him how cute I thought he was and he told her that was good because he thinks I'm cute. So I texted her back and told her that she needed to tell him that he should probably talk to me more at work. She texted me back and said she told him to talk to me more because I'm shy and he told her that he is too. So he never talked to me because he didn't like me.. he never talked to me because he thinks I'm cute and he's shy around me which is exactly why I'm shy around him. And it's not even like he's just quiet at work because, like I said, he's friends with my brother and my brother had a party at his house one night and we were both there, my supervisor's band played around and we still didn't even talk that night after we were out of the work environment and he had a few drinks in him.
Which begs the question, how do two shy people get together? Like I said, we're in different departments now so it's not like he's always around to chat with, I only see him when I'm working self checkout and he gets something and walks by when he's done, we smile and I tell him to have a good night but that's about the gist of it. Again, please do not just tell me to talk to him. Especially now that we both know the other one is cute, I honestly think we'll be more weird around each other. Plus we've worked together for almost two years and barely spoke, I can't just walk right up to him now and tell him all about my life and ask about his. But I'm also not sure if he's going to try to talk to me now that he knows I think he's cute but if he doesn't, I want to get the ball rolling here but not in an outlandish way because I'm not an exuberant person, I cannot and will not just walk right up to him and do something out of my box. Can you other shy girls help me out here? I know you guys know where I'm coming from. Thanks.
At your age, I was coming out of shyness. So i understand. If the shyness isn't just with cute guys but with all people, let me know and I'll share with you something fairly simple that helped me work out of it.
As for what you can do, well there was an occasion where I had a dinner out paid for and it was for two, others won also and it would be couples, but I had no boyfriend. So I knew of a guy at church I liked a little, he seemed to have the nicest attitude of all the guys there. So I asked him. It wasn't easy because I was scared and embarassed. But I gave myself a little talk and this helped. I told myself, he would simply be helping me out, as a friend, stepping in to be the other part of a couple. If you approach him to talk not as a crushing girl wanting him for a boyfriend and dating, but as a friend to hang out with, that works wonders on your mindset, to diffusing the fear. For some reason, its easier to ask a friend to hang out than to ask a cute guy on a date. It actually makes sense cus starting as friends and later moving into romance is the best way to go and still wonderful.
What you can do is several things, write a note to him saying you enjoy his friendship at work and like him enough as a coworker, that you;d like to spend some time hanging out as friends and list your cell # asking him to give you a call. You can have it in your pocket and pass it straight to him, or if he has a private locker at worker with slots you can slip a note into, that would work. That way you don't have to initially say anything. Or you could try and set up a version of "I have tickets and need someone to go with me" scenerio. You'd have to know when his time off is and hopefully it coincides with yours. The next good movie scheduled to start on a Friday, buy ahead two tickets to go for what ever time Friday night or Saturday that would work. Then tell him a friend got the tickets and had something come up and gave them to you. So you have two tickets and no one to go with you. You're wondering if he's like to go to make use of the ticket. It could backfire and you'd end up having to take a girlfriend along, but if it works, that's a cool way to spend time away from work and start to relax. Also, check to see if you can find him in one of the online sites like Facebook and ask to be a friend on there. Shy people often do better in writing than in person. I still communicate better in writing than in person. Or if there's a trusted coworker female, you might ask her if she works closer with him, to pass on a message for you, asking if he wouldn't mind calling you after work and she could pass on your written number you've given her to hand him. When he calls, he's not right there in front of you so it is a little easier. The big worry will be what to say and not running out of things to say. Make a list of questions you'd like the answer on and be prepared to answer the same if he asks. Like what his favorite type of music is, and artists. Make a list of your own answers so as your mind goes blank, you can refer to it to remember names of your favorite artists, you get the picture. If you guys meet together in person to hang out. Bring a package of index cards and two pens. And try out this game to play that helps you learn a few facts about him which will give you topics to talk about. http://www.perfect-partygames.com/two-truths-and-a-dream-wish.html
I wish you the best. Remember you can ask for my instructions on how to overcome shyness in general if you need that, just write me from my column. Good luck.
I started using trigestrel on the 16th january and been using it everyday,same time..i then had unprotected sex on the 23rd january bt then drank the morning after pill as soon as possible..can i still get pregnant seeing that i only waited 7 days and not two weeks for the trigestrel pill to kick in eventhough i took the nerlevo morning afterwpill asap..im a bit unsure because i started taking trigestrel a week after my period?
The reason they have u wait 2 weeks is to give the hormones of the pill time to build up in your body. After a week there isn't enough. Thats where the Plan B or Morning after pill comes in handy. It has a heavier dosage of hormones. You say you took it asap but in order for the plan b pill to work, it needs to be taken before 5 days after having sex. If you took it in that time frame, there is no chance of you being pregnant. If you find yourself late for cycle, you may take the pregnancy test, but in your case, you'd likely be late due to being so stressed about the situation. Stress can delay periods.
So um my ex that I went out with once...we broke up because of my bestfriend telling me he was talking to another girl..so I flipped out on him and then realized it wasn't true and he stopped talking to me and of course he started talking to my "bestfriend" who by the way is really really easy. A week later they have sex...I confront her about it and she told me the truth of course..I was upset so I went back to hang out with my friends and my 2015 resolution was to cut them out of my life...it worked till our friend died... He started to come around my house and my friends more and lucky for me..my friends hated the bitch so she never came around..recently him and I have become closer,a couple people have told us why don't you guys date? And my stomach drops but I tell them "ew no" or "he's too ugly for me" which I said yesterday and he heard me and smiled and shock his head..a couple days ago I guess he thought I was going to a gathering and I didn't show up and obviously he probs flirted with other girls but at the end of the night he texted me telling me I never showed up..normally he either snapchats me or facebooks me, but it was a text asking why I didn't show up..and yea.last night I spent all day with him shooting guns..and he drove me home leaving my bro with my parents and took my bros friend with us to go to my house and we all had a convo about a really annoying person that he would never hang alone with..so I came back with..you're annoying to sometimes and I still hang around you..his response was " I'm not going anywhere no matter what" and before that he was mocking one of our friends snapchatting both of us..saying you guys should date and he was like " hey! Renee! I guess we should date now because everyone is telling us too" I was like "nooooo"..he tries to fuck girls in our circle but it never happens like at another gathering he would go flirt then come back an hang around me for like 30 minutes also he said he'd take me to the zoo☺️
I'm so confused I'm starting to miss my cuddle buddy but he fucked me over and shit..I like being close to him as a friend but I kinda wanna be more but then I don't . I dont even know what to do..he's there for me, he talks to me. More now
Whoa girl, your emotions are all over the place. You need some grounding, something to calm your emotions so you can think through your situation with a clear mind, not letting your emotions get in the way or worse, take the lead. I know you feel hurt and jealous because your girlfriend got a hold of the guy you had first. But take a deep breath and lets look at what went wrong.
We all make these same mistakes until we learn and know better, so I am sharing not to point out your 'bad' but to help you have more successes in your future.
First, you allowed your emotions to take the lead and just plain old 'react', whether justified or not. In looking back now, you can see things would have been quite different if you had not reacted as you did. I don't know what all was in this 'flipping out' you did, but if it involved accusing him of things before he could be proven innocent, he had a right to be upset and stop talking to you while he recovered.
Second, you believed hearsay from your bestgirl friend. Never, ever believe anything someone has to say about someone you are in relationship with, or want to get into relationship with. There's two reason why.
1. The person has good intentions, either trying to play match maker or warn you of something bad about the guy you need to know. The problem is, just as in the party game 'telephone' The original sentence whispered by the hostess into first persons ear, must then be whispered to the person next to her and so on around the circle and you can't ask to hear it again, just share what you think you heard the first time. By the end, the last person got to share out loud what they were told. After passing thru 10 people or so, the final outcome did not in any way resemble the original sentence. I played that as a teen at church youth group gatherings and it taught me a valuable lesson, that the truth can be distorted unintentionally as passed on from one person to another. So when I want truth from a partner, I go straight to him, tell him what I heard, and ask him is it is true or not.
2. Who ever is telling you something has their own ulterior motives, when good, it's wanting to see you in a relationship or when bad, wants to break you up just because they don't like the person, feel your time with the guy takes away from time with her or wants you out of the picture, hoping to break you up so she can have him instead. And yes, the closest of friends you have trusted before can turn on you when it comes to boyfriends. Females are very territorial and do not fight fair.
Is there any question in your mind of whether this guy really likes you? If so, he came back to you after the accusation,he went to a gathering and called you when you didn't show up. That shows interest specifically in you.
Why you think he is flirting with other girls is beyond me, from what you have been saying, you hold him off at arms length, say cruel things to make it seem as if you are not interested. If not dating anyone, he is perfectly cleared to be flirting with other girls if you don't want him. If you do want him, why in hell are you pushing him away? You must have what seems a good explanation in your mind. I'd like to hear it, perhaps then I can help you address some other issues in you that may be contributing to your problems you've written about.
Now, at the party, he goes to another girl to flirt and then comes back to you. I guess you can't see he's using an old trick, to openly flirt with a gal where you can see him, to make you jealous enough that you say something and tell him that you don't want him to go to other girls, that you want him and wont share him. Thats what he wants. I haven't a clue why you havent responded positively to him.
Well, I wasn't there as a silent observer so I can't say you are correct or not, but I have a suspicion that you are making assumptions when you guessed he was flirting at the one gathering but not there, and then believing that he really wants to "fuck" all the girls in your circle. How do you know that, has he specifically come up to you and said so. If so, it's possile he's still trying to get a reaction from you, one that he hopes will have you come to him, become his girlfriend and lover because he's crazy about you or perhaps feels he's in love with you. I am apt to believe that you are the only girl in that circle he really is interested in and wants to love. So, the question goes back to you, what is it that is holding you back? I am willing to talk more with you about this if you have anything more to share in hopes to clear things so you can feel confident moving forwardd with him.
If you write, don't respond with another question on the rating site, I cant answer from there. You'd have to go to my column and write me from there. Good luck.
what should I do about my dad losing his job
Just be supportive, say things you know cheers him up. Ask him what he thinks he'll go looking for in a job next and offer to let all your friends know to tell their parents who may work somewhere that has an opening. Other than that, there's nothing you can do but pray. Unemployment checks will cover some bills while he's searching for a new job, but its never enough to live as you did when he had his income. So there won't be any splurges. I've gone thru this several times with an ex while our kids were young. We ended up having to cut out cable tv or some other non necessity to get by, and use a food bank for a while. What matters is that the family loves each other and supports each other because that is something money can't buy. Good luck to your Dad.
So I've been dating a guy for about six months now. And everything has been going pretty good until recently, i mean this is what I need your opinion on. So I found him calling a girl pretty on Instagram. I asked him about it and it made me pretty upset! He apologized a lot and I don't think he was cheating on me or anything. So I accepted his apology! Then when he came over to my house that a girl he was talking to on his phone had a bunch of heart emojis and stuff by it! I know that they are "best friends" I guess I'm asking should I be more concerned about this? I just don't know if I'm being insecure, and overreacting.
You didn't give an age range. When teen or college aged, enough both guys and gals are still unsure of themselves, lack self confidence or don't know how to go about acting in a relationship. If you are older and having these issues, it's high time to learn how to handle them.
The issue could be that you are just generally insecure as a person no matter what he does or doesnt do.
Perhaps you feel insecure about how special you are because since he already has you, he doesn't feel he needs to uphold you, build you up with compliments. If you were getting what you need from him, and he was naturally a man who upholds women, his family, friends and you, then that is who he is, and you can't change that about him. Most females wouldn't understand or be able to handle having a boyfriend or husband who openly compliments other women because they have learned that most men do so, only when interested in getting a date or getting into your pants. However there are a few honorable men left. I am married to one of them. It is his nature to compliment woman, and he is able to do so without them thinking he's making the moves on them. Well, 99% are okay and take it as just the nice casual compliment without him having a reason to do so. Only once did I see a cashier visibly jump when he paid a compliment on the necklace she was wearing and her eyes darted nervously to me as she could see I was with him and she was worried how i was taking it. I was smiling but trying hard not to laugh aloud at her startled look. And it isn't always like that, just sometimes telling a gal you appreciate how fast or efficient she was on the phone help center with you. All people need compliments but women do even more.
He did apologize which meant he had no idea it would bother you. You might feel more secure when he does that if he were constantly telling you what he likes about you and how you are perfect for him and he has no romantic interest in any other women, not because of insecurity but because in relationships, that does help to build our trust, when those words are followed by actions that show he cares deeply for you.
The thing I wonder is if he would be okay with if you found some guy really handsome with his new hair cut and you make a comment online about that. Could he handle that or would it make him jealous. Ask him, if he doesn't know, paint the scenerio, telling a detailed made up story to get his mind engaged and see how he feels. If it would make him jealous, then perhaps, he needs some building up with compliments too or it would be better to agree that neither of you engage in complimenting anyone other than who you're dating.
Good luck.
So my bf (not sure if he still is) and I are/were in a long distance relationship for 4 months now.
Last week (Saturday), I sent him a text saying "hi" and he replied late night and I sensed something was wrong so I asked him if we are okay and he said yes and he told me we really were okay.
Then next day no contact.. I told him that I feel things are a little too distant and i'd like to know what's happening as I hadnt heard from him in 2 days and I even asked him if he wanted to do this anymore.
He said he does and he's not slept in 36 hours. I told him that I wouldn't know That unless he tells me.
And he said "I know. I'm sorry".
And after that i told him it would be easier for me to know why this is happening.. He said " he's got s lot on his plate. He's losing his mind ".
I told him things will be fine.
And I didn't receive any reply after that after last Wednesday. I haven't texted him since and I don't feel like it. Should i assume that we have broken up and move on. I'm really tired with all the drama.
Two weeks back this guy wants more communication and hated when I didn't text him. Now this is just contradictory.
I also asked him directly if he didn't want to do this as it would spare us from any drama.
What should I do.? I don't want to text him again as he was very cold in his messages. How long should I wait for his response if any and am move on??
Just wondering if there was a particular reason for going for a LDR over an in-person relationship. Skype doesn't help with face to face where you could actually witness for yourself what is on his plate. He may be on the level and just one of those guys who don't talk much, even though he once asked for more communication. If he is a quiet guy of little words, then it doesn't matter if its you or some other girl, online relationship isn't going to work for him. Even a non gabby girl will want a little more than he's giving.
One of the big issues with an LDR is trust. Without being in person, there is no chance for trust to build. Your logic/conscious mind may not get that, but your subconscious mind does. It has the role of taking care of you, running things in the background you don't have to think about like blinking your eyes or taking your next breath. And all our emotions are tied to the subconscious mind. Since on line dating is basically for most (who've never met)just theatre of the mind. It's too easy for it all to be an illusion. Your subcon. mind doesn't want you to be hurt and is concerned, so being unsure can lead to anxieties or fear, distrust and that is not good in a relationship.
The best thing I can say is to beware that you are not unwittingly training a male the wrong way. For example, if he can not be consistant in communicating with you and not communicating with enough depth, if its really that important to you, meaning you could not stand it if it was that way for the rest of your life, decades upon decades, then you may be with the wrong person. Since its an LDR, it's hard to know if this is his actual personality traits, not something that needs changing, or whether he is not consistant and fails to explain a little, because he can't be bothered as he's not really into you or hiding something. That's why I don't think highly of LDR's. Even after a week of daily online and then meeting a guy I really was excited about, when I met, nothing was as he painted and I ended it there. I had one LDR of 2 months online before I went to meet him once and he traveled to see me once, fell in love, then moved in together. 3 1/2 months later, his ex wife came back wanting to make things work and since he had more history and adult kids with her, he went back to her. You can't avoid an unknown like, but though they can work out, for the most part, there are too many things fighting against you in an LDR for it to work out.
So its really up to you what you want to do as there are too many unknowns with the long distance and not being able to be 100% sure of who he really is as a person. If his long bouts away, or few details shared were because he sold drugs on the street, there would be no way for you to know that. And he certainly wouldn't want to let you know that the lots of stuff on his plate revolve around drug activity. I met guys who were lying initially about their being married or being a smoker hoping that once I met them and fell for them, I wouldn't mind those things. Thats what several guys said to me after eventually admitting the truth. Can you see yourself having nothing but an online relationship for the rest of your life? Never marry and have kids? Unless you've Skyped, for all you know this guy could be a lonely house bound and sick, old man using pics he found on the internet. Or it could be a female who does this for kicks pretending to be a guy. People do that in online game Second life, so why not in this situation too.
If you are tired of these things about him, then move on. Otherwise wait around for a relationship that doesnt have much chance of going anywhere.
Everytime I eat, I get really bloated. Does not matter what type of food it is (salty or not), my stomach grows 5 times the size it normally is after I eat any meal (big or small). It really looks like I am 8 months pregnant after I eat. I was wondering if there is anything I could do to help and prevent this from happening. It is such an inconvenience because, even if I eat just one banana, I will be bloated. Any help would be appreciated! Thanks :)
It sounds like you may need to see a doctor. However, I have experienced this on occasion in my life, I have had an entire week go by where I am bloated no matter what I eat, so I know what you're talking about. Fortunately for me, it righted itself just fine on its own until the last time. It was about medium level of bloating but I had bloating for 3 weeks.
What I did was to look yogurt products with high amounts of probiotics. My reasoning here was that if when the balance of good bacteria in a females vaginal area is off balance,there is more bad bacteria which equals an infection.
I figured the same can happen with the stomach and intestinal tract. I've heard of Activia yogurt which boosts helping the digestive tract but it has only one kind of probiotic in it, here's a link to read yourself
http://www.ehow.com/facts_5033707_activia-yogurt.html
What I found is Kefir yogurt which is sold in a thick liquid form. I found it first in European markets...so if you live in a big city, you should be able to find it there if the grocery doesnt carry it. Here's what my local grocery carries, a brand called the Greek Gods
http://www.greekgodsyogurt.com/faqs/
There are twelve different ingrediants listed compared to one probiotic usually in regular yogurts, including Activia. When I took Kefir twice a day for a week, I found myself instantly having a problem with the runs, I believe my body was working to get rid of whatever nasty thing was bugging me with the aid of Kefir. Because after a week, my gut felt normal even tho I still used Kefir but the runs stopped and I haven't had a problem since.
It may just be coincidence. I learned about existance of Kefir when it hit the markets back around August. Have had no bloating since. If I let too much time go by not having it, like when the stores have sold out, I start to have minor issues again. Yummy to drink. Or I pour it instead of milk on granola in the morning. Buy the plain and add flavors to make your own salad dressing. Another brand I have seen is by Lifeway. Equally good, a wee bit less creamy and more runny but had the same 12 ingrediants of probiotics. Heres their website: http://lifewaykefir.com/If your local store doesn't have, ask to talk to store manager about them stocking the product from now on. Give them the websites and names of the two I know of, to get started.
So if you'd like to try something on your own before going to see the Dr. You could give this a try. If you still have a problem after using Kefir, I'd go see the Dr.
I am female and a freshman college student. I am an English Major and took up free Karate classes last semester. However, as much as I love the Japanese culture and I think Karate is great, I really don't have the time, stamina, or will to continue in these classes. I'm pretty wimpy as it is, skinny as a bone, and my thyroidsm doesn't help much - which is why I took the offer of these classes, I wanted to become stronger; both physically, mentally and spiritually. Unfortunately I'm not like one of those people that have all the time in the world - I wish to engage in music classes because I want to learn how to read music so I can play piano and the guitar - along with college this is a lot. Plus I also wish to go into dancing - in other words I want to defend myself but karate takes too much time that I could divide between other things I am interested in. The thing is that I don't know how I should tell my Sensei that I wish to leave the classes - I could send him an email which is the way in which we all communicate through, or go straight to him the next class, on Wednesday. I just don't want to have to wait so long and I'm a little scared about how he might react (just in case, "Sensei" is "teacher"/"master", etc. in Japanese. I just don't know what to do. I thought about sending him the email but also asking him if he would like for me to go to him to say it face-to-face, at least so I don't abruptly just say it on Wednesday. Of course, whichever way I would do so respectfully, he's a really good teacher and I wouldn't treat him irrespectfully. Just... what seems like the right thing to do?
Your hesitation on how to go about it may be from wondering if he will try to talk you out of quitting. He can do the same in an email response or in person. In person, before class, he won't have the time to sit and discuss with you. After class he might. A good teacher may want to understand first what your reasoning is for quitting, and like any advice giver, offer some other options that you may not have thought of. What really is highest priority, feeling safer knowing you have the knowledge on how to stay safe, avoid situations that are dangerous, and how to defend yourself if it still occurs, or as you said earler, wanting help with thyroidism, wanting to build muscle so you don't look at skinny. I don't know if you're seeing a Dr. for it but medical doctors will make their recommendations, then you can search online to see what other things you can do to help with your thyroidism that are easy to incorporate into your busy life style. Some people, with or without your issue, are naturally skinny due to having a fast high metabolism. If you are eating a diet that is good for your heath and getting enough excercise without Karate. You have a lot of interests pulling you in different directions, so it will take the willpower to stick with each one through the the end of class. If you find yourself, opting out halfway through dance or music classes, either you thought you had an interest but immerging into it showed you that you really don't, then don't stick with it. Although if it keeps repeating with everything you try, you may lack having enough commitment to carry through, and may want to focus with a therapist getting past the road block of not being able to commit fully to anything.
If you write an email and invite him to respond to you, that you'd like to hear what his thoughts and suggestions might be, that would be good, giving him the opportunity to speak with you as he might have in perso but lacked time to, due to the class.
So I know this is kind of weird but I like to have sex with my teddy bears. I don't take off my cloth but it still feels good. But after I do it I feel guilty. How do I stop doing it. Please help me
It's not about the Teddy bear. It just happens to be the object you are using to rub against your genitals to get excited.
Why do you feel guilty?
What makes you believe it is wrong to enjoy your own sexuality?
If you can answer those questions, thats what the issue is, not what the tools are that you are using to enjoy yourself.
I don't know if you are preteen or over 18. For preteens, if parents were never able to discuss ones private areas and squeamish about it, you may have picked up the idea that anything having to do with your genitals is dirty or bad in some way. That is not true. It's part of how God created us, to be able to procreate and to enjoy sex. For you to stop doing it, would mean to stop enjoying yourself sexually and I would never tell anyone to do that. If a teen, or younger, hormones that help your body to eventually change into its adult form are working in you and thats why you will feel the urges to self satisfy. If you simply don't want to use the Teddy bears, I'd suggest masturbating. Everyone is different in what they like, there is no right way or wrong way. So experiment with your hands and fingers on yourself until you find a way that works best for you.
The only thing I can think of why you might not wan to masturbate is your family being strict Christian church goers with messages from church saying that masturbating is wrong. I used to attend church. It is not wrong, it is not sinful, it doesnt harm you, in fact it has health benefits of stress relief from orgasms.
I remember as a young person in church trying to stop masturbating as I kept hearing messages that told me It is wrong. But I could not because it is a natural need in all human beings unless they are born the type of asexual having no sexual needs or desires. And that would be rare. It took me until I hit about 30 before i realized that self pleasuring wasn't wrong.
I'm pregnant and not sure who is the baby's father?
My last period was on 28th November 2014. I had anal sex with my fiance on 2nd December 2014, and he left his cum inside my ass. I had a big fight with my fiance on 3rd December 2014. I let out the stressed when clubbing end up slept with my best friend on 5th December 2014. My best friend using condom. On the 7th December I had another sex with my best friend. And our sex become regularly till end of December. All the time he is using condom. But twice his condom broke but he let his cum outside. I make up with my fiance and had sex with him on 5th January as usual he always left his cum inside my ass. I'm confused who is the baby's father? :'(
Enough of us have watch Maury on TV to know that paternity tests are easy in this day and age to determine who the father is. If I were you, I'd go talk to the best friend and ask him to take a paternity test. If it comes back positive that he is the father, then you have a decision to make. I am positive that if these two men are the only ones involved with you, that the fiancee is not the father. Anal sex doesn't result in pregnancy because the sperm would have to travel too far. In a rare case, perhaps a large amount of cum running from the anus to the folds of your labia, there is a slight chance they can survive there long enough to make it inside, but its correct as said, the cum and sperm have been exposed to bacteria. If anal sex is the only thing fiancee prfers, you're more likely to get a vaginal infection from liquid in the ass traveling to the pussy or being taken there by penis that goes straight from anus to pussy. Thats a recipe for infection.
So if you are 100% sure, Dr. tested you and you are pregnant, and best friend is the father, you have decisions to make not just for yoursself but now on behalf of baby. The real father deserves to know he has a child coming, the fiancee shouldn't have someone elses child secretly fobbed off on him to raise, he deserves to know before you marry him. Unless the real father has anger issues, abuse in his life background, or is a pedophile, for babys sake, my vote is that its better having the real dad raise his child with you or at least have visiting rights/being in the kids life.
On an aside, I am just wondering, why if the other male is your best friend and there is enough chemistry for you to have sex in the first place, why you aren't engaged to him? You don't have to ask me, just think about all your options. If he's been against marriage for whatever reason before, he could change his mind knowing you carry his child, if he was meaning to ask you but was too slow to ask and then backed down and said nothing once you announced your other engagement, you could be headed for marriage without knowing you had two choices, which one really is the guy you get better along with, enjoy laughing and talking with, most compatible sexually?
Most girls with a male best friend lack the sexual attraction, therefore he is just a friend without any romantic overtones. The fact that yours isn't strictly a male best friend, makes me wonder if he may be an option for you in a marriage. Other possibilitys: Either you are not ready to be monogamous going from one serial relationship to another, or you may be polyamorous, which if fiancee isn't, then it's a mistake to marry. Or your morals could differ greatly from fiancee's whereby he sees' you as a cheater and dumps you or wants a divorce, depending on when he discovers the news.
If you can so easily have sex with another while dating or engaged, how do you think marriage to this guy is going to magically make you no longer want to go occasionally to your best friend for sex? Oh, maybe there has to be a need? Like anger, retaliation or just plain old not totally satisfied by fiancee even if he's a good guy. Lots of people are married to nice, good people who are their best friends but have no love life cus they lack a real strong chemistry there. Or others are married to someone who flips their world upside down cus sexually they are the hottest match but they cant get along in any other way cus they cus are not best friends to each other. Both are needed to make a healthy relationship. I know nothing about your fiancee to know whether he is a best friend too or if the sex life is fantastic. But I do know that you likely have both foundations, friendship/sex covered with the best friend. take your time, don't rush into marriage. You have until the baby starts to show to say something to either of them.
Or say nothing, let fiancee assume it's his and worry about whether the kid will look more like your best friend as it grows up, or about husband finding out down the road the kid isn't his, like if the child goes to the hospital for something, and it becomes clear to Drs. that he is not the father. For any hereditary problems, you wont be able to go with husbands history but require the real fathers medical history to help Drs. help your child. So it can easily become a stickt mess later. As scary as it is, with the possibility of him dumping you and breaking off engagement, I feel it is the lesser of two evils. You are in a position where there is no trouble free easy path to take. Each choice at this point will have its own set of problems. Don't try to solve it by looking only at immediate needs and issues but at the long term down the road that can happen.
Hoping you will be at peace with the choice you make.
I am 20 and my boyfriend of 5 years is 23..Two years ago,he dumped me because he said we fight so much.We fought much because of lack of time together.To make long story short,we got back together but the thing is I still couldn't forget how much he hurt me.Deep inside,it still hurts and I'm so insecure I feel like anytime he could dump me again.I truly love him..I don't know what to do.
Trust once broken takes way longer to rebuild than it did the first time. Both of you are 25 or under, a time when our brain is still working on finishing growing, the prefrontal cortex,which is a section of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments and controls impulses and emotions. This section of the brain also helps people understand one another. The prefrontal cortex section of the brain in teens is still a little immature as compared to adults; and it doesn't fully develop until your mid-20s. However I have seen it take until late twenties in others. I feel this significantly affects young relationships because if in our immaturity we are judging each other, and saying or doing things to each other on impulse or unable to control our emotions and fighting lots, having trouble understanding each other, it will affect the relationship. So basically, it will take more effort on both your parts to make this relationship a lot more healthy and thereby regain trust in him and for him as well with you. I don't understand having a lack of time together as causing fights. Usually, lack of time together simply means the relationship doesn't bond well and slowly drifts apart. The only thing I can guess at is this might be an LDR, in which case, hon, that explains the problem. Until a couple are able to have an in person relationship, you don't even have a fighting chance for it to last and grow IF the two of you are not compatible to begin with.
And that brings me to the issue of compatibility and whether there's any chemistry. A relationship need a strong foundation of two things, one being the two are each others best friends and the other the pheremones being alike, meaning you have chemistry together , same kind of libido's and likes and wants sexually. Without having the same chemistry, two people can be doing all the things right and the relationship still doesn't work because having different chemistry is like trying to get opposite ends of magnets to meet. They will resist, and its naturally impossible. I feel its the same in relationships. Things that would not irritate you with other people, like maybe your girlfriends, you will find yourself irritated over in him if you don't have chemistry, plus there isn't the depth and strength to the love in both of you. I know you feel it but what does he feel? Saying the words I love you doesnt prove anything. Lets say, I love Italian food. How do I prove that? Most likely by prefering to go out to Italian restaurants and cooking Italian at home more often than other meals. But you most likely are thinking, that doesnt prove anything, loving a thing and loving a person are not the same thing.
And guess what, you're right.
When we love another person, too often, we apply the same type of love as we would to a preference in food, clothes, music, etc... And thats fine to start out with but as a couple spends more time together, it should transition from the mainly "attraction" level love into 'being in-love'. There is a vast difference in how we treat each other when we can truly say and know we are inlove. My ex at the end of 30 yrs of bad marriage answered he had never been in love with me, to a friend who asked if he was in love with me. Why would he want to remain in marriage with me if he was not in love, because he thought the kind of love he had was enough. It was the type of love we have for a preference in things which isn't deep enough to make an impact in how we treat the person.
If your favorite ice cream was chocolate and I could find a way to ensure you never had chocolate icecream ever again for the rest of your life, you'd miss it at times but it wouldn't feel as if a part of you was missing, like an arm or leg. When in love, its different. The other person is so deeply a part of you, you can't stand to be apart for long, you don't want to hurt each other by misunderstandings or fighting so you practice good communication, and rewording yourself, asking questions rather than reacting, being patient and explaining and also setting ground rules and making compromises. There is no class taught in a school form how to handle a relationship successfully, all the do's and don'ts but there are seminars to attend, books to read and you tube video's by relationship experts to self teach the how to of relationships. These helpful hints can significantly help your relationship. Since I do not know what each of you may not be doing, or should be doing, or what things you may have been doing wrong, I cant begin to pass on helpful advice. The best I can tell you is to start researching on your own. Find a book on how to improve relationships and read it to each other, watch the same you tube video's on relationships. This should give you something to think about and help guide you to do some self discovery on how to improve what you both have. But it takes both putting forth effort. If you are studying healthy relationships and he is not, there's already a problem. You need to be as important to him as he is to you to work together on it. It is never all just one person's fault, immaturity or lack of education on relationships. Good luck dear
I started using the trigestrel pill about 7 days ago and i had unprotected sex on day 7 but i used the morning after pill as back up..could i still get pregnant seeing that i didnt wait 2 weeks for the pill to kick in even though i used the morning after pill..
The morning after pill is effective up to 5 days after sex. So if you took it within that time frame, you're fine and wont be pregnant. Be sure to follow directions on use of your daily pill, taking placebo's too, the different colored pills for one week if thats the kind you have, its to keep up the habit of taking it daily. Forgetting a day here or there just lessens the amount of hormones in your body present if you have sex so it increases chances of becoming pregnant. Since you're just starting, my advice to keep taking it regular at the same time of day is to set the alarm on your cell phone and carry them with you so you always have them to take and you should be fine.
I am a young adult,(21) and I have only had 1 summer job. I feel insecure about it especially when I know that some people have worked since the age of 16. I know that my fear has kept me from getting a job because when I was 16, I applied for my first job/internship and I was so nervous, my head was shaking. So, I been scared to work. I finally got a job a few years later but it was a program that I gave me a job. (the interview process was not bad because I was told I already had the job , they just needed to place me somewhere. Now, a couple of years later I am looking for a job. I applied to several once but as soon as I see experience I can't really put anything. Then, I failed the pre assessment test for walmart. I plan to take it again. Right now I am remaining optimistic and I am ready to find a job. I really want to do retail or even an internship. So my questions are ? "How can I pass the Walmart pre assessment test? Will it be easier for me to do an internship. How can I increase my chance of employment? How to overcome my nerves?
You may be shy and self conscious but this could be an anxiety disorder. Are you on medication? If not, see at Dr. and if so, you may want to go in and let them know your current prescription isn't working.
All of us are nervous and scared to some extent of change or something new like a job.
There could be another answer for you rather than meds. I have come across articles on negative thinking. All people do this to some extent. But it becomes a real problem when the negative thinking takes up 100% of your day so that you are always crippled by the worst possible scenerio thoughts and therefore crippled by fear. I have heard it termed a Cognitive disorder. Cognitive has to do with how your brain processes idea, thoughts, how it understands things and how it comes to a conclusion. And there is something faulty every time with each thought. When its that bad, there are therapists that can help work with you...it's more teaching based than giving meds for anxiety. If you were an employer, would you hire someone like yourself? For retail or depending on what type of job you got with Walmart, many will require being able to interact with customers, be friendly, talk to them, help them find something, so if you also freeze up when it comes to approaching and talking to people, they naturally wouldn't choose you because they don't want to risk upsetting customers over giving you a job. They have to think about what fills the needs of the company first.
As far as previous experience when a teen or early 20's, many have had no job before. I remember a daughter filling out an app and having no previous experience. Employers understand that at that age bracket, young people liking have no job experience. If the job requires someone punctual, trustworthy, able to work well with others,(team work) able to complete things in a timely manner, perhaps there are things from your own life at home, in the neighborhood or at school that can be shared to show you already have those attributes. You probably failed a pre assessment test because you were so scared. It freezes you up so bad you can't concentrate and answer what you know. I know darn well having family who have worked at Walmart that they train you for the positions, there is no previous experience truly needed if you are stocking shelves or unloading truck deliverys at night, or even as a cashier. However a cashier needs a certain type of outgoing, friendly and patient personality to be able to handle dealing with tons of customers passing through their lines. The other jobs don't require as much interaction if at all so you can gain confidence and eventually move to another area. I can't tell you exactly what to do to pass the test. If you fail again, I would think you seriously need to see someone to work on your extreme fears first before you will see results in your life. Good luck dear.
what do you do when a boy askes you out?
I am a female the age of 14
Depends on a few things. Do you even like the guy who is asking you? If not, say thank you for asking but I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint you, cus I just am not interested.
If you are not sure of how you feel about him because you've had no contact with him and really know nothing, it's okay to go out with a guy to find out more about him. I suggest hanging out as friends first. You might also warn him up front that you're willing to go out and get to know him better as you don't really know him yet. And once you've had a chance to know if you really like him or not, you will either keep dating or let him know that it's not going to work for you. I believe that is what the purpose of dating is all about, so there's lots of trials and errors as we go about learning who we like and that means breaking up, or saying no or dumping a person, whatever your choice of words is.
Also, in some cases, the decision is made for you. The parents have rules that you can't date until you are 16, then tell him so. If the rules are group outings okay but no private dates, then let him know and plan for that.
Back to grade 7, (I'm now grade 8) My classmates tease or bully me because my lips are big and pout.Now i'm grade 8, they don't care about my pout lips. Is my lips nice being pouty or do i should make exercise to make my big lips smaller?
There is nothing you can do to change your lips. As classmates don't care now, I would think the problem solved. Apparently it's an issue because you are subconsciously still dealing with what others used to tease you about and still believe there is something wrong with you. You are at an age when most of us all worry about our looks. The Fact is, we can't all look like carbon copies of whomever we deem to be cute or good looking.People come in different shapes and size and so do their attributes like lips. There is nothing wrong with big pouty lips, they are actually in fashion right now. In fact, once you are older, there will be adult women who pay good money to have a doctor give them fuller lips. I don't know if you're allowed to wear makeup yet. But one trick is to use a lip liner pencil and using edges of your lips for a guide, come in closer a little all the way around as you trace so that some of your outer edges aren't marked at all. Fill in with a lipstick and you'll have the appearance of less full lips. For example, see this link to pics of actresses with full or pouty lips. the one to concentrate on is Rosie Huntington-Whitley, next to last. It clearly shows her natural lip going beyond the edges of the lipstick. Unless some is closeup, right in your face, they probaby won't notice. This tricks the eye of whoever looks at you into thinking your lips are not as full.
http://www.glamcheck.com/fashion/2010/12/26/celebrities-with-pouty-lips/
21/f, 28/m
I have been dating this guy for about 8 months. We were in a grey area for a long while, and he was using a dating app/site while we were together for the first four months into dating. I told him to get off of them in the fourth month because it was bothering me and I found it disrespectful. During this time, he wasn't seeing anybody else other than me, but he was chatting/talking to a few people (from what he has told me).
Today, he has been telling me that ever since he got off those dating sites, etc. He has been wanting to build trust with me, he's committed, and he's serious about me. For some reason, that is hard for me to believe since he was just actively searching even though we were dating in the beginning.
Today, I saw a post from last year (two months into we were dating), his friend posted on Facebook that the guy I am dating was single and was looking for someone. I didn't know how to think/take that. Should I ignore it since it was six months ago? What do you think I should do?
You can't judge a person by mistakes they made in the past. What is the person like today. Are both of you open books-hiding nothing, willing to talk about anything regarding yourselves, communicative in relationship, both of you at core people who stand by what they believe in and make that clear, a person of your word, having good morals, consistant and trustworthy, if so, both of you should be able to trust the other person. Without 100% trust, the relationship will fall apart at some point. So what you need to do is evaluate him for where he is at today. If you don't feel right about something, then have a good talk with him.
Look hard at yourself too and what exactly it is that you need to feel secure in the relationship. He may really care but not be giving you those signs. Decide what it is you need from him so that you will trust fully. If what you require is impossible for any human to fulfill, meaning you're the type who will always distrust, then you need to find out what deep down inside is causing you to feel that way, your parents marriage, your childhood, a previous boyfriend, etc... and if you can't change that about yourself, see a counselor to learn how to change and get over the past and move on. If you share what you need and it is reasonable to him, then all problems should be solved. good luck dear.
Okay so i'm 14/f and this girl in my 1st period i feel like she might like me. I know i shouldn't get my hopes up too much in case she doesn't, she might not even be gay/bi, i had just been picking up on some subtle signals recently. I don't actually think she knows that i'm a lesbian, though i am open about it, but i started talking to her and now i'm starting to feel like i'm getting mixed signals. I asked her for her number and she said she doesn't know it (surprisingly common among the people i talk to believe it or not) and i gave her mine and told her to text me, but she never did. That happened about a week ago. On the other hand, if i don't approach her first in the mornings (which i've been trying to avoid doing so i can see what she does) then she usually says something and talks to me a little bit, though the class is Orchestra so there isn't exactly too much time to talk and i don't see her any other time. Also during a free day we were talking (she had approached me and sat down next to me) and she was asking me about what kinds of music i liked, and she was telling me what kinds she likes. She mentioned a few popular or semi-popular artists, and then proceeded to sing very quietly to one of those artists songs under her breath. (and she has a great voice, irrelevant i know but it's so sweet and smooth and lovely) I told her she has a nice voice, and she smiled and said that she doesn't like singing with a lot of people around, then proceeded to say that maybe i should come over to her house sometime and we could play Just Dance which has those artists on it, and i told her that sounds like a lot of fun and i'd love to. Side not that during this exchange, we were holding eye contact with eachother. (and she also has really gorgeous eyes) But it's hard to talk to her, i feel like i'm not getting anywhere and we have the same exchanges and she still hasn't texted me and still says she doesn't know her number, and because of this i'm unable to really get to know her and also still don't even know for a fact if she even likes girls or if i misread the situation entirely. I'm just really confused and frustrated and not sure if i should continue trying or if i'm wasting my time, and if i do continue to pursue then how do i even proceed?
I assume she has her own cell phone on a family plan and just doesn't know the number, and we're not talking of a land-line in the house.
What you can do next time you see her is have her pull out your phone, you tell her your number, to punch it in and call you right then, or you punch it in on her phone. The moment yours rings and you answer, you'll have her phone number posted in your phone and you can choose the option to save it in your phone and put her name along with the number. If she is unwilling to do that, you might ask if her parents gave her special rules for the use of the phone. If it was given to be used only for emergencies and not chatting with friends, she may keep dodging you because she's afraid to tell you about that, thinking it's make her look bad. If thats the case, getting a land line number if one existed might be a better choice or you'll have to work something else out.
Hey there all. I need some help. I have been in a bad relationship for quite some time now... about 3 years. My family started to hate this guy and the hatred was so strong and they basically had no real reason. They just said that they hated him. So, I started to discredit that hatred because I just thought that they were trying to make my life miserable. I basically lied starting back in August and told them that I had broken up with him. I felt bad about it, but you have to understand that it was day in and day out talking about him and how much they hated him. I just felt like it was the only way to get them to stop.
I recently moved and now, without their influence, I have been able to see for myself how bad he really is. He treats me like garbage. He's aggressive. He makes fun of my beliefs and values. He takes money from me. He orders me around. I offered him food and he says "I don't want that crap." Most people would just say "no thank you." I think that I was in a daze when I first started dating him because I had just lost a close family member to cancer. So, I didn't really see what was right in front of me. There were red flags from the very beginning. If I would have valued myself a little more three years ago, I probably wouldn't have started dating him at all. I would have seen it as a bad choice. Now, that I have come out of that "shock"from the loss, I can see things a little more clearly. The person who passed was my cousin, and we were very, very close. He was only a year younger than me. He was my best friend and passed from cancer. So, it wasn't just the loss that effected me, it was seeing him ill for so long. Recently, I was even diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder likely do to this. So, I feel that now is when I'm coming out of this adrenaline rush that I had going on when we were taking care of him.
Before, I wasn't even sure that I wanted to break up with him. I thought that I was doing it for the wrong reasons: my mom/family. Especially given the nature of the way that they said it. But, now I have seen for myself. I've never broken up with anyone before. I've only had one other serious relationship and it ended in another way. I don't even know how to face him. I'm afraid that he's gonna start crying... and then I'm just gonna feel bad and stay with him. I've come to realize that he has a bit of a dangerous temper and he is aggressive. Since my cousin passed, I had been going to therapy and obviously, this came up. The therapist believes that he is a narcissist. I'm afraid of telling him in person. I know it's the "right" thing to do, but I can't look him in the eye. I just wish I could wake up tomorrow and it could be over. This has had me so stressed that I've often thought... I wish the Lord would just take me so I could just avoid it. But, I know that this is something I need to do. I'm not happy at all. I'm miserable in this relationship and I don't want to be in it anymore.
Lastly, I should bring up that my birthday is on Sunday. I'm turning 24. Last year, he didn't get me anything for my birthday and didn't even come see me. This year, he's suddenly interested in "making up for it" and has a whole day planned. I'm not interested in spending the day with him. But, I'm worried about breaking up with him before then because I fear that he could hunt me down and ruin it. Please advise! Also, please advise on the best way to break up with him and how to get over that fear.
Thank you. Blessings.
I know it might sound cliche, but he sounds like my ex. Really truly. You said relationship, not marriage. So I must assume you are just dating. That makes it easier legal wise. I talked to a mental health person too and learned that there are so many types of mental illnesses that are almost identical except for 1 or 2 small traits, that it can take someones own therapist years to nail down exactly what it is. I have read enough to know from others who've been in relationship with a person who was a narciccist or some other type of mental illness, that most of them end up ruining relationships and breaking them up. The partner can only tolerate so much. Everyone has their own breaking point.
I would have to agree that someone like that could go off the edge and become a stalker with intent to make you miserable, fearful or even hurt you some way. Then again, he may just sulk for a long time and finally go find his next victim to get into relationship with. The best thing is to not explain or give it much of your time and effort. If you want to tell him in person, have someone male, like a brother or Dad with you so he can't get angry and attack you, like hitting you. Don't let tears soften your resolve to leave. Most people I've known with mental illness deep down know something is wrong with them and do everything they can to avoid discovering what it is or going through the motions of therapy but not really wanting to change for the better. Otherwise, tell him in a letter and leave it at that.
I stayed with my abusive ex 30 years because the church frowned on divorce and I was told to trust God to heal my marriage. It tool two things to get me to leave. God spoke to me saying He gave everyone a free will and He won't interfere with that will. Some use theirs to do right and some to do wrong. He said I had the deciding factor in whether I would allow someone to continue treating me that way. On another occasion, since i had made no move yet, God said that I would be dead in 4 years if I didn't leave him. That was 7 years ago. I heeded that one. I left him. But he wasn't willing to do the divorce right away just to be mean but I didn't care. I waited until he was ready and started the proceedings. Your Birthday has nothing to do with if you leave him or not, and when to do so. What is the significance in waiting til after? Might as well wait until after Valentines Day, his birthday or next Christmas if you are thinking that giving him more days to celebrate with you or not, is going to help him process through a break up.
God had you in this relationship for a reason. Not so you could be hurt, but so that your soul could learn something and grow stronger. Perhaps, like me, Your lesson is to learn to love yourself enough to remove yourself from that situation.
God Bless and keep you safe!
Hi I met this new person at my school and we are cool and we say hi to each other. I had problems with previous friendships that I followed and bugged them to much. my teacher found out that I met this new friend and she asked my friend if he had any problems with me hanging with him. and he said no. now the teacher told him that I need help with personal space and things. then she talks to me and she says he has some problems too ,like me. but she is making us both only allowing us to sit together once before school starts and we cannot sit together at lunch anymore and I can only talk to him in the halls at school. I am a little stress out about this and I am not sure if its unfair or fair. I kind of miss the old ways.
also on the first day this started at lunch he look over at me. I think he misses it too.
what should I do?
sorry for my poor wording
What kind of school do you go to? I have never heard of anything like this. Back in the 60's we still had some teachers who liked to discipline with slaps and ear pulls and take the time to make judgements, set rules and punishments for individual kids...but that doesnt happen in todays schools. Teachers are only supposed to teach, not play God over the kids. Any behavioral issues if they truly exist are handled by other staff, counselors. This sounds unreasonable. And if no one ever complains, this teacher will continue to get away with it. Talk to your parents and let them know what is going on. If they don't approach the school staff about this, then you go to the school counselors and mention this.