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I'd love some advice! Thanks.
So I've been dating a guy for about six months now. And everything has been going pretty good until recently, i mean this is what I need your opinion on. So I found him calling a girl pretty on Instagram. I asked him about it and it made me pretty upset! He apologized a lot and I don't think he was cheating on me or anything. So I accepted his apology! Then when he came over to my house that a girl he was talking to on his phone had a bunch of heart emojis and stuff by it! I know that they are "best friends" I guess I'm asking should I be more concerned about this? I just don't know if I'm being insecure, and overreacting.
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You're not being insecure. You need to be worried. No guy who classifies a girl as a friend would put hearts around a friend's contact name unless he wanted on her. Id keep my eye on him. If you find out he's a cheating bastard leave him and get another boyfriend. Once trust is broken it's very hard to feel secure in a relationship. You don't want that. You want someone you can trust.
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I completely agree with dragonfly here. You might just be a bit insecure (alot of girls are these days because they tend to not get raised in a home that reinforces that they are priceless and to NEVER settle for anything less then a guy that only wants YOU))
A girl sending my hubby messages with hearts and all this in them WOULD get my attention, i wont lie there. I would be asking who she is and laughingly say "why is she sending you hearts? is she like in LOVE with you or something?? lol"
I would be assuming that SHES trying to get at a guy thats taken, but not that hes necessarily initiating it. Girls can be just as dogged when it comes to trying to get a guy that want as a male can. So try not to assume that its all him doing it.
I would tell him that its OK to communicate with her as long as she knows who YOU are and that he is taken. He can even hang out with her if your there, and just ask that he never hang out with her alone.
My husband and i trust each other im 28 and hes 34, we both have friends who are of the opposite gender and the general rule of thumb is its ok as long as you never allow them to try anything, and draw a line in the sand with them if they do. And try to never hang out with them alone.
Part of a relationship is learning to trust your partner, if theres no trust that he will do the right thing by you and NOT mess around with her then is he really worth being with?? not really. and the same goes for you, he should trust you enough to know that if a guy friend of yours was going to try something with you KNOWING that your taken, that you will law down the law with that guy. He needs to have just as much faith in you around the opposite sex and you do in him. period.
If theres no trust then your in the relationship for the wrong reasons and it wont be a long lasting relationship because youll both always be wondering in the back of you mind "are they going to cheat on me" EVERYTIME you go out or not with them every second of the day. lol.
i think its a really great idea to paint a scenario like the last poster said about you talking to another guy and try to gauge what his reaction to that is. Then use that as your guide to how much he trusts you and how he would feel about this. You can also use this as a learning moment within the relationship to say "this is what im comfortable with you doing and i'd like to hear what yours is so we can straighten this all out now"
good luck
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You didn't give an age range. When teen or college aged, enough both guys and gals are still unsure of themselves, lack self confidence or don't know how to go about acting in a relationship. If you are older and having these issues, it's high time to learn how to handle them.
The issue could be that you are just generally insecure as a person no matter what he does or doesnt do.
Perhaps you feel insecure about how special you are because since he already has you, he doesn't feel he needs to uphold you, build you up with compliments. If you were getting what you need from him, and he was naturally a man who upholds women, his family, friends and you, then that is who he is, and you can't change that about him. Most females wouldn't understand or be able to handle having a boyfriend or husband who openly compliments other women because they have learned that most men do so, only when interested in getting a date or getting into your pants. However there are a few honorable men left. I am married to one of them. It is his nature to compliment woman, and he is able to do so without them thinking he's making the moves on them. Well, 99% are okay and take it as just the nice casual compliment without him having a reason to do so. Only once did I see a cashier visibly jump when he paid a compliment on the necklace she was wearing and her eyes darted nervously to me as she could see I was with him and she was worried how i was taking it. I was smiling but trying hard not to laugh aloud at her startled look. And it isn't always like that, just sometimes telling a gal you appreciate how fast or efficient she was on the phone help center with you. All people need compliments but women do even more.
He did apologize which meant he had no idea it would bother you. You might feel more secure when he does that if he were constantly telling you what he likes about you and how you are perfect for him and he has no romantic interest in any other women, not because of insecurity but because in relationships, that does help to build our trust, when those words are followed by actions that show he cares deeply for you.
The thing I wonder is if he would be okay with if you found some guy really handsome with his new hair cut and you make a comment online about that. Could he handle that or would it make him jealous. Ask him, if he doesn't know, paint the scenerio, telling a detailed made up story to get his mind engaged and see how he feels. If it would make him jealous, then perhaps, he needs some building up with compliments too or it would be better to agree that neither of you engage in complimenting anyone other than who you're dating.
Good luck.
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