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How do two shy people get together?
Hi guys, I'm 20 and female and the guy is 22. This may seem silly to some of you guys and a lot of you are probably going to just answer and tell me to suck it up and talk to him but if you don't know what it's like to be shy then please don't just assume that I can bite the bullet and tell him that I like him and we live happily ever after.
Although, I should probably start at the beginning. I work at a grocery store and when I started back in June of 2012, I had this supervisor that I thought was so cute.The only talking we would ever really do is when I first began running a register, he was the one that trained me and then when he thought I was good to be on my own, he would let me run on his numbers and then we would only talk when I needed his help to override things or just answer a question/deal with a customer. He has since moved to a supervisor position still in the front end but not over the cashiers. Then has moved, yet again, to a supervisor position of another department completely. I still see him when he comes to the front to get food or drinks on his break or when I go back to my locker, I pass by him stocking things. Now, I've always thought he was cute but it was kinda one of those things that it's nice to think about but I knew that it was never going to happen because he was a friend of my brother's and I work with him and we never really talked, that kinda thing.
Well, fast forward to just last night, my brother is away in Manhattan right now, watching his favorite band in concert. He went with his girlfriend's brother, so his girlfriend was out at the bar last night with my supervisor. My brother's girlfriend and I talk, we're cool with each other but we don't text often. So, when she texted me last night and said she was at the bar, I had only assumed she needed a ride home or something. But she continued in saying that she was at the bar with my supervisor - I could tell she was pretty tipsy in how she was texting me - and she texted me and told me that she had told him how cute I thought he was and he told her that was good because he thinks I'm cute. So I texted her back and told her that she needed to tell him that he should probably talk to me more at work. She texted me back and said she told him to talk to me more because I'm shy and he told her that he is too. So he never talked to me because he didn't like me.. he never talked to me because he thinks I'm cute and he's shy around me which is exactly why I'm shy around him. And it's not even like he's just quiet at work because, like I said, he's friends with my brother and my brother had a party at his house one night and we were both there, my supervisor's band played around and we still didn't even talk that night after we were out of the work environment and he had a few drinks in him.
Which begs the question, how do two shy people get together? Like I said, we're in different departments now so it's not like he's always around to chat with, I only see him when I'm working self checkout and he gets something and walks by when he's done, we smile and I tell him to have a good night but that's about the gist of it. Again, please do not just tell me to talk to him. Especially now that we both know the other one is cute, I honestly think we'll be more weird around each other. Plus we've worked together for almost two years and barely spoke, I can't just walk right up to him now and tell him all about my life and ask about his. But I'm also not sure if he's going to try to talk to me now that he knows I think he's cute but if he doesn't, I want to get the ball rolling here but not in an outlandish way because I'm not an exuberant person, I cannot and will not just walk right up to him and do something out of my box. Can you other shy girls help me out here? I know you guys know where I'm coming from. Thanks.
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At your age, I was coming out of shyness. So i understand. If the shyness isn't just with cute guys but with all people, let me know and I'll share with you something fairly simple that helped me work out of it.
As for what you can do, well there was an occasion where I had a dinner out paid for and it was for two, others won also and it would be couples, but I had no boyfriend. So I knew of a guy at church I liked a little, he seemed to have the nicest attitude of all the guys there. So I asked him. It wasn't easy because I was scared and embarassed. But I gave myself a little talk and this helped. I told myself, he would simply be helping me out, as a friend, stepping in to be the other part of a couple. If you approach him to talk not as a crushing girl wanting him for a boyfriend and dating, but as a friend to hang out with, that works wonders on your mindset, to diffusing the fear. For some reason, its easier to ask a friend to hang out than to ask a cute guy on a date. It actually makes sense cus starting as friends and later moving into romance is the best way to go and still wonderful.
What you can do is several things, write a note to him saying you enjoy his friendship at work and like him enough as a coworker, that you;d like to spend some time hanging out as friends and list your cell # asking him to give you a call. You can have it in your pocket and pass it straight to him, or if he has a private locker at worker with slots you can slip a note into, that would work. That way you don't have to initially say anything. Or you could try and set up a version of "I have tickets and need someone to go with me" scenerio. You'd have to know when his time off is and hopefully it coincides with yours. The next good movie scheduled to start on a Friday, buy ahead two tickets to go for what ever time Friday night or Saturday that would work. Then tell him a friend got the tickets and had something come up and gave them to you. So you have two tickets and no one to go with you. You're wondering if he's like to go to make use of the ticket. It could backfire and you'd end up having to take a girlfriend along, but if it works, that's a cool way to spend time away from work and start to relax. Also, check to see if you can find him in one of the online sites like Facebook and ask to be a friend on there. Shy people often do better in writing than in person. I still communicate better in writing than in person. Or if there's a trusted coworker female, you might ask her if she works closer with him, to pass on a message for you, asking if he wouldn't mind calling you after work and she could pass on your written number you've given her to hand him. When he calls, he's not right there in front of you so it is a little easier. The big worry will be what to say and not running out of things to say. Make a list of questions you'd like the answer on and be prepared to answer the same if he asks. Like what his favorite type of music is, and artists. Make a list of your own answers so as your mind goes blank, you can refer to it to remember names of your favorite artists, you get the picture. If you guys meet together in person to hang out. Bring a package of index cards and two pens. And try out this game to play that helps you learn a few facts about him which will give you topics to talk about. [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I wish you the best. Remember you can ask for my instructions on how to overcome shyness in general if you need that, just write me from my column. Good luck.
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I know exactly how you feel for I'm the shy guy who is even more shy around girls or I was until I met my wife. We ,like you, worked for the same company at different locations. Part of our jobs had us talking to each other over the phone many times each day. Then I had to go to her office for training and we met face to face. We introduced ourselves and that was about it.
Her lunch break was at the same time the training class was or she arranged it to be, she has never in 44 years told me. I worked at the airport and was use to getting lunch in the cafeteria and expected to be able to at least go out to a café or deli and buy a sandwich so I did not bring anything. Our lunch break was to short to allow me to go out of the building so I bought a sandwich out of the machine.
Seeing what I had bought for lunch she told me not to eat it as it was probably months old. She shared her lunch with me and told me she would bring a sandwich for me the next day. After work we went out for drinks and we have not been apart since.
There are many things you can do to break the ice with him.
1. If he is friends with your girlfriend maybe she can set you to up on a date?
2. You work in a grocery store; find out when his birthday is or when his work anniversary is. If one of the dates is close have a small cake made to celebrate it and have your lunch break with his and present him with the cake.
3. Since you know he is interested and you do know each other. Gather up your courage and invite him to dinner. I know this one is a stretch for you but it just may be worth it. The worst that can happen is that he is to shy to accept but I don't think that will happen if he is otherwise not attached.
Someone has to break the ice between you two. If you cannot find a friend or co-worker to do that for you. Then one of you has to take the bull by the horns and break the ice between you. As I told my son when he was growing up the biggest fear is the fear of the unknown. Once you know that fear is gone.
As I said I too am or was a basically shy and introverted person. Would you like to guess how I made my living? I made my living and excelled generally at the top or in the top 5 to 10 in the company as a Sales Representative for a National and International Company selling to the Wholesale Trades Industry.
It was a stretch for me at first though as I said the fear was the unknown. Once I conquered the unknown I got comfortable with what I was doing.
I'm telling you this in the spirit of a Dutch Uncle. If you don't understand the expression a Dutch Uncle is someone who is offering something to you in the same spirit a relative would but is not a relative. In other words if you were my daughter I would give you the same advice.
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