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confused!
So my bf (not sure if he still is) and I are/were in a long distance relationship for 4 months now.
Last week (Saturday), I sent him a text saying "hi" and he replied late night and I sensed something was wrong so I asked him if we are okay and he said yes and he told me we really were okay.
Then next day no contact.. I told him that I feel things are a little too distant and i'd like to know what's happening as I hadnt heard from him in 2 days and I even asked him if he wanted to do this anymore.
He said he does and he's not slept in 36 hours. I told him that I wouldn't know That unless he tells me.
And he said "I know. I'm sorry".
And after that i told him it would be easier for me to know why this is happening.. He said " he's got s lot on his plate. He's losing his mind ".
I told him things will be fine.
And I didn't receive any reply after that after last Wednesday. I haven't texted him since and I don't feel like it. Should i assume that we have broken up and move on. I'm really tired with all the drama.
Two weeks back this guy wants more communication and hated when I didn't text him. Now this is just contradictory.
I also asked him directly if he didn't want to do this as it would spare us from any drama.
What should I do.? I don't want to text him again as he was very cold in his messages. How long should I wait for his response if any and am move on??
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You might need to call him. This is not a sign of breaking up because it was not mentioned and there was no fight to come to that conclusion. Maybe he actually has a lot on its plate and you have to be patient with him. Long distant relationships are very difficult to do because you can't see them when you want to and a lot of time they do not work out. It takes a lot of effort and may be very very hard, so you have to think you can stand being away from him for so long or if its too much for you and you just have to move on.
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Just wondering if there was a particular reason for going for a LDR over an in-person relationship. Skype doesn't help with face to face where you could actually witness for yourself what is on his plate. He may be on the level and just one of those guys who don't talk much, even though he once asked for more communication. If he is a quiet guy of little words, then it doesn't matter if its you or some other girl, online relationship isn't going to work for him. Even a non gabby girl will want a little more than he's giving.
One of the big issues with an LDR is trust. Without being in person, there is no chance for trust to build. Your logic/conscious mind may not get that, but your subconscious mind does. It has the role of taking care of you, running things in the background you don't have to think about like blinking your eyes or taking your next breath. And all our emotions are tied to the subconscious mind. Since on line dating is basically for most (who've never met)just theatre of the mind. It's too easy for it all to be an illusion. Your subcon. mind doesn't want you to be hurt and is concerned, so being unsure can lead to anxieties or fear, distrust and that is not good in a relationship.
The best thing I can say is to beware that you are not unwittingly training a male the wrong way. For example, if he can not be consistant in communicating with you and not communicating with enough depth, if its really that important to you, meaning you could not stand it if it was that way for the rest of your life, decades upon decades, then you may be with the wrong person. Since its an LDR, it's hard to know if this is his actual personality traits, not something that needs changing, or whether he is not consistant and fails to explain a little, because he can't be bothered as he's not really into you or hiding something. That's why I don't think highly of LDR's. Even after a week of daily online and then meeting a guy I really was excited about, when I met, nothing was as he painted and I ended it there. I had one LDR of 2 months online before I went to meet him once and he traveled to see me once, fell in love, then moved in together. 3 1/2 months later, his ex wife came back wanting to make things work and since he had more history and adult kids with her, he went back to her. You can't avoid an unknown like, but though they can work out, for the most part, there are too many things fighting against you in an LDR for it to work out.
So its really up to you what you want to do as there are too many unknowns with the long distance and not being able to be 100% sure of who he really is as a person. If his long bouts away, or few details shared were because he sold drugs on the street, there would be no way for you to know that. And he certainly wouldn't want to let you know that the lots of stuff on his plate revolve around drug activity. I met guys who were lying initially about their being married or being a smoker hoping that once I met them and fell for them, I wouldn't mind those things. Thats what several guys said to me after eventually admitting the truth. Can you see yourself having nothing but an online relationship for the rest of your life? Never marry and have kids? Unless you've Skyped, for all you know this guy could be a lonely house bound and sick, old man using pics he found on the internet. Or it could be a female who does this for kicks pretending to be a guy. People do that in online game Second life, so why not in this situation too.
If you are tired of these things about him, then move on. Otherwise wait around for a relationship that doesnt have much chance of going anywhere.
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