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He was actively searching, two months into dating me
21/f, 28/m
I have been dating this guy for about 8 months. We were in a grey area for a long while, and he was using a dating app/site while we were together for the first four months into dating. I told him to get off of them in the fourth month because it was bothering me and I found it disrespectful. During this time, he wasn't seeing anybody else other than me, but he was chatting/talking to a few people (from what he has told me).
Today, he has been telling me that ever since he got off those dating sites, etc. He has been wanting to build trust with me, he's committed, and he's serious about me. For some reason, that is hard for me to believe since he was just actively searching even though we were dating in the beginning.
Today, I saw a post from last year (two months into we were dating), his friend posted on Facebook that the guy I am dating was single and was looking for someone. I didn't know how to think/take that. Should I ignore it since it was six months ago? What do you think I should do?
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well it might be a misuderstanding between him and a friend who posted that, or it was just a stupid joke. i think you shouldn't get upset about it now, since it was 6 months ago. you could talk to him about it later, if an appropriate moment comes, but don't make it serious. talk to him as if you took it as a joke
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The key to any good relationship is good communications. Good communications is how you build trust which is the cornerstone of any good relationship.
From what you have written at the time he was looking at these dating sites you were not in a committed relationship, "We were in a grey area for a long while." Since then your relationship has grown closer to one that may be considered a committed relationship or actually is a committed relationship.
Now he is in essence telling you he wants to go to that next step with that "he is committed and serious." The post your saw was from when you two were just dating and in that gray area of getting to know one another and it was posted by someone else.
My advice is, do not live in the past. Live for today and tomorrow. What is done is done and cannot be changed. If you like this guy and think there is a future for the two of you then move forward. We all have skeletons in our closets. Few if any of us today go to our wedding beds virgins. Why hold the past against someone when we all have a past that can be held against us?
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You can't judge a person by mistakes they made in the past. What is the person like today. Are both of you open books-hiding nothing, willing to talk about anything regarding yourselves, communicative in relationship, both of you at core people who stand by what they believe in and make that clear, a person of your word, having good morals, consistant and trustworthy, if so, both of you should be able to trust the other person. Without 100% trust, the relationship will fall apart at some point. So what you need to do is evaluate him for where he is at today. If you don't feel right about something, then have a good talk with him.
Look hard at yourself too and what exactly it is that you need to feel secure in the relationship. He may really care but not be giving you those signs. Decide what it is you need from him so that you will trust fully. If what you require is impossible for any human to fulfill, meaning you're the type who will always distrust, then you need to find out what deep down inside is causing you to feel that way, your parents marriage, your childhood, a previous boyfriend, etc... and if you can't change that about yourself, see a counselor to learn how to change and get over the past and move on. If you share what you need and it is reasonable to him, then all problems should be solved. good luck dear.
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