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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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21/f, 28/m
I've been dating this guy for the past 8-9 months. He has lied to me three times and each time he has broken my trust. Each time, we were trying to rebuild trust and trying to make things work. He has convinced me to stay because he called them "bad choices" or "bad mistakes." Those lies and mistakes that he has made, has done damage that also made me question his loyalty. But he did not completely go off and cheat on me. The worst thing he did was tell his ex-girlfriend that he missed her.
Since then, he's been telling me that he has moved on and he no longer thinks about her. He's been reassuring me, telling me that he likes me, he sends me kissy faces, he told me that he's been trying to become more available for me, that he desperately wanted to rebuild trust with me, and to become closer to me. He told me yesterday that he wanted to be my "home," because I told him that I no longer have that someone that was like my "home." He even looked up an article that would somewhat help to open us both up and become vulnerable. He thought it would be worth a try.
I'm not sure if it's because he broke my trust so many times in such a short time, I can't see what he's doing. But my sister told me that she could tell that he was trying. Even though he tries to be there for me and tells me everything, I still feel insecure and think that he's constantly cheating when he's not next to me. I don't want to feel this way and I don't want to think that he's cheating. He tells me what he does that day (because we've always done that), but for some reason, I think he's lying.
Is this going to take time for me to acknowledge/believe that he's not lying? Is it going to take time for me to regain trust for him? Do you have any advice on what I should do or any suggestions that would help? Thanks.
Did the two of you at the beginning of the relationship each spell out your expectations before entering the relationship, or at any time during it sit and have such a talk? If not, you cannot assume the other is on the same page with you.
That's like your parents when you were a kid, not telling you what the rules or boundaries are, assuming you were old enough to figure out what is and is not acceptable, and just wait to pounce on you the moment you did something that didn't match up to their expectations. It's not fair.
Should a guy know better? Or should a girl? Young people haven't figured out how important this piece of information is and why there is confusion and problems that arise. Some people are dating not to make a commitment straight off to one person. I'm female and after a divorce, I knew what I wanted and wanted to avoid, you can't tell from what they say about themselves, you have to spend ti,me with them to discover if they are who they say they are. It's after some time dating that the mask slips and you get to see the real person. I believe dating comes in two stages, dating around, meaning you date a person who have interest in but are keeping your options open to see if you meet someone even more perfect for you or maybe still in the stages of discovering what you like and don't like. When another hasn't come along that you want to check out, you stick with the one you have, I did this, and had sex with two of the guys even, not all but married neither. They were nice people but there were enough things on my list of what I was hoping for that they didn't meet. Instead of settling quickly for them and possibly settling for less, I kept my options open, something more guys do than girls and the BIG difference is that I was upfront with them as to what I was doing when we met the FIRST time and they were okay with that. It's more a thing of your mind, your thoughts and emotions not getting up there, knowing this doesnt mean the person has 'Committed' to you yet to date only you, and that stage is for the purpose of deciding whether to stay together forever, life long whether married or not. You and he need to have a good talk and get out your ideas of what dating is. What stage of dating he is in, what your expectations and rules are for each other regarding the opposite sex and perhaps it will all make it easier for you. Some people don't want their partner to acknowledge the presence of a good looking person They're not supposed to look at or even talk to a person of the opposite sex. This usually means great insecurity in the person with this rule in their mind. And that brings in jealousy. It's a different story if the person goes out of their way to keep contact with other females IF they have committed to date just you and are no longer in the looking/search mode. If other people, women and men and commitments like school, job, are taking priority over you and you're not one of his top 3 priorities, then he is either making a grave error in how he treats you due to not knowing any better or he just isn't all that into you. You mention him pulling out an article to go over. It can mean he is sincerely trying but it could also be to appease you and make you calm down again to believe all is well. I can't say whether he can be trusted or not. That is something you are going to have to figure out yourself through experience. At his age, he should have a clear idea of knowing what he is looking for and know when he is at the point of loving one person enough to commit to them.
It is fair to let him know that you do not trust him and why. You discovering him talking to an old girlfriend and saying he misses her is one thing he wasn't thinking about the repercussions to. It may be that he misses something like one or two things about her but not the whole package deal. there are reasons why they are not together any longer. Do not assume he misses her to the point that he loves her over you. the objective in dating is to find a person always a step better with your next bf/gf. This means you look for someone with the qualities you do like about an ex, but you also look for someone who doesnt have the shortcomings of the last person. My 2nd husband has an ex who was orphaned and has no family other than him, their one daughter and her Father in law from that marriage. When she has need of a shoulder to cry on, she'll call to talk to him as they broke up as friends knowing they each needed someone else from that point on in their life, and they care about each other as friends. I could list all the things I know that irritate her about him or him about her. But what counts is, that my husband never made his ex as secret, that fact that some people from his past, males and femals, he considers as family and the females are treated with the kind of love and respect he'd give to his mom and sister. I know all the area's in which I far exceed his ex and in which area's we are alike. Those are few. I've talked to her. She absolutely after all this time knows she could never live with and be married to someone like him. He's wonderful man, they just didnt have the best chemistry as friends and clashed on a lot of things. This is the kind of stuff, which if you knew the answers to, and he compliments you lots and what he loves about you, that you would feel secure with him. But I'd have to say its almost impossible if not present. So now that you have my example of the kind of details that could help you, go for it in conversation. I never approach him with an accusatory or doubting demeanor. If I did, I may not have learned as much as I did, so quickly. I was truly curios and would ask him to describe his old girlfriends, from when he started as a teen. All the major relationships I know in detail. You may not need that but you do need something from him that he does not realize you need to hear from him. So figure out what you want to hear and know that would help you to trust him again and go for it. If you spell out what you want him to do, if he talked to some girl casually in passing today, to let you know about it as it is just a part of his day, and nothing to hide from you as she meant nothing. If you catch him staring at a female while out with you, don't be afraid to ask, "What is it about her that catches your interest?" I have learned my guy likes to study people and personality something from a psych. background. So often he's watching to see how a person will react to a situation happening to them and explains it out to me, or maybe she's my body type and he like the outfit, it compliments her body type and I have nothing like that, and he wants to know how I'd look in something like that. If I don't like the looks, style or color, I tell him , If I like it, I am willing to look for it to try on. Often there can be reasonable explanations if you ask for them. But he will always be building you up with words even when there is no such situation going on. Hope this helps you
I told my crush I like him and he responsed that he 'kinda' likes me back, thinks I'm cute, but rather not do anything about it. We are in high school and I'm wondering if he was just bs-ing it and how much truth is in it. He said I mean a lot to him and then started to joke around and say he doesn't want babies lol (to fix the mood maybe). But I don't know if he was serious about the whole liking me back thing. Is there some way to find out? Also is there some way to make him like me back more?
Ladylala gave you a great list of things to look for as signs that someone is equally interested in you. These are things we do mostly subconsciously, with seldom a plan to actually do so. There are others things subtle/body language to know when someone is interested, while it wont help you with this guy, it's a good thing to know for the future. Have you ever had someone step up close to you that you didn't like, about an arms reach away or closer. If you don't like a person, your body reacts by taking a couple steps back to create more space between you because it feels uncomfortable. If you go stand close to him in conversation and he doesnt step way to create space between you, thats a sign the person is attracted to you, another is calling apeing, of mimic ing of what the other does to some extent. If your hand goes up to touch your hair or head for some reason, his will too, your change positions of your legs while seated, he will immediately do the same, or while speaking the other persons leans forward towards you. These are classic body language signs in addition to Ladylala's list.
Girls and guys may sometimes have a different ways they interpret certain words so confusion comes into the picture. Some people mean that they are attracted to your looks when they say like, but it also can mean that they like you for who you are as a person. But that 2nd part is hard to know if you havent spent much time with the person and have only been able to observe them in passing at school or at work. It's kinda hard for a person to say that you mean a lot to them if they haven't had a chance to get to know your personality and thats one thing you didn't share, how much time you and this crush have spent around each other. When I use the word crush, to me it means I am really liking the person for what I can observe about them but I have not had much chance to interact with them for the person to get to realize if they have interest in me in return. He may have felt helpless as to what to really say and tried to joke to lighten the mood but his choice of a joke may not be too far off the mark. His parents may have drilled into him to not get any girls pregnant at his age and to wait until he is an adult officially and can make such decisions for himself and take responsibility for his actions. His parents may equate dating with making babies for all we know. Or it may have been an offhand way to warn he'll date for fun but not for anything serious with love feelings. None of us can know for sure what was going on in his head or what his parents stress on him so all my guesses could be wrong. If you really want to know, you'll have to ask him. But guys are also afraid of a girls emotional outburst either in anger when they tell the truth and it's something the girl doesn't like or it makes her cry. So for those reason's, they won't always be truthful. You're more likely to get the truth if you tell him you're curious and not going to go emo on him no matter what his answer, you just want to know what he's really thinking. But then you have to know you can handle whatever he says without an emotional breakdown or even pouting disappointed looks. If you can gain that much trust from him, he'll probably tell you true where he's at.
Hi! I'm a 17 year old healthy female, and my boyfriend and I had sex during my fertile week with out protection multiple times using the "pull out" method. I know that some guys don't always get it right and there Is precum, so I'm a little nervous I could've gotten pregnant. Any advice? Thank you!
Precum always has some sperm in it. You dont even have to have intercourse/penis in vagina sex to get pregnent as the precum or cum only needs to get near the entrance or transfered in via fingers.
If this is very recent occurance, the morning after pill Plan B is effective up to 72 hours after, or within 3 days time. So if you're in that time frame, go purchase the emergency contraception. otherwise, follow the advice give by the other advicegiver.
So here's a few things I've noticed in the last semester of my college experience. I met this girl in my class and I never thought I would develop a crush on her. Let's call her person A. I first started talking to her when we did an activity in class when we lined up in alphabetical order. I was right behind her and we hit it off quite well, that same day I asked for her number. As the days went on, I thought she was cool and eventually we hung out for the first time. I admit that she is attractive and she's only the second girl I've ever liked. At the time, I was dating someone else, let's calm them person B. I have crushed on person B since I was 16 (I'm currently 18) and have always wanted even a small chance to date her. But while I hardly see person B anymore because of our grade difference, I grew closer to person A and eventually we became best friends. I never took a noticed into maybe I was in love with person A. That was until a friend of mine pointed out how whenever I'm with person A, I follow them like a puppy in love, my heart beat increases,I get nervous, and I smile so much more around her. I'm lead to believe this is the reason why my feelings for person B have completely fallen apart because I fell for someone else who I thought was attractive. And person B doesn't like the idea of me spending so much time with person A and has accused me of dating person A.
My question out of this; am I in love with person A? I think I am. It's been awhile now that I've had a crush on her and I always get 'butterflies in my stomach' when she's around me and I smile widely when I get a text from her. I still like person B, I do. But I don't think it's as much as I love person A now, especially if I have classes with person A. Person A is taken, that's why I don't make any advances towards her and I do not want to cause a strain in her relationship and ruin it for her.
Should I even tell her? I'm not sure, I was still questioning myself on whether or not if I should ever confess that I was in love with her.
I will explain what dating is and answer your 2 questions.
Dating is meant more to be an investigative process of the people you are attracted to rather than just a social thing. It's starts with attraction, you start liking or crushing, more time goes by and you feel you love them, but the in-love is an even deeper kind of love for a partner that develop's after you've have some time together in the relationship. Many people date or marry because they love each other but it never develops to that deeper level of in-love, so immersed into that person that no matter what happens, you're with them til death do you part. Example: what if her face was disfigured in an accident, burned with not much chance of ever looking like the face you were first attracted to. If it's love, sometimes a person can discover their love is conditional and has no depth to it and they lose interest if something like this happens. If it is unconditional in-love with the person, you will stay with the person and your feelings for them do not change, just as strongly in love as before.
"My question out of this; am I in love with person A?" Although there is such a thing as love as first sight, it's more rare than you may think. Of couples I know, there are very few who can truly say it was love at first sight, so I am more inclined to be its a strong attraction. The time you spent with her as a friend even if she's dating, can be a time you learn to love her, so yes, there's a chance that you feel more a love than liking her now. And this brings us to your next question,
"Should I even tell her? I'm not sure" She and her partner are humans with feelings so lets turn the situation around to get a clearer picture of wha'ts at stake here. Lets say you are the one already dating/taken, and this girl become your friend but was dating someone younger from high school. Now she's not and available. You're dating cus you really believe you love your date. Then someone you like very well as a friend confesses she is in love with you. What would you say or do. It's actually quite awkward and that piece of information does you no good unless you are dating your girlfriend out of boredom and have no feelings for her, she's just a person to do social events with. But if you're really into your girlfriend and she into you, she can be jealous over a girl professing she loves you. She doesnt have to hear it, she'll pick the vibes off you because most likely your heart will be divided if you felt something for each of them. Or if you did like her, might some girls profession of love cause you to act so shallow to dump the other girl immediately, maybe it's what the girl wanted, is to make you lose interest in who you were dating. What would you think of her then, that she's very conniving in nature and maybe you don't want to be with someone like that anyways.
Based on what I said dating is about, you date a person until you know that person well enough to discover if there are things about them that you do not like in a partner as you are actually learning how to narrow down what the perfect long term or marriage partner will be some day. When there are enough things you don't like, you stop dating them, break up and move on the the next, you shouldn't break up with someone you care about who is right for you just because someone else confessed they have feelings for you. That happens in life all the time. A married person has people who either lust after them or fall for them. So now you probably have a better idea why it's best not to say anything since she is currently in a commitment to this guy. As soon as she breaks up is a good time to tell. In meanwhile as already suggested by a someone else, be a wonderful best friend to her as that is one of the foundations of a long lasting relationship, being best friends and the other sexual compatibility including chemistry.
Make a list of the things you want in a partner. It must be so important that if any one of these things is missing in the person, then it's a deal breaker whether you spend the time to date to get to know them because you already know from conversation that they feel opposite to you on these things. Things that can become deal breakers for some, one wants kids some day and other doesnt, both are active spiritually and one has greatly differing views from the other, or their libido's are vastly different, some satisfied with little sexual contact and the other needing lots. These are the kinds of things that will tear a relationship apart so it is very important to discuss things like this when you first meet. You don't find these types of discussions happening as much with people your age. I certainly didn't at 20 when I married and it was a big mistake. Now much much older, I had learned something and found that a good deal of the men who had initial interest in me on a dating site, whom I met in person, were as dedicated as me to ask such deep important questions at the first meet up in person because we had gone thru the disappointments and failures the first time in our lives and were not about to beat around the bush. We knew what we want and what we didn't want, things to avoid and were serious about it as life is short. If you can take that attitude about dating a girl, even though you may not want to marry until 10 yrs from now, you'll be doing fine and will know what you want and know the right things to do keeping in mind other peoples freedom to also date and decide for themselves if their date is the right person for them or not. Whether someone else likes or loves them at the same time shouldn't be what influences their decision.
can you please follow me?
When someone goes to my column and chooses to write me, or any particular advice person you target, all we get on info. if you've filled it out is gender and age. This site makes it safe to ask or give advice because it is set up to keep you and I anonymous. No names, no computer site address contacts given out by the Advicenators system. The only few advice-givers who do post their photo, their email or anything else personal on their column do so by choice though warned not to by the creator of the site. So all I have the ability to know of you is that you say you are male and 19, whether it's true, I can not know. Everything on the internet is theatre of the mind. There's a T V show on that now. Old women pretending to be a young man and vice versa, it's all theatre of the mind. The only other thing I have to my disposal is previous questions asked from the same system user. So it shows your most recent questions and which people answered you. So I know you are the user listed as a male, 19 and from your questions that you a great interest in anything gay, for in your questions you do not state you are gay but I did receive your comment that you state you are gay.
If you are of adult age, over 18, and you truly are a male who prefers males to females, why are you asking if it's a good decision to get involved with someone or in gay church, etc. The only users who usually ask such questions about their gender or sexual preferance are pre-puberty or starting puberty. Maybe you wouldn't mind shedding the light as to why you feel the need to ask? I can only guess that there is vital info missing that would change our advice somewhat on here. Such as if one of you were actually under 18, and if one of you is actually bi-sexual, not gay. Some people who write in don't know there is a difference. And oddball info that does still affect what we might have to share:, if he already has other male partners, one of you has herpes, aids, or dying slowly of some terminal disease they can't catch, etc.
I don't give out my personal information. A few have done that on here and got a person cyber stalking them with email and on their social sites and others getting hate mail or threats. It was a big discussion between the owner of the site and the advice givers some time ago. So I would never do that, even without the warning. I am on here for those who truly need the advice. There is no way to determine who the potential threats are ahead of time. So I would never be following anyone who writes in asking questions. You may be a nice person and all you say you are but the day of trusting someone at their word is long gone, even before I was born.
I have one more thought that just came to me. Most people learn to define who they really are, for themselves, not following societis, freinds or familys or churchs expectations for them. For most it doesn't happen until close to age 30. Although some may go thru stages of that at an earlier age and perhaps that is what has you asking your questions. If so, there is no right or wrong, you don't have to worry about following a path or choice made and it being final. This is a time to experience and learn through your experiences more about who you are and what makes you happy. You can't know until you make a choice and try, experiment. There is no reason to remain single and deny yourself a partner unless you know thats what you think is best. If you do that and don't like it, then do the opposite. Eventually by near age 30 you will have figured out who you are to the point that no one, no threat can sway you from being yourself.
Good luck.
Back in October I got my very first job at party city (i'm 17 almost 18) At the time they were just hiring seasonal workers for Halloween. After Halloween they got rid of all the seasonal workers except for me. It was super cool that they decided to keep me. But now since I have been working there for about 4 months i'm getting really stressed about dealing with my personal life and trying to deal with school (I do online schooling) I only work like 2 times a week at most but I honestly dread going to work. My boss and co-workers are super nice to me so it has nothing to do with them. My mom and dad don't think I should quit just because they think ill never get a nice boss like the one that I have, which I think is untrue because I have my whole life ahead of me to experience other jobs/careers. I also have a lot of upcoming events where I would have to take off work and I already have taken work off like 3 times (which was a pain in the ass because none of my co-workers are ever willing to take my shift) I would like honest opinions and no hate, any advice is well appreciated. So should I keep my job? or should I quit?
eHon, I don't know if its more a matter of where your priorities lie, poor time management, lack of understanding as to what the responsibilities to an employer are or whether you truly do have too many commitments on your plate to have time free for 2 days of work a week.
Having a nice boss or not shouldn't be the determining factor. It is a plus when your have a job. But shouldn't be the reason to stay.
Since it is your first job, I will share what I know from experience already. When we take on a job and commit to the schedule given, an employer expects you to be able to handle your commitment no matter what is going on in your personal life and they tell employees often not to bring their personal issues to work. When we take time off work too often, it sends a message that you are not dependable enough. In your case,its only 2 days rather than a 5 day work schedule that most adults have. If you can't schedule the rest of your life around 2 days. then it gives the impression that you also are bad at time management. If you are choosing to want out of a day, or out of the job because you want more time for a boyfriend, it shows that you haven't learned yet to prioritize very well, if a boyfriend takes priority over having a job. If adults don't work, they have no money for a place to live, to eat or clothe themselves, etc. You are old enough to start learning that now. And having a job will teach you many valuable lessons in life. Of course you have a choice to quit. But then you gain a reputation, of being a quitter, when the going gets rough. And from what you vaguely wrote, I don't think your situation sounds too rough at all, schooled at home and no clue what all your personal stuff is that actually would prevent you from doing a job only 2 days a week. Remember that when you do go looking for a job, part time while in college or fulltime if you intend to work after graduating, then putting Party City down as a previous job reference may not be a good thing. No matter how mucy they liked you, a possible employer is going to want to know from them if they can count on you to show up to work and not take any time off except for emergency, real valid emergencys, like broke your leg or something. Car trouble is not an emergency when you can take a bus. One morning I went to get in my car and noticed a side window busted out. I had to call in to work that I would be late and come in as soon as the window got replaced. It was supposed to rain that day. As soom as it was done, I started work around 11 am and still worked all of my 6 hr shift, just staying later. That's what any good worker would do. Perhaps if you spell out the issues of what is really going on that make you feel you can't handle so easy a job, I might feel differently. Feel free to write me and enlighten me so I can advise you better. But as it stands with the little you shared, I think staying with the job is the preferred thing to do, not because the boss is nice but because this is an opportunity to help you mature, grow up some more, learn good work ethics, get a taste of what its like to be an adult making decisions for yourself, learning how to prioritize your life, time management, etc....
Good luck dear.
Should I join a gay church?
I once had an online friend who was in his 30s/40's who said he was a Christian but had gay friends and didn't like the way the church he belonged to felt about gays. He decided to join a gay church where everyone was more accepting of each other, where heterosexuals were members as well as gays, bi's and so on. He decided to become a Pastor and told me later he was now happily a heterosexual Pastor of a gay church.
The choice is yours, whether you join because you are gay or whether you are not gay but want to be supportive and accepting of others. Join a church period, if you are interested in following the good points of the Christian faith without mankinds doctrines and bias's thrown in. It doesn't have to be a gay church necessarily. Some christian churches are pretty progressive like Catholic churches when they finally accepted female priests for example when before it was considered heresy. Good luck with finding a church you feel is right for you.
Hi! I'm a 13 year old girl in Year 9/9th Grade. It's coming up tovmy options now and I really want to be a Primary School teacher. I love kids and really want to give them the best starts in life.
But, the problem is, nobody wants to support me and always has to be a complete a** whenever they can about it. Not even my dad! Because he's a police officer, he thinks he's all high and mighty and below all other people. Please bear in mind that he has treated me like a trophy all my life, think of the embarrassment he would have to endure if I became a Primary School teacher! That was sarcasm by the way...
My friends all want to become doctors, vets and lawyers and always say that that is where all the failures end up. After all 'those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach at Primary.' Again, sarcasm.
But I really want to do this! I get straight A's in Year 9 and it's just over a quarter of the way through the year. I believe I can do it but everybody hates my decisions and always have to bring me down about it. It is actually starting to make me feel depressed now.
Any advice? Thanks in advance.
I can understand a whole family having set deals and expectations for your career choice but you make it sound like all your peers, feel the same way!? Maybe I am wrong there. The only people I think who will give you support are people in the same vocation, that means other teachers and school counselors. Once you have someone on your side, it will be easier to follow your own dreams and resist the control and manipulating of family. If you have family members who put a higher priority in their pride in job than in love and support of you, then they have their priorities very mixed up but some people are like that. Just because they may be adults doesn't mean they have figured things out and are doing things the best way possible in raising you.
Talk to people at your school first. If you are a straight A student, you may be able to get in a program with the school if there is one to help tutor a classmate who is suffering in their grades and gives you some experience with teaching others. In a K to 8 school my daughters were in, the middle schoolers had an option to work with tutoring younger kids, being a buddy to disabled younger kids in the school and this was during school day, not after school. It was a good experience for them and made them more accepting and understanding of all people, even those their own age who have struggles.
Be honest and let school counselors know of the pressure and expectations at home and how it is making you feel depressed. I am sure there are steps they can take to help you. When I was in 8th grade, my middle school let you have a free period where you could donate your time somehow and I signed up as a teachers aide. I got to help a teacher of 7th graders in class during the day with anything she needed, correcting papers, decorating a display, etc... and I loved it. See if the school has a program like that and will let you be a teachers aide one period if all the major classes you need to take are met. If they can count teachers aide as an elective class, you've got it made.Thats how it was for me. This could help boost your esteem and give hope to your dreams without the family even having to know for now. But it would be helpful if a counselor were involved and could talk to your family. That would mean school counselors contacting the parents to have a talk with them on your behalf. Some times adults will listen to other adults over their own kids. It could backfire with parents giving even more pressure to tell you that this is not anyone elses business. If things get to a point of bullying in the family, verbal abuse or physical abuse to get you to fall in line with what they want, inform the school again and they can get CPS, Childrens protective services involved. You have as much a right to follow your dreams for being a teacher as Dad had to become a cop. You didn't say what Mom's idea's are for you. Or perhaps she just goes along with Dad to keep the peace with in that case alerts me to a possibility that Dad is a controller type of person who may tend to lean toward emotional abuse and verbal abuse to get his way. If this is the case and Mom decided to let him control her life, that doesn't mean you have to let him control your life. A parent will have the right to teach you and raise you in a way they believe will help you to become a wonderful well adjusted adult someday. That does not mean they have the right to take away your freedom of choice in things like the color and style of clothes you like to wear, how you like to style your hair, what you eat, or what your vocation is for examples. But these choices are not going to make any difference in who you become as an adult and do not affect your personality. Let me know how things go dear. If you have a family pastor or youth pastor, I would also talk to him. Any aunts and uncles or grandparents who do not feel like Dad does, talk to them and ask for their help and support too.
I didn't do so good on my report card this semester. I know I am really smart and if I just study I could be getting straight A's. But honestly studying is such a drag! I can't do it for anything. If anyone has any ideas of how I can make studying fun, then I would love that! Thank you!
I don't have clues for studying other than have a place where you are not interrupted by family members or your attention enticed away by music playing or whats happening on the TV playing, or where you can't look out a window and watch neighbors go about their business.
You say you are really smart. So I will suggest another possibility. In very few cases, a kid with a high intelligence, that surpasses what he/she is studying in their grade, find that they become bored with it as it is way to easy and so they just can't concentrate to do homework, there's no challenge. If that is the case for you, ask to get tested by the school district for what grade level you fit better. I had one daughter tested and she needed to go back a grade but most schools don't offer this, your parents would have to ask if this is the case with you.
Good luck.
Okay, so I go to a uniform school, but on the day before Valentines day (which is Friday the 13th 😫) ewe have a dress down day. I want to wear my black skater skirt but I don't know what shirts to wear with it. I also want to where high knee socks with that. So can someone please help me with a top that's would go nice with these requirements.
I'll bet that they still have regulations as to what is allowed for 'dress down day' or in order words, casual day. I worked in a company that started 'casual Fridays'. this meant you could wear jeans instead of business slacks, sweat tops and tee's and tennis shoes. But flip flops were not allowed, skirts shorter than where my finger tips end were a no no. No really tight tops, no spaghetti strings or tube tops, etc...
So truly, unless you've worn it before, I can't even say the skirt itself will pass inspection for dress down day. You might check with school staff for a list of what is acceptable to dress down day.
Then, choose any colored top because black is a neutral color and everything goes with black. If you know which color compliments your hair and skin tone best, wear that, wear some nice ballerina flats or pumps if you have them in the color of your shirt or black like skirt. But check first with the school.
I looked online at pics of black skater skirts by the way and found ladies modeling them wearing long sleeve, flannel shirts, blouses, spaghetti string tops, clingy tees, turtlenecks, and crop tops that show off the tummy but Ill bet thats against the regualtions, even the public schools my daughters went to wouldn't allow that. So the style and fabric doesn't matter and it all looked good with the black skater skirt. Just pick your favorite top ir i5'w within the 'dress down' dress code of the school.
I'm Christian too, we go to the same church.
We have talked about all that when he said he feels guilty. Like I know he believes that he doesn't have to have sex just after marriage, like he doesn't feel guilty about that. He feels more guilty about the lying and sneaking around.
And he wants sex to be meaningful. And with us, it wasn't meaningful because we were just friends with benefits.
So we stopped having sex and started talking and hanging out a little bit but then him being "lost" happened so yeah.
I guess time is what is needed.
Ah, okay. As you can see, there's a lot that can be left missing originally that changes how a person might give advice.
The lying and sneaking around thing is something yes that a person will feel guilty about, the reason, subconsciously, he knows he isn't being true to himself. This is the same thing like a gay child hiding who they are and not coming out of the closet about it. And no it's not easy when family are involved, especially christian family. Though they may love their child, their first reactions are often much of the opposite, like being blind sided. It takes alot of personal strength to just be oneself around one's family, not telling them about the status of his sex life as that's not their business, but not sneaking around either. Like if he were asked to stay the night for some reason, he might say, I'd rather spend the night with my girlfriend in bed with me. Some of the ability to stand up to family despite any bad reactions is one of the hard things to go through in life. At one point, my Mom stopped talking to me for 6 months because I didn't look excited enough when she introduced me to her boyfriend after her divorce. First meeting, I did not know him but was polite and said something like I was glad that they found each other. She wanted me to jump up and down like my sister did, like a kid at Christmas "Oh this is so romantic Mom, oh you found yourself such a handsome man, I am so excited for you. Mom has a previous concieved idea in her mind of how thins should go and when I didn't act exactly according to it, she ignored me for 6 months and we worked in the same company. An older woman told me not to worry, that mom would come around in time after she processes through it and she did. I was about your age when that happened. So the boyfriend may have to go through some suffering of rejection if he gets brave enough to to stop lying to them. We can't let fear of others reactions hold us back from doing what we want with our lives. Yes, I believe you are correct, in something like this, hopefully the passage of time will be enough for him to get to a place where he doesn't care or worry about what a parent thinks. Although it can take more time than you may be willing to wait. I didn't gather the guts to do that to some extent until I hit the range of 27-32, the years when I was having kids and being responsible for other lives. That changes you in many ways. As for other things like changing and expanding my spiritual path from beyond the strict teachings of Christianity, that didn't happen until my late 40's, that is a big step to come out with, even if my family very highly religious, I was taking a definite direction and believed it with my whole heart rather than the many who live in limbo, not embracing CHristianity but not embracing anythihg else. Hopefully time will change things for him.
I would think that having you for support would give him the extra strength he needs, that would be normal but the pulling away instead of relying more on you shows there are dynamics to the relationship that I don't understand. See, I know sex can be meaningful, regardless of how we label our relationship. After I divorced the husband, the men I dated, I eventually had sex with to see if we were sexually compatible cus the ex and I weren't. And I had a couple of friends with benefits, later a couple real boyfriends, before meeting my new husband. And I had great sex, fairly meaningful. But there's something that can always make it even more meaningful, and avoiding having sex is not the solution to finding out. I discovered an energy connection, a meeting of souls in sex with the 2nd husband that puts sex out of this world and very meaningful to the point we both actually feel our energys, like the shakra energys join mix and move between us and into each other which brings a heightened experience. Not just loving the person but being in-love takes it to another level of meaning also. The ex admitted he was never inlove with me. The new husband is and the experience is vastly different.
I think there may be other things to work out as well between the two of you besides his guilt. However, if he can get over his guilt, it will then become apparent to him what issues he's really left to deal with. I can't say what they are, but there is something more that is an issue.
Hopefully it's not a problem of not having matching chemistries because we cant change the chemistries we're born with, and when both feel the same drawattraction to the others chemistry, there is that g rowing spark to love and sex that just won't be there if the chemistry felts is one sided or not there at all.
I wish you the best. Just do whatever you can to continue to support him. Hopefully he will grow beyond whats holding him back. If nothing ever changes, you will know in your heart and gut, your intuition will let you know when you've given it your all and its time to give up. hopefully that doesnt happen. Blessing.
Ok so me and my bf officially broke up on tuesday. We broke up because he said he wants to live a single life right now. I love him so much and i dont want to lose him. I knew we were going to break up along time ago but i just didnt want to accept it. He kept showing me signs like whenever i text or call him he sometimes takes along time to text or call me back. Sometime he just wont call me period. on tuesdat i told him that i still have feelings for him and i hope that we do get back together. He said he hope that we do get back together also. We never really had any problems in the relationship so i just dont know why he wanted to break up. His decision. I asked if when he'll want to pick up his items. He told me to hold on to them because he dont need them right now. I also told him to hold on to mine. That same tuesday he promised to also buy me a teddy bear when he gets paid. We go to the same college but i barely ever see him these days. Yesterday i saw his car around campus when i looked inside i noticed he was using my car seat cover that i gave him to keep. Idk why he's using it at all and i also noticed that now he's looking at my snapchats everyday. He never looked at then when we were together apart from the private snaps i used to send him. Its been three days now since we didnt talk. To me i was thinking maybe no contact for a while will make him really miss me and then he'll come back to me. Idk but im trying to use no contact right now for a while. I really love him and i never want to break up with him. Does it seem like he'll eventually come back? Opinions please. Thank you
It could go either way dear. It's good that you are giving him time and his own space. I know of two reasons a guy will want to take a break, basically its so he has time to think things over. I once met a guy (we're talking people in late 40's) who clicked from the first meeting at a coffee shop. Saw each other practically every other day and the feelings on both sides grew strong quickly. That scared him. He asked for a week off, wanting to take a break, no explanation...so I gave it to him. He called and left a message after 3 days. That was enough time and we got back together. So it could be something like that especially since you mention you've never had problems. The only thing that has me wondering is how he acted before asking for a break, showing little interest in contact with you. Maybe he was trying then to figure how he felt about you without contact. But I don't know him and have no way to get into his mind to know what he was thinking. Both people have to be 100% on board with a relationship and wanting it and making it work. If he feels anything less than that after his time away, then it wasn't meant to be. I have met guys too that it ended up not working out, them leaving me and it really hurts. But I can say that after time, the broken heart does heal. What you will need for peace of mind in case he does want to end it, is that the two of you have pinpointed the major concerns and come to an agreement and worked things out. The only thing you cant change is if the attraction and feelings on his side have changed and faded. It wouldn't be due to anything you've done wrong. Some people mistake their initial feelings and attraction for the real thing, love...when all it is, is new relationship energy which can mimic the real thing but fades over time. Lets hope that is not it. Just keep on giving him time and let him contact you when ready.
I recently started talking to my best friend again and I have been avoiding her. I have been scared to talk to her because we had a big fight over something ridiculous and I did not want to get into another one over the same topic. I felt comfortable with her the other day when I saw her and I felt happy again, just by seeing/talking to her even for a few minutes. But I was really mad at her for no reason during that same week. I really don't want my negativity to rub off on her and I don't want to get mad at her and then flat out take it out on her. I feel as if it's my impulse control disorder that makes me feel anger towards others and it prompts me to be mean to others (verbally,emotionally or mentally). I just want to be a good best friend for her. I want to be nice to her because she means the world to me. I want to let her know I care about her, even if she doesn't think so, but I really do. If anyone has advice on how to avoid taking out my anger on her, please, I would love to hear it! :) thank you!
You mention an impulse control disorder. It would seem you struggle mostly with the explosive version of the disorder rather than kleptomania (impulse to steal) or pyromania (impulse to set fires).
I read what scientists had to say about it and have copied in a paragraph: Scientists do suspect that certain brain structures-including the limbic system, linked to emotions and memory functions, and the frontal lobe, the part of the brain’s cortex linked to planning functions and controlling impulses-affect the disorder.
The frontal lobe is what I want to touch on. I don't know your age, if you are 30 or older, there is likely no improving you'll do on your own and I saw no treatments listed. If you are younger than 25, then I will share the following as it may give you some hope. Scientists have also done studies on young people as to why they struggle so much with maturing issues, common sense and making good choices and it all comes to to the prefrontal cortex of the brain. It is the last thing to mature in a human and isn't completely done growing and maturing until mid 20s according to science reports. However by looking at my own kids and their friends at 28 to 30, they still struggle with making mature decisions and not acting upon impulses. So if you're not yet 25 to 30 yet you may still have your brain maturing some to make your disorder less of an issue. I'm no doctor, can't say for sure but since thats a part of brain that controls impulses, theres a chance for some improvement. I've read reports that some toxins in our environment may be affecting brain growth in babies and children so that by time we are teens or young adults, we suffer from these issues and it's on the rise. In the past, even Autism wasn't as common as it is today, it was pretty rare. But I believe these are disorders that come about due to the toxicity of our planet, in what we breathe, eat, drink or come into contact with.
So it may be that you will need to explain to any friends what your disorder is, especially this best friend. Get their understanding of what you struggle with. If she knows it's not on purpose, that may help.
It may not help you but one thing I remember hearing when someone is angry is to slowly count to 10 before speaking so you don't say something you regret later. You may need to do that and adjust the time you need to regain control of yourself. Or it an impulse is coming and you have a few seconds warning, blurt out, "I need a time out" and quickly leave the room or area until you have yourself under control again. If you are seeing a Dr. ask them what you can do to help you cope with this and help your friends to cope.
If your negativity and angry outburts is pretty constant with little peaceful time in between, then no one is going to be able to handle being around you for long, as the anger towards them, will eventually get to them. I hope you keep checking with your Drs for any new technology or discoveries that may help you.
20/f
I really liked the advice you gave me and you made a lot of good points.
I sat back and thought about everything and the things you said.
Like the whole "Sometimes I had feelings for him and sometimes I didn't"
I feel like when this thing between us started, I was really young so I was unsure about what I wanted and he didn't want anything serious at the time.
I just felt like I should fight the feelings you have for someone when you guys were supposed to be "just sex".
But then I realized all that is stupid. And I know better now.
I've dated a lot and have gone through what I want and don't want in a guy.
I had a long term relationship in between this time. I had a boyfriend for a little over two years, I probably should have said that in my question but didn't think it mattered since I was just talking about the guy that I'm interested in now.
I definitely think we're both not at the point where we don't care about what other people expect of us.
Like you said, and you're right, there has been times where he's felt guilty about sex.
I don't know, even thinking about all this, he's been the guy I've wanted for such a long time and I felt like it was finally coming together. And it just kind of sucks that maybe it just can't happen. It sucks that he's been the guy in the back of mind and that I won't get a chance to get to know him more.
Like I want to take your advice to move on but I also really want him. How do I do this?
You will have to talk to him about his guilt because that ins one thing holding him back from being ready to fully commit. There might be others but that can be left to a therapist to discover.
He could benefit from seeing a mental health counselor. Doesn't mean he has mental illness, just needs help with his negative thinking in this area of sex or maybe others too.
I am sure if he were so willing to do this, knowing if he didn't that he could lose you, that it could help. But he can't be going thru the motions/pretending. He needs to seriously want to get beyond this. But in order for that to happen, he would have to have personal beliefs that the church doctrine isn't 100% perfect and has it's flaws which come about by man's interpretations of the Bible. That has always been the issue when people can't agree with everything in the bible. I do not know how ready he is to learn to think for himself or I call it, thinking outside of the box. It means you don't just believe everything you're told and you stop blindly accepting everything as true without checking it out for yourself. I really think this could be a good starting point. You didnt mention anything about yourself spiritually. Most people believe there is something greater than them. If what you believe is different from what he is, it could also be that the church teaches that you are not supposed to be unequally yoked, and what they interpret it to mean and use it for is to drive home the point that a Christian can't be in relationship with intent to marry if the other is anything other than a Christian, because you'd be at odds spiritually. There's more with Christianity that could pose a problem. The only way you can move on is if you have tried every possible thing you can to suggest the both of you work together on a solution to any issues or differences that both of you can live with. If its so ingrained for him it may be a bigger issue than you realize. He's still in the mode of following everything he's been told to believe. Like a robot, data in, behave this way. No leeway for anything other than what you are told. Everyones different as to when they begin to learn to question what they are told in church doctrines, especially in sex. Some question and rebel as teens and others don't until later in life, 30s 40s 50s. After that we're pretty set in our ways. I hope for your sake he is willing to talk things out and be willing to overcome whatever is holding him back. Thats a big step for someone raised in a Christian household. He may not be ready yet. You could wait 10 yrs to see if he learns to define who he really is instead of go along with everyones elses expectations for him and molding of him. He needs to become his own person as I said. Some do it earlier as I did at 18 19, however I made a dumb mistake and married at 20, following the churchs no sex before marriage thing and it ends up we were totally sexually mismatched. Neither could inspire passion or orgasms in the other. His frustration combined with his mental health issues led him to become verbally abusive of me the whole marriage. I now have the totally opposite view and told all 3 daughters it was wiser to check the guy out sexually before getting married. As young teens they were introduced to the Promise Ring concept in churchs. You get a ring on ring finger at puberty if you've decided to remain pure until marriage. After the divorce and knowing the reasons, my youngest daughter said, "Does this mean I should re-evaluate whether I continue to wear a promise ring or not. I told her it was up to her, she choose to take it off after giving it some thought. Even non church goers in society can still be influenced in their thinking in some way by hundred of years of church influence on society.
So if he's not willing to get counseling help now, you could wait for him as I said, maybe about 10 years to see if he decides to redo his life and beliefs and goals, etc...
I am sorry there isn't much other I can say. We were all given a free will and are free to make our own choices in life but too many give our choice ability over to someone else, parents even for adult kids, or the church or a marriage partner or dating partner. We do this willingly, then follow what we are told. As an adult now, it's time he makes a choice, as a child he had no choice but to follow what the parents felt was the best for him. Now he has to be okay with all he has been told, or to break away and follow his own path. I hope for your sake he is ready and willing to work on his issues in order to keep him. Make sure he understand how much you prefer to stay with him but that this needs fixing.
Blessings and good luck.
M 16
Hey,
I practice my innstruments for about 4 hrs. a day. My guitar for an hour, my bass for 2 and my key boards for an hr. Playing music is what I love to do more than anything, but I've noticed in the past month after I practice my wrist really hurt. I get like this peorcing pain in and my arms grow numb and weaker than normal. My freinds say I may need to cut back on my playing time alot. And mabey take a break. I really don't want to I love playing music more than anything in the world. Dose some one know any way to releive these symptoms. My wrists are still hurting and the last time I played was more than 3 hrs. ago.
I don't know the amount of percentage of your days that your wrists are forced into a repetitive motion but our bodies aren't meant to take that without having trouble. Never heard of it in someone so young but adult have had problems with repetitive motions such as typing, or a baker who kneads dough a good part of the day, a person who does nothing but cut hair all day long, the open and shutting of the scissors will give them trouble. and people can develop what is called carpal tunnel syndrome. Some even have to have surgery when the damage is so bad. 8 hrs is what I count total from what you shared. That is as much as a full time job for an adult who does a repeating motion all day and ends up with carpal tunnel syndrome. I think it might be a good idea to go talk to your family Dr. and find out what they recommend. Perhaps it will be breaks where your hands can rest in between, shorten the amount of time per day playing.
If you continue at this rate without considering the future of your wrists just because you love music and want a career in it someday, then you will be killing your own dream by making your hands and wrist useless some day very soon and dash your dreams of being able to play. I can't tell you exactly how much is considered excessive.
If you damage yourself to the point you cant play at all, think of how you'll feel, pretty depressed and nothing to look forward to in life. It is critical that you talk to your parents about your problem and how long you've had it. Stopping playing or cutting down at this point may be too late already and you may need medical help with that. good luck
I'm not here to judge anyone by their response but how many parents believe in smacking their children on the butt with a belt or paddle when they're bad? Growing up I had this done to me and always wondered if it's right or not and where other people stand on this issue.
My DAD was the one to deal out punishment. He used a belt. It didn't teach us how to make better choices and not get in trouble. I don't know what it is about getting a child to follow the rules but from young toddler to older child, they would actually test us to see if we meant to stick with the line we said could not be crossed. So i believe that a child should have a consequence to their actions and choices. The parent who fears to discipline their child with have a teen/adult child who is crippled mentally, still not understanding that there are consequences to their actions.
So raising my own, I didn't want to instill a fear of a punishment object and totally lose the lesson I'm trying to teach. I discovered that 10 month to a year old child is getting a good grasp of what the parent likes and doesn't not like.
So at first I would try the distraction method, offer something else to get them from trying to go after an object that was not good to go after.
Yelling no doesn't serve much purpose if you are not teaching why something is a No. So before they could talk, I was already explaining to my young children that there were different kinds of owie's...for pains. Make it simple and they will get it because they are more intelligent than you think. I taught there were
tummy owies ( ie:not to eat berries you find outside)
Pointy owie's (knifes, scissors, etc)
Hot owie's (fireplace, oven, stove, electrical outlets)
They understood and I had no problems.
Once my middle daughter before she could talk, was throwing her food off high chair tray onto the floor. She likes to feed herself and I'd keep an eye on her. When she threw it down on the floor, I picked it up, putting it back on the tray and said if she was done, she could say no, no more or done or just sit and not eat anymore and I would let her out, but throwing food on the floor is not good, because then someone has to clean it up and she grabbed a couple more handfuls and threw them down. You think she was too young to understand? Not at all, We underestimate them. I took her out of the chair, grabbed a wet sponge and told her now that the consequence to throwing her food on the floor meant she had to clean it up. She began to struggle in my arms as I forced the wet sponge into her hand and pushed her hand with sponge onto the floor making the motions of wiping up. All we did was smear it around. I then cleaned her up, let her play while I actually really cleaned the floor and never ever again did she throw food on the floor.
When they get older 4,5 6 kids want to make their own choices, like what clothes to wear and such and thats fine but some of the choices they make are dangerous for them or hurtful to others or can damage something, again, there are consequences, they have to go to their room for a while or sit in a corner, it's when they would constantly leave their timeout that I eventually would use my hand to deliver a slap on their bottom but not before getting the force of it right by slapping my own thigh several times, to make sure it is a sting but not too hard, usually I'd slap myself about 3,4 times and the next one was on them. So I knew they weren't being really hurt, just got their attention. When older, I spent individual time with each child daily so they could let me know what issues they were facing, there was no right or wrong thing they couldn't talk about, I gave examples, such as drugs, skipping school, getting a bad grade, trouble with a friend, starting period, interested in boys, wanting to have sex, etc.
And they knew I was a safe person to talk to and did not need to act up to get my attention. I gave them idea's of what to look for and what the consequences were if they made certain decisions. Having all daughters, a big topic was dating and sex. I told them to watch other girls at school to see if the ones going in and out of dating relationships every couple weeks were still getting good grades or distracted by their heart break. They reported to me I was right and they didn't want that to happen to them. I also taught that if by chance they did meet a guy and really liked him, they don't have to hide that fact from me, they were welcome to invite him to come hang out at our house but not a one accepted so I can only assume they didn't really care about my daughters. I told them that although I prefer they wait until they graduate highschool to have sex, that if they have someone and the urge is that great they can't hold back, to come to me and we'd get them on birth control. When they realized I would be that supportive of them, they had no reason to hide anything or test me anymore. They were quick to report if they did something wrong or had a problem. got a call at work, child crying saying I'd be angry at them because they just used my favorite teakettle to make themself a hot drink and a bit of steam hit them and they dropped the kettle and it broke. I was terrified thinking she'd burnt herself with the hot water and asked if she got hurt or burnt. I remember my child being astonished that despite the fact this new kettle was my favorite ever, that I was more concerned about them, never yelled and said a kettle can always be replaced but you can't. With that kind of love and support, my daughters never gave me trouble at home.
Hi,
I'm 20 yrs old female. My boyfriend is 21 years, and Chinese.
Lunar New Year is coming soon, and I thought it would be nice if I celebrated it with him and his friends (his family is in China at the moment). However, he said he doesn't want to celebrate with me because he thinks it's only meant for "Chinese" people. I think that's absurd because even though I'm Filipino, my culture still celebrates it. I'm just a bit upset because I know that this event is important to him, yet he doesn't want me to be a part of it.
He thinks I'm not upset about it anymore, but I still am. I really want to celebrate it, and I might do so with other people. But I wish he'd be with me too.
What do you think?
I do not know if some cultures are exclusive with their celebrations and such but some take it seriously and do not want someone of another race coming along to celebrate with them and enjoy.
I don't understand the thinking of such people but perhaps they believe having someone of a different race present will 'taint' the celebration or make thier Gods angry. He is young and may not know any better. You could try sending him internet sites that show what cultures celebrate the Lunar New Year. Long ago before existance of stores, roads, cars, people farmed to survive and feed themselves and learned to closely follow the sun and moon cycles and celebrate the seasons for what it meant, such as Dec 21 not just a winter solstice, but the return of the sun, usually celebrate these days mostly by those who call themselves Pagan. But it's the turning point of when the times of daylight and sun begin to slowly grow longer again.
If he doesn't want you to be part of this, he is not really into you. If he really was developing deep feelings for you, he'd want to share everything and every experience in life together with you. I'd say this is a warning sign. It could signal future issues. He may never want to have children with you for example because his kids won't be pure Chinese. Some people still marry and have kids strictly only within their race and he may have been raised to believe this. If this is his stance, it means no real future for you with him because you are only a slot filler for now to him, someone to pass the time with until he is ready to marry a Chinese girl.
So you have a right to be upset by this. Let him know that this is a very big issue to you. You have no problem being a mixed race couple for dating but it seems he does if he's not willing to share all of his life and what is special to him. I might even go so far as to ask him when he marries if he has a problem with 'tainting' his Chinese blood in his children with the blood of a girl of another race. That should get the point across how serious this issue is.
Hon, I can't tell you if things will get better or not if you stay with him. That's for you to decide how hard you want to work to get him to see reason. But if you end up never really feeling safe and secure and always wondering how he will react in other situations, it may be best to end it with him.
I will say that dating is a discovery process, meant to help people find what they like and dont like in a partner. It's purpose is to help shape an idea of who will make the perfect long term or marriage partner for you someday. Most use dating and BF/GF as simply a social thing to do. Dating is the best tool there is to discover what a person is really like. Make a list of what you like and don't like in a guy to help you when deciding whether to stay with a guy or move on to someone several steps better. A list of pro's or cons. You have one for the cons or don't like list. You don't want a guy who has a problem with blending beliefs, celebrations, lifestyles, food choices and children with someone of another race. Keep filling in that list and eventually you'll clarify what you need to do. If your heart is unhappy, it's best to follow your heart. Feelings to some extent always develop in a relationship. We can't let fear of the hurt in a break up keep us from doing what is best for us. In time the hurt will go away and you have opportunity to find a better man so don't let feelings hold you back.
You don't want take how he feels for you lightly either. If he really loves you, his actions will show that he does. If this one issue is the only thing that is a problem, it is more due to his mindset and immaturity. So if all is perfect in 99 % of the relationship, you need to decide if this one thing then is the deal breaker for the relationship. Hope this helps you decide what you will do.
I am 18 years old.I am from Bangladesh. I have sex 3 times a month with my boyfriend but he cannot give orgasm.I get small orgasm though but rare. Should I wait or change position?
You need to know how to give yourself an orgasm through masturbation first before you can teach him how. When starting, both males and females have a lot to learn, we don't all know everything the first couple times we experiment with sex. It's a constant learing experience and changes each time you have a new boyfriend as each person is different in what pleases them most and brings them to orgasm the best. It is not for him to know how but to be willing to 'learn how'.
So use some sort of personal lubricant on your clitoris and relax, a time when you can have privacy and not be interrupted. Then using your fingers rub it in different ways until you have an orgasm. You can try fast, slowly, softly or very hard, try right on the clitoris or to the sides of it when rubbing. You'll know you're getting somewhere when it engorges with blood and you feel a pronounced ridge now under the skin. Keep changing the pace until you get your orgasm.
Most females do not orgasm with the man inside her so if you don't, its not an odd thing. Most get their orgasms from the guy using his fingers on her or using a sex toy on her. Once you both have mastered the clitoral orgasm, you can move on to working on a G spot orgasm. Your g spot is on the tummy side of your vagina about 2 inches in, feels like a rough wrinkled s pot of skin and is located in front of the urethra, that tube which carries urine from the bladder out of your body. Some women also have another connecting tube that allows her in an orgasm to ejaculate like men and it comes out the same hole as pee does. In other women it didn't develop when they were a fetus and the liquid goes straight into their bladder. Stimulation of this g spot area will make it engorge/fill with blood as it gets more sensitive and aroused. However because it is right near urinary and bladder parts, it can feel like an urge to pee which is actually the signal that you are about to orgasm if you dont hold it back. If you are afraid it might be pee/urine, a female clamps down on the urge and wont have a g spot orgasm. So when you do get to the point of trying this one, remember to empty your bladder first so you can relax when you feel the urge knowing the bladder doesnt fill with urine that quickly and what you feel is your orgasm.
hope this helps.
I finally passed the preassessment test and I am optimistic I will get call for an interview. What can I expect on interview day?
Another congratulations to you! One last thing, another person can't really tell if you are nervous or scared inside just by looking at you unless you fail to smile at all, have a wide, bug eyes look and act stiffly with your body. So remember to at least smile. Smiling sends a message that a person is a friendly approachable sort and that is a good impression and good regarding how you will be with their customers. And here is a link from Ehow on tips for before and during interview.
http://www.ehow.com/list_7454775_job-interview-
tips.html
Good luck and congratulations again.
This guy likes me and keeps talking to me and I want to make sure I'm not accidently flirting with him. Can you tell what not to do? Thanks
More to the point is why you are concerned about leading him on...is it that he's into you but you are not interested in him as a romantic prospect, just a friend. Or perhaps you are not even interested in him as a friend? What would you do if some girl kept talking to you and wanting to be girlfriends? Do you keep talking to her and act like you like her equally well as a person? Even if you don't? That is what I would call leading someone on. Making them think you feel one way when you feel the other because you don't have enough backbone to speak up. Flirting doesn't happen accidently if you don't like the person. It can happen subconsciously, your emotions are stored with the subconscious mind which will control your body language, facial expressions. I would not dress or make yourself look any different than usual as that has less to do with innocent flirting and more to do with serious seducing if you choose to wear something sexy and as one person mentioned, wearing the hair down.
If you are picking up by intuition that he is seriously into you and you aren't in return, then let him know up front that he seem to be a nice guy but you aren't feeling any chemistry with him either for friendship or anything more and that should take care of it.