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reunited-ish
I recently started talking to my best friend again and I have been avoiding her. I have been scared to talk to her because we had a big fight over something ridiculous and I did not want to get into another one over the same topic. I felt comfortable with her the other day when I saw her and I felt happy again, just by seeing/talking to her even for a few minutes. But I was really mad at her for no reason during that same week. I really don't want my negativity to rub off on her and I don't want to get mad at her and then flat out take it out on her. I feel as if it's my impulse control disorder that makes me feel anger towards others and it prompts me to be mean to others (verbally,emotionally or mentally). I just want to be a good best friend for her. I want to be nice to her because she means the world to me. I want to let her know I care about her, even if she doesn't think so, but I really do. If anyone has advice on how to avoid taking out my anger on her, please, I would love to hear it! :) thank you!
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If you want to b a good best friend then talk to her. Pull her aside and say we need to talk . If the talk resolves things like it should then you are set. If it brings on more anger and resentment then there is an underlying problem that has no be brought up.
Handle it like you would want someone to handle it if the situation were reversed.
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The challenge is to strike the right balance in controlling our impulses. We all have had occasions where we behaved irresponsibly and hurt others by our sudden flashes of anger or other emotional expressions that we later regret. On the other hand, we don't want to be wrapped so tight that we can't express ourselves at all.
In your case, I believe that the problem is probably rooted in stress because of the cogent way that you've described your problem. The more stressed we become, the more likely we are to get out of control and snap angrily at others even when they don't deserve it.
The remedy is often found in relaxation and exercise techniques, checking our diet by removing caffeine containing beverages and perhaps getting a little more sleep. The Readers Digest has an excellent article which you may find helpful: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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You mention an impulse control disorder. It would seem you struggle mostly with the explosive version of the disorder rather than kleptomania (impulse to steal) or pyromania (impulse to set fires).
I read what scientists had to say about it and have copied in a paragraph: Scientists do suspect that certain brain structures-including the limbic system, linked to emotions and memory functions, and the frontal lobe, the part of the brain’s cortex linked to planning functions and controlling impulses-affect the disorder.
The frontal lobe is what I want to touch on. I don't know your age, if you are 30 or older, there is likely no improving you'll do on your own and I saw no treatments listed. If you are younger than 25, then I will share the following as it may give you some hope. Scientists have also done studies on young people as to why they struggle so much with maturing issues, common sense and making good choices and it all comes to to the prefrontal cortex of the brain. It is the last thing to mature in a human and isn't completely done growing and maturing until mid 20s according to science reports. However by looking at my own kids and their friends at 28 to 30, they still struggle with making mature decisions and not acting upon impulses. So if you're not yet 25 to 30 yet you may still have your brain maturing some to make your disorder less of an issue. I'm no doctor, can't say for sure but since thats a part of brain that controls impulses, theres a chance for some improvement. I've read reports that some toxins in our environment may be affecting brain growth in babies and children so that by time we are teens or young adults, we suffer from these issues and it's on the rise. In the past, even Autism wasn't as common as it is today, it was pretty rare. But I believe these are disorders that come about due to the toxicity of our planet, in what we breathe, eat, drink or come into contact with.
So it may be that you will need to explain to any friends what your disorder is, especially this best friend. Get their understanding of what you struggle with. If she knows it's not on purpose, that may help.
It may not help you but one thing I remember hearing when someone is angry is to slowly count to 10 before speaking so you don't say something you regret later. You may need to do that and adjust the time you need to regain control of yourself. Or it an impulse is coming and you have a few seconds warning, blurt out, "I need a time out" and quickly leave the room or area until you have yourself under control again. If you are seeing a Dr. ask them what you can do to help you cope with this and help your friends to cope.
If your negativity and angry outburts is pretty constant with little peaceful time in between, then no one is going to be able to handle being around you for long, as the anger towards them, will eventually get to them. I hope you keep checking with your Drs for any new technology or discoveries that may help you.
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I agree with the other person. Take a break from her especially since i know that you were in a relationship with her and how are you still best friends when you have barely talked in a while? You have to learn control and patience. You may not be good with change, but change is good for the long run.
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I think you should keep a bit of distance from her for a little bit until that anger calms down, because the argument could start again if there's a lot of tension. So when you actually Do talk to her (which shouldn't be like every day and such) just try to be nice and tell her you care about her. If you want, you could even explain to her how you've been feeling lately, so she doesn't get the wrong idea, but wording it differently like you've just felt a lot of tension in yourself lately, and you're just trying to work out your own stuff so you don't lash out at the people close to you and stuff.
Hope this helps~
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