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Just wondering what most people have to say about this
I'm not here to judge anyone by their response but how many parents believe in smacking their children on the butt with a belt or paddle when they're bad? Growing up I had this done to me and always wondered if it's right or not and where other people stand on this issue.
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I grew up with spankings, which were quite few in between because I learned early on not to be an ***hole.
I think the belt and paddle, though it was more commonly used in the past to discipline children, are too harsh now. If your child does something so significant that no amount of words can possibly address the issue, I personally see nothing wrong with a mild spanking, but that's because I grew up in a family culture with strict rules and discipline--we were taught to be respectful and courteous.
It's interesting you ask this question, because I watched a previous episode of the ABC comedy show, "Blackish" that addressed this; ultimately, the father instead decided to speak to his young son about having been disappointed in his poor choice, and the feeling of having disappointed his father was stronger than any corporal punishment for the young child. Just to give you a thought.
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Every action that we take in life, whether personal OR business related, will have an affect on not only our lives, but the lives of others. While most actions end up having very little impact on the future, other action play a big role. We all have done things that we regret doing, things that we can not change, things that live with us forever. It's up to each person, to determine on their own, what they consider ethical and moral. For me personally, I think its an incorrect way to discipline a child. Their are better and more effective ways to accomplish the goal of the punishment. I am a parent and I have chosen not to spank and/or smack my children. For those who believe that misbehaved children are in need of a spanking to learn a "lesson" have not found a better way to get the desired result OR behavior from their children. Some very well behaved children are spanked while some horribly behaved children are not. At the same time, some children that are spanked act horrible, while children who are not spanked behave like angels. Remember, that your choices affect you not only now, but in the future. The same goes for that little child, whose future is molded by the choices you make on their behalf. I know that for myself, I feel like I made good choices in my life, choices that I can be proud of up until around 2010/2011. I then went off track and I let an individual skew my viewpoint on what was wrong and what was right. I let somebody determine what I should do... I let somebody lead me in the wrong direction. In the end, I realized the poor choice I was making, and luckily was able to alter the outcome so that "people" were not harmed. That being said, I still made the poor choice to listen to the advice of others, when I should have listened to myself and been aware of what I believed was right. You can't go through life with blinders on simply following others. Just as you cant listen to people (me included) that you barely know taking there advice to heart. You also have to make a decision based on where we are now in society. To say, I was spanked and I turned out ok is an excuse (this is not direct at you :) just a general explanation I've heard people say). Back in the civil war, if you got shot in the leg they would cut your entire leg off. That doesn't mean that we should do that now. We've advanced, we can now simply remove the bullet. I've learned that if it doesn't seem right, then it probably isn't. Dig a little deeper sooner than later.
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I'm not a parent, but I grew up with spankings and the belt as a kid.
I think there's a time and a place for corporal punishment. For example, you can't reason with a screaming two year old who's trying to do something that will seriously hurt them. I think a couple of bum smacks isn't a huge issue in a case like this.
Personally, I do think that any physical punishment for a child who is of a reasoning age is not productive. All that I learned was to be afraid of my father, and that hitting is a reasonable way to deal with someone who isn't doing what you want them to. Somehow my parents were surprised when I went on to hit my younger sister when she didn't behave while I was watching her.
The other issue is that it's really hard to regulate when certain things are allowed and others aren't. If it's okay to hit a child on the behind, how hard? How many times? With what? It's a really gray area so it's easier to just err on the side of caution and outright ban it.
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I don't really believe in things like that. I'm not a parent, but I can tell that it's not a good thing to do. It will just add a bad memory to the child while they're growing up. It's not really the answer for anyone to discipline kids.
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In the very technical sense if you spank your child with anything but your hand you are committing felony Child abuse in just about every state in the U.S. Spankings in general are considered Corporal punishment.
Definition of Corporal Punishment: Corporal punishment is a form of physical punishment that involves the deliberate infliction of pain as retribution for an offence, or for the purpose of disciplining or reforming a wrongdoer, or to deter attitudes or behavior deemed unacceptable. The term usually refers to methodically striking the offender with the open hand or with an implement, whether in judicial, domestic, or educational settings.
Most parents today do not resort to corporal punishment as a means of punishment or corrective action with their children. Today's parents use "Time Outs", take away toys" "Suspend privileges," or use methods other than spanking such as assigning extra chores.
When parents spank it is usually done in the heat of anger and more harm is inflicted then may be intended or even warranted for the transgression. Use of a belt or paddle will definitely inflict more harm and pain them a hand will. Saying to the child this is going to hurt me more than it does you means nothing to the child or saying I do this because I love you means even less.
You were spanked as a child and wonder if it is right or wrong? Why are you asking this question? What affect has those spanking had on you? Do you think there is a better way to raise your children and teach them to behave as well as right from wrong?
Just because this is how your parents raised you does not mean it is right? Your question says that the spankings have left some type of lasting effect on you one that makes you question the effectiveness of spankings. I can't give you the answer as to whether spankings are right or wrong, it was wrong for me, I never spanked my child. I have posed questions to you that should help you decide if spankings are right or wrong for you to use in disappointing your child(ren)
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My DAD was the one to deal out punishment. He used a belt. It didn't teach us how to make better choices and not get in trouble. I don't know what it is about getting a child to follow the rules but from young toddler to older child, they would actually test us to see if we meant to stick with the line we said could not be crossed. So i believe that a child should have a consequence to their actions and choices. The parent who fears to discipline their child with have a teen/adult child who is crippled mentally, still not understanding that there are consequences to their actions.
So raising my own, I didn't want to instill a fear of a punishment object and totally lose the lesson I'm trying to teach. I discovered that 10 month to a year old child is getting a good grasp of what the parent likes and doesn't not like.
So at first I would try the distraction method, offer something else to get them from trying to go after an object that was not good to go after.
Yelling no doesn't serve much purpose if you are not teaching why something is a No. So before they could talk, I was already explaining to my young children that there were different kinds of owie's...for pains. Make it simple and they will get it because they are more intelligent than you think. I taught there were
tummy owies ( ie:not to eat berries you find outside)
Pointy owie's (knifes, scissors, etc)
Hot owie's (fireplace, oven, stove, electrical outlets)
They understood and I had no problems.
Once my middle daughter before she could talk, was throwing her food off high chair tray onto the floor. She likes to feed herself and I'd keep an eye on her. When she threw it down on the floor, I picked it up, putting it back on the tray and said if she was done, she could say no, no more or done or just sit and not eat anymore and I would let her out, but throwing food on the floor is not good, because then someone has to clean it up and she grabbed a couple more handfuls and threw them down. You think she was too young to understand? Not at all, We underestimate them. I took her out of the chair, grabbed a wet sponge and told her now that the consequence to throwing her food on the floor meant she had to clean it up. She began to struggle in my arms as I forced the wet sponge into her hand and pushed her hand with sponge onto the floor making the motions of wiping up. All we did was smear it around. I then cleaned her up, let her play while I actually really cleaned the floor and never ever again did she throw food on the floor.
When they get older 4,5 6 kids want to make their own choices, like what clothes to wear and such and thats fine but some of the choices they make are dangerous for them or hurtful to others or can damage something, again, there are consequences, they have to go to their room for a while or sit in a corner, it's when they would constantly leave their timeout that I eventually would use my hand to deliver a slap on their bottom but not before getting the force of it right by slapping my own thigh several times, to make sure it is a sting but not too hard, usually I'd slap myself about 3,4 times and the next one was on them. So I knew they weren't being really hurt, just got their attention. When older, I spent individual time with each child daily so they could let me know what issues they were facing, there was no right or wrong thing they couldn't talk about, I gave examples, such as drugs, skipping school, getting a bad grade, trouble with a friend, starting period, interested in boys, wanting to have sex, etc.
And they knew I was a safe person to talk to and did not need to act up to get my attention. I gave them idea's of what to look for and what the consequences were if they made certain decisions. Having all daughters, a big topic was dating and sex. I told them to watch other girls at school to see if the ones going in and out of dating relationships every couple weeks were still getting good grades or distracted by their heart break. They reported to me I was right and they didn't want that to happen to them. I also taught that if by chance they did meet a guy and really liked him, they don't have to hide that fact from me, they were welcome to invite him to come hang out at our house but not a one accepted so I can only assume they didn't really care about my daughters. I told them that although I prefer they wait until they graduate highschool to have sex, that if they have someone and the urge is that great they can't hold back, to come to me and we'd get them on birth control. When they realized I would be that supportive of them, they had no reason to hide anything or test me anymore. They were quick to report if they did something wrong or had a problem. got a call at work, child crying saying I'd be angry at them because they just used my favorite teakettle to make themself a hot drink and a bit of steam hit them and they dropped the kettle and it broke. I was terrified thinking she'd burnt herself with the hot water and asked if she got hurt or burnt. I remember my child being astonished that despite the fact this new kettle was my favorite ever, that I was more concerned about them, never yelled and said a kettle can always be replaced but you can't. With that kind of love and support, my daughters never gave me trouble at home.
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A lot of the parents generation (40-60 years old) grew up getting spanked. I do not think that is beating your kid. They used to have paddles in school. I think it teaches discipline. I do not think it should be used all the time or in an incorrect manner but it is not abuse. People are so sensitive now that every little thing is over analyzed. However yes a paddle or belt can be misused like if a parent or guardian beat it all over the kids body until they bled or something like that...that is wrong. People that actually get beat will have bruises and scars in places they are not supposed to etc. Verbal abuse I think can be much much worse. Of course physical abuse can hurt more and is completely wrong but spanking with a paddle or belt I do not think is wrong if it is used correctly. I do not have kids but I have nannied and babysat and I was a kid lol and I am friends with younger parents. I have seen kids that are not disciplined and spoiled and that is more wrong to me than when a child is not learning his lesson and to spank them on the butt a couple times. I have known abused children/grownups and it is not the same thing. Sorry but that is just my opinion.
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