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Lunar New Year
Hi,
I'm 20 yrs old female. My boyfriend is 21 years, and Chinese.
Lunar New Year is coming soon, and I thought it would be nice if I celebrated it with him and his friends (his family is in China at the moment). However, he said he doesn't want to celebrate with me because he thinks it's only meant for "Chinese" people. I think that's absurd because even though I'm Filipino, my culture still celebrates it. I'm just a bit upset because I know that this event is important to him, yet he doesn't want me to be a part of it.
He thinks I'm not upset about it anymore, but I still am. I really want to celebrate it, and I might do so with other people. But I wish he'd be with me too.
What do you think?
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I think I would have felt the exact same way. You can't really push the issue too much though considering that's how he feels you know? So you should try talking to him about it once more and if that doesn't work you should have fun and celebrate it with your friends or family:)
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First of all, many other Asian cultures celebrate the Lunar New Year. It is not exclusive to China. Furthermore, even the Jewish religion follows the lunar calendar; it is also not exclusive to China.
I'm not sure how traditional your boyfriend is, but I think you need to have a discussion with him. Is it because he just wants to hang out with his friends? If so, he should make that clear and you should respect his personal time. Is it because it's still early in the relationship and he's not ready to integrate you into other aspects of his life?
There's a lot of unanswered questions here, but you should have an open conversation with him about the way you feel.
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Maybe you should tell him that you still don't get it and that you're still a little upset about it and then let him explain why. Maybe he has a right reason. And if there is, then you should accept it, understand it, and let is slip away.
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I do not know if some cultures are exclusive with their celebrations and such but some take it seriously and do not want someone of another race coming along to celebrate with them and enjoy.
I don't understand the thinking of such people but perhaps they believe having someone of a different race present will 'taint' the celebration or make thier Gods angry. He is young and may not know any better. You could try sending him internet sites that show what cultures celebrate the Lunar New Year. Long ago before existance of stores, roads, cars, people farmed to survive and feed themselves and learned to closely follow the sun and moon cycles and celebrate the seasons for what it meant, such as Dec 21 not just a winter solstice, but the return of the sun, usually celebrate these days mostly by those who call themselves Pagan. But it's the turning point of when the times of daylight and sun begin to slowly grow longer again.
If he doesn't want you to be part of this, he is not really into you. If he really was developing deep feelings for you, he'd want to share everything and every experience in life together with you. I'd say this is a warning sign. It could signal future issues. He may never want to have children with you for example because his kids won't be pure Chinese. Some people still marry and have kids strictly only within their race and he may have been raised to believe this. If this is his stance, it means no real future for you with him because you are only a slot filler for now to him, someone to pass the time with until he is ready to marry a Chinese girl.
So you have a right to be upset by this. Let him know that this is a very big issue to you. You have no problem being a mixed race couple for dating but it seems he does if he's not willing to share all of his life and what is special to him. I might even go so far as to ask him when he marries if he has a problem with 'tainting' his Chinese blood in his children with the blood of a girl of another race. That should get the point across how serious this issue is.
Hon, I can't tell you if things will get better or not if you stay with him. That's for you to decide how hard you want to work to get him to see reason. But if you end up never really feeling safe and secure and always wondering how he will react in other situations, it may be best to end it with him.
I will say that dating is a discovery process, meant to help people find what they like and dont like in a partner. It's purpose is to help shape an idea of who will make the perfect long term or marriage partner for you someday. Most use dating and BF/GF as simply a social thing to do. Dating is the best tool there is to discover what a person is really like. Make a list of what you like and don't like in a guy to help you when deciding whether to stay with a guy or move on to someone several steps better. A list of pro's or cons. You have one for the cons or don't like list. You don't want a guy who has a problem with blending beliefs, celebrations, lifestyles, food choices and children with someone of another race. Keep filling in that list and eventually you'll clarify what you need to do. If your heart is unhappy, it's best to follow your heart. Feelings to some extent always develop in a relationship. We can't let fear of the hurt in a break up keep us from doing what is best for us. In time the hurt will go away and you have opportunity to find a better man so don't let feelings hold you back.
You don't want take how he feels for you lightly either. If he really loves you, his actions will show that he does. If this one issue is the only thing that is a problem, it is more due to his mindset and immaturity. So if all is perfect in 99 % of the relationship, you need to decide if this one thing then is the deal breaker for the relationship. Hope this helps you decide what you will do.
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