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In love with someone....who's taken?
So here's a few things I've noticed in the last semester of my college experience. I met this girl in my class and I never thought I would develop a crush on her. Let's call her person A. I first started talking to her when we did an activity in class when we lined up in alphabetical order. I was right behind her and we hit it off quite well, that same day I asked for her number. As the days went on, I thought she was cool and eventually we hung out for the first time. I admit that she is attractive and she's only the second girl I've ever liked. At the time, I was dating someone else, let's calm them person B. I have crushed on person B since I was 16 (I'm currently 18) and have always wanted even a small chance to date her. But while I hardly see person B anymore because of our grade difference, I grew closer to person A and eventually we became best friends. I never took a noticed into maybe I was in love with person A. That was until a friend of mine pointed out how whenever I'm with person A, I follow them like a puppy in love, my heart beat increases,I get nervous, and I smile so much more around her. I'm lead to believe this is the reason why my feelings for person B have completely fallen apart because I fell for someone else who I thought was attractive. And person B doesn't like the idea of me spending so much time with person A and has accused me of dating person A.
My question out of this; am I in love with person A? I think I am. It's been awhile now that I've had a crush on her and I always get 'butterflies in my stomach' when she's around me and I smile widely when I get a text from her. I still like person B, I do. But I don't think it's as much as I love person A now, especially if I have classes with person A. Person A is taken, that's why I don't make any advances towards her and I do not want to cause a strain in her relationship and ruin it for her.
Should I even tell her? I'm not sure, I was still questioning myself on whether or not if I should ever confess that I was in love with her.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Let's put you in the shoes of A's boyfriend. How would you feel if someone was making a move on your girlfriend? You could unnecessarily create a bitter enemy. There's no telling what he may do.
What about A, herself? If she's happy in her present relationship, she might react in an unfavorable manner to your attempt to insert yourself into her affections.
As to B, you would be wise to resolve the relationship with her, in your own mind and with her before you begin another relationship with someone else.
"Love without truth and honor is licentious in nature." - David W. Stevens.
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I will explain what dating is and answer your 2 questions.
Dating is meant more to be an investigative process of the people you are attracted to rather than just a social thing. It's starts with attraction, you start liking or crushing, more time goes by and you feel you love them, but the in-love is an even deeper kind of love for a partner that develop's after you've have some time together in the relationship. Many people date or marry because they love each other but it never develops to that deeper level of in-love, so immersed into that person that no matter what happens, you're with them til death do you part. Example: what if her face was disfigured in an accident, burned with not much chance of ever looking like the face you were first attracted to. If it's love, sometimes a person can discover their love is conditional and has no depth to it and they lose interest if something like this happens. If it is unconditional in-love with the person, you will stay with the person and your feelings for them do not change, just as strongly in love as before.
"My question out of this; am I in love with person A?" Although there is such a thing as love as first sight, it's more rare than you may think. Of couples I know, there are very few who can truly say it was love at first sight, so I am more inclined to be its a strong attraction. The time you spent with her as a friend even if she's dating, can be a time you learn to love her, so yes, there's a chance that you feel more a love than liking her now. And this brings us to your next question,
"Should I even tell her? I'm not sure" She and her partner are humans with feelings so lets turn the situation around to get a clearer picture of wha'ts at stake here. Lets say you are the one already dating/taken, and this girl become your friend but was dating someone younger from high school. Now she's not and available. You're dating cus you really believe you love your date. Then someone you like very well as a friend confesses she is in love with you. What would you say or do. It's actually quite awkward and that piece of information does you no good unless you are dating your girlfriend out of boredom and have no feelings for her, she's just a person to do social events with. But if you're really into your girlfriend and she into you, she can be jealous over a girl professing she loves you. She doesnt have to hear it, she'll pick the vibes off you because most likely your heart will be divided if you felt something for each of them. Or if you did like her, might some girls profession of love cause you to act so shallow to dump the other girl immediately, maybe it's what the girl wanted, is to make you lose interest in who you were dating. What would you think of her then, that she's very conniving in nature and maybe you don't want to be with someone like that anyways.
Based on what I said dating is about, you date a person until you know that person well enough to discover if there are things about them that you do not like in a partner as you are actually learning how to narrow down what the perfect long term or marriage partner will be some day. When there are enough things you don't like, you stop dating them, break up and move on the the next, you shouldn't break up with someone you care about who is right for you just because someone else confessed they have feelings for you. That happens in life all the time. A married person has people who either lust after them or fall for them. So now you probably have a better idea why it's best not to say anything since she is currently in a commitment to this guy. As soon as she breaks up is a good time to tell. In meanwhile as already suggested by a someone else, be a wonderful best friend to her as that is one of the foundations of a long lasting relationship, being best friends and the other sexual compatibility including chemistry.
Make a list of the things you want in a partner. It must be so important that if any one of these things is missing in the person, then it's a deal breaker whether you spend the time to date to get to know them because you already know from conversation that they feel opposite to you on these things. Things that can become deal breakers for some, one wants kids some day and other doesnt, both are active spiritually and one has greatly differing views from the other, or their libido's are vastly different, some satisfied with little sexual contact and the other needing lots. These are the kinds of things that will tear a relationship apart so it is very important to discuss things like this when you first meet. You don't find these types of discussions happening as much with people your age. I certainly didn't at 20 when I married and it was a big mistake. Now much much older, I had learned something and found that a good deal of the men who had initial interest in me on a dating site, whom I met in person, were as dedicated as me to ask such deep important questions at the first meet up in person because we had gone thru the disappointments and failures the first time in our lives and were not about to beat around the bush. We knew what we want and what we didn't want, things to avoid and were serious about it as life is short. If you can take that attitude about dating a girl, even though you may not want to marry until 10 yrs from now, you'll be doing fine and will know what you want and know the right things to do keeping in mind other peoples freedom to also date and decide for themselves if their date is the right person for them or not. Whether someone else likes or loves them at the same time shouldn't be what influences their decision.
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ok first off, why would person B have a problem with you liking person A? thats kinda not cool, she should be encouraging you to do whatever makes you happy. sounds like person B is slightly jealous you might have turned your attentions elsewhere and likes that you have had feelings for her in the past. girls often like being a guys center of attention and if they start to look elsewhere they can get upset and start treating you differently like being mean and passive aggressive.
If person A is taken, then what you can do is just continue to be cool with her. Be there for her when shes having a tough time, talk to her, just basically be a good friend and should she ever brake up with her man she will automatically turn to you because youve been there when she needed you. ; )
i wouldnt confess feelings, just keep being cool and supportive like any other friend would and if you find someone else during that time then thats ok too but just keep you eye on her and she will come to you if shes ever heart broken and needs advice or a friend and your in! ; )
good luck!
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