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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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Can someone please explain to me what's abusive about Fifty Shades of Grey.

I'm a soon to be 24 year-old woman who is highly turned on by the type of material in the book. Although I have never engaged in BDSM, I love it when my boyfriend dominates me, and I fantasize about engaging in the activity.

Is BDSM abusive? Is there something wrong with me thinking so highly in allowing my boyfriend who I trust to dominate me?

Will I allow my relationship to become dangerous if I tell him to engage in this kind of behavior?

I've heard about the book and don't need to read it to know about that world. Although a few of the tamer aspects I like, for the most part, I am not into real heavy BDSM. But everyone is different.

Your concern as to whether a female asking a guy to be the dom may turn him into a man who becomes dangerous with the power all depends on the people involved. I did watch a documentary of real people who lead these kinds of sex lives. And one couple, the female asked him to be the dom but he grew up with physical abuse and wasn't likely to want to do anything like this. It was quite a stretch for both but they talked about contracts with very specific rules you both agree to not cross and safe words you can use to get a partner to stop what they are doing immediately. I suggest you watch this documentary and see how other real people have been doing this long before the book was ever written. I have heard from friends who read it who said the writing wasn't top quality, the book wasn't as true to how it is for them, just didn't seem written to be realistic and helpful, just titillating and entertainment in reading, thats all. So I likely will not read the book just to say I have. I am very openminded sexually, but this wasn't written to be a 'self help' book. Here's the link, then you'll be better equipped for having a discussion with boyfriend.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0_-QHpl2ZI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0_-QHpl2ZI

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She has a car of her own and she is renting out the minivan right now and said she would take it back when I got my license to help me out. She would never tell me any of this information about her income and how much she makes ever. She is very stubborn abad will yell at me and ask why I'm so concerned, there's now way that's even a possibility to ask her about that stuff

Then she'll need to speak to another adult if she wont' with you. Find another relative and tell them of your concerns, doesnt matter if they don't live near, call them, an aunt, uncle or grandparent will do. I'll bet they do not know about the financial straights she's in, to the point of using up college funds set aside for you. Talk to a school counselor if in HS or college. Get some ideas of what choices you have. It sounds like your choice plan is to live with Mom whether working or going to college. If you or a relative talking to her can't get her to go for some financial counseling, then there is nothing you can do, and to stay under her roof is only going to make you more miserable as you see more of the money problems going on. I know there are agencys that rent a car by the hour, day, week but they have lots of liabiliites and special insurance needed to cover that. Renting out a vehicle is not the best idea for an average car owner, not unless she knows all the ins and outs of liability. If she only means to rent it to you later, it still is a hairy situation. What if someone else hit you while you were using it. Would she be harassing you to pay for it to be fixed up or worse, not allow you to ever use it again? You need someone on your side who knows her, heck even a friend of hers. You never know but she may have an addiction to gambling or street drugs and not know it and money will evaporate quickly if that's the case and the scenerio deteriorate to the point of no job, lost house, and repo'd cars if payments not made. If a person has a problem, they tend to not want to share it so they can keep doing it, thats an addiction talking, they might know its not right and for that reason keep their finances secret from everyone. There are families were the HS or college age kid had Mom borrowing their money all the time, asking for more and more to pay bills, and not able to pay them back. The only solution is the cut outgoing money severely and that may mean needing to sell the car, sell the house and get a small apartment she can afford if her salary won't cover what she currently has. Too many people don't like having to budget and pinch pennies so they spend money they don't have and get themselves in a bad spot. Talk to a relative, or just put up with it and play by Mom's rules, or find a way to move out. There's no magic wand that can get you the exact scenerio you want. Non of your choices are easy, and there is no easy solution. Often in life, there never is an easy way, welcome to the adult world, we have to work hard and fight for every inch of survival daily and it's very hard and won't magically switch to something tons better in the future unless you win the lotto.

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I believe I am highly under the influence of greed. I have been using my parents credit card for a game that I often play and I need to know if I should tell them or lie to keep myself out of trouble. What should I do and how should I do it?

I'd say you're highly addicted to your game if you are constantly spending money on it, not your own either. Also, you are using someone else's identity, even if a parent, that is wrong. I shouldn't have to tell you this. You are writing because you already know you are not acting on the level here. You have figured that eventually they will spot these transactions on their credit card statement. It isn't a matter of how little money you may be spending but the fact that you did not have permission. I am sure you actually know better and it's your conscience that has you writing in for help. Thats a good thing, that you do have a conscience.

So obviously, continuing to do the same thing is not going to let your conscience rest. I have no idea what lie could make them take their focus off you unless you try to pin blame on a sibling which will bring hassle to a sibing and may create a rift in your relationship with them. If you try to get the parents to believe their card number was swiped last time they used a credit or debit card somewhere, they will check with their bank. Banks now have superior systems to look for evidence of even a debit card used to buy grocery, and some one having rigged the machine somehow to report card numbers to the purpetrator who then begins to put charges on cards. If too many people report charges that weren't theirs and all were purchase transactions at the same place, as in my case, the banks of those having used their cards somewhere one day will automatically cancel all cards used and reissue even of some haven't had false charges show up yet. So if there are several charges already and you keep adding more, you know an investigation will ensure and banks can determine whether it was a situation such as happened to me, with the bank calling to say they canceled my card and a new one is in the mail, or whether someone with access to the card is purposely making these purchases. Eventually, they will come to suspect and question you and there will be no one else to point the blame at. If you say nothing and do not confess now BEFORE they discover these transactions, the consequences will be worse. Either way, there will likely be consequences, and hey, that is a part of growing up. When we are young, we all make bad choices, partly due to our age if below 25 or so. Our brains don't mature until mid 20s and before then we don't think out our choices and find it hard to see possible consequences to any action before taking it, only after when it happens you're caught. Not giving you an excuse here, but it is an explanation that shows why many younger people have problems such as this. We can all beware of the possible problems to look out for and choose an adult, parents or other trusted parent aged adult to pass in idea by to see if they would agree its a good choice or not. If you can already see they saying its not a good idea, you don't have to ask, you have your answer, its not a good idea.
The only choice you have, to avoid worse penaltys is to come out and tell them. If they already know you play the game, start with the game and how you're so into it that you want to purchase game money to do more things on your game. Then tell them that instead of asking them, you just used their card to purchase something for your game but since doing that a couple times, your conscience kicked in and you are feeling bad for being dishonest and secretive and you know it's not right. You tell them they have every right to dish out consequences, and not trust you now as easily. (trust once broken is hard to rebuild so you are going to have to expect them checking up on you more often if you still get to play or take away any devices you use to play your game on for a while. Maybe they will expect you to pay them back. And you may be urged to earn your own money, just enough pocket change to put in your own bank account. If under 18, parents have to cosign, but you can have your own debit card to use to make these purchases with your own money. If you are not willing to work for the privilege of having money to spend on a game, I fear the issue the parents will have will be greater than just dishonesty and using their card and broken trust, but hounding you to find a job whether in school or not. Your parents have only certain things they must by law provide for you, a roof over your head, food in your stomach and clothes on your back. fancy brands aren't necessary, nor are any other extra's like your own cell, tablet, computer, or paying for your game. Those are not required at all by law. So if you want some fun things for yourself, you'll have to earn it on your own somehow. Hope this helps you to take the right actions. Good luck.

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There's good and bad people in the world this I know. I'm not perfect either I can be a pest at times but I also care about people as well. I know that some people experience bad things that make them bad too. But for me how do you know if you're toxic or not? You may slip up every now and then but what if you wonder if you're toxic or not? Can you be toxic like a psychopath or narcissist or whatever and not know it? I ask this because I was friends with someone and one of their friend called me manipulative behind my back. All of sudden everyone is against me. She warped my every action from being social awkward to manipulation. In truth, I'm not good with people and I don't really understand how to connect with people without among it weird, but manipulating? I don't get it. I mean my friend saw it was lie. But for me it bothers me. It really bothers me. It makes me wonder what's real or not. I've become more cynical and questioned all. Are people really sincere or just back stabbing. What defines a good person? It's been a pain. I've been analyzing it like crazy but I can't find peace.

Have you even mentioned it to mom? This is the kind of stuff I daily asked my daughters about when they were in school, not just how grades were going but their social life, how they felt about themselves. A parent understands you best and would know if you tend to have issues in some area. If you are willing to learn to do better if it truly is the case, I'm sure Mom would be willing to support you and help you out with gentle guiding comments. I don't know your age but I must guess anywhere from grade school through college, a time when young people's brains are the last thing on them to mature, and isn't fully complete and mature until mid 20's so anytime before then, it's very easily to find immature if not just naive behavior in others in that age range.
Yes, some people can have major social issues relating to others or even mental disorders and not know it. I also have met some that have issues and know something is not right about them but don't know what it is and are afraid to see a Dr. and get tested. Your examples though of narcissist, (I knew one) and psycho path, these people won't take long in life to figure out they have major problems and they either embrace getting better if its possible or learn to live with it as is. Several have written in knowing they are psychopath and are seeing Drs. The person I knew, they knew what they were doing and tried intimidation to get others to do what they wanted even if they were unreasonable or totally wrong.
Now as for name calling and putting labels on a person, those kinds of words can hurt as you've discovered, even if not true. If a young person is looking for a word, they may not use the right one to begin with. It could simply be that she doesn't mesh with your personality. No one is friends with everyone in school, and thats for a reason, we tend to hang with those who have similar personalities and likes and hobbies. The girl you mention must be one of the popular crowd if so many are instantly so against you and supporting her, to earn brownie points with her and hope to gain a higher status in popularity. My sister had a friend who only came to our house with her older sis along who was my age, once...as she told my sis she wants to avoid me because she hates me. When sister revealed that to me wondering why that might be, I was fairly surprised as her and I were not in any classes together and never had spoken in school. Hate is a pretty strong word for someone you've never interacted with. So I understand how crazy some of this can be. You may be socially quiet and shy and the popular kids have no idea how to draw you out or neither an inclination to do so. So your choice of friends ends up to be from the pool of those who are everything but popular.

The very fact that you are concerned enough to write in wondering about yourself tells me that you are the one mature enough to be willing to make changes and do the right thing.
This girl you're talking about is the opposite, immature for announcing to others what she thinks of you to sway others to align with her maybe as a power move. Since she continued to warp every one of your actions to seem to aline up with her assessment of you, somethings wrong in her court, not yours. If you truly had major issues, you'd have had some feedback from adults in your life long before now, not peers at school. Do adults have any problem with you, do they avoid talking to you? Talking family, relatives, neighbors, teachers. Teachers are trained to look for major behavioral problems in students, other than plain old immaturity and meaness that seems the norm. If they find it so distracting as to be disruptive in school, they would have talked to your parents long ago dear. This sounds like one of those incidents of kids that aren't worth knowing.

Now you ask another question totally different: What defines a good person? Well, it really depends on how any person defines what is to be labeled good or bad. Growin up in one family, they may all make derogative, cutting remarks to each other all the time and think that is acceptable and good but another family may train you it is disrespectable and a negative way to act. So rather than good or bad, I like to think as whether an action produces positive or negative effects. This girls comment was negative and had its negative effects of getting you to question yourself, and lose your peace. The only way you can lose your peace is if your believe her somewhat or totally. If you knew yourself well enough or went straight to Mom to ask what she thinks of it, you would save yourself lots of mental guesswork and worry, could be reassured at the start that its not you and then you can choose to brush off the comment and not lose peace over it.
So a good person, is one who considers what their actions might do, will it affect anyone else in a negative way. Yes, we all make mistakes, good people do too, but they learn from them and follow pretty much the golden rule found in all countries and faiths around the world in different variations, all saying the same thing. Basically it's this, Treat others as you want to be treated. If it won't hurt anyone, (others or yourself) then go ahead and do as you wish. So obviously a person of good character who trys to think before they act, who doesnt wish to seek to purposely hurt others is what you could label as a positive, good person. Unless your parents have mental health issues of their own, talk to them and get some quick reassurances that you need. My opinion from what you wrote is that you are not the problem. I actually wish more teens gave as much thought into situations or actions as you do.

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How to get a boy to like u without telling them u like them

Now remember, since he's young as yourself, and likely hasn't dated much if at all yet, he may not know how to pick up on subtle cues that you like him. So in the end, if he doesn't ask to be your friend or ask you out, you may have to just speak the words.

But for starters, the usually that all people do when interested, even grown up adults, is that we tend to look at the person more often, try to catch their eye, and smile at them. If they are close by, or passing you, you greet them by name with a smile. Be consistant in this. Also, walking up to the people and talking to them is a sign of someone being interested. This seems to be the hardest part to figure out when starting but if you keep at it, eventually it won't be hard at all. Make a comment, or compliment him. Talk about something you know you have in common which obviously is the same school, maybe some mutual friends and same classes. For example, "Hey Renoldo, how did you do on that last test, I only got a C. I guess I need to work harder." He can tell you his score unless he wants to keep it private or he can make some mention about how hard the class is, that he struggles too, or that it's easy for him and he could help you study. Mind you this is just one example. But in every conversation, look for something from the last thing a person says, to comment on or share your own story or ask them another question. Most people like talking about themselves. Ask open ended questions, not ones that can be answered yes or no because that won't give you any threads of conversation ideas for the next thing to say.

So to continue the example, if he says he struggles too, perhaps you could say, you are hoping to find a study partner for doing homework of that class. If he says he aces it all the time, you could ask if he'd be willing to teach you some of his study tools or tutor you for a while for this class.

You can make a conversation out of anything, you just have to see the opportunity, such as seeing him as leaving a pep rally assembly for the football team. You could make a comment, what did you think of our cheerleading team. Then no matter what he says, next say, I bet they have to exercise alot to stay in shape for that. Not my idea of exercise, I like bike riding instead. What do you like to do for exercise? See, you invent a topic of discussion based on having been at the pep rally. Once you're talking with him and he gets to know you that way, if he is interested, he will want to befriend you and hang out, if he doesnt say much, it may be that he feels too shy to say anything like that to you. So after having some school conversation history, then coming out and saying, The reason I seek you out to talk with is because I really like you. I wonder if you feel the same about me. It's okay if you don't but I just was curious." This way you'll get a for sure answer and he won't lie or hold back if for some reason he is not interested in the same way, romantically, but perhaps he may not mind just being friends. And thats good too.

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I think my friend "B" is attention seeking.. I hate to say it, knowing and have dealt with same problems.. But her way is different. When I first saw 6 small cuts on the side of "B's" arm I asked her why. She replied, "I wanted to try it to see what would happen. She stopped. Then a year later she said she hurt herself again. I asked her why. She said, "I just felt like it so I did it." She didn't wear anything to cover it.
She says she has depression too, but there's no reason because her family (except for her brother) get along. She gets everything because her dad works at best buy and her mom works at Ross. Discount city.. She thinks depression is just being sad, but being instantly cheered up by something like Netflix and nutella.

She's lazy.. One time she didn't want to walk a yard to the bathroom to change her pad, so she bled on my couch and -I- had to clean it up.. She never helps me clean, and she's kinda stingy or rude.. My dog died of cancer last week and I bought a puppy last Friday two days after, and when B stayed over, she wouldn't let me have MY new puppy. She wanted to hold her and sleep with her.. 😩
Another thing is copying.

She is normally a close minded person, but this year she said she wanted to try new things. I thought that was good.. But I didn't think she'd be trying EVERYTHING I do. Music, TV shows, clothes, bands, sexual preferences. Everything. She copies everything I do. I came out as bi and then she said she wants to be bi. It's not about want.. It's just a part of who you are.

Whenever she buys a magazine that has a poster of whoever I like she takes a picture and sends it to me saying, "Look what I got! I get to hang this cutie on my wall." She's always bragging about everything and I've asked her to stop because my family isn't as rich.. I talked to my brother in law about this and he bought me 5SOS tickets to one-up her.. But this makes me feel like I'm a bad person for getting to enjoy myself.. I don't have a lot of friends only 4.. She's one of them.


What do I do?!

Please help.. I'm only 15 and I don't want to be rude or make the wrong choice. I hope I don't sound rude or greedy.. I just need help.

Honey, you're not the one who needs help, she does, and professional help at that.

Something is out of balance in her. Let me give my own life examples to explain. Of my 3 kids, there was no spoiling. Dad bought new computers for his own business and the old ones were passed to the kids. This was before iphones and tablets came along, each got their own computer...but no spoiling otherwise. So, one of my kids tells me after she's married that when she was a teen, she was depressed. There was no visual sign of it. She kept it a secret and I was close to the kids and always daily talked to each in depth to check how they were doing.

I believe that there's two types of depression:
1. that you get from an event that is unexpected and hurtful emotionally or otherwise, like losing a job, being bullied, a boyfriend breaking up. I had another daughter who when dumped became depressed but normally had. This is not due to the bodys inability to create enough of it's own 'Happy' hormones but due to a stress that comes into ones life. And the level of hormones that keep you balanced get used up faster when under stress. You may not be able to get rid of the stressful situation right away but you can do things to raise your level of needed hormones to feel better. I won't go into that but if you are curious, you can always write me and ask for that.

2. A person is depressed always, no matter what their circumstances. And stressful situations only make it worse. Their body doesn't naturally create these neural transmitters (NT's) like dopamine which end up in low levels or lacking in the brain. This kind of depression needs medication, a synthetic drug made to mimic the NT's that are lacking and cant be produced naturally.

I am guessing that if all is well in her life otherwise, no stress, then likely she still needs to see a medical Dr. and perhaps a mental health professional. It could be some social disorder or other mental difficulties because of how you describe her extremes in copying you. While it may be natural to take up some of the interests of your friend as you are introduced to and find you like them as well, copying every little thing is a bit overboard, not natural and may point to other issues she has that haven't been discovered yet.

I am no professional though and could be completely wrong however, I am old enough that I have seen alot and read quite a bit too and something tells me that if she's the same age as you, then it may be a medical issue instead that made her become like this. I have read that a big problem in our toxic world we live in is that we all are exposed to things like hormones growing up so our body's puberty hormones can be whacked out of balance by time the body starts to change and mature. ( ALL girls will have emotional issues when going thru their teens as hormones flood their bodies. No one seems to escape this, we either have a period of time we cry easily for no reason, or get irritated and angry easily. That's part of growing up as a female. However when there is a flood of too much hormones in her body, a gal can have extreme emotional issues and her personality become totally different, she lashes out in anger at almost any person for no reason or feels extreme sadness that becomes depressed.

Your girlfriend could get her hormone levels tested, the female kinds. If that shows as being really off, there's something Dr.s can prescribe that will help stabilize her and she may be able to come off it after her teen years. If those levels show as normal, then she may need to be seen for the depression from having low levels of her NT's.

If you've known her a long time, has she always acted like this or is her changes, including cutting, more recent, just lately as she reached puberty? You may not even be the best judge of that, but her mom.

As to helping you clean, if you are doing your own chores while she waits for you, she is not obligated to help you clean. If she makes a mess while over at your home, spilling a drink, crumbs falling to the floor, the bleeding incident, it would be a nice polite gesture to volunteer to help clean up but it isn't necessarily something all people would expect from a guest, especially if they have their own particular cleaning recipes and ways of doing it. A guest may not clean to yours or your Mom's satisfaction. So I would try to not get bent out of shape over that.

As for amount of friends, true friends, 4 sounds normal to me. I had about 4 or 5 friends only at a time when in highschool. These would be the ones I saw outside of school and spent time without, not the kids I was friendly with and they with me but we had nothing in common and were't freinds outside of school.

There isn't anything you can do to make stabilizing changes in her. If she doesn't cover up at home, I would think her mom would know something is up, but even a loving caring parent as myself, was totally unaware since my daughter kept her depression hidden. I suppose when we are teens, we don't realize that this is something important to tell our parents, but it is. If you want to, encourage her to tell her mom and go with her when she does for moral support.
The only thing you can do if she doesnt, is either tell your Mom your concerns about her, have your Mom watch her next time to see these cuts for herself. Perhaps, at least with that info. your Mom would be willing to talk to her mom. Or you could find a time to talk to her Mom, perhaps if she answers the home phone, or if you have her cell number and let her know of all of your concerns. She can then do what she wants with the information. Some she may attribute to her daughters quirky personality but cutting and depression is another story. Or you can do nothing.
If she finds out you told her mom, she will likely take out retributions or drop you as a friend. Before you decide to do nothing to avoid that issue, worst case scenerio is that she may end up one of those numbers of teens who take their own life because of depression. I just wish someone who knew had told me my daughter had depression. Luckily she didn't try suicide.

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This advice is over complicated, i don't have time to do that. And it would be very hard for me to help pay for some of the expenses since the job i work at is part time and minimum wage. My father didn't pay child support and my brother has a different dad from me and we don't know where his dad is. He ran away from home when my brother was a baby. I would also like to say that I would like to start saving my money for stuff for me later on in life like when i get my license, i must pay for half the car insurance and gas on a huge gas wasting minivan. Take these into account with my situation as well.

I checked on your previous questions as this alone didn't make sense. If you actually wanted to write a response to one particular person and give more info and ask another or rephrase a question, then if you wanted to keep contact with that one particular advice giver, you'd need to look up their column and then click on a button to write them, let them know a bit about your previous question and ask your new. When posting here for general advice givers to answer, sometimes we can look up previous questions asked, but if you write to one particular person, they won't have that history.

So you are the gal whose Mom spent 10 grand of your college money. Since mom is in desperate financial straights, I don't think you have hope of getting your money back ever, but to prevent losing any more of it, you need to go to the bank, show proof of being of legal age, being 18, and have suggest opening your own account taking that money and doing so with another totally different bank. The importance of setting up an account in another bank is that if there's a bounced check and money needed to cover for Mom's a account, and you have a join account for your college fund, the bank doesn't care if its your hard earned paycheck or fund for college, if it's the same family, they will automatically pull out the funds to covers moms deficit out of joint accounts. my daughter found her checking account low on funds and couldn't pay her bills and asked my help. Went to the bank to discover Dad was still a signer on her acct from when she was younger. Got him taken off but due to snafu in their records, money was still taken out to cover Dads bills and she is grow and living on her own now quite a while. We found the bank will not fix it and give her money back, it doesnt work that way. She had to wait until her Dad got caught up and paid her back.
If this missing money is in an account that doesnt have your name on it, just an agreement from mom that this savings is for your schooling, then you can only ask her to have the bank give you a bank check for that amount and go open your own account somewhere so that you have the access to it and handling of it yourself. If this is not money that you earned and put away and she chooses to use it up to cover basic bills, there's nothing you can do about it. I can;t sat what she's spending all this money on but it may have been going on for years and just on regular bills, that adds up. My sister says there were enough savings to pay for her 4 kids college and almost enough besides to upgrade to a nicer house and then her husband died. When she went to back for the money, she found the husband had spent it all and taken her off the account without her permission. The missing money was gone, never found out what he spent it on.
It will be hard but your better bet might be to start work full time, then go in on a place with roommates sharing bedrooms in a house/apartment and save up your own money to pay for a couple classes at a community college. Find a place close to buslines and also save up for a car. I know it doesnt sound like a good deal but the sooner you become self sufficient, the better. Get a friend to let you use their smaller care for learn to drive in. and use that to pass and get drivers license, I wouldn't attempt that with a van, I own one and can't imagine as a beginning driver, starting with that. tHATs all the suggestions I have dear. Sorry. Perhaps you have a richer relative somewhere who might be willing to help you out as long as you are no longer connected to mom who might take the money?

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I want to hang out with a different group for a bit but I don't want to offend or hurt my current group because I've been with them for almost three years.

People can sometimes become very clique-ish and not like the idea of adding anyone new or letting them go. So, maybe they may take offense. I wonder if there's something different about the type of people in the other group that you can't find in your current circle of friends.

If this is just a circle of friends, there really isn't any such thing as a 'social limit' on how many friends you can personally have. You will have to learn how to divide time between new friends and your old circle. Sometimes friends like you so much they are afraid they won't see enough of you or fear never seeing you again at all if you like another group better. Lack of info breeds fears like that so be open about it, and reassure them that you aren't dumping them as friends and that should help prevent any issues with them feeling hurt or jealous or retaliating by locking you out. However if they do, they really weren't the friends you thought them to be.

Just so you realize, there are several times during our life when we redefine who we are and the last is usually near age 30. The earlier ones are important too. Broadening your horizon of friends can help expose you to new things and you may learn something about yourself that you didn't know previously was a part of you and very important to you in defining who you are, your personality and character. So don't be afraid to do it, it's actually quite a natural step and doesnt mean you're dissatisfied with your old group.

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Hello! I'm twenty, female, cashier at a grocery store. The guy is twenty one and a supervisor, but not mine, at the same grocery store. The other day, this guy was at the bar with my brother's girlfriend (they're friends and my brother was out of town at a concert with her brother so they hung out). She texted me and told me that she drunkenly told him that I think he's cute, to which he replied that he thinks I'm "definitely cute" too. She told him that he should talk to me more because I'm shy and he told her that he's pretty shy too.
So, I told my brother the other day that he told his girlfriend that I'm cute and I was joking with him that I hate his mustache. So my brother told me if he shaves his mustache, I have to make a move. Low and behold yesterday at work, I saw his without his mustache.
However, his friend found out that I think he's cute and they went out last night and I was joking with him to tell him that I like his face but I think he might be annoying about it, because that's just who he is, and joke with him that I'm crazy or something.
However, I think I want to write him a note or something like: I think if I don't do something soon, my brother might. Hey here's my number, if you want it, cool, if not, that's cool too.
Is that dumb? We're both shy people and I don't think we'll just go up to each other and say "hey lets date" so I want to write him that note and leave it on his windshield or something since we park right next to each other at work.
Please help, tell me if that's cute or stalkerish, lol. Thanks.

Hon, if he's shy too, then he already knows how hard it is to make the first contact. Therefore you can practically write anything and he won't critisize it, he'll understand how hard it is to do and more likely admire you and take you up on hanging out or dating.

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I had a dream where I was in my house alone and when I looked in the backyard, I saw a woman holding her baby boy. She had dark hair and was wearing a long white dress. I couldn't see her face, but I would just see her walk around the backyard then the front yard, then back to the backyard. Does this mean anything?

Also, I think of one major trait or action when seeing a mother and child, and that is nurturing. The child requires more than just the basics covered, but the gently teaching traing and love a mother gives. Perhaps there is something in your life you've thought of pursuing, and nows the time to nurture those yearnings and go for it. It may simply mean that one of the things that describe your personality is that you are a nurturing person and that can come out in ways other than motherhood, taking care of pet, gardening for examples. If you had seen babies in a dream but without a mother, I'd say it meant more the birth or start of something new in your life. In your case, that something, may have already begun, and this is a sign to keep giving your attention to it to help it grow, whether its a new relationship or a school project you need to work on teamed up with someone, or taking a favorite pastime and turning it into your own business to bring in income. You know yourself better than any of us could guess. So you really may have a better idea as to what it refers to in your life.

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I'm pissed as I can be. I'm wondering if I'm wrong.
I'm a woman in love with a guy. He says he loves me too. Blah blah.
Anyways he gets sexy photos from me and all. But his page is covered with photos of nearly naked women.
He recently followed on his Instagram a page of girls sending private selfies. He also follows porn stars and of course my Instagram is covered with these photos. I've confronted him about this and he tells me to stop being jealous because they are other beautiful women in the world and he can look all he wants. And I can't say or do anything... It pisses me off. I don't think that this right. Especially since we are talking about getting married.
Let me ask. Am I paranoid or is he just a lustful idiot? Pardon me. But I think he has a problem. He seems to be getting worse. Everyday my "photos you may like " page are getting more explicit. I'm not happy. Fine. I understand they are pretty girls in the world. But he seems to want more and more of these type of women and he likes to look and look and look. It disgusts me.
I can't bring it up again. But it bothers me.
What is it going to be like when we get married? Is he going to sleep with me and then go look at half naked girls on the internet? Looking at close ups of boobs and asses? It bothers me. And I can't do much here. But honestly. I think he has a problem.
How do I handle this?

The key word is obsessive. It all depends on whether this interest takes focus away from all his daily priorities, school, job, family, you. If you are being totally fulfilled sexually by him, then there is nothing wrong with him looking. The problem is when he spends too much time on it, or his first priority becomes looking at other women first before giving you the attention you need.

The next step if this is a bad habit, easily can progress to using free cam sites or the ones for pay and then its money out of the budget.

What we don't know is if the two of you are a good match sexually...whether there's strong chemistry and your libido's match. If he needs and wants sex 3 times a day and you're happy with once a week, (or vice versa) there's an obvious difference than can cause troubles in the relationship. No one should have to change who they are sexually, their likes and such to match the others needs, and compromises can work but usually don't for the people I've known who tried. If he is still looking at you with desire in his eyes, then alls okay. If he isn't something is wrong.
Just in case, this may not be the only area where you feel there's an issue, especially since you plan to marry, check on this test on whether he truly loves you.

7 Questions to know if he really loves you


1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.

How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.

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My boyfriend recently just moved out by himself with his dog. He used to have roommates with dogs as well, so whenever he's gone for work, his roommates would take them out for a walk and feed the dogs. During night time, his roommates created something where the back door was accessible for the dogs so they can leave whenever they want to use the restroom in the backyard.

Now that he lives by himself, he's having trouble keeping up with his dog and is coming home with his dog pooping in the house. It's been cold lately, so he has not been wanting to leave his dog outside while he's gone because it's been cold. Do you have any ideas or any idea for technology that could help him?

I thought of a dog house and a doggy door, but his dog is slightly larger than a medium size dog. Please let me know, thanks.

Just as a parent has to do with a child, he needs to do with his dog. If a parent is gone at work during day, their infant goes to daycare. Pets, like children take your time, energy, love, and cost alot. He's a young adult and its time for him to learn this cus if he can't with a dog, then he won't make a good Daddy some day either.

So his other option is to pay someone to come let his dog out during the day and give it a walk. A big dog requires more excercise than a smaller one would and dont do well cooped up in a house all day. they need to get out but not for an 8 hr or more stretch of time. He will need to find someone he can trust to take care of his dog while he is gone. This shouldn't fall to you either. Thats like the husband telling the wife, I don't want to pay for daycare and I'm not going to do it so you have to give up your schedule and everything and stay home with the kid.
the dog is his, and he needs to be responsible for it. Professional dog sitters/walkers can get expensive. I've seen 25, 35 an hr. but it can be more so even if he paid only an hour a day, it adds up, $125, $175. a week or more. His other option even though its kinda late now, is realizing he has no business having a pet as he can't afford it and finding a good home for it. If the pet becomes ill and needs a vet, is he going to leave it at home to suffer instead of coughing up the money to take it in? Hubby and I were broke at the time and needing emergency care for our little poodle and took it to the vet any ways and told them of our financial situation, no room on credit cards, get paid tomorrow/day after, since they kept the dog overnight, we had to give them a check to pay the following day and hold off paying one bill a day or two until got our paycheck and then we had to reshuffle everything because a good chunk of money was now not in the budget. A pet is expensive. If he can't handle it, the sooner the pet finds a home that is equipped to take care of ALL its needs, the better for the animal. Anything else would be selfish on his part.

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There is this cute guy in my class and I noticed him a couple of weeks ago. Over time I developed a crush on him but he sit far from me. I am a shy girl so I decided to give him a note with my number. so, when I see him after class I hand it to him and he shook my hand and introduce himself. Its been a few days with no call. Although I am patient most people say that if he has not call yet, he is not interested. At first, I was sure he would call and I am still hopeful. I wonder if he has not call me because he does not really know me or what to say. I really like this guy and I wanted to get his number but I want him to chase me so I gave him mines. Maybe he thought it was weird. But, I was confident and proud of myself for doing it . In addition, I consider myself to be an attractive person. So I need a guy perspective as I patiently wait.

I'm proud of you. You gave him a note even tho being shy.That's a good way to go. However, as you guessed, just from observing you in class, he probably doesn't know you enough to know if he'd like going out with you. So he needs some activities as suggested to get to know you in a group setting. "Hey Todd, some friends and I were going to the mall tonight/on the weekend, and I wonder if you'd like to go along. If he doesnt respond to the mall thing, perhaps try rollerscating or to the movies. If no response, even with the chances to get to know you, there's not enough initial attraction in just looks to get his interest. It does not reflect at all on your looks. Keep that in mind. Everyone has different tastes in what they like and if chemistry is also missing, it just won't happen. Sometimes the chemistry, the crush you feel is only one way.

Guys who are a bit less than 100% confident are not going to ask a girl out or even just call as a friend for fear of send the wrong message to a girl that they are really into her, love her, want to date, ask to be her boyfriend. It's more common than you'd think. Just from observing or hearing stories, they will know a good majority of girls have an emotional breakdown because they assumed more about the relationship/friendship than there really was so guys in general can be hesitant to make a move because of that.

If he hasn't called, either he's lost the note with the phone number, isn't interested at all, or has a lot of priorities that came up claiming his time and a guy wont make a girl one of their top 3 priorities until they come to want her, her friendship, her personality, looks and charm.
So get some friends to help agree to group outings you can invite him to. then make sure to get his number so you can call to tell him what time to meet you there or perhaps someone with a car is willing to go with you to pick him up if needed. If he isn't willing to give out his number, but willing to go, don't worry, give him time to get to know you. Either he'll become comfortable with you or not. Good luck.

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My boyfriend's mother has become aggressive towards me and has falsely accused me of being the reason as to why he has been missing school but he has not missed a day of school since his Birthday and she doesn't want me around anymore... But I've been the one to help her since she has such a busy work schedule, I have been providing him with rides to and from work, and to and from school when he has missed the bus... But she's been trying to accuse me of making power moves but in reality I've asked for her permission every time I go to get him and she had acted like it was perfectly fine but wants to turn around and act as if I'm trying to act as his mother, which is why she had sent me a nasty text message saying "I'm his mother, I say what goes" but I haven't tried to disrespect her not once. Currently Will has made me stay with him at his house, and I'm not sure if I should just stay here and wait to see what the outcome is because he said he would stick up for me, or if I should flee before it's too late and she shows up...

I don't know if he's an only child, or last of a string of kids living at home...but some moms have a hard time letting go and fear the empty nest. Her child is already an adult (I assume) and as such doesnt rely on her as he did when a child and he has other needs, for a companion and romance, things she can't give him. So it can also be a pure case of jealousy. If the only thing you've done is provide transportation and not try helping her in the house, then you don't even have to get her permission for that,he can ask whomever he wants who is able to give him rides and doesn't need her permission. This is occuring also outside of her house not under her roof. If you've volunteered to help with things inside the house, don't. Just let her know you're willing to help if she wants a hand, all she needs to do is ask and leave it to her instead of saying, "hey I can do those dishes for you."

As his mother, if he's living under her roof, whether adult or not, the home owner calls the shots as to what occurs under their roof, so if she prefers to not have you stay at her house, for visit, overnight or to live, she has a say no.

However, she should use good manners and speak in a fair, kind manner instead of using an abusing, accusing tone of voice with you. If he is not paying into rent to stay with mom, he can only say he won't have her speak to you that way. If she insists, he'll have to decide whether or not he will continue to live with her. Cost of living space is one thing that keeps people stuck with relatives who are controlling or abusive in some way. She is desperately tring to control his life as a way of holding on to him or perhaps, worse, trying to live out her dreams through him. sHE had her life to do that. Its his turn to live his life as he chooses. Its really hard to know what exact advice to give as you said age 15 but mentioned work so you may be college age.

You need to think straight, it doesnt matter what she says, she can believe she's the Queen of England and you're required to bow before her, but that ain't gonna happen if it isn't so. No more than you providing him rides to school and work doesnt make you his mother.

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iam 15yrs of age.i have a friend,my best friend.we went to thesame collage infact we do alot of thing together. But he never mentioned that he love me.yesterday he called me and ask me to meet him in motel which i did when i got there he told me that he loves me and will want me to be his girlfriend. i was speechless for 30 minute and i told him dat i will think about it.what should i tell him?

The previous advice givers have told you the obvious, If you feel the same accept, if not, don't.

Now here are some things to consider that may help you make your decision.

Most loving,healthy long lasting relationships and marriages need two things as a solid foundation to survive, the first being each others best friend, the second, to be compatible sexually, having that chemistry/romance/passion and liking the same things, same libido.

With only one, not the other, it is a crippled relationship at best and not fulfilling to one or both partners at some point in the future.

So if you have someone who is already a best friend, thats half of it. You would have to feel some kind of attraction towards him, so do you find him handsome for a guy, even if not sure that you feel any passion for him?

The first step is that he be visually appealing for your tastes, otherwise, the answer is no.

There are two types of passion people experience, the first being the only one people feel certain of, when there is an instant blazing heat for each other from first meeting each other. All this tells me is that the two have the sexual side of the foundation but it is to be determined if they can become best friends and a good many don't and look for the next 'hot body' cus that's the only way they know to look for a partner.
The other meets someone who becomes their best friend. There isn't a sexual passion at first, but a mutual love as friends or how you love a sibling or parent. As time goes on, an ember, coal begins to glow and slowly gets stronger until a small blaze eventually works into a big fire or passion. Too many are afraid to explore this because they can't see in their minds how a best friend can also be your lover, well its only possible if you have chemistry. Theres ways to find out. Often I could tell with just a kiss if I wasn't sure otherwise. I met many guys before my 2nd husband who could've made best friends for me so I admired them that way but a kiss, not a quick peck but real kiss on the lips determined for me if there was enough chemistry to proceed or not. There's either a reaction of enjoying the kiss, or being turned off, disgusted with it as if you just kissed your dad that way.

So here at the end, if you are curious to find out if being his girlfriend would work for you, have an honest chat and let him know you love him as a friend but never had an instant passion for him at the beginning although you know that for some it can develop and grow over time so you aren't saying no but you are making no promises that it will last and work out either but you are willing to go for it and then ask for a kiss and see how it feels. Good luck dear.

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I have finished my high school six month ago.I really want to start working yet i don't have any experience and I don't fell starting my university/collage as to now because i want to get a job before pursuing my studies.So kindly what advice will you give me about this.Regards

I know how you feel about the no experience part but for some reason, the only people who can get away with that is those coming out of high school, but not for older adults. Employers realize you won't have previous experience at all if you were a student going to school. I remember one daughter feeling the same and had no idea what to put on her application form she got at various places she tried for work. Obviously it looks so empty without previous jobs listed. If there is no place to put write N/A, which means not applicable, meaning previous work doesn't apply to you and you might write instead 'recent HS graduate and name of school and date of graduation. So try shops at the malls, restaurants, etc. look on line to see what part time jobs are out there. My girls were trained for all sorts of jobs with no previous experiences, coffee barista, clerk and shelf stocker at stores in mall, one did a fast food place, grocery clerk and one was still working cashier at Walmart but moved to be with boyfriend and works in a chicken processing/packaging plant.
Get the job and let them know ahead that you plan to take some college courses in the fall and advise them of your class schedule so the can schedule your work hours accordingly. That way they aren't surprised later that you need special consideration for scheduling your shifts. Scheduling work hour shifts around a student employee's needs is no problem. Most employers don't mind and daughters had no trouble with it.
GOOD LUCK!

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It seems like things are closing in on me. I have been having some health essues. One thing the Doc and family me to do is to stop smoking. I am having a very hard time with it. I have smoked for over 50 years. I get to be a relly bear and lose control. I just don't know were to turn from here. We have been tying the e-cigs also. I am scared..

Your health issues won't necessarily get lots better if you quit smoking, but at least you won't be adding more nicotine to make it worse. Keep in mind, lots of people quitting smoking gain weight too. I believe though that with any addiction, there are strong ties to the addiction more on the emotional and subconscious level so treating with surface level cures won't work for all, especially someone smoking so long.
My personal opinion is that is a 2 steps process:
1. I do believe it is important for you to be taking something that slowly weans you off the nicotine, with your health issues, going off cold turkey may create more problems. So, medically, have the doctor prescribe the best thing you can take to wean off nicotine.
2. Near the end of the weaning period, go to see a Psychologist who is trained in hypnotism to help break bad habits and addictions. I personally know a friend who tried it for another addiction and it worked. You dont want a hypnotist who is merely an entertainer which is really the only types the general public hears about but there are the good ones that can help deal with your subconscious so you will be able to resist cigarettes after being weaned, this is the part of dealing with the subconscious which most people overlook and so they fail to beat an addiction. Insurance probably doesnt cover that so you'll have to pay out of pocket. But end result is worth it. Good luck Sir!

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Hi there..am Female,23...
Well I had a serious relationship for a 4good years..n recently we broke up..till the end I have trusted him blindly n forgave him for his every mistakes as I loved him in worst n best..there were so many incidents that did shake my faith in him still I intentionally omitted them n behaved like a blind...i know I should not have trusted him so blindly..but I was scared of losing him..so anyhow at any cost I tried to keep him in the relationship..though I never got any evidence that he was cheating on me..but he did a lots of things that indicate he was upto some other girls...but just to keep the mental peace I sabotaged my way of thinking..within this four year duration we broke up for thousand times n everytime I begged him to patch up woth me..he never ever came back to me..every now n then he insulted me my friends n my family..even he n his mom mentally abused me n accused me for his alcohol addiction..he never trusted me so if anybody unknown to him ever comes to him n tell him that I go physical with any random guy, he would have believed that..he even had problems with my dresses n uploading my pics on Facebook...whereas his mom uploads odd pics of hers on fb n flirts around with unknown guyz..i didn't have any issues with her untill n unless she poked his son about my dressing sense and he abused me with slangs..the society I come from is a bit conservative and orthodox..women who have on of that age n husband alive,doing such nasty things are considered to be perverted..i completely felt disgusted by him n his mom..how hypocritical they can be!!
But I trusted n loved him so much..so got a irreparable wound..can't be healed...but now there is a guy younger than me..he admires me n wants to be committed with me...but my ex bf made me absolutely unable to trust any guy...
Please tell me what should I do?

I understand, having been married at 20 and the guy verbally abused me for 30 years thru 3 kids, before I left him. In my case, I lost any love I had for him slowly over the years. His harsh put downs and such did not affect my mental health or self image as I had a strong belief in God where I got the positive input I needed, but the stress took its toll on my health. I was now older and wiser from life experience so when it came to looking for a trustworthy guy the second time, what it comes down to really hon, is not an irreparable wound,wounds do heal, but it is having enough self confidence in yourself that you know how to look for the warning signs in a guy. Every guy looks wonderful when you first meet. Thats because most guys and girls put their best foot forward as the saying goes, or more to the point, assume as false self, the facade they show to others especially someone they want to impress, and they hide their behavior that subconsciously they realize will push people away.
So after 4 yrs, you have enough knowledge what warnings to look for. I dated before meeting 2nd husband. And as sharp as I was, there were still a couple guys I met in person who fooled me for a handful of dates. Then the moment one did and said something that was exactly like my ex, even though it wasn't directly at me, I dropped him. Is it harsh to not give a guy a second chance? No, because you are looking at him as a fruit bearing tree, an apple tree will not produce globs of shit, and pear trees don't produce bruised bananas. Whatever you see or hear from a guy, comes from somewhere much deeper, with a tree, its the genetics, the sap the roots, etc... and with people what you see, even once, is there because there is more of that at core inside them in their personality and character, such as their beliefs, morals, etc...

Learn to take things slowly, telling any and all guys with interest in you that you are not going to commit to be someones girlfriend until you've had a chance to get to know him well enough to decide if you want to. Guys don't mind you taking time to decide and dating around first. Only one out of 10 has a problem with that and you've just eliminated an undesirable guy and not wasted your time if thats an issue for him. Some guys can be doing great in many areas and the months pass by. It took once 3 months of living with a guy for me to really see some of his shortcoming that irritated me to hell, that I couldn't live with day in day out. It's also easier for a person to hide things if just going on occasional dates. It won't be your fault for being taken in and trust someone to find out later that something is really bad about him. This is part of the process.
What is your fault is whether you decide to stay with and put up with less than the best for you.
Another thing that helps is having a list of pros and cons in a guy. When you meet a guy and start going out, anything after a first date shows there is still real interest and of course the next steps would be to seriously date and eventually commit to being a long term couple. So I learned to tell guys in the beginning what I expected in a guy, the positive treatment I expected, nothing less or I would leave. I then explained my high standards were due to a previous abusive relationship. I spelled it all out what my boundaries and expectations were of them so that if they couldn't comply or weren't willing to, they could walk away right then at the 1st meeting, 2nd meeting. Don't let it go longer to the point your heart has a chance to fall for the guy, cus once your heart is engaged, that makes it harder to leave, even if the guy is a terrible one. Make sure you spell out what you are looking for sexually too. Yeah the convo may turn them on but I told them it was that important to me to not be mismatched with someone of a differing libido and/or differing desires in sex such as S and M or doms and subs, it wasn't for me.
Do you want kids someday? That goes on the Pros list you tell a guy about. People generally know in their twenties if they want kids and how long they want to wait before having them. If he says he likes kids, observe him and see what he is like around little kids. Does he get annoyed by kids running around screaming and just generally having fun? Does he stop a runaway ball and return it to the child by getting down at their level and interacting with them as he hands it back? thats one example in one area only of how observant you need to be. Take what you saw, home, and write in down on a list of just his pros and cons. If you have any other questions that come along, feel free to write me. So there's no reason why you can't begin to discover some things about this young guy, and make sure he knows you are in the discovery and checking him out stage in the beginning here and hanging out with him, and going on dates does not mean you are ready to make a long term commitment to be his girlfriend yet. If he can't understand that, don't bother going into checking him out, he's a bit too immature if he can't see the wisdom in that and wants you to become his girlfriend instantly. If he is willing to wait and take time to get to know you as well, then when you feel you've come to a decision, including whether theres even chemistry between you or not after a few weeks or months, then let him know, you'll date him or are dumping him.

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For the past 4 months, I've been attracted to a guy and it seems like it's correspondent. I mean, I pretty much always catch him looking in my direction and I've caught him staring at me loads of times. He acts different around me and I'm not sure if it's because I piss him off or because he has a crush on me back. Could somebody possibly answer this. Another thing I want to mention about the glances is that yesterday I was in a room and he was in a room within that room and my friend said he probably just went there to observe me because she caught him staring at me and they made eye contact. I want to start talking to him because he's like my type: funny, incredibly smart, nice and you know, he has a nice face. The next time I make eye contact I'll try to smile at him but I'm not sure if that'll be enough. I really, really feel that it's going to work out between us (and my gut is like almost always right) but I don't know how if we barely talk. Can somebody give me some advice??

Great tips from Irish guy. Although don't worry if your hair is shorter, it's more the tight in the bun, or heavily fussed over hair with sprays and gels that guys can't touch or run their fingers though that I have found is the issue. The more fussy and more work went into your hairstyle, the more they will be afraid to touch your hair or have experience of girls who told them hands off the hair. So the more natural your hair is, just brush it and let it hang whether short or long is the bigger issue. All people have their preferances, what they find sexier and respond to more often, but I know of guys who like shorter be well cut hair as long as it is still feminine looking and a good cut for her face shape. Long hair and a long narrow face do not mix well.

That aside, he's probably as nervous and scared as you. Lots of guys even grown up ones like to leave it to the gals to make the first move as they are so afraid of rejection. You already know he is interested so this is easy. You don't have to find things to say to catch his interest, you already have that. Next time you smile, stop and say Hi. If you don't know each others names, thats a good place to start, and as awkward as it may sound, it good to get to the point instead of beat around the bush. So first thing, introduce yourself and ask his name. If you both already know, then just greet him by name. A simple Hi Jonah will do. Next you mention that you have noticed that he's watching you quite often and you've been doing the same. You tell him that you are interested in getting to know him and hope he feels the same way and since neither of you was taking the next step to just talk, you decided to open conversation with him. Once you start talking, even if he's shy, he will respond back.

Now if you say Hi to him and then panic and close up and can't bring yourself to start really talking to him, at least greet him and hand him a hand written note that goes something like this: Hi. I have been watching you for some time cus I am interested in getting to know you and have seen you watching me alot. I was too chicken to start talking to you. But I want you to know that if you are interested in me and want to talk to me, I'd be very happy for you to start a friendship with me.
'
Lastly, if you dont have the guts for that, make it the simple grade school note passed that reads, do you like me? WITH a box to check for yes or for no and hand it to him with a pen. you both might start talking right then if he answers yes.

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the nurse told me to start with trigestrel and when its finished i must continue with triphasic so should i still continue taking triphasil because i finished my first pack of trigestril today 8 february and then got my periods yesterday 7 february but the cramps was so severe that i had to go to a chemist and they gave me ponstel which i should take 3 times a day until the pain goes away so i just wanted to know if i should still continue using triphasil birth control pill eventhou im taking ponstel for my period cramps as well

You changed your question. When I answered, you hadn't mentioned a second prescription, a change from trigestrel to triphasil. So if birth control is causing the cramps, it would be due to trigestrel and you have no idea yet if the other would cause cramping.
Although all hormonal birth control have similar side effects. And Grandfather is right that hormonal birth control isn't the best way to go but it's the most commonly prescribed. I don't know if they still offer it, but if your insurance covers it, I would suggest skipping the hormonal ones if you can and using a non hormonal contraceptive. And of those, the only trustworthy one I know of is Paragard, the copper IUD. I don't know if Drs still recommend it but you can certainly ask for it. Never had any side effects. Its more cost effective in the long run as the one time insertion of the device into uterus lasts about 10 yrs before having to be removed or remove earlier to start having kids and there is no delay time for body to adjust from hormones to be able to conceive, it has a better success rate than all other contraceptives, and it's hassle free, you don't have to remember to take anything. Pharmaceuticals make more money off the monthly birth control pills than the copper IUD despite the one time bigger cost to put it in. Its all about money more often than what is best for the female. So I advise contacting your Dr Nurse, first off and get clear instructions on whether to take the other prescription while on period, mention the severe cramping which is a side effect of the pill. And if you're told to stop taking it, then no sex until you've been long enough on a new prescription.
Or instead of listening to their instructions regarding the pill. Advise them that you are not going to take the pill anymore, and that you want an appointment to discuss non hormonal contraceptives instead. Make sure to get all the facts on those. But you can research online ahead just putting in a search for 'non hormonal birth control/contraceptives.' If diaphragm is recommended, think hard, it's a hassle to insert, takes the spontaneity out of sex, it's a bit messy with the spermicide that must be used along with, and i got pregnant while using it. Too much room for error. Get informed using the web and take birth control into your hands, you decide what you want to use instead of letting the NURSE decide for you. Good luck

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