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Aggressive Mother
My boyfriend's mother has become aggressive towards me and has falsely accused me of being the reason as to why he has been missing school but he has not missed a day of school since his Birthday and she doesn't want me around anymore... But I've been the one to help her since she has such a busy work schedule, I have been providing him with rides to and from work, and to and from school when he has missed the bus... But she's been trying to accuse me of making power moves but in reality I've asked for her permission every time I go to get him and she had acted like it was perfectly fine but wants to turn around and act as if I'm trying to act as his mother, which is why she had sent me a nasty text message saying "I'm his mother, I say what goes" but I haven't tried to disrespect her not once. Currently Will has made me stay with him at his house, and I'm not sure if I should just stay here and wait to see what the outcome is because he said he would stick up for me, or if I should flee before it's too late and she shows up...
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You are being an excellent girlfriend for your boyfriend, and his mom has major issues in that she feels you are replacing her. She sounds like she has issues and needs to get over herself.
You should explain to her and sit down with her and discuss one on one, how do you feel about it (picking up your boyfriend) and why?
If she OKs you picking up your boyfriend then she should not patronize you for doing it. Bipolar a bit.
Please reply :D
Best of luck.
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seems like a case of her feeling like your getting a little too involved with her son and her family then what shes comfortable with.
she may be a private guarded person when it comes to boundaries and has realized that she isnt totally needed anymore for every thing and doesnt want to face it, so shes frustrated and looking for a target and there you are! so its easier to just act like a giant B word toward you instead of just excepting that her son is growing up now and she needs to get a life.
try to go easy on her though shes just acting on her motherly instinct, it clearly still runs deep in her.
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I don't know if he's an only child, or last of a string of kids living at home...but some moms have a hard time letting go and fear the empty nest. Her child is already an adult (I assume) and as such doesnt rely on her as he did when a child and he has other needs, for a companion and romance, things she can't give him. So it can also be a pure case of jealousy. If the only thing you've done is provide transportation and not try helping her in the house, then you don't even have to get her permission for that,he can ask whomever he wants who is able to give him rides and doesn't need her permission. This is occuring also outside of her house not under her roof. If you've volunteered to help with things inside the house, don't. Just let her know you're willing to help if she wants a hand, all she needs to do is ask and leave it to her instead of saying, "hey I can do those dishes for you."
As his mother, if he's living under her roof, whether adult or not, the home owner calls the shots as to what occurs under their roof, so if she prefers to not have you stay at her house, for visit, overnight or to live, she has a say no.
However, she should use good manners and speak in a fair, kind manner instead of using an abusing, accusing tone of voice with you. If he is not paying into rent to stay with mom, he can only say he won't have her speak to you that way. If she insists, he'll have to decide whether or not he will continue to live with her. Cost of living space is one thing that keeps people stuck with relatives who are controlling or abusive in some way. She is desperately tring to control his life as a way of holding on to him or perhaps, worse, trying to live out her dreams through him. sHE had her life to do that. Its his turn to live his life as he chooses. Its really hard to know what exact advice to give as you said age 15 but mentioned work so you may be college age.
You need to think straight, it doesnt matter what she says, she can believe she's the Queen of England and you're required to bow before her, but that ain't gonna happen if it isn't so. No more than you providing him rides to school and work doesnt make you his mother.
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I think his mom probably feels insecure and somewhat embarrassed that she cannot do everything or be everything he needs all the time. Sometimes people , especially a mom, do not feel right about having help in doing things they feel like they should be responsible for. And I think that is all it is . I do not think it is anything personal even though I'm sure it feels like it is. Just maybe have a one-on-one and say something like Im not trying to take away from the hard work you do or replace you, I just also care about him too and want to be there for him also. And just reassure her you are not trying to erase her or outdo her etc. I think she will warm up to you. Just give it time .Hope everything works out!!
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stay and let him stick up for you. you cant let his mother control you and get in the way of you two. If, however, he does not end up sticking up for you, then there is a problem there. his mother clearly has issues, though, and you are doing nothing wrong.
hope this helps~
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