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Friend advice?!?! Please help. :(
I think my friend "B" is attention seeking.. I hate to say it, knowing and have dealt with same problems.. But her way is different. When I first saw 6 small cuts on the side of "B's" arm I asked her why. She replied, "I wanted to try it to see what would happen. She stopped. Then a year later she said she hurt herself again. I asked her why. She said, "I just felt like it so I did it." She didn't wear anything to cover it.
She says she has depression too, but there's no reason because her family (except for her brother) get along. She gets everything because her dad works at best buy and her mom works at Ross. Discount city.. She thinks depression is just being sad, but being instantly cheered up by something like Netflix and nutella.
She's lazy.. One time she didn't want to walk a yard to the bathroom to change her pad, so she bled on my couch and -I- had to clean it up.. She never helps me clean, and she's kinda stingy or rude.. My dog died of cancer last week and I bought a puppy last Friday two days after, and when B stayed over, she wouldn't let me have MY new puppy. She wanted to hold her and sleep with her.. 😩
Another thing is copying.
She is normally a close minded person, but this year she said she wanted to try new things. I thought that was good.. But I didn't think she'd be trying EVERYTHING I do. Music, TV shows, clothes, bands, sexual preferences. Everything. She copies everything I do. I came out as bi and then she said she wants to be bi. It's not about want.. It's just a part of who you are.
Whenever she buys a magazine that has a poster of whoever I like she takes a picture and sends it to me saying, "Look what I got! I get to hang this cutie on my wall." She's always bragging about everything and I've asked her to stop because my family isn't as rich.. I talked to my brother in law about this and he bought me 5SOS tickets to one-up her.. But this makes me feel like I'm a bad person for getting to enjoy myself.. I don't have a lot of friends only 4.. She's one of them.
What do I do?!
Please help.. I'm only 15 and I don't want to be rude or make the wrong choice. I hope I don't sound rude or greedy.. I just need help.
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Honey, you're not the one who needs help, she does, and professional help at that.
Something is out of balance in her. Let me give my own life examples to explain. Of my 3 kids, there was no spoiling. Dad bought new computers for his own business and the old ones were passed to the kids. This was before iphones and tablets came along, each got their own computer...but no spoiling otherwise. So, one of my kids tells me after she's married that when she was a teen, she was depressed. There was no visual sign of it. She kept it a secret and I was close to the kids and always daily talked to each in depth to check how they were doing.
I believe that there's two types of depression:
1. that you get from an event that is unexpected and hurtful emotionally or otherwise, like losing a job, being bullied, a boyfriend breaking up. I had another daughter who when dumped became depressed but normally had. This is not due to the bodys inability to create enough of it's own 'Happy' hormones but due to a stress that comes into ones life. And the level of hormones that keep you balanced get used up faster when under stress. You may not be able to get rid of the stressful situation right away but you can do things to raise your level of needed hormones to feel better. I won't go into that but if you are curious, you can always write me and ask for that.
2. A person is depressed always, no matter what their circumstances. And stressful situations only make it worse. Their body doesn't naturally create these neural transmitters (NT's) like dopamine which end up in low levels or lacking in the brain. This kind of depression needs medication, a synthetic drug made to mimic the NT's that are lacking and cant be produced naturally.
I am guessing that if all is well in her life otherwise, no stress, then likely she still needs to see a medical Dr. and perhaps a mental health professional. It could be some social disorder or other mental difficulties because of how you describe her extremes in copying you. While it may be natural to take up some of the interests of your friend as you are introduced to and find you like them as well, copying every little thing is a bit overboard, not natural and may point to other issues she has that haven't been discovered yet.
I am no professional though and could be completely wrong however, I am old enough that I have seen alot and read quite a bit too and something tells me that if she's the same age as you, then it may be a medical issue instead that made her become like this. I have read that a big problem in our toxic world we live in is that we all are exposed to things like hormones growing up so our body's puberty hormones can be whacked out of balance by time the body starts to change and mature. ( ALL girls will have emotional issues when going thru their teens as hormones flood their bodies. No one seems to escape this, we either have a period of time we cry easily for no reason, or get irritated and angry easily. That's part of growing up as a female. However when there is a flood of too much hormones in her body, a gal can have extreme emotional issues and her personality become totally different, she lashes out in anger at almost any person for no reason or feels extreme sadness that becomes depressed.
Your girlfriend could get her hormone levels tested, the female kinds. If that shows as being really off, there's something Dr.s can prescribe that will help stabilize her and she may be able to come off it after her teen years. If those levels show as normal, then she may need to be seen for the depression from having low levels of her NT's.
If you've known her a long time, has she always acted like this or is her changes, including cutting, more recent, just lately as she reached puberty? You may not even be the best judge of that, but her mom.
As to helping you clean, if you are doing your own chores while she waits for you, she is not obligated to help you clean. If she makes a mess while over at your home, spilling a drink, crumbs falling to the floor, the bleeding incident, it would be a nice polite gesture to volunteer to help clean up but it isn't necessarily something all people would expect from a guest, especially if they have their own particular cleaning recipes and ways of doing it. A guest may not clean to yours or your Mom's satisfaction. So I would try to not get bent out of shape over that.
As for amount of friends, true friends, 4 sounds normal to me. I had about 4 or 5 friends only at a time when in highschool. These would be the ones I saw outside of school and spent time without, not the kids I was friendly with and they with me but we had nothing in common and were't freinds outside of school.
There isn't anything you can do to make stabilizing changes in her. If she doesn't cover up at home, I would think her mom would know something is up, but even a loving caring parent as myself, was totally unaware since my daughter kept her depression hidden. I suppose when we are teens, we don't realize that this is something important to tell our parents, but it is. If you want to, encourage her to tell her mom and go with her when she does for moral support.
The only thing you can do if she doesnt, is either tell your Mom your concerns about her, have your Mom watch her next time to see these cuts for herself. Perhaps, at least with that info. your Mom would be willing to talk to her mom. Or you could find a time to talk to her Mom, perhaps if she answers the home phone, or if you have her cell number and let her know of all of your concerns. She can then do what she wants with the information. Some she may attribute to her daughters quirky personality but cutting and depression is another story. Or you can do nothing.
If she finds out you told her mom, she will likely take out retributions or drop you as a friend. Before you decide to do nothing to avoid that issue, worst case scenerio is that she may end up one of those numbers of teens who take their own life because of depression. I just wish someone who knew had told me my daughter had depression. Luckily she didn't try suicide.
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