|
more about the mom issues
She has a car of her own and she is renting out the minivan right now and said she would take it back when I got my license to help me out. She would never tell me any of this information about her income and how much she makes ever. She is very stubborn abad will yell at me and ask why I'm so concerned, there's now way that's even a possibility to ask her about that stuff
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Ok well then if thats the case then theres nothing you can do. I WOULD however be more persistent about knowing where your college money went. that money was earmarked for you and should not be taken and used for something else unless it was absolutely needed for your family to survive.
If shes automatically defensive like that then shes most likely hiding something and or doesnt take what your saying seriously about helping with bills. In which case you need to make her get serious about you and what role you play in the family when it comes to money.
If theres ABSOLUTELY no way you can ask her when shes in a good mood and you can stay calm the WHOLE TIME, whats going on money wise then theres nothing you can do. Youll have to save up and move out because she may just be one of those types of parents that believes you have no right to know anything about whats going on and what she chooses to spend her money on (which i believe isnt right at all).
She should have been guiding you from the beginning about money so that as an adult you would be capable of managing your own money once you were older and had to start paying your own way for things. How else are you supposed to learn how to spend money responsibly if she wont show you how to pay bills and what goes into managing a household?
This is her job as a parent and shes clearly not interested in raising you to be able to do so. If i were you i would tell her that, and that someday youll have to manage your own house and that these are things you need to know.
tell her she doesnt have to get defensive, your just asking because of the reasons i mentioned above. Give her some time to think on it and if she still doesnt get back to you.
Then use every opportunity you get to ask "but how can we afford this?!? when she comes home with things. start asking questions and making her accountable like this.
She might just need to see more that you have a vested interest in knowing what goes on with things. Show her that you are capable of critical thinking as well as practical. If she brings home something that would normally be expensive, ASK how did you get the money to pay for that when we can barely afford gas for the cars? or your buying this or what when we have this other bill to pay?!?
Or "we should sell this and use the money to pay for this or that"
see? its perfect.
over time she'll see that your not going to let up and that your mature and ready to know how your household works. ; )
good luck sweetie
]
Then she'll need to speak to another adult if she wont' with you. Find another relative and tell them of your concerns, doesnt matter if they don't live near, call them, an aunt, uncle or grandparent will do. I'll bet they do not know about the financial straights she's in, to the point of using up college funds set aside for you. Talk to a school counselor if in HS or college. Get some ideas of what choices you have. It sounds like your choice plan is to live with Mom whether working or going to college. If you or a relative talking to her can't get her to go for some financial counseling, then there is nothing you can do, and to stay under her roof is only going to make you more miserable as you see more of the money problems going on. I know there are agencys that rent a car by the hour, day, week but they have lots of liabiliites and special insurance needed to cover that. Renting out a vehicle is not the best idea for an average car owner, not unless she knows all the ins and outs of liability. If she only means to rent it to you later, it still is a hairy situation. What if someone else hit you while you were using it. Would she be harassing you to pay for it to be fixed up or worse, not allow you to ever use it again? You need someone on your side who knows her, heck even a friend of hers. You never know but she may have an addiction to gambling or street drugs and not know it and money will evaporate quickly if that's the case and the scenerio deteriorate to the point of no job, lost house, and repo'd cars if payments not made. If a person has a problem, they tend to not want to share it so they can keep doing it, thats an addiction talking, they might know its not right and for that reason keep their finances secret from everyone. There are families were the HS or college age kid had Mom borrowing their money all the time, asking for more and more to pay bills, and not able to pay them back. The only solution is the cut outgoing money severely and that may mean needing to sell the car, sell the house and get a small apartment she can afford if her salary won't cover what she currently has. Too many people don't like having to budget and pinch pennies so they spend money they don't have and get themselves in a bad spot. Talk to a relative, or just put up with it and play by Mom's rules, or find a way to move out. There's no magic wand that can get you the exact scenerio you want. Non of your choices are easy, and there is no easy solution. Often in life, there never is an easy way, welcome to the adult world, we have to work hard and fight for every inch of survival daily and it's very hard and won't magically switch to something tons better in the future unless you win the lotto.
]
More Questions: |