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My brother's friend.
Hello, I'm twenty and my brother is twenty three; so my brother isn't so hugely into the bar scene anymore. Because of that, last weekend, we went to his friend's apartment and hung out. I like hanging out with these guys in particular, because they are all twenty as well so when all of our friends are out at the bar, which is quite a lot, we all get together and hang out. I've been to this house quite a few times with my brother, so I thought I knew everyone that lived there, but I was proven wrong.
All night, there was this cute guy that caught my eye multiple times so when he got off the couch and went to the bathroom, I asked my brother who he was and he said he's the other roommate, making four people living in the house. When he came back, my brother asked him if he wanted to go outside and smoke a cigarette, so they both went out. My friend that was there with me at the time said that he was cute and she definitely thinks he was hitting on me. So when they came back in, I introduced myself and he said "yeah, I was just telling your brother that I thought we had a class together freshman year" -- mind you, we're juniors now. So for a couple minutes after that, my friend and I were sitting on the stairs, really just sitting and listening to the conversation all of the guys were having, when we thought something was funny, we would snap chat it or something like that. Then someone texted me something and I wanted to show my brother, since I was on the bottom step and my brother was on the couch, there was a chair I had to lean over and of course, the cute guy was sitting on it, so I blatantly just leaned right over him to show my brother my phone and he didn't complain or anything, I could've sworn I even saw him smirk about it. A few minutes after that, this kid went up to get his computer to play music from and my brother got up to get a drink so there was only one kid on the couch, so my friend and I moved over to sit on the couch, for the sole purpose of the step starting to hurt our butts, a few minutes after that, my brother came back and sat on the chair so when the cute guy came back, he could only sit on the couch next to me, so he did.
We talked, he would elbow me and run his arm down mine, he'd grab at my hand or just look over and smile at me. There were times when the first guy that was sitting on the couch would take my phone and the two of them would snapchat selfies and put them on my story. About an hour on the couch and just hanging out, he gave me his phone with the new contact page up, so I put my number in and gave it back.
He texted me a few minutes later to go "peek in his room real quick" - mind you, they are a bunch of hippies, if I hadn't mentioned, lol. But I didn't get the text right away so I didn't answer and he didn't push it.
Well, my brother started to get cranky and I was the one that drove him so I had to take him home because when he gets cranky, he will always get his way - mostly because he just doesn't shut up until he does. So, I started to get my things together, my brother took my keys to go warm up the car and as I was walking to the door, one of the roommates said the cute guy was through the back door with one of his other roommates smoking a cigarette and if I go out the front, I'll miss him but I didn't really want to keep my brother waiting so I left, just thinking I'll shoot him a quick text.
So, I got to my car and got my brother and friend and all of our things inside and I texted him quick that I'll see him again whenever my brother wants to come back. Well, long story short, he told me I'm welcome there even if my brother doesn't go, that he's glad he stuck around that night and that we met (he usually goes to concerts on the weekend), he told me I'm super cute, he asked me to call him when I get home, he told me I should go back and hang out the next night after I go to the hockey game and my friend and I agreed, he even replied that he was looking forward to it.
When I got my brother home to his house, his roommate was there and he was drunk and it was just a mess trying to deal with both of them all while still texting this guy. But, it was nice talking to him because he was being pretty cool about it all, he was actually helping me deal with the both of them. It got to be about 5:00 am when I finally got back to my place, I was still texting this guy, I grabbed a shower when I got home and just fell asleep after. I woke up to a text from him that said goodnight.
Now, it's a week after this all happened and I haven't heard from him since. He didn't even text me the night after to go over to his place or to meet up. Granted, I could've asked him what he was doing and I did think about doing just that but then I thought it would be weird because it's his place and I didn't want to invite myself. However, I did text him the next day to try not to have too much fun at his work shift and he texted me back and he said "oh yeah, I'll try lol" but that was it. And it's like, my brother and I go there a lot and I don't know, now I think it might be weird.
I think I'm just confused why he hasn't even texted me once since.
And please, do not be afraid to hurt my feelings, I didn't grow feelings for this kid in one night, I just thought he was cute and that he was a cool person to hang out with. So, if you think all he wanted was sex, you can go right ahead and say it, because honestly, that's what I've been thinking.
Any input is appreciated.
Thanks!
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I agree with missundersmock. Here's a few more things to think about as to why to take more time to get to know him better to discover his real character.
Remember, as far as he said, he goes to concerts and such on the weekends usually instead of going to bars or hanging out at parties to pick up a girl for sex. If his priority was just taking care of his sexual needs, even though he might run into someone at a concert, it's more likely to find a new girl at a party or bar. Obviously, he is attracted to you and everything he did was to drop signs that he is attracted to you. This is far from commitment level and some people don't place as much importance on bf/gf until they in their heart have gotten to that level. There still needs to be the hanging out with/dating to gain info stage of a possible relationship. During that time, you find out enough to realize you want to be with him long term or there's too many things you won't tolerate and wont settle for less and so you stop seeing him. Some call it breaking up but I don't if no commitment has been made yet.
As for texting lots the first night, he wasn't doing anything else and he wanted to be sure you understood how much he was interested/flirting and such.
There's a few reasons why a week could go by without any contact by text:
perhaps he really doesn't like texting. This means he's robbed of the chance to read beyond your words by your tone of voice and facial expressions/body...language. Lots of guys subconsciously don't even realize they rely on that so much to understand a girl better, know which of their comments got her to smile and react positively. He's probably a guy who does better in face to face than in writing or calling. Perhaps he uses his cell more as a tool rather than a way to converse with people.
Being that you are not any where near commitment level yet, the truth is, although he's very interested, when push comes to shove, of all his priorities that need be met, you aren't one of his top 3 or 4 he juggles yet. If you were and something came up, emergency, illness in family, car trouble or whatever could hog his attention until he resolves the issue or gives his attention at least. Men do multi task, differently than girls. Girls can put all their conscious attention on a guy for example while subconsciously doing other stuff at the same time, where a guy has perhaps a top 3 priorities that he juggles in life, giving equal amounts of attention to each (one at a time) and repeating the process. Don't worry if you're not instantly one of his top 3 yet, that takes the time of getting to know each other.
Lastly, a guy just isn't interested enough to pursue you or has extreme attention deficit disorder, meaning he shows attention to whats before him, but once out of sight, out of mind and only whats in front of his is distracting his attention. This means there isn't any strength to his level of attraction, meaning he won't suffer if he loses you. Keep in mind that a guy who doesnt show enough interest in pursueing you isnt all that into you, and I am keeping in mind all his other commitments and busy schedule. You make time for that which is important to you. If he doesnt, you're not.
As for sex, all guys are thinking about sex when they meet a pretty gal. My 2nd husband admits to having tried to subtly look down my top without being obvious the first day we met in person,and he accomplished that. I never knew til he told me. A guy with manners will be interested and wonder what you look like naked in bed but keep that to themselves early on, later in relationship paying genuine compliments to the gal that include why he is specifically attracted to her looks and what he wants to do with her sexually. What you are looking for in a life partner whether long term or marriage, is both your best friend and your sexual match. If the chemistry isn't there for both, the relationship will be rocky and unfulfilling at best. Guys are thought to think of the sex part first and many do, but there are some wise enough to know that what makes the real difference from sex wiht one person vs other is the deep friendship forged and he will work on that first while dropping hints and sexual innuendo's as to his interest in the other half of the equation with you so there's so danger of him ending up as a male best friend stuck in the friend zone. This is what to look for. Don't freak at any sexual comment he drops unless it is constant, then he's obsessing about sex, otherwise it's normal and you let him know your thoughts sexually, it's importance to you and whether you want sex just for sex sake or if to you it's an expression of the depth of your love for a guy. He should respect that, if not, you have a choice to make whether to stick with such a guy or not. So call, don't text...and remind him of his invite for you to visit him on your own. Ask if he is still interested and its okay if he isnt. Then ask him when he is available to hang out. If nothing gets set, you can try one more time, come up with something that he could do to help you, guys love to be needed by women. Sure lots of women can do practically everything a guy can, but some of us can't or don't like to. Ask if he can help you choose new wiper blades for your car and put them on. I tried myself and couldn't get it right. I had no boyfriend at the time and had a neighbor guy help take old ones off , new ones on. Thats just one example. If he's at your place, bring out a jar you've been unable to open and ask him for his help opening so you can get into it easier next time, help you change a burnt out light cus you have no ladder, you're short and he's taller. Show your appreciation with thanks, a kiss on the cheek or maybe a quick peck on the lips and give a compliment. A guy wants to spend time with a girl who wants him and Needs him. After that, he should be keeping in contact regularly if truly interested, Otherwise, look elsewhere.
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well thank you first off for that very longggg long story. lol. ; )
anyway, no it would no be weird to text him and ask him how hes doing and see what his responses are. then say "hey i thought we were gonna chill sometime!" ; )
it sounds like he DOES like you but it also sounds like you need to hang out another time or two, to really see what hes like and if he actually does just want sex from you.
Everything sounds pretty innocent so far and it sounds like you need more to go on before thinking that he just wants sex.
good luck ; )
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