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unhappy with him
I'm pissed as I can be. I'm wondering if I'm wrong.
I'm a woman in love with a guy. He says he loves me too. Blah blah.
Anyways he gets sexy photos from me and all. But his page is covered with photos of nearly naked women.
He recently followed on his Instagram a page of girls sending private selfies. He also follows porn stars and of course my Instagram is covered with these photos. I've confronted him about this and he tells me to stop being jealous because they are other beautiful women in the world and he can look all he wants. And I can't say or do anything... It pisses me off. I don't think that this right. Especially since we are talking about getting married.
Let me ask. Am I paranoid or is he just a lustful idiot? Pardon me. But I think he has a problem. He seems to be getting worse. Everyday my "photos you may like " page are getting more explicit. I'm not happy. Fine. I understand they are pretty girls in the world. But he seems to want more and more of these type of women and he likes to look and look and look. It disgusts me.
I can't bring it up again. But it bothers me.
What is it going to be like when we get married? Is he going to sleep with me and then go look at half naked girls on the internet? Looking at close ups of boobs and asses? It bothers me. And I can't do much here. But honestly. I think he has a problem.
How do I handle this?
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i say tell him that if he wants to be with you he should not do all that stuff considerinag you are his girlfriend. he should be respectful to you and not think or watch porn , and delete naked photos that are not yours . tell him it bothers you so much maybe he will stop. tell him he needs to decide either be with you or give up the relationship.
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Its ok to look but not touch, and it certainly shouldnt CONSUME a large part of his life. Men are men and yes they WILL look but shouldnt be doing it when your RIGHT THERE or be making it blatantly obvious either. thats just rude and disrespectful to you.
Try watching porn together, you might find that it enhances your sexual experience with him, youll fantasize about the man and he can do so with the woman but it will still be you and him. My husband of 6 years does not look at porn or pictures of other woman but i AM a model so i guess to him im all he needs which is nice but it puts more pressure on me to look perfect see? so the grass can always look greener somewhere else.
You cant expect men to at least not just LOOK but doing it in a discrete momentary way is okay. Women look too and we all know it so chastising him for looking and doing basically the same thing we do is a bit hypocritical. you know down in your deepest of hearts that you DO look at other men even if its just for a moment so dont try to play like you dont. we're all human and we all have eyes and you'd be lying if you tried to say otherwise.
I would agree with you though that maybe he COULD stand to "tone it down a bit" and not be SO out there with it. Also paying for the services after your married will NOT be an option period, discussion over on that one (for me at least) there are far more important things you two could be saving up for or spending money on then things like that.
I dont know how long the two of you have been together because you didnt mention it but to ME this would certainly be a sign that hes showing me that im NOT the only one he wants and clearly hes not that invested in the relationship if hes going to be so out there about this kinda thing because he cant be that dumb to think that some women really dont appreciate the kind of things hes doing. I personally would be thinking that hes the type that would be weak enough to cheat on me with any other women that came his way and was sweet on him enough that he would fall for it if thats what HER intention was and she could easily seduce him and he wouldnt be able to control himself because he obviously cant even control his habits around you enough to just tone it down a bit.
usually only men who are single will openly have/display/ or pay for sexually explicit photos like what youve described and i would be thinking hes trying to live like hes single still even though hes not and thats ALSO worrisome to me. If this is the case then i would def. postpone any wedding plans until i could further watch him and see just how dedicated to showing you how much YOUR the center of his world and no one else is.
alot of times men who obsess over women (even though they are current with someone) are more susceptible to cheating because they just cant control themselves if some girl comes along, likes him back, wants him, and tries to flirt and seduce him and thats all it takes. He'll know its wrong but the rush of it all can be overwhelming. ive known these sorts of men and they can never seem to keep a girlfriend because their so caught up in the photos and the porn and the gawking at other women who have no interest in them that they cant see whos right in front of them and get their priorities straight. If he is this kind of man then he will spend his life alone and just obsessing over the photos because thats all he can get.
update to your feedback. thank you for letting me know that you would feel guilty for making the slightest glance at another man but at the same time you are asking a bit much of what sounds like a weak minded man that cant help himself but to indulge in such things. I too am happy with what i have, and ive been married for years but in within human nature to look and have thoughts about others, no matter what those thoughts are. The only way you would be able to keep him from having thoughts about others would be to severely isolate him from anyone and thats not healthy and will only lead to resentment against you. he has to want to change and if he doesnt then its up to you where to go from there after speaking with him on this matter.
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The key word is obsessive. It all depends on whether this interest takes focus away from all his daily priorities, school, job, family, you. If you are being totally fulfilled sexually by him, then there is nothing wrong with him looking. The problem is when he spends too much time on it, or his first priority becomes looking at other women first before giving you the attention you need.
The next step if this is a bad habit, easily can progress to using free cam sites or the ones for pay and then its money out of the budget.
What we don't know is if the two of you are a good match sexually...whether there's strong chemistry and your libido's match. If he needs and wants sex 3 times a day and you're happy with once a week, (or vice versa) there's an obvious difference than can cause troubles in the relationship. No one should have to change who they are sexually, their likes and such to match the others needs, and compromises can work but usually don't for the people I've known who tried. If he is still looking at you with desire in his eyes, then alls okay. If he isn't something is wrong.
Just in case, this may not be the only area where you feel there's an issue, especially since you plan to marry, check on this test on whether he truly loves you.
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
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Expecting someone to be 'satisfied with what you send' is unrealistic, however, that doesn't make what he is doing okay.
The truth is that many, many people desire variety when it comes to sexual arousal. There is no 'enough' you can give a person. It's totally fair for people to want to look at other people sexually. Being loyal isn't about never wanting anything but your partner - it's about choosing to be loyal even if you lust after others.
The real problem with his behavior is that he is doing it publicly, rudely, possibly obsessively to a degree that is harmful to other important things in his life - including your relationship.
Your best bet, if you really want to marry this guy, is to get some pre-marital counselling and bring it up there. If you do get married, the 'paying for sexual services' becomes a shared financial burden and it's one you can very reasonably object to. Saying 'it's okay to look' is the same as saying 'it's okay to chew gum' but if you are obsessively chewing gum all the mother fucking time, then you are being really rude and have a problem.
You might also point out what his co-workers, friends and future children might think of this very public sexual obsession of his. Does he think he may be overlooked for work or a promotion because of this? I'll be honest, I look at people's social media platforms when I hire and I would not someone who behaved the way you describe. Many people may, very reasonably, hold a lower opinion of him because of his constant, public obsession with sexual images.
Finally, you should block him on Instagram. I don't mean that you should ignore this behavior or pretend it's not happening, but if it's upsetting you that much, stop exposing yourself to it.
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I understand where you are coming from and you are not wrong but you are also not right. If he is just looking and coming and sleeping in your bed with you there is nothing wrong with it.
As my wife of 44 years, come this July, told me on the day we married. I can look at the menu all I want. But if I ever decide to reorder she would cut a very important part of me off.
Lets face it both men and women like to look at good looking people. There is more smut or pornography out their for men to look at because this is the way men are wired. I'll get kicked out of the men's club for saying this but men are cads. We look at women in many different ways. One of those ways is through pornography as both an art form and a stimulus. Most of us just look probably better than 95%. of us. Meaning we look and maybe we lust but we go home each night to sleep with and make love to the women we chose to spend the rest of our lives with.
Even former President Carter admitted that he lusted over Playboy Centerfolds, which back then was as risqué as it got.
Porn can have its place in his life and yours too if you will allow it. It is nothing against you and I fairly positive he is not comparing you to them. Your real, you he can reach out and touch, taste and make love to. The pictures are just fantasy and a healthy sex life includes fantasy.
I'm not saying you have to like porn or even like the fact that he looks at porn. I'm saying he is not dishonoring you by doing so; at least based on what you have written.
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