about

Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

Hi im using trigestril for a month now and im getting my periods for the third time.I also getting a brown discharge.I have also missed the pill twice.Should i consult a doctor?should i stop using it?it is healthy for me to bleed so many times in one month?

Spot through bleeding can be expected if taking the pill although it doesnt happen to everyone.
In me, a brown discharge came just before a period if the period was late--delayed by stress or illness. I didn't take pill tho and the discharge still happened under the circumstances mentioned.


While it is said in the medical community that the pill is safe to take, not unhealthy, it is definitely not "natural" for the body. That is the downside of any hormonal birth control. Many women will also suffer other side effects as well. Be informed as to what they might be.

Talk to your doctors office and let them know of the breakthrough bleeding. They may want to change your dosage right away to stronger or wait another month and see how that goes.

If your body doesn't regulate to the pill well and bleeding continues or you experience some of the common side effects like headaches, mood swings, loss of libido, tender breasts, weight gain, etc... and don't like putting up with it, then research online what your other choices for birth control are. Be well informed and not relying only on the Dr. to decide what to give you. It is much more natural and not stressful on your body to use non hormonal methods of birth control.

[view]

I am an 18-year-old female. I've been in a relationship for 6 months. earlier in the relationship my boyfriend was a big flirt with a lot of girls (I later found out about that). he ended up cheating on me and I found out about it. I decided to stay with him but I can't seem to move fully past it. I'm not sure what to do or think through all of this. what should I do?

Once a person breaks your trust in them, it takes a long time for that person to behave in positive ways that rebuild that trust. Unfortunately it only takes minutes for him to break your trust but it can be months or years before he has been able to rebuild and regain your trust. The only way that can happen is if he has a major change in character. If he is exhibiting the same behavior, then he can not be trusted. It's not you who is the problem for not being able to get past it, cus of lack of trust, it's his problem. If he really cared about you and loved you deeply and it was a one time indescretion, then maybe there's a chance if he works really hard to prove to you that he has truly changed and slowly regain your trust. If you can't trust him yet, then he's obviously not doing what you need to see to begin to be reassured.

[view]

For As Long As I Can Remember, I've Always Had Bangs. They Go Straight Down My Forehead (Above My Eyes). When I Was Younger, I Would Just Grow Out My Hair And Cut It Every Now And Then. Now, I Cut It Quite Short (Or Medium Length?) To Probably 2 or 3 Inches Above Where My Elbows Are. And I Added Short Layers. I Personally Think It's Cute And Casual, And I Get Compliments On It Too. But I'm A Freshman In High School Now. Is It Weird To Have Bangs For That Long?

As long as you like it, that's what counts. No hairstyle is weird if the person wearing it likes it. Hairstyles can be radically different from each other but that's okay, people just expressing their personal taste.

I had no bangs myself as a kid and teen, then grew them when I married at 20 and didn't stop wearing bangs and growing them out again until just over a year ago. And I'm now in my mid 50's. People have liked both on me.

[view]

I am nearly 24 years old, and I have an almost 30 year old sister who makes really stupid choices.
For the past six years, she has been dating a man who my family and I strongly disapprove of. This man is a thirty-five (almost thirty-six) high school drop-out who doesn’t work, can’t keep a job, and lives off of her support. Not only that, but he is a recovering alcoholic and has been physically abusive towards her in the past. Yet, she insists that she’s going to marry him.
Although I see no attempts on his part, I think that at their ages if they were going to get married, he would have worked at maintaining a job. They would have already tied the knot years ago. Instead I think that she’s going to wake up in a few years, realize that she is an unmarried old maid, and that this relationship has strongly screwed her up her life.
Lately I feel like this relationship is taking a toll on her health.
She says it’s not, but she’s the type of woman who becomes dependent on a man and will lie that he is doing things that we already know he is responsible for. They live out of state, so it is difficult to know what is going on. Since she has started dating I strongly doubt that she has ever had a stable, healthy relationship.
This weekend she had a bad panic/anxiety attack that may have been brought on by a hereditary thyroid condition. I know that this health condition could be caused by stress, and I think that her boyfriend is and always will be the primary cause of her stress, whether she admits it or not.
I am so tempted to attempt to break them up, but I think that this will be a bad idea.
I found out his phone number, and I want to text him and tell him that if he really loves her, he will break up with her, cut off all ties with her, move out, and tell her that he’s no longer in love with her, because he’s the primary cause of her stress..
Having had a boyfriend of four years, I am having second thoughts about doing this. We are not married or living together, solely for financial reasons. Yet my boyfriend and I are younger, and are both still in school.
I feel like it will seriously hurt her and result in no positives.
Should I restrain myself from doing so? Does even thinking of this scheme make me a bad person?

Yes, please restrain yourself from interfering in another persons life for the reason of trying to point out problems. Most people don't like someone else pointing out their issues or where they are blind to a problem. It can be 100% true they are making bad choices but they are adults and its their lives.
It hurts to watch loved ones make such choices. I know, it's happening in my family too with one person...it hurts really bad. If I dwell on it too much, I'd be crying all the time. But the simple fact is no one is able to change other people. The choice for change must come from within them. Its like the saying, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink." So true, you can risk do the "leading" by suggesting better choices she or he could make but people aren't horses. A horse isn't going to retaliate with words or shut you out of their life because they're angry at you.

Are you a bad person for feeling as you do and having these thoughts? No. I use this method all the time, it's quite stress relieving for me to fantasize giving someone a piece of my mind when I know in the end it won't improve anything on their part and only likely make things worse. Pray for her hon. Thats all I can do too, praying for Angels to protect my person and eventually get through to their minds so they begin to make better decisions.

[view]

I want to apologize in advance for the length of this. I know it's not good to dislike a relative and I feel bad about it, but he's not a very good person. This might not make sense, but I love him, I just don't like him at all.

Here's the thing, he's not a good father and he treats my mother like dirt on the bottom of his shoe. Ever since my grandma died, my mom's had to take over taking care of him and I know it's hard. She has to cook, clean, wash dishes and clothes, run errands, go grocery shopping, and take him to the doctor among other things. He refuses to live with my parents and although I can't say I blame him, it means she basically has to keep two houses running. She sacrifices a LOT and doesn't get to go out or go on vacation like she wants to because of him. Yet he is extremely unappreciative and often complains and makes her feel bad about not pampering him enough or not doing it right.

I HATE to say this about him, but he's kind of a burden. He gets in the way of his family's lives sometimes. He's a real home body and has never liked going on vacation, even when he was younger. I can kind of understand that as I too am a bit of a home body, but when someone you love is counting on you to be somewhere, I CAN'T understand or agree with not being there for them. My Granddad, however just doesn't care at all. My mom had to DRAG him to my cousin's wedding because he was too selfish to be there for her, his own granddaughter. I don't even have grandchildren yet, but I know that when I do, you wouldn't be able to DRAG me AWAY from them on their wedding days. But it's just not something that's important to my granddad and this is just an example of his selfishness. He can, has, and does hurt and disappoint his family by refusing to go to important events. I didn't even bother trying to get him to agree to go to my wedding at the grand canyon because I knew he wouldn't do it.

As much as my mom sacrifices for him, he gets mad as hell anytime she does one small thing for herself. In January, my parents planned a weekend trip, but it wasn't even FOR them. My sister's birthday was on the 10th (a Saturday) and my brother in law planned a trip for them and invited me, his parents, and mine to go as well. I decided to stay home because I had things to do, but my parents went only for my sister.

That saturday night, my granddad was sick and was contemplating going to the emergency room. My mom called me and asked me to stay the night at his house in case he needed someone, so I did. Sunday morning he decided to go to the ER and I had to call an ambulance for him. When we got there, we were told he had a perforated bowel (hole in the intestines) and had to have emergency surgery to fix it. My parents hadn't even started their painful 12 hour drive home yet and didn't get here till after midnight (I called the ambulance at about 9:30). The first person to get to town was my uncle who was here at about 6:30. He sent me home to relax and when I got there, I felt like I hadn't slept in days. The stress of the situation combined with lack of sleep was exhausting. As bad as I felt, I couldn't imagine how my mom must have been feeling. She was under MORE stress as it was her dad and she was feeling very guilty for leaving him. Also, at least I got to go to bed that night. She went to the hospital and stayed with him all night long. While she was there, he woke up. He was on a ventilator, so he couldn't speak and pointed to a note pad that he wanted my mom to hand him. When she did, he angrily wrote, "You ran out on me, but Amy took good care of me!" My mom was already feeling guilty enough and it's not like anyone knew that was going to happen. She NEVER gets to go anywhere BECAUSE OF HIM and it was just a fluke that she happened to be out of town when that happened, but he basically just attacked her and treated her like dirt for leaving at all, ever, under any circumstances.

That was one of few things resembling a compliment that he's ever given me. I was borderline flattered and angered at the same time. His compliments come as often as sunshine during a rain storm and THAT compliment was wrapped in an insult. It came at the cost of my mom's feelings.

He never says I love you or anything like that. My sister has tried to get him to say it to her by saying it first, but he'd just say, "Okay" and leave. He'd rather hurt your feelings and look like a jerk than say it just once. We'd excuse it for him by saying that he just grew up in a generation when guys were taught not to say it, but our other granddad grew up in the same generation and I NEVER remember him having a problem saying it. Here's what I do remember about him though. I remember him pushing people out of the way to get to me and give me a hug, I remember him squeezing me so tight that I couldn't breathe, I remember him hugging my neck so tight it felt like he was going to break it, I remember him putting one hand each of my cheeks and kissing my forehead so hard he practically left a bruise. The closest thing to a hug that my other granddad ever gave me was when he puts his hand on my shoulder for balance.

He's also got all of these annoying ass habits that aren't reason to dislike him, but the fact that he's already not my favorite person makes them harder to put up with. I'm a bit of a germ freak and he's often sick. He coughs and sneezes without covering his face, he uses silverware he's been eating with to scoop food out of containers we ALL have to get our food out of, and after he eats, he spits little pieces of food out of his mouth and always spits them towards me. Once I made a second trip to a chicken restaurant to get some gravy they'd forgotten to give us. When I got back, he was the first person to use the gravy and he held it just a couple of inches from his face and coughed in it multiple times. I don't know if it was an accident, his way of getting the gravy all to himself, or just a big f--- you to me.

He's disgusting and likes to talk about his IBS, diarrhea, gas, and other such things during dinner. I had to take him to the doctor once when he had to bring the doc a stool sample. Being a germ freak, I didn't want to touch it, do my mom put it in multiple sacks to ensure I didn't have to touch anything the stool sample touched as well as to ensure that I didn't have to see it. It didn't work as he took the stool sample out of the sack my mom put it in to look at it.

Another annoying habit is that he's a racist and a homophobe. I'm sure a lot of old people are, but takes it to the extreme and is down right mean to gays and people of other races. He's kind of creepy and gives me anxiety by constantly staring at me and watching EVERYTHING I do. He is as hard of hearing as a person can be without being deaf and I'm always having to yell to him, which wouldn't be bad if there was nothing we could do about it. However, he has hearing aids that he refuses to wear or refuses to turn up high enough. Also, he makes all of these gross, annoying sounds while he eats which is a pet peeve of mine. I could go on, but I'll stop there.

I try to be patient with him because I'm afraid that if I'm not, karma will come back to bite me in the ass HARD when I have my own grandkids, but he drives me nuts and now I'm facing yet ANOTHER problem. My mom wants me to name my son after him.

My mom doesn't know how I feel about him and I can't tell her because it'd hurt her feelings. I want to name my fifth son Luke Philip, but my mom wants me to name him Luke Avery after grampa or grumpa as I recently started calling him (because he's grumpy). Philip is after a beloved friend of mine, practically a brother to me and my husband who was murdered a while back. Unlike grumpa, Philip was an AMAZING guy. He was sweet, sensitive, loving, generous and had a heart of gold as well as all of the qualities I'd LOVE my son to have. I'm not willing to use Avery or Philip as a first name and people have suggested I need him Luke Avery Philip or Luke Philip Avery, but I just don't want to use the name Avery. I don't know how to tell my mom that I want to name my sweet baby boy after one of the greatest people I've ever known of and not after a man I call grumpa who's ruining our lives. I've asked people what to do and they've called me disrespectful, rude, and acted like I was the ass hole for feeling this way about him. AM I the ass hole?

No, you're not an asshole. You are perfectly sound in feeling that way. Lots of people have family members that they love but can not respect for the way they treat others or for some other such reason.

Whats done is done. Your grandmother married this guy and instead of wising up and leaving him when he treated her abusively, she stayed and they had kids. Your mother grew up in a home where Dad acted like a tyrant King and most likely had some kind of mental illness. What you explain sounds much like other people I've met who have mental illness that doesnt prevent them from operating in society but they sure mistreat others verbally, emotionally, belittling, being negative and they are not about to change after getting away with it for so long. He has learned to control your Mother with feeling guilty about all she does. He is just a very bitter, messed up person. He might be your grandfather BUT you are not obligated to fall under his control and take his stressful torture. We all have a choice to walk away from someone who is abusive to us, at least once we are adults. I did. I had an abusive husband. It is a choice. Your mother hasn't been strong enough emotionally to do so, growing up with him 24/7 has affected her ability to do so. But You are a generation removed and have not had him in your life as much as Mom did. If you don't like how he treats you, don't give him a helping hand, even to help your Mom. You'd be better off, having a talk with Mom about how the stress of it is not healthy for her. It will cut short her life in the end. Encourage her to go for counseling and to begin to care about herself for once. She needs to realize that even if she married and left home, she is still in his control and he's the puppet master pulling the strings but she doesnt have to be his puppet and jump to his every whim. All that needs to be done is tell him nicely how you'd like to be treated from now on and the moment he doesn't comply, you and/or Mom will walk out on him. The next day same thing, the moment he opens his mouth and says something negative, "That's it Dad/grandpa, I warned you. I am through taking your crap and now I will leave. You get only one more chance to learn to comply with my wishes and be respectful and treat me well or I'll never come back to help you out again!" Who calls if he yells and screams and curses you a blue streak. He is making a choice. He was given an option. It's like an unwritten agreement. When you get hired for a job posiiton, you promise to be a faithful employee and show up on time and be dependable. The employer must do their part too and give you adequate training, compliment and appreciate you, not take you for granted. If in a paying position, the helper or worker has such rights, it shouldn't be any different when its not a paying position but a relative helping a family member.
I used to be a care giver for elderly. My first assignment by my boss was to go help out a woman who couldn't keep an care giver because she was abusive like your grandfather. They had already sent her around 12 different workers and I was their last try. I didn't last the day. I left early because she was as bad as my ex. I sure as hell wasn't going to subject myself to that kind of abuse just for a paycheck. Since my work load was lots of part-time assignments to fill up the week, she was no big loss and I was stress free and felt better.
As for naming your baby, no one has a right to tell you how to name your baby. You are in danger here of breaking down your resolve to make your own decisions and let it be influenced by what others think and say. If you want approval from others when naming your baby, he'd have a hundred middle names just to please everyone. That's ridiculous. You were raised by Mom who has been affected by grandpa so some of how she was influenced has affected you whether you believe it or not. If I were you, I'd see a counselor for a while to get my head clear so you can spot when someone is trying to get you to do something they think you should do, or trying in any way to influence you. In the end, it's your life. You only have control to change and improve yours for the better. No one else has control over you, unless you give it to them. Good Luck dear.

[view]

24/F

Sometimes I feel like I am turning out like my mother, which terrifies me.

She’s a compulsive liar and most recently told me horrible lies about her own mother, after I tried telling her that she needs to learn to cherish her while she still has a chance. Since, she will regret not doing so.

My boyfriend’s mother grew up knowing something painful and it followed into her adult years. Her mother was married to her father, who my boyfriend's mom was close to, but from the time that she was eight years old, her mother was seeing another man and dated him for 46 years while still married to her father. Yet, her mother recently passed away, and she managed to have a close relationship with her. When she finally died, my boyfriend’s mother broke out in tears.

My mother concocted something even worse, villainizing her mother.

She said that when she was 17, she was almost raped and when she tried telling her parents, they made no big commotion about it. It was as though, it actually happened, she could tell me so many little things. The name of the guy, the outfit she was wearing, etcetera.

She then told me that my grandmother insisted things like this don’t happen in our family. Then, she, also, said that my grandmother (who I know had her own share of affairs) attempted to set her up with her boyfriend, so that she would have a date for her senior prom.

Apparently none of this stuff happened. My grandmother was so upset that my mother had dreamt up such a lie. When I first told her that my mother had nearly been sexually assaulted, she was very shocked, and said that my mother had never informed her. She (my grandmother) is a very hard woman and doesn’t cry much, so she reacted by yelling and telling my mother that she was a liar. Yet, you could tell that she was hurt and upset that her only child was making up something so painful, and making her look like such a shitty person.

It’s a wonderful way for my mother to bite the hand who feeds her. My grandmother has taken care of her for nearly 58 years. Her entirely life, mostly. She, also, watched her kids when both of my parents had to go to work. Now that my mom is sick and unable to work, my grandmother who has COPD, does things such as taking care of her when she is a diabetic coma, and making sure that she eats before dialysis.

Additionally, whenever my mother is in the hospital, she calls her every day to find out how she is. It's very difficult for my grandmother to go anywhere, which I'm sure is that only reasons why she doesn't visit her when she's in the hospital.

I’m pretty sure that my grandmother is telling me the truth and not covering for herself, because my father who has been married to her for 33 years has NEVER heard about this. I think that somehow, especially since she claimed that my father was the first and only man she slept with, that it would have come up at one point.

When I asked my sister if my mother had ever told her about being nearly raped, which I had asked my mother, she said no. My sister was nearly raped, so it kind of confuses me that she wouldn't encourage her daughter to call the cops and press charges, that way he couldn't do it to another woman.

Instead, she informed me that it is bad news to bring a rapist to trial because the defense will make you look like a slut. Okay, that just pisses me off that my mother would tell me that. I have never been raped, but if it was, it's nice to know that I would be encouraged not to press charges.

This is not the only cruel lie that she has told. She said that my other grandmother (whose now dead) sold her food stamps to earn money for alcohol, which is a lie… I think that knowing that made my dad cry if I remember right, and it’s one of the reasons why my aunts and uncles (her children) hate my mom now.

It turns out that this story was probably actually discussed on Dr. Phil, which is where my mother came up with her story.

Growing up with a mother like mine, I try really hard not to lie, but it seems like I never get my information correctly. So, doesn’t that mean that I’m technically lying to people?

I’ve been telling people that my boyfriend is going to graduate that semester for nearly two years now. He’s finally graduating in Fall 2015. Then I also said that my cousin, who is pregnant, is leaving her job to raise her baby, which I strongly disagree with. My grandmother then told me that’s not true. My cousin is not leaving her job, but she is taking time off of work to go on maternity leave. I, also, told people that my cousin was not really in love with her then fiancé, now husband, which is something that I reciprocated from my mother but that’s beside the point. Yet, I also feel like people are telling me these things, which is why I’m telling these stories.

Whenever I find out that something that I told someone is untrue, I always tell them that… but it’s still lying, isn’t it?

Is it normal for other people to do things like this, like the game of telephone that most of us played in grade school?

When does lying get really bad? Am I doomed to become like my mother?

Here's a rule to stick with in life, if you weren't there to see/witness it for yourself, or hear straight from a person what others are 'saying' they said, then you don't know for sure that it is true, it's only speculation. If you must gossip, then when passing on a story you've heard, you could say, "This is just speculation, as I have no way of confirming it, but ...." However a better choice is to not share other peoples stories because unless you have witnessed the event, you can not prove the story you want to tell in true.

That is why I don't believe anything I see in print about celebrity's unless they were being interviewed live by Barbara Walters or some such person and I heard the facts from the horse's mouth so to speak. Even on the news, I've heard people say, I never said that, they spliced things I said to give a different spin on it. People are gullible but people also are more interested in the 'dirty laundry' of other peoples lives than living a good life which isn't as attention grabbing. It's like that song called Dirty Laundry. The lyrics are soo true:
Dirty little secrets, dirty little lies
"We got our dirty little fingers in everybody's pie We love to cut you down to size, we love dirty laundry

We can do "The Innuendo," we can dance and sing
When it's said and done we haven't told you a thing We all know that crap is king, give us dirty laundry.

I have someone in the family telling horrific stories about their childhood and yet the person is suffering from mental illness and not taking their meds. by their own confession, so we can't be 100% sure that all this persons stories are true. Due to the illness, it's more likely that all of it is made up in their minds and by actions we have witnessed, the person is becoming very unstable.
You can't change or improve your mom. That is her life to live and only in her control to improve herself. And most people don't like change or refuse to believe there's something wrong with the way they operate in life.
As to reasons why she might do this, it doesnt matter, your only concern should be how you live your life. If you feel you are really struggling with this a lot, you may want to go to see a counselor for a while. Your mind is so muddied up listening to Mother from birth til now that you need a clear perspective in how to handle her stories so it helps to see a professional. That way you can be sure if you are doing something that is destructive, you can learn how to do better or perhaps what you perceive as you being like mom is not true at all. Good luck dear.

[view]

I don't really know that my guy likes me or not but i think so that kind of he likes me ......... But sometimes he just shows that he hates to hell and sometimes he just turns back looks at me....... i seriously don't know what to do plz!!!!! I am from INDIA

You say 'my guy' which could be a person you have a crush on but no relationship, or a boyfriend, fiancee or husband. I have no idea what your real situation is. Yes people end up in marriages where they are like strangers and have no idea if the other even likes them or loves them or why they even married you.

I will take a guess, that you are young, and you are attracted to this guy and waiting for him to notice you. When a guy likes you, you'll catch him staring at you a lot. Such a guy will find opportunitys to get close to where you are or walk by and smile and say Hello, even if nothing else due to shyness. If this is consistent, theres an attraction on his part too. Whether he really 'like's you as a person, your character and personality, is yet to be discovered by spending time together. It is then a person discovers whether they like a person or not. If they like you, the next step is dating to learn more and during that time, is there is chemistry between you both, you fall in love or you don't and break up as being in relationship where theres no romance due to the other feeling more like a sibling, is not a good thing.

You have not said if this particular guy even smiles at you or says hello. You used the word hate in a sentence I didn't understand. If you feel the energy and emotion of hate focused towards you from him, it's best not to pursue him or even hope for him to ask you out, because there are different personality types and some do not mesh at all, they'd always be in conflict. You can do the young school kid thing, no matter your age if you're too shy to walk up and try conversing with him, write a note with the question "Do you like me?" with a box to check for yes, and one to check for no. This is one way to find out. So far, I haven't heard enough to feel positive that he is interested in you. It could go either way. The only way to really find out is to approach him in some way and try a way you;re comfortable with to start chatting with him. If he seems to want to end the conversation, or in a hurry to take off and you can see by his expression that he's really not focused on you, then he's likely not interested at all and simply trying to appear polite. If he enters the conversation, seems fascinated, smiles alot, maybe laughs too, then he's interested.

[view]

I'm 15/f
I got caught having sex with my boyfriend in a private property by the police and my boyfriend is 18. Yes I know that's illegal & a big age difference. He got arrested & my parents didn't press charges but they're super disappointed in me as you can imagine... They didn't know I was sexually active. If I had the confidence to talk about it I would of . I can't blame them for MY mistake but honestly my parents favor my sister all the damn time. Oh she makes money oh she does better in school than I do. Literally everything she does is better than I do. I've always tried to be good enough but I'm never enough. I feel like maybe I just stopped caring about that they wanted from me because they'll never be as good as my sister. Of course they have the right to favor her now & of course they care about me also but I don't know what to do with myself I honestly want to commit suicide I'm so tired of everything

I liked adviceman's comment about choosing a personal motto to seek to improve yourself every day. I just want to add, I've done the same thing in a way, wanting to overcome some personal obstacles as a teen and college age person, and I set goals to slowly make those changes with teeny tiny baby steps until I got comfortable working at that level and then challenging myself to more.
Then in my 30's I was tested again. We thought we finally found a church that could be loving and supportive. It was a pretty progressive one with a band for worship music that was all modern and I loved that part of it. God gave me a challenge, to make colorful streamers to twirl in back or in the aisles as others danced and clapped in place. I was not to ask approval of people, just do as God asked me. It was a lesson to teach me something...same thing you are facing, favoritism towards your sister, trying the impossible, to please everyone at the same time. I discovered I had a fear of people and that I would get a negative response but God kept telling me to do this and I wanted to obey. So finally I started doing the worship dancing with twirling of streamers as I'd seen people do for church in other countries. Reaction was immediate. People stared and God said ignore them. All the young girls wanted to join me along with my daughters. A few adults including an elder and his wife told me they loved it. But there were others who told me I was a hazard to people who might need to walk to the bathroom. We all stopped and stood still and moved out of the way for that already as is, no problem but she continued to frown and glare at me after that. A visitor asked her friend what I was doing. The woman replied "I haven't a clue, she's just doing her thing. I wonder why they let her do it though." I got other negative comments and for Easter when we drew a bigger crowd, the Pastor told me I'd have to do that 'thing' elsewhere since they'd put extra chairs out but he never ever complimented or encouraged me or gave his support. thats the only thing he ever said to me on the subject. I had hoped for more approval but realized that God was teaching me, that whatever I do in life, I need to do it for me, because it pleases me, because I like it, and I did like worship time. It wasn't even about learning to please God and that being my motive. You just can't please all of the people in your world and in your life all of the time. I learned I had been a people pleaser, trying to win the approval of all when all had varying ideas of what was right and good and I would end up being yanked everywhere in life impossibly trying to fit in, be accepted (I grew up very shy as a child and teen) and I always wanted positive approval, love and support from others. I had it in the family somewhat but I was needing it with peers and in society. I had to get to a place where I did not care what others thought, or what they said or if they stared, I set goals that were for me or things I liked to do. Once you are living your life for yourself, without trying to live up to others expectations but being pleased with yourself and knowing what you want out of life, you will begin to attract toward yourself people who are lured simply by your self confidence. I know it's important to get that from family but you have no control to change them. If you need to talk again to some one, you can go to my column and write me from there, mentioning something about your previous question so I know who you are. Blessings to you dear.

[view]

Just give me an answer

Hymens are elastic and most stretch out over time or by use of tampons for one, toys and your fingers or his can do that too. There is nothing to pop as it doesn't cover the whole entrance to the vagina because if it did, your period fluids couldn't flow out once a month.
What a hymen can do is tear but will heal quickly on its own and not give any discomfort. Reasons for tearing, not use of any lube or not enough lubrication, forcing something bigger than the circumferance of the ring of hymen skin into you too quickly for the skin to be able to slowly stretch. What happens with a rubber band when you pull it beyond it's limit of how far it can stretch? It's breaks and snaps. If you feel a slight discomfort or see a couple drops of blood, a ragged nail may have scratched the surface anywhere inside you.

[view]

I was curious to know if you would be willing to help me with something. The gist of the situation is that I'm dating a bisexual guy that has never been in a relationship with a guy. We've been together a year and he says he wants to be with me for the rest of his life. Although he said that, I felt he wasn't being completely honest. I was right; he's 98% sure and 2% of him is wondering what being with a guy is like. He has explained to me his attraction and he has had that attraction since eight years old. I know this is weird asking you. I don't want to give him up but I don't want 98%. I want him to know. Have you ever had thoughts like his?

I don't have any personal experience as NinjaNeer but on the other side of it, I have met quite a few older women who were bi-curious, thought they might be bi-sexual. These women were married and had husbands with whom there was mutual love and had children still at home or raised already. Being a curious sort, I asked any such people what the end result was, did they eventually try to be with a woman, and what did they discover. The majority of women found that while it wasn't unpleasant, after trying it, they realized that they were strictly heterosexual and appreciated the feminine body and found it beautiful but did not experience any sexual draw to the woman. Very few ended up realizing they were also attracted to females. All it took was the one experience with someone they thought they were sexually attracted to, to discover that wasn't the case for them. I can understand that because as a female, I know I am hetero, not bi but I do appreciate the beauty of the female body and love looking at it as much as I love looked at the male physique but it stops there. While I can notice in people watching, average women who seem to have an air of sexuality about them and can pick it up, that they are sexy looking no matter their looks, my hubby and I can also spot the ones who look like they never have sex and have no interest at all in either sex. I never have felt drawn to want to have even one female sex partner. A person can be bi and married and have only one sweetheart of the opposite sex as opposed to many. But it sounds like your guy is so far bi curious.
So you feel that he may NOt want to be with you for the rest of your life? That he's not sure? He can be 100% sure that you are the only female he will ever be attracted to and love you and want to be your husband. But that doesn't mean he will always wonder about the other and what it is like.

So if you have an issue with being his wife and him later finding a guy to experience sex with or maybe develop a relationship with, then you need to work through your feelings because I have known too many husbands who supported their wives in exploring this part of them. One found a swing club to take his wife to after she tried being with a woman and realized that she very much enjoyed and needed this. So he'd take her there, listen to a band play and watch others dance while she found herself a sex partner for the evening on site. And he has no attraction to other women, just there to support his wife. You either can be that supportive type person with him or you can't. Figure that out before you go further, just in case that day comes in the future when he is so tempted but doesn't want to hurt you so he forces that part of him to never try and it eats him up inside to the point he could possibly end up very miserable and become resentful and that could hurt the marriage.

The best thing you could do if you meant it when you said, "I want him to know", it to tell him to go ahead and try with a guy so that he can finally be 100 percent sure of how he feels sexually, which is different from 100% committed to you for life. Until he is sure, you're likely to be unsure of making a life long commitment to him. Good luck hon.

[view]

Gender- Male
Age-14

I am a very intelligent and shy person. There was a beautiful girl at my school by the name of Kamryn. I had liked her for a very, very long time, even though we didn't know each other very well. After speaking to one of my best friends (who is also one of Kamryn's best friends), I discovered that she liked me as well. On February 12th I finally worked up the courage to ask her out. I had gotten her a heart-shaped box of chocolates and a rose (as cliche as it may seem, it was almost Valentine's Day). She said yes, and it was then that I had my first girlfriend. I tried to do everything right; I sent her goodnight and good morning texts every night and morning, I compliment her everyday (I tried not to compliment her to much, as not to dilute the meaning, but simply couldn't help stating my mind). We still didn't talk too often during school (as we are both very shy and soft-spoken people). We did, however, text each other all the time. I attempted to make conversation with her whenever I could, but she never reciprocated. I am an INTJ, and contemplate every finite detail very thoroughly. I took any blame or negative aspect out on myself. Out of the blue, after only twenty days of dating, she told me that there are a lot of things going on in her life, and that she thinks we should break up. I understand her point of view, but as a person of pure logic and reason, I am having a constant internal battle of reasoning. I am seeing two equal and true perspectives. I keep analyzing all of the possibilities; perhaps she only said yes to spare my feelings. I have been deeply depressed. I haven't slept more than three hours a night, and haven't eaten anything since the breakup, nor have I spoken to anyone for any reason. There is no advice that can help me, but I never speak of my feelings to anyone, so I figured, "why not?" I expect to see all of the things that are all too common and all the less helpful; "It will pass," "You're young, you'll go through a lot of girlfriends," "You can't let it get to you," and the classic, "There are plenty of fish in the sea."

As intelligent as you are, I am sure you realize you are not at all like the guys your age. Intellectually you're way beyond teen-hood or maybe even college age. This one fact in itself is going to make it difficult for you to find anyone your age who can connect with you to the point they want to be your steady girlfriend. A big part of the problem you're going to continue to find for quite some time is that other teens, the majority of them, no matter their personality type have brains that just aren't are mature as yours. The issue is the frontal lobe of the brain in teens. I will give you the best definition I've found of the problem and a link to what an MD has to say on it before I continue.

Brain development~~Prefrontal Cortex in teens

"The prefrontal cortex, is a section of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments and controls impulses and emotions. This section of the brain also helps people understand one another. The prefrontal cortex section of the brain in teens is still a little immature as compared to adults; and it doesn't fully develop until your mid-20s."

Although Dragonfly has witnessed the fact that for half the population is seems that target of finally having a mature brain seems to be closer to age 30.

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/inside-look-at-the-teen-brain

So you're going to continue to be the odd duckling out as far as the majority of teens let alone teen girls who might make a good girlfriend for you. But it's not impossible to find the right one for you. I have a feeling you're not into going through lots of short term girlfriends which is actually the norm for most teens as they are no where near putting as much thought and logic into how to relate to the other sex.

You on the other hand are aware of your personality type, something most college age people still haven't even given a thought to. And being aware of what you are like, you made sure to take the steps necessary to push yourself beyond the limits of who and what you are at core, being more social and outgoing and as far as I can tell from what you wrote, you did everything just right. At 14, I wanted a boyfriend but there was no one like you or my 2nd husband out there. So don't beat yourself up. It's nothing you did wrong and I am glad you wrote in so I can reassure you.

As a rule, most teens I have found seem more easily drawn to other teens that capture the attention due to some of our senses responding in that way, sight and sound. Those that are more pretty or handsome than the average looking person who has their own beauty, and those who are more outgoing and talkative and are more confident or cocky or just good at pretending it, are the ones who are going to capture the eyes of their peers. You did say she was beautiful to you and it is important to be visually attracted to the person who will hopefully become your partner but at the same time, combined with the brain immaturity, lots of guys pass over many girls who are pleasant to average looking who may make great girlfriends but don't first catch the eye.

As to my experience with personality types, I want to make a point that hopefully will help you understand the percentage of people like you. In my twenties, while married to 1st husband, we took a Saturday class held at a hotel to learn more about our personality types. He rightly believed understanding this would help him with dealing with clients when starting his own business and interacting with clientel. The teacher showed a diagram of a square made into 4 smaller squares. Each square represented different personality types. There were certain descriptions of people on the lines where one square came up to the next so you could have have some of the traits of the square to your left and some of the one to your right. He then told people to go to the corner of the room designated for people of the type they believed to be. Once in my group, I felt great, I was with people just like me, and when I looked up, my husband had ended up in the promoter type group while I was with the Supporter type. I was shocked to find that the more intellectual types, Controllers and Analysts had very few people in it. This was a very basic test, not as in depth as Myers-Briggs but It showed me something that I found valuable in life. A class of about 50 people ended up split with the outgoing types in the majority averaging about 20 each. The introvert types of Controller and Analyst were about 5 people each. That means that 80% of people are outgoing and very social while you find yourself in the 20% which once split into the two basic types means that there'll only be 10% of the population where a girl is like you and can understand you and appreaciate you. You're smart enough to recognize some of these basic traits in others. like adviceman said "You'll know it when you look into her eyes." There are surely the right types out there for you and tho other teens may have no clue of their personality types, you will by simply observing them. Go back and study the other types. Here's a description of the basic communication style types.
http://www.typesofcommunicationhq.com/types-of-communication-styles/

If drawn in a square, you'll find you share sides with the Controller types and the Supporter types with a leaning more towards one or the other depending on where you break down into with the 16 more precise personality types. SO my best guess is to look for girls who are either Analysts or Supporters who are able to be both shy and quiet or social and outgoing all in one bundle. As a supporter, my first husband was a promoter, my second is an Analyst. He had trouble finding girls his own age for years. Once he turned 18, he began dating women older than him, even into their 30's. He was mature enough to interest them, many divorcees not looking for marriage, just a boyfriend and he fit the bill.
All of this to say, dont take it personally when a girl breaks up with you. Yes it will hurt and it takes time to recover from the heartache but in time you will recover. The depression will not last forever unless you are always a depressed person and need to be on medication. A normally not depressed person will react emotionally to something hard and difficult and unexpected and hurtful by feeling depressed. The best things to help you feel better if it drags out too long for you, is once ready to be back to your cheery self, play the type of music that is therapeudic for you, the kind that makes your heart feel like as a balloon or like your soul is floating inside you. Watching the kind of comedy that makes you laugh works well too, laughter is a good medicine, do something active like running, exercise, for me something like skipping down the road does it for me cus its feels childlike and silly but freeing at the same time, and hugs help more than you would know, giving or recieving them. IF you're not normally a huggy type, just ask mom to give you some really good hugs for the next couple days, or Dad because you need it. Singing along to favorite songs helps too. These are things that help your body to create more NT's, neural transmitters that help your brain be able to cope with the stressful things in life. When the level of NT's in your body run low or to empty because they are being used up faster due to the stress of your break up for example, the low levels are another way of saying depressed levels and thus the term of a person feeling depressed. A clinically depressed persons body can't produce these NT's no matter what they do and they need medication that does it for them. Others like yourself suffering only as a traumatic situation happens to you, will recover and sooner if they do what it takes to make them feel better. By the way, I play a favorite song not once but about 5 times in a row to get the needed lift I need. good luck to you dear.

[view]

I've had a crush on my guy best friend and the other day he asked me out I said yes and now I'm scared things will get weird if you can tell me what I should do when we brake up please do I don't want my friendship to end. (P.S I'm a 13 year old girl.)

So, are you saying that you only like him as a friend and don't have any romantic feelings when with him? If not sure, picture him remaining your friend but going out with and dating other girls, maybe even a girlfriend of yours. If you have no romantic feelings and he promises to remain your friend, then it wouldn't be a problem and you'd be glad your male best friend found himself someone like that just as you'd hope he'd feel the same for you. If you cant picture that without getting upset, then there's a good chance you do have feelings that are starting for him. They dont have to be like a hot blazing fire right at the start, some will grow to become that over time spent together. So decide first how you really do feel about him before saying anything. Maybe he is just wnating to spend time with you as a friend and this is not an official bf/gf date to him. You won't know unless you go. If you do like him as a bf not just a friend, then you will continue to remain best of friends. In fact, thats what I recommend for having a healthy long lasting relationship to older adults. At your age, most dating relationships do not have a long life expectancy. Also for older adults, the other part to a good relationship is the two both having a strong chemistry, one that can last beyond the first couple of months of being romantic cus many times, people thought it was the real thing but it isn't if it fades away in time. This chemistry is important as much as being sexually compatible once they act upon it. At your age, it's best to wait a while to go that far but you can certainly tell if there is chemistry. If after time of being near him, flirting,, holding hands, and kisses, you should be able to still feel attracted, excited and tingly and enjoy him, if its faded, then you can only be best friends but nothing more and more is needed to be able to be datting couple.

As for breaking up, as i've explained, it's not necessary unless either he or you or both feel awkward around each other if one has the romantic feelings and the other doesn't. I can't say that will happen. If it does, then be honest and tell him that you feel awkward now being around him knowing how he feels when you don't, if he's okay with you maybe not seeing him as often or just keeping in touch more in text or computer, then that should be easier. If thats still uncomfortable, then tell him, you need to stop hanging with him as a friend. Hope this helps. This situation is not an easy one, even for older adults. But its part of life and something we all have to go through at some point.

[view]

15/f
I've been sick since I went on my winter break around December 20th. Typical coughing, sore throat, runny or stuffy nose. I've gotten better & back to sick thought the months. I've been taking medications but I still can't get better. I stated getting really bad headaches & I went to the doctor & my doctor said that it was all because my sinuses were still clogged or whatever. It was only 6 pills, one day was 2 then the next few days were just one pill. My headaches were gone but now I'm still a little sick & I've been getting horrible head aches but now I have really bad nausea as well. Sometimes it's when I wake up. Sometimes it doesn't happen until I eat. I feel it might be my sinuses and also because I don't sleep very well has anyone gone through this? Does anyone know what it might be? I was reading & I'm scared it could be something serious like a brain tumor.

You need to go back to your doctor. As long as what they tell you and prescribe doesn't help you need to go back and keep insisting on them running tests to discover what it is. If this has been going on for months, then obviously, your Dr. hasn't been looking for, searching for clues that might give him an idea as to what is wrong. He/She may have to run a lot of tests that start with basic ones like urine check and blood check for the usually things that might produce the symptoms you have and if it comes back negative, then they have to do the same tests again looking for more things. Its not a matter of just asking someone, even Drs online what they think it might be cus even though you might find a dozen things that fit the description, without proper diagnosis by doing enough tests, no Dr. can be sure and it won't help you to treat you for one illness when you actually have another because of course, you won't get better. Talk to the parents and ask to go back to the Dr.

[view]

Okay, so I've been exclusively dating this amazing guy since August and more casually since June. He's about 4 years older, which isn't a big deal besides me still being in school.He's begun his career and is away from his family and basically on his own while I'm in my apartment 2 miles from campus with parents paying bills.
When we met, he was fascinating. I had never been with anyway like him. everything about him excited me. Physically he's not the athletic type I'm used to but I didn't even see that. Even when we worked out together and saw how horrible he was in the gym I just thought it was cute. He's the smartest most thoughtful guy I've ever met and our first date we talked about life and religoin and missed most of our concert talking for hours.
but now that things have gotten more serious, I don't know where the amazement went. He does not seem interested in having nights like that. We go out to et and he's irritated or on his phone. He's still loving and cuddling at home but nothing feels natural anymore. Even the sex feels forced.
He told me about a concert back in his college town and I wanted to know how he knew about it and he wouldn't answer me, just said he had his ways.
I've been in cheating relationships before like anyone else so I know I'm paranoid about it.We're not in the same city so I feel like something is off. I can't say he is cheating but I can say I don't know much about him. I've met a few of his close friends after nagging about it. Never met any family. Females, including the one he was bummed his missed her birthday when I came to visit him, I never hea about, and when I do I'm never allowed to meet them. He says stuff like I went to eat with a friend when he's in town but I haven't seen him all day.
I'm losing interest and I think it's bc I feel like I'm sleeping with a stranger. I wrote him a long letter telling him exactly why sex is how it is for me and why I want him to tell me more about him and to reply if he's not comfortable talking and he acted like it was nothing.Now every conversation he does't say that he has my letter I just get pissed and think of a thousand reasons why he would not be fully committed to this after everything he's said. I don't know what it is bc he is an honest and loving person, but nothing sits right with me anymore and I don't know how I even feel with him.

any advice?
i'm 21 (senior at my university) female

Sounds like you've tried to give him a chance to speak up if he's no longer interested and he's not saying anything. Sometimes it's easier to stay with the current situation, even if it's settling for less, than to go through the awkward thing of having to start all over again with someone new. Most humans hate change by the way and ending a relationship thats not working for you is one of them. I will say that even if a person is trustworthy, it is hard to build up a trust with someone who is long distance and you dont see often. trust is earned over time and builds slowly bit by bit as you see that the person is consistant and you can depend on what they say as they've always told the truth. It's in the day to day relationships where you see each other more than you even have a chance to gain trust so thats why you don't feel trust. I'm not saying he's innocent, just that it's more impossible to catch him if he's not when long distance.
There is something called New Relationship Energy and that may account for your great interest and friendship right off the bat. NRE is the same thing you feel with anything new in your life. Remember as a kid really wanting a certain toy soo badly and everyone in the family knew and you played with it if possible in the toy aisles of stores. Then when you got it, after a certain amount of time, most toys lost their appeal for you after a while and where abandoned in the toy box. Same thing. If there really isn't enough in common or enough chemistry to both become best friends and also enough sexual compatibility, the relationship will be a poor one at best with no chance of getting better. I assume this is what you are feeling when you said "nothing feels natural anymore. Even the sex feels forced." If he said this to you, then its time to part, even if you don't feel the same. Sometimes one feels what they believe is chemistry while the other doesn't. If this is how you feel, why are you waiting for him to confess feeling the same first? Are you truly willing to stay with him if he's crazy about you and an angel of a guy even if he doesn't do anything for you anymore? Thats called settling for less, and it bothered you enough to write. So have an honest talk with him in person next time you see him. This way you can hear tone of voice and get facial expressions and body language as well to understand what he's saying and if it looks like there's something he's not saying. If you still aren't sure, maybe it's time to learn to determine if someone is a good match for you. I have that to share with you if you like. It's a page and a half of instruction and worked great for me when I sought my 2nd husband. But you'd have to go to my column and write me from there to request it,( Doc. on how to find the right person.) Sex is one of two very important foundations for a satisfying relationship. The other is being best of friends and thats where all that stuff like respect, honesty, trustworthy, supportive, etc. all comes in. First decide what you are looking for in a guy and what you want him for, just a social relationship bf/gf to have someone to hang with and also have sex, for a long term relationship, or are you looking now for the guy you want to be with life long--with marriage or without. Then talk to him. Tell him what your needs and wants are and ask whether he can or is willing to fill them. Or you may decide by thinking about what you want, that he is never going to be that right guy for you, and so you break up. good luck!

[view]

If you are wondering why a 22 year old is asking about love and I know I should be patient. Some background info, my last relationship was for just under two years. I work seven days a week and I am a full time student. Long story short she said she was raped on Christmas, I was very suspicious but I did trust her and did my best to support her. Not even 5 months later I went to surprise her(an hour and a half away) with a nice weekend planned. She said she was staying at a friends house. That night she cheated on me again. Now we are not together and I don't talk to her, but I loved the feeling of being wanted, more then a one night stand, more then a "fling". Now any female I'd consider I get flustered and make a fool of myself. I want to meet new people and get out of this slump, I just need someone to point me in the right direction

Most people start dating based on attraction only and really don't know enough about the other to have even a clue if they would be right for you whether for short term, long term dating or life long. You don't need to have much dating partner in the past if you have a strategy of how to go about this. I understand fearing to be hurt again and you can feel more assured if you have some kind of plan. Apparently, the girl is okay with non monogamous dating while you are one who desires serial monogamy meaning monogamous with a person until the relationship ends and then you become monogamous with the next person. If this is one of the things important to you, then it better be on a list of what you are looking for in a partner. I'll bet a female with the same libido as yours is just as important, as well as naturally being an honest person. There's much more than that though. To give you a clue, I'll paste in a document I've written and saved as I get many on here with the same issues. It applies to males and females alike. Sorry, but to help you, no short answer would do, so this is long. Here goes:

How to determine someone is a good match for you
Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in one or both people that would harm the partner emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up. Dating in the beginning should be more of an investigative process, to learn about the other, not to become instant bf/gf and date socially until something breaks you up.
After a divorce when starting my search again, I believe my Angels gave me this idea, and it worked. I found it most helpful. You will make two lists. I choose to call it a list of criteria for finding the right partner/mate because that's exactly what it is. So here's the tool you use to help you in determining if someone is a good match for you.

You will make two lists. The first most crucial one is a list of Must Haves. A 'must have' for you is something which if it doesn't apply to this other person, then that's a deal breaker, you don't date or get into relationship with them. Very important serious stuff here. So how do you know what to put on the list? Think of things that are very important to you in life, things that no one can sway your mind to a different viewpoint and importance in your life. Major issues seem to hinge on topics such as religion/beliefs, sexuality and children. Here's an example of what I am talking about. Even tho a person wanting to date isn't ready to have kids yet for 5-8 years, they know they do want children someday, their own or adopted is another concern. If one does not ever want kids and can't be swayed to change their mind, even if in love, then that is a deal breaker and must be on the list. Not to sound shallow, but the wanna be stay at home mom will never be happy if she must compromise that dream when the kids are little because the guy doesn't earn enough to support both. If she isn't flexible enough to be able to deal with reality and uncertainties of life, she could have emotional issues for being forced to work or he with her staying home and not able to meet the budget and fighting ensues. Why take a chance that something might go wrong in the future, long after your heart has fallen in love?

Finding ones best friend and sexual equal should be top priorities and whatever pertains to that in which you have specific requirements had better be on your list. You want a mate who likes to travel an incredible amount but she is a home body, no match. You may coax her on one vacation a year but more she'll be miserable, and it becomes a battle. You have a high libido. Spell out what you want. If its sex once a day, you better be sure before you even get to the point of being ready to try sex whether she also has a high libido or she thinks thats over kill and once a week or twice a month is reasonable. I hope you understand the importance of a list of Must haves. I had about 5-7 if I remember right.

Next list is a list of Wants, and a want is like the frosting on the cake, it is not a deal breaker, and you can live happily without it but here's where you might think about others who do meet this or admire others who do. That's okay. I have great memories of past guys who loved to dance as I do. It was on my list as was a guy with long hair and much more. I didnt get the dancer but I got long hair. You will only need to use the lists of wants if by some miracle you find two or even 3 people who meet all your criteria of must haves, and need something else to determine which one to choose, you go for the one who meets most of them. In my case, the man I married met all my 'must haves' but no one else did, however he met half of my wants list. So I am very happy and in my mind, I have sorted out that it is okay that he never will meet the other half of my list of wants.
A person who knows what they want, and won't back down under harrassment, won't settle for less and isn't afraid to tell others what they are looking for in a mate, is going to come across as confident to others and that is an attractive trait in people and will draw the right one to you. I didn't find my right one instantly though. Many sounded great because they lied or didn't understand their own needs and wants well and once I met them and got to know them better, saw they were not a match for me according to my criteria. Hope this helps you.


[view]

Hi, so I am 19 and I am a virgin and I have never kissed anyone, I am what you would call a good girl and I like to take things slow.
Most people say I am too mature for my age, so guys my age don't really fancy me.
The other night I met this guy who I have a lot in common, and he said he likes me and he wants to take me on a date... now the catch is that he is frikkin 32!!!
He is really hot, but I am scared to go out with him, because as an older guy he will probably want to take things fast and he probably is really experienced... and the whole thing scares me as I don't feel ready... and older guys usually wait 2 or 3 days to have sex with a girl!! I don't know if I should date him, but I really like him.

HELP!!

I was still a virgin at your age and had never dated and soo naive. I had no experience like you. But what I am talking about is besides sexual experience...No experience in how to date a person to find out if they are the right person for me for life. My parents had no clue either. So I married him at 20. Like you, I was way mature for my age also but that doesn't compensate for being naive and inexperienced and making too many assumptions, not asking enough questions when it comes to knowing dating do's and don'ts and knowing what you want and expect and making that clear in the beginning. I didn't learn til way older and divorced as it was an abusive marriage. I'd like to give you pointers but I have to guess here, having no idea how well you know him already as a friend, whether you want to date just socially for fun or whether you're looking for your mate. I am going to assume you dont want to go through lots of relationships and find the right guy to marry.

So, age difference. I don't see it as a problem. Peoples brains don't finish growing and coming to full maturity until 25 anyways and for some longer, so there's a greater chance he may be a mature person as well. My parents were 9 yrs apart. I knew a gal who was 21 who married a guy at my church who was 12 yrs older than her. I believe the issue was he couldn't impregnate last wife to have kids so they split. This gal was willing to adopt. And they did.
What matters more than the age spread is whether he is perfect for you. In case you wonder about having no experience, I was the virgin and husband wasn't but since I knew nothing, I didn't know about having sexual chemistry or the absence of it. Your body can have sexual responses to being near a guy who you have chemistry, you don't have to have sex to confirm it but a kiss can confirm chemistry is there. I had no problem figuring out what to do, some things are basic, but I'll tell you this, each new sex partner I ever had, even as an older adult after divorce, I find you have to learn all over again what each person likes, so don't worry about that if or when the time comes. If you think an older man is going to expect sex as soon as possible, well ALL guys wish for, it started with puberty and never stops. A guy who is just dating for fun with no plan to settle down and marry, if you say up front, you are looking for the man you'll marry and you won't want to even attempt sex unless you feel some chemistry, etc...then that guy won't even bother to date you unless they like the challenge of changing a girls mind in which case, they aren't the kind of guy you want. So just in case, to be safe from someone being untruthful, for the first couple dates, agree to meet at a chosen place, restaurant, theatre, etc.. going in your own cars because once you're in his, you're kind of stuck and he can take you anywhere he wants. As A teen I had a teen guy who played instrument at church who said he wanted to hear the songs I had written and came to take me to his house. Mom wasn't there, and halfway through a song he put his hand on my leg moving toward my crotch. I told him I was not that kind of girl and ordered him to take me home. If he hadn't, I'd have had to ask my parents to come fetch me. I learned my lesson then and luckily he didn't force things. So meet in a public place, go in own car and explain why, you'll do it til comfortable with him If he gets upset with you anywhere along the way for that, good riddence, you just eliminated another wrong guy off the list. I did lots of dating before I met my 2nd husband. I knew what i wanted in a guy personality, core beliefs and sexually. And I made sure that guys knew I was one of those who get straight to the point without beating around the bush. I said I was looking for the boyfriend with potential to become a husband. Told them that I had certain criteria I had before I made a commitment to be their girlfriend, any dating before hand was simply information gathering, getting to know him. I then told them about myself, where I was at right now and what I wanted in a guy. That way, they knew if they could not meet my criteria, they could back out right then at that stage and I wouldn't be upset.
I found out after a while that males actually find it a turn on when a woman is confident enough to know what she wants and is not afraid to ask for it.
So decide if you want him to leave making the first sexual move up to you. My 2nd husband was like this naturally as a person so I had to make the move even for the first kiss. It is possible to date a guy for a while without having sex right away. If both of you feel the sexualj draw between you when together but choose to exercise self control until you can find out a little more about each other, nature will take the right course and the draw will become stronger until the point at which you find yourself wanting to have him kiss, touch and have sex with you. And as long as you've also discussed birth control ahead of time, 'just in case the chemistry is there to draw you both towards sex' then all is fine. It takes being on the pill around a week until its built up enough to be effective. I wouldn't trust in just a condom only for BC cus they can be flawed and break. Had that happen to me but I was on birth control and this was for STD protection so I couldn't become pregnant. I know most women who have answered when I ask, each one has had that one episode where it broke or slipped off inside her. Since I was older 2nd time around, I found that I either clicked or didn't at first meet. those who still sounded like good potentials, I went out with maybe 2,3 more times, enough time for him to think he had me and if he had been hiding behind a false personality to attract me, its at this the mask has slipped and you get to see their true self. I had that happen with a couple guys and what I saw reminded me of exactly what my ex used to do, so I quit seeing them as I had not yet commited to becoming their girlfriend. I was about to but then I saw what I saw and that ended it. No matter your age, try to go for holding the control over what happens. You can always ask what he expects from a gal he is dating as far as sex. It is best to ask these things up front. I never had one guy think it odd that I told them my criteria and asked them to tell me what they wanted and expected cus if at this point its already too diverse, then you have no business seeing him cus one of you would have to change who you are to be a match but it doesnt work, the changee becomes very unhappy and frustrated after a while. I know it might sound awkward to tell the guy you're a virgin and don't want to mislead a guy. But you want him to know you want to date long enough to see if you are attracted enough to want to have sex. If you don't feel it, you'll be honest and tell him and break up. If you do feel it, you'll let him know but want to have the control as to how soon and how fast you proceed. If the guy is really truly attracted to you, and is seriously looking for a long term or life long relationship, at his age, he won't want to be messing around, and he will be just as serious as you and willing to work with you through anything, just as any committed couple does, He will respect you and what you say.
I will say that when I did feel chemistry, I usually ended up making the first move or responding to a guy by the 3rd or 4th date. I'm older though. You might want more time. Depends how often you see the guy to get to know him. If once a week, it could take you a month or more before you're ready if you feel chemistry. If theres other questions, go to my column and write me from there mentioning you're the one with 12 yr age difference so I know who you are. Good luck dear.

[view]

How should I say I like you to a boy if I'm a young girl? We've been friends for a while and now I want to be more than friends. I don't want to ask him so it sounds awkward and puts him in a weird position. How should i ask him without making him feel uncomfortable?

I don't know your age or what you are considering to be the actual changes to your friend relationship if you were 'more than friends'. Hopefully nothing more than holding hands and a kiss or two at your young age. If you are a much older teen I'd have you say something a little different. But I am going to assume real young so based on that, it's best to not say anything about your feelings that are getting deeper for him. When two people who have spent any amount of substantial time together, they naturally get to know each other better, to the point you either begin to have feelings for the person, or you don't but like their friendship still or you find you don't like them at all and quit hanging with them.

If you say, "Hey Todd, I just wanted you to know that I like you." He could easily take that as meaning you like him as a friend which is kinda obvious cus you don't hang out with people you aren't friends with and dont like or have nothing in common with. You want to know if he likes you as more than a friend. So its better to present it as an idea and ask what his opinion is. So you could say something like this, "Todd, we've been doing really great being just friends. That makes me wonder if it's possible for us to become more than friends. Do you think we should give that a try?" This way, if he's been interested and too shy to aay anything he can just say it sounds like a good idea. If he likes you as a friend but doesnt see you as anything more than like a sister, then you'll know. If he likes the idea, then you also have to ask, "So what do you think we could do that is different than now, like would we hold hands and hang out more, maybe even kiss?" Then see what he thinks of the idea. Either he's ready to charge on ahead at full speed or he wants to go slowly, only acknowledging feelings for now and remaining close friends and that is good too. Good luck.

[view]

I'm turning 16 in a month & I had sex with my boyfriend in the end of January. We used a condom but it broke & we didn't notice til after... Since then I didn't get my period on the date I was suppose to get it on which was February 8th. I thought I might just be a few day late but still no period. I've taken many pregnancy tests & they all came out positive... I'm so scared I don't know how to tell my parents they're going to be so disappointed & I'm scared they'll kick me out
Is there any advice from anyone's experience ?

As your parents, they must legally provide for you until you turn 18. Anytime before is illegal and considered child abandonment. Read the law post regarding kicking out of kids and you'll see that they can't do anything if that's what you fear.

http://blogs.findlaw.com/law_and_life/2013/05/can-parents-kick-teens-out-of-their-home.html

Now think for a moment how you would feel years from now if the same thing happened to you? Your own daughter becomes pregnant. Csn see you how they'd feel angry? Don't know if you broke dating rules or a rule of no sex til you're an adult at 18 but those are a couple reasons to be angry. Your parents will feel the same. Mom will be wishing that you had said something and confessed the day the condom broke or the day after so she could purchase the Plan B emergency contraception just in case, which in your case was needed. I assume you didn't think of taking that. All this is reason enough to be angry. They have a right to feel angry and then also to go through grieving the loss of your normal life, because no matter how good the outcome, having a baby to term or aborting it, all will be emotionally traumatic to you and what hurts you will hurt your parents. They will have wanted to protect you from this. So yes, they'll be upset.

However, I am a parent myself and I know that no matter how angry or how much I cry myself to sleep over what happened, in the end, I am still her mother and can't change my love for my daughter no matter what happened or what she naively did. If a parent can stop loving you over any,,,ANY incident that involves you, then they only thought they loved, for that is not true love, that would be conditional love, meaning they will love you only as long as you are the kid with high grades who never gets into any kind of trouble. That is not love. I don't know of many parents who are that messed up...there are some. Out of anger, they may say some hurtful things or make demands but when they have had time to get over the initial shock and dissappointment, you'll see them come around.
There is no way to break this to them gently. All you can do for an opener is ask to sit with both of them privately if you have siblings. Then start out with, "Mom and Dad, I did something really stupid, mostly out of being ignorant and now I'm in trouble because I am pregnant." I am not saying that having sex at your age was a stupid thing dear, but it's what you did to really be prepared beforehand and what you did after that will show the level of ignorance. I know sex ed isn't taught much anymore and most teens know as much or less than even you. You word it your way to acknowledge acceptance that you just plain weren't thinking by using some statement like that which means they don't have to go over and over that point with you. You truly weren't thinking to go to Planned Parenthood and get on the pill. Laws have been passed so that teens from about age 14 on can go there for any needed, contraception, an infection or some questions answered regarding anything to do with your sexual organs and the parents don't get to know unless you say so. Once the condom did break, you didn't think to go get Plan B, or as its also called the Day after pill for emergency contraception. It takes up to a week for a fertilize egg to implant in uterus at which time you actually become pregnant. Any time before, contraceptives can be used that make the lining of uterus too slippery for the egg to attach to...so it flushes out with the next period. I am hoping all goes well for you. But do not delay...the sooner the better in case you go for aborting.

[view]

i always hang out by my self now or with my friend marley because my friends abby, lily, laura, kiley, emma jane, Eve, breanna and sohpie all like to hang around boys or popular groups and i dont like to me and marley are pretty popular to but we dont want to hang around those groups or boys what do we do??????

Why do you think there is something that you have to do? You're already doing what you want to do. I am trying to figure out what it is that is really bugging you...maybe not having enough choice of people to hang out with if you're ruling out the others for a good reason. I always stayed away from the popular kids crowds at Jr hi and HS cus they felt so fake, superficial and didn't always follow school rules. And yet, I had regularly about 5 to 6 friends who were close and not tempted to hang out with popular kids. They were all the quiet, average kids who didn't belong in any group, no goths, emos, populars, the brainy group, etc. Not saying you have to never see your old friends again. Just wait for them to wake up and realize the in group is not as hot and wonderful as it seems. In meanwhile, look for others like yourself who seem to often be alone too, probably for the same reason as you, or that they are too shy to make the first move to become a friend. That's what you can do for now. If your friends ask why you dont want to hang out with the popular crowd, tell them you already know you don't want to be part of that group but you won't think less of them if they do.
Good luck dear.

[view]

Can you get pregnant by swolling cum?

No. There is no connection between your tummy inside to your uterus. Same goes for anal sex...no connection from the lower intestines to your uterus.

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker