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Broken family ...
I'm 15/f
I got caught having sex with my boyfriend in a private property by the police and my boyfriend is 18. Yes I know that's illegal & a big age difference. He got arrested & my parents didn't press charges but they're super disappointed in me as you can imagine... They didn't know I was sexually active. If I had the confidence to talk about it I would of . I can't blame them for MY mistake but honestly my parents favor my sister all the damn time. Oh she makes money oh she does better in school than I do. Literally everything she does is better than I do. I've always tried to be good enough but I'm never enough. I feel like maybe I just stopped caring about that they wanted from me because they'll never be as good as my sister. Of course they have the right to favor her now & of course they care about me also but I don't know what to do with myself I honestly want to commit suicide I'm so tired of everything
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I am sure they are more concerned than they are disappointed. They're worried about whether or not you're having safe sex, about whom you're having sex with, etc.
The fact that your parents compare you to your sister means that they believe that you have the potential to achieve just as much as her - if not more. If they really believed that you weren't as "good" as her, they wouldn't say anything at all.
Please do not kill yourself - if you are considering suicide, please call 1 (800) 273-8255. They are available 24/7.
You are very young. It is never too late to become the person you want to be.
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I liked adviceman's comment about choosing a personal motto to seek to improve yourself every day. I just want to add, I've done the same thing in a way, wanting to overcome some personal obstacles as a teen and college age person, and I set goals to slowly make those changes with teeny tiny baby steps until I got comfortable working at that level and then challenging myself to more.
Then in my 30's I was tested again. We thought we finally found a church that could be loving and supportive. It was a pretty progressive one with a band for worship music that was all modern and I loved that part of it. God gave me a challenge, to make colorful streamers to twirl in back or in the aisles as others danced and clapped in place. I was not to ask approval of people, just do as God asked me. It was a lesson to teach me something...same thing you are facing, favoritism towards your sister, trying the impossible, to please everyone at the same time. I discovered I had a fear of people and that I would get a negative response but God kept telling me to do this and I wanted to obey. So finally I started doing the worship dancing with twirling of streamers as I'd seen people do for church in other countries. Reaction was immediate. People stared and God said ignore them. All the young girls wanted to join me along with my daughters. A few adults including an elder and his wife told me they loved it. But there were others who told me I was a hazard to people who might need to walk to the bathroom. We all stopped and stood still and moved out of the way for that already as is, no problem but she continued to frown and glare at me after that. A visitor asked her friend what I was doing. The woman replied "I haven't a clue, she's just doing her thing. I wonder why they let her do it though." I got other negative comments and for Easter when we drew a bigger crowd, the Pastor told me I'd have to do that 'thing' elsewhere since they'd put extra chairs out but he never ever complimented or encouraged me or gave his support. thats the only thing he ever said to me on the subject. I had hoped for more approval but realized that God was teaching me, that whatever I do in life, I need to do it for me, because it pleases me, because I like it, and I did like worship time. It wasn't even about learning to please God and that being my motive. You just can't please all of the people in your world and in your life all of the time. I learned I had been a people pleaser, trying to win the approval of all when all had varying ideas of what was right and good and I would end up being yanked everywhere in life impossibly trying to fit in, be accepted (I grew up very shy as a child and teen) and I always wanted positive approval, love and support from others. I had it in the family somewhat but I was needing it with peers and in society. I had to get to a place where I did not care what others thought, or what they said or if they stared, I set goals that were for me or things I liked to do. Once you are living your life for yourself, without trying to live up to others expectations but being pleased with yourself and knowing what you want out of life, you will begin to attract toward yourself people who are lured simply by your self confidence. I know it's important to get that from family but you have no control to change them. If you need to talk again to some one, you can go to my column and write me from there, mentioning something about your previous question so I know who you are. Blessings to you dear.
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Your boyfriend is very lucky; the police could have pressed charges of their own but that is another story altogether. Based on what you have written I think I know why you gave into your boyfriend and had sex with him. Knowing why and approving are two different things.
The why is simple you wanted the love you feel you're missing from your parents along with his approval and possibly you were afraid if you said no you would lose him. This is the part I can understand and I partially blame your parents for it is not right for parents to favor one child over another. Unfortunately I know all too well how that feels as I came from an entire family, my parents, Aunts and Uncles who did so.
Like you I eventually threw in the towel and said the heck with them. I was also older than you when I reached the realization that there was nothing I could do to change things in the eyes of my parents or family. The fact is I was a good kid also the oldest in the family so I got brushed aside for the younger members.
What I finally decided is the only person I have to better than is me. Meaning is if I can be a better person tomorrow than the person I am today, then I have grown and I have learned. This became a motto that I lived by. My self-esteem got better, my work ethic got better. I excelled in any classes I took whether they were work related or just to better educate myself.
My problem was not only was I competing with my sister but I was I was trying to outshine my father and every time I got close he knocked me back. When I adopted my motto he could no longer knock me back for I was no longer trying to outshine him. Then a strange thing happened, I finally received his respect which I did not fully accept but again that is a different story.
Suicide is not an answer. It is the wrong solution to a problem. You gain nothing by it and maybe you hurt some people but that hurt heels after a time. I suggest you adopt my motto or one like it. Stop competing with your sister and be your own person. Be the very best you that you can be and the heck with everyone else.
I would also suggest you find a boyfriend closer to your own age and not have sex again until you're older. For I really feel that the sex was more to feel love and not sex for the real benefit of sex or that you were truly ready as a young lady for sex.
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