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Boyfriend Unsure Of Sexuality
I was curious to know if you would be willing to help me with something. The gist of the situation is that I'm dating a bisexual guy that has never been in a relationship with a guy. We've been together a year and he says he wants to be with me for the rest of his life. Although he said that, I felt he wasn't being completely honest. I was right; he's 98% sure and 2% of him is wondering what being with a guy is like. He has explained to me his attraction and he has had that attraction since eight years old. I know this is weird asking you. I don't want to give him up but I don't want 98%. I want him to know. Have you ever had thoughts like his?
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I don't have any personal experience as NinjaNeer but on the other side of it, I have met quite a few older women who were bi-curious, thought they might be bi-sexual. These women were married and had husbands with whom there was mutual love and had children still at home or raised already. Being a curious sort, I asked any such people what the end result was, did they eventually try to be with a woman, and what did they discover. The majority of women found that while it wasn't unpleasant, after trying it, they realized that they were strictly heterosexual and appreciated the feminine body and found it beautiful but did not experience any sexual draw to the woman. Very few ended up realizing they were also attracted to females. All it took was the one experience with someone they thought they were sexually attracted to, to discover that wasn't the case for them. I can understand that because as a female, I know I am hetero, not bi but I do appreciate the beauty of the female body and love looking at it as much as I love looked at the male physique but it stops there. While I can notice in people watching, average women who seem to have an air of sexuality about them and can pick it up, that they are sexy looking no matter their looks, my hubby and I can also spot the ones who look like they never have sex and have no interest at all in either sex. I never have felt drawn to want to have even one female sex partner. A person can be bi and married and have only one sweetheart of the opposite sex as opposed to many. But it sounds like your guy is so far bi curious.
So you feel that he may NOt want to be with you for the rest of your life? That he's not sure? He can be 100% sure that you are the only female he will ever be attracted to and love you and want to be your husband. But that doesn't mean he will always wonder about the other and what it is like.
So if you have an issue with being his wife and him later finding a guy to experience sex with or maybe develop a relationship with, then you need to work through your feelings because I have known too many husbands who supported their wives in exploring this part of them. One found a swing club to take his wife to after she tried being with a woman and realized that she very much enjoyed and needed this. So he'd take her there, listen to a band play and watch others dance while she found herself a sex partner for the evening on site. And he has no attraction to other women, just there to support his wife. You either can be that supportive type person with him or you can't. Figure that out before you go further, just in case that day comes in the future when he is so tempted but doesn't want to hurt you so he forces that part of him to never try and it eats him up inside to the point he could possibly end up very miserable and become resentful and that could hurt the marriage.
The best thing you could do if you meant it when you said, "I want him to know", it to tell him to go ahead and try with a guy so that he can finally be 100 percent sure of how he feels sexually, which is different from 100% committed to you for life. Until he is sure, you're likely to be unsure of making a life long commitment to him. Good luck hon.
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It is definitely possible to be bisexual and 100% devoted to your significant other.
I am what I would probably consider pansexual, but identified for many years as bisexual. I am also happily married and monogamous.
Being bisexual doesn't mean that you aren't capable of committing fully to any one person because you'll always be jonesing for the other genitals. This is a common misconception. All that it means is that you have a greater scope when it comes to who you partner up with.
I'm sure you've been attracted, even briefly, to other men. Does that mean you're only giving your boyfriend 98%? Not at all. Being attracted to someone or having curiosity doesn't mean that you're not completely "in" your relationship. He might be 2% wondering what it's like to be with a guy, sure. That's pretty common, though, even in a happy, healthy relationship: you wonder what it's like to be with another person but you're not about to sacrifice something great for the sake of curiosity. I challenge you to find a guy who hasn't considered what it's like to be with someone other than his current wife/girlfriend.
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Not being bisexual or gay it would be hard to answer your question. If you are gay and he is bisexual one would think it not possible for you to have 100% for some percent of him lives in the other sexual world.
TO give you any more help than that I would need to know his age for at certain ages it is not unusual for anyone to be confused about their sexuality. Doctors and scientists now believe the people who are gay or lesbians are born that way and know this from even an earlier age than your friend said he became aware of this.
My advice is not to push him and if he is truly bisexual you may have to settle for 98%. In which case you are probably luckier than most as people who are bisexual are usually closer to 50/50.
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