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22 and starting to feel like there is no hope.
If you are wondering why a 22 year old is asking about love and I know I should be patient. Some background info, my last relationship was for just under two years. I work seven days a week and I am a full time student. Long story short she said she was raped on Christmas, I was very suspicious but I did trust her and did my best to support her. Not even 5 months later I went to surprise her(an hour and a half away) with a nice weekend planned. She said she was staying at a friends house. That night she cheated on me again. Now we are not together and I don't talk to her, but I loved the feeling of being wanted, more then a one night stand, more then a "fling". Now any female I'd consider I get flustered and make a fool of myself. I want to meet new people and get out of this slump, I just need someone to point me in the right direction
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Hey there!
You sound like a great gentleman, since I noticed you used words like "trust" and "support" when describing what you were giving to your relationship. That's exactly what a true relationship consists of and I can tell you want a real, true relationship.
I feel it's very important for you to know exactly what you're looking for, what's important to you and what you just will not put up with.
I, myself am also 22, female, and I agree it's hard to find a real relationship along with true love. I was also in a relationship earlier for four years. I learned it's extremely important to recognize who you are as a person, what you are willing to give your significant other and what you will expect in return, which is what you absolutely deserve!
I agree it is tough meeting new people, but that's the only way you will eventually connect with the right person which will lead you both to become comfortable and familiar with eachother. And before you know it you will find it, you will find love.
Trust me you will not find it if you are looking, but it will come along and find you at the right time.
My best suggestion would be to focus on yourself at this time, you're a great person willing to open up your warm heart, and you deserve the best, not just anything you can find.
I'll be wishing the best for you, hope you can learn to love yourself while you are single which will lead to someone loving you for that.
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Most people start dating based on attraction only and really don't know enough about the other to have even a clue if they would be right for you whether for short term, long term dating or life long. You don't need to have much dating partner in the past if you have a strategy of how to go about this. I understand fearing to be hurt again and you can feel more assured if you have some kind of plan. Apparently, the girl is okay with non monogamous dating while you are one who desires serial monogamy meaning monogamous with a person until the relationship ends and then you become monogamous with the next person. If this is one of the things important to you, then it better be on a list of what you are looking for in a partner. I'll bet a female with the same libido as yours is just as important, as well as naturally being an honest person. There's much more than that though. To give you a clue, I'll paste in a document I've written and saved as I get many on here with the same issues. It applies to males and females alike. Sorry, but to help you, no short answer would do, so this is long. Here goes:
How to determine someone is a good match for you
Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in one or both people that would harm the partner emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up. Dating in the beginning should be more of an investigative process, to learn about the other, not to become instant bf/gf and date socially until something breaks you up.
After a divorce when starting my search again, I believe my Angels gave me this idea, and it worked. I found it most helpful. You will make two lists. I choose to call it a list of criteria for finding the right partner/mate because that's exactly what it is. So here's the tool you use to help you in determining if someone is a good match for you.
You will make two lists. The first most crucial one is a list of Must Haves. A 'must have' for you is something which if it doesn't apply to this other person, then that's a deal breaker, you don't date or get into relationship with them. Very important serious stuff here. So how do you know what to put on the list? Think of things that are very important to you in life, things that no one can sway your mind to a different viewpoint and importance in your life. Major issues seem to hinge on topics such as religion/beliefs, sexuality and children. Here's an example of what I am talking about. Even tho a person wanting to date isn't ready to have kids yet for 5-8 years, they know they do want children someday, their own or adopted is another concern. If one does not ever want kids and can't be swayed to change their mind, even if in love, then that is a deal breaker and must be on the list. Not to sound shallow, but the wanna be stay at home mom will never be happy if she must compromise that dream when the kids are little because the guy doesn't earn enough to support both. If she isn't flexible enough to be able to deal with reality and uncertainties of life, she could have emotional issues for being forced to work or he with her staying home and not able to meet the budget and fighting ensues. Why take a chance that something might go wrong in the future, long after your heart has fallen in love?
Finding ones best friend and sexual equal should be top priorities and whatever pertains to that in which you have specific requirements had better be on your list. You want a mate who likes to travel an incredible amount but she is a home body, no match. You may coax her on one vacation a year but more she'll be miserable, and it becomes a battle. You have a high libido. Spell out what you want. If its sex once a day, you better be sure before you even get to the point of being ready to try sex whether she also has a high libido or she thinks thats over kill and once a week or twice a month is reasonable. I hope you understand the importance of a list of Must haves. I had about 5-7 if I remember right.
Next list is a list of Wants, and a want is like the frosting on the cake, it is not a deal breaker, and you can live happily without it but here's where you might think about others who do meet this or admire others who do. That's okay. I have great memories of past guys who loved to dance as I do. It was on my list as was a guy with long hair and much more. I didnt get the dancer but I got long hair. You will only need to use the lists of wants if by some miracle you find two or even 3 people who meet all your criteria of must haves, and need something else to determine which one to choose, you go for the one who meets most of them. In my case, the man I married met all my 'must haves' but no one else did, however he met half of my wants list. So I am very happy and in my mind, I have sorted out that it is okay that he never will meet the other half of my list of wants.
A person who knows what they want, and won't back down under harrassment, won't settle for less and isn't afraid to tell others what they are looking for in a mate, is going to come across as confident to others and that is an attractive trait in people and will draw the right one to you. I didn't find my right one instantly though. Many sounded great because they lied or didn't understand their own needs and wants well and once I met them and got to know them better, saw they were not a match for me according to my criteria. Hope this helps you.
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