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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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18/f, he's 22. We both work together in a grocery store. He used to be my supervisor but he moved to be supervisor of another department so he isn't technically above me anymore. We went to the same high school so I always thought he was cute. He was the one to train me on register when I first started out and thinking back on it, even that was awkward-he would talk to me and walk me through how to do things but he was still shy then. One day I was on self check and he was restocking the impulse candy in the closed lane right next to me, a customer asked me something that I wasn't sure on the answer of so I went over and asked him and he was still awkward about it then, speaking very quietly to me so he just bypassed me and went straight to the customer and when he started talking to the customer, he was laughing and speaking at a normal level and everything, it's weird to see his personality change with whom he's around.
Now, I never really gave it much thought, I was always negative about it thinking that a guy as cute as him would never go for a girl like me. However, he was out at the bar with my brother's girlfriend the other night since they're friends and she texted me and apologized that she was tipsy and she "word vomit" to him that I think he is so cute. To which, she says, he replied "she's definitely cute" so she told him he should probably talk to me then because I'm shy and he said that he's really shy around me too.
But now it's like, we both know what the other thinks and now it's more awkward. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? When two people know the feelings of the other, shouldn't it be easy to communicate? Nope. Not for us.
Many people know of our situation at work. He is friends with a lot of people at our work and I talk to a lot of them as well. Like, he's the hang out outside of work kind of friends with them but I'm the type of only hang out with them inside of work and I'm friends with the rest of the people that he isn't.
So, it's kind of comical to me to have everyone tell me they're going to get us to talk because nobody really understands just how shy he is around me because he isn't shy around anybody else. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not talking down on him because I'm shy around him too, if I wasn't, there really wouldn't be an issue to discuss here. I have people come up to me all the time, like oh "he was up here earlier and we talked for a good ten minutes before he was called back to do mods" or "he was just up here, he asked if you were working" - because I know he comes up a lot to help elderly customers do carry outs and that kind of thing because I see it, we make eye contact a lot as he's walking up or out the door, we just can't ever say anything. I even have the strangest supervisor (I'm not kidding, she'll just magically disappear for ten or so minutes sometimes and someone will find her in the back of the store, just feeding the goldfish, telling us that she could sense they were hungry) and she said he talks to her a lot and when she tells me that and she sees that I get irritated, she always says "yeah, well at least you know he can't talk to you because he likes you, I think a lot of girls would take him being shy because he liked them instead of just chatting like good friends" and I have to admit, that makes me feel better because a lot of girls that work with us tend to like him and think he's cute and he can talk to all of them normally.
However, lately, ever since he's gone to the bar that night with my brother's girlfriend, I've noticed he's been, I guess trying in his own way. He'll come through my self checkout when he knows I'm working which he never used to do but he still won't say anything. Or he'll come up for his returns sometimes and he'll look at me and smile when he walks by, but you guessed it, still doesn't say anything.
Yesterday, a friend of ours that used to work with us came in to buy some things and when he was finished, he stopped to talk to me and catch up and ask how everything was. When we were nearing the end of our conversation, he asked if any of his friends, that he used to hang out with when he worked with us, were working and at that time, the mute walked up and I pointed to him and they started talking. Our friend included me in the conversation too and I would laugh at both of their jokes and our friend would keep talking to me and him but he would only talk to our friend and not me. So, yes, when I say that he's shy... I mean it 1000% that he can't even talk to me in a group conversation.
So, I guess my question is: is this a lost cause? I know he isn't ever going to talk to me, it's just something I feel in my gut. And I have a feeling that I'll be too nervous for a while to say anything to him too. I've been planning on leaving my number on a sticky note and leaving it on his car one day but his one friend said he won't ever text me until he talks to me so that'd just be useless. I just don't know what to do. And please don't even tell me it's as simple as just saying hi because as I've stated numerous times, it's basically impossible for either of us to speak to each other which is what is leading me to believe how useless wasting my time on him is.
Thanks for any input!
Shyness, or social anxiety isn't something a person has to live with forever. they just have to get to the point where they are sick and tired of being that way and willing to do whatever it takes to get past it. That was me. I wasn't like you or him, able to talk to some but not each other. I never approached others first, they had to try befriending me first. I was so worrried about any attention possibly being focused on me that I couldn't even get up to use the pencil sharpener in school for fear everyone would be staring at me. I am no longer like that. In my senior year of H.S. I finally decided I'd had enough and it was holding me back in life. I prayed and believe what I heard God tell me to do is the best way ever to slowly get over shyness at a rate I was comfortable with. I did each step as I was given it, not asking for the next step until I felt totally at ease with the first one. Now I have no problem striking up conversation with strangers even. In your cases, I wouldn't call it shyness necessarily. Perhaps you're both introverts rather than extroverts so not as outgoing as others but that doesn't make you a shy person if you can converse with people as there is a need such as at work. Since he seems to only have this problem with you, it's not shyness on his part but that he has a big crush on you and wishes he was brave enough to talk to you but is so scared of messing up or making a bad impression that he talks himself out of it all the time or is too frozen with fear.
Now I will admit that many people feel a little trepidation at talking with someone they are very interested in because it is so crucial that they like us back. This is natural, but usually we end up taking the risk and saying something or at least writing a note, taking some kind of action to let the other know of our interest. For some, it is actually easier to converse on facebook or online in some other such venue rather than in person where they're more shy. I can't say that he'd find that easier. As someone said, he'd have to be willing to give you his info. online for you to contact him or use yours if given it and likely his fear may go beyond just being face to face with you.
This may not work with him but perhaps he needs a ton of reassurance before he'd be willing to even just talk to you. The only way I can think of is writing him a letter, a real pen and paper letter, not on line and having someone give it to him if you think he wouldn't accept it from you. In it, reassure him in all the ways you can think of having some shyness in yourself, knowing what the usual fears would be. I'd probably write about how I really like him and it hurt when he talks to others and not to me because i FEEL i could find no wrong in him, that theres nothing he could say or do that would turn me off. All I want is a chance to at least first become his friend and then see where that leads because you hope that he will give you the chance to show him how special a person he is to you. Once he knows he can stumble and stutter or find his mind going blank midway thru a sentence and you'll still be enamored with him, he may be more likely to give it a try. If he doesn't, obviously there can be no relationship if two people won't even do the most basic first thing and talk.
I am a 21 year old female university student and my parents really just won't leave me alone! I have a curfew of 12 o clock according to them, but if I ever go out they send me messages and call constantly asking when I'll be back, well before 12. I suppose the motivation behind this question goes back to an hour ago, I asked permission to go to the mall with my friends and my father said no that its too dangerous. I've spoken to them many times about this and at the time they agree that I would have some space but they never follow through. This is making me really miserable, and I just want them to understand that I'm an adult and want to have my own life. What could I do to make them let go?
You ASKED them for permission to go to the Mall? Why on earth at age 21 would you do that? There must be something you left out such as the parents are sickly and require an in home caregiver and you are it. Otherwise, you are an adult and can make such choices for yourself, even if you live with them. If you think you can be strong enough and have enough backbone to stand up to them, then have a talk with them and let them know how its going to be from now on.
Parents can get stuck in a rut, unable to leave behind the 'parenting' mode when their children reach adulthood. It's even harder if you're the only child or the last one at home and they are trying to stall having the 'empty nest' at home. Parents can still have input into their childrens lives, acting as advisors, a sounding board, but they no longer have any say over you unless you give it to them, which my dear, you have been doing whether you're aware of it or not.
So beware, they may throw their own equivalent of tantrums because you have 'spoiled them rotten' by catering to all their wishes when you assert your own choice as an adult. If they won't listen to reason at this point, your only choice will be to leave home and find roommates to share the cost. If you stay at their home, they will continue to fall back into old patterns and try to parent you. The worst possible case is that they give you an ultimatum of doing as they wish and abiding by their rules or else they kick you out of the house, in which case you'd need to find yourself your own place to have the peace of mind again and begin to learn to be an adult making your own choices rather than inadvertently giving your choices away to someone else. Its a good thing for you to learn now so you don't end up marrying a man who begins to control your life. That would be like jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Good luck dear.
I have a question about Christianity my religion or how people react.
I'm Christian and I always will be, a lot of people say gay is a sin. I believe otherwise. I try to explain that is isn't or even if it was God can forgive you. But it just hasn't helped they don't accept gays, some call me gay which I'm not because
I acaccept them. Which I put it aside if they hate them and move on. Some people say I'm not christian because I support homosexuals. Or becuase our beliefs differ.
Ok ivde heard that the bible says homosexuals are sins.
What verse is this supposedly in. I know it doesn't say its wrong just wanna see where people think it says it. So maybe I can retranslate it to what it was supposed to be interpreted
Its been a while since my church going/Bible reading days. While I believed and still believe in some core things such as the existance of Jesus and the Holy Spirit, I also had many things I did not see eye to eye with the church on. If you want to know what the verses are therefore and why and how some Christians believe it to be wrong, you'd have to ask your pastor or someone else in the church who seems knowledge on the Bible. I found in my time that often, many Christians just simply believed what they were told from the pulpit. If a pastor said Homesexuality was a sin, that was good enough for them, some wanted to see the verse, and even if it didnt make sense, they felt maybe they just weren't as intelligent to actually see it and get it so they chose the easiest way, just blindly believe. So I am glad you are asking questions. If the pastor began preaching often that intake of sugar is a sin because it alters your brain chemicals and therefore in an altered state you aren't able to chose to follow Jesus as completely as possible, would you stop eating sugar? No. Likely many others wouldn't either. Although to continue to be accepted they would either guiltily hide that they continued to have sugar in their diet or feel they were a bad Christian for still desiring and wanting sugar no matter what they've been taught. Just as one pastors interpretation of something he read about sugar and the conclusion his mind came to over it, doesn't make it something that God would back up in an instant. Well, the interpretation of the Bible over the centuries but especially when it was being written was based on what was currently the social norm as it was written. I have one good example. You have heard that adultery is a sin. So in todays world, we interpret it as a married couple have sex outside of their marriage. And so we see it as a sin. In Bible times, it was a common practice for a man to offer a weary visitor traveling through, the comforts of his home for the evening, a good meal a bed and often, his wife. A wife back then was still considered his property to make this sort of call. In this case, it was okay for his wife to have sex with another man, because he gave his permission. What the verse against adultery was about was another man stealing a man's wife away to become his partner for life, thus robbing a man of much of his livihood, for the woman was responsible for much back then, growing and preparing of food, making their own clothes and everything involved with the running of his property while he was away earning money. So in essense, the verse about adultery was against the sin of stealing or robbing another man's wife. It no longer applies as such in todays world where women have a choice in who they remain married to. If for some reason they want to leave him, they do. Those men and women without the guts to ask for a divorce, then end up with secret relationships on the side. Their sin if found out, is more for the hiding it and the lying and the breaking of a promise rather than an outsider commiting adulter taking them away. Each person has free choice of their actions. The only time I've heard of this sharing thing working in todays world is in open marriages and in polyamory where one partner of a couple is totally honest with the other and getting their permission before venturing into an outside relationship or even seeking one. THe reasons why seeking don't matter. And few people are able to do so without feeling jealous but of the few people I've met in life who are involved in such relationships, in works well, its not random sex with just anyone but only an approved of partner as in todays world, such things must be monitored closely so no one is bringing home STDs.
I never got a change to research how the idea that homosexuality is a sin came to be. However, I have a good feeling it may be tied to Gods command to Adam and Eve in the beginning to be fruitful and multiply. At that time, the earth wasn't as inhabited as it is today and there was a great need for many children and large families. Disease back then took many of those lives too so it was tantamont for the survival of humankind to reproduce. In todays world, with modern technology and science we live longer, less people die of the diseases of the past and the worlds population is growing at an alarming rate, to the point where we won't be able to grow enough food and livestock to feed us all in the future. Its no longer a need to reproduce. So if thats why homosexuality was a sin, because such a couple could not reproduce, then it no longer applies today. This is what an online friend who was a pastor told me. He had just become a pastor of a church of christians who believed homosexuality is not a sin and had both members who were gay and those who werent but supported them. Sometimes the pastor is gay, sometimes not as in the case with my online friend who was married. I had no idea at the time such churches existed but this was over 10 years ago, almost 12. So if such churches existed then, they must be in more abundance at least in bigger cities. So depending on where you live, you may want to seek such a church in your area rather than to choose feeling like the black sheep in the family at your particular church. You may get asked to leave if they tire of you stirring up what they consider too much trouble and the problem is solved for you. I wish you the best and commend you for being open minded, thinking outside of the box and not being willing to live simply by blind faith. That is not a true faith. You must have the personal convictions that what you believe is right because you have researched it to the best of your ability. Then it is a true belief and faith. So kudos to you! Sorry this was long but I figured a couple different examples would really help show you where I found some discrepancies with what the Bible meant in bible days versus what it means now.
If you are concerned that whatever you research and decide on in life may not be Gods perfect plan, that you may have it wrong, you will end up frozen not making any choices in life. God knows our hearts. So even if in good intention, even after our own studying, we follow a path that may not be perfect, God will not condemn you for it. He is only concerned about those who are trying to be spiritual and grow, getting the answers for themselves like students doing a test, not those who blindly proclaim to believe but have never with thier heart and mind actually come to that conclusion their selves. Big on Gods list is doing your best in treating your fellow man as you would, your own siblings in your family because on the grander level of things, all humans are Gods creation and therefore our family.
Bigger in the sight of God is the good samaritan type, the one who actually does something practical to help a fellow human, no matter their faith or lifestyle, instead of the one who consistantly invites them to church and trys hard to convert them. In being practical with help, that person is acting more like Jesus than the others. Jesus didn't go around inviting people to come listen to him talk or make that the first thing on his list when people gathered around. He was known by the masses of the unchurched by the healings he did and the feeding of hungry people. Thats where being one of Gods family means you are acting like it. Never feel that is wrong just because some people in high positions of the church feel differently. Bless you.
Hi guys! I'm 16/female, and gave dirty blonde hair, and was wanting to use a trick I recently heard of to make it blonder, by adding lemon judge and water to my hair. From where I heard, they said to leave it in your hair and stay in the sun for 30-60 minutes, then condition out. Is the conditioning necuessary? Because if I get out in the sun, I would most likely be with friends, and not get the chance to condition out till the next morning modst likely. Would it still be good to use, or should I not do it? I don't really see why it has to be conditioned out in the first place.
I do know that there are products to dye hair, lighten it up with the sun, perm it to get curls or relax it to straighten it or iron it with heat into all sorts of shapes. Anything we do to alter the hair we were born with to look any differently is of course not a natural thing and going to have some negative effect on the hair with over use. Even over use of shampoo on hair isn't good after a point as it strips the hair of all its natural oils,(if you don't overproduce hair oil) and can tend to leave hair brittle with split ends even if you don't do any of the other harsher things to the hair. Just keep a close watch on how your hair is doing and if it isn't looking as healthy or shiny as it was before you began a certain hair treatment, then stop. Lemon juice and hydrogen peroxide are a couple things said to lighten hair. I guess its worked on some but if you end up liking the color, outcome...then you'd have to use it long term to keep the color you want so eventually over time, you will end up damaging your hair to some extent, no matter what you are using on it. Most conditioners, are just products sold to make money for the manufacturer and have little effect on conditioning a persons hair. Some may actually work but used in a shower, are not on the hair and in contact with it long term enough to have a healing restorative effect. I have ready many articles and heard that even if its just once a week that you put some conditioner on damp hair and leave it on for some time, maybe an hour at home, that it has a better chance of helping the hair. To do this, no matter what, pick a day of the week, easier on weekends when not rushing off somewhere or in the evening. Get hair wet over the sink and use towel to point its damp but not dripping, apply whatever store bought, or natural homemade conditioner or health store product on the hair and then cover it up with one of those plastic shower caps you can find at a dollar store, meant to keep hair dry when worn in a shower but used here to keep conditioner from dripping off the hair or smearing on furniture when you sit and will act as a mini sauna with the heat off your head and the moist product on your hair. The effort put out to do this once a week, no matter what every else you're doing to your hair, is bound to have a greater effect and also the best effect when you find a conditioner that used this way has a better result on you personally than others. Good luck.
I've been a straight A student all my life but have gotten Bs on my social studies report card 3 times. People all talk about my grades and rub it in my face that i got a single B. People have said that I'm a dumb wast of air. Although I'm smart and get good grades most of the time, I'm made fun of for 89s in social studies. I pay attention in class and study but I cant get an A. Help?
I agree with rainhorse and adviceman. Most likely its due to them feeling jealous of you. I remember even in grade school, all the kids in class picked mercilessly on the straight A guy cus they were maybe not so much as jealous, they didn't care about their grades at that age, it was more that he raised the standard of what teachers expected from the rest of us, seeing it was possible for the few, made the other look bad. When we are young we are so self conscience and concerned about how we look and appeal to others that of course it becomes crucial how our self image is if we feel its hopeless to meet the same grades as the one or two kids in class who outshine the rest of us, no matter a few B's and a C or 2. When overall, the rest of us fall short, it can make us angry that someone else is able to do so well with hardly an effort as it seems to come so easy to them.
It isn't right to react in our thinking this way, always comparing ourselves to others and then hating and making life miserable for the ones who do so well. But another point I'd like to make which should apply whether you're in middle school, H.S. or college is that it is entirely possible that the way they tease and treat you is due to them having incomplete development of the pre frontal cortex of the brain. this is the last thing on any human to finish growing to its complete adult form, long after we have already reached our mature body form. So though we may look adult, feel adult, we may not yet have the ability to handle with ease some things this part of the brain is responsible for handling well, like weighing outcomes and differences in the best manner, so not making bad decisions that affect you adversely or the life of others adversely. Often, it's acting without thinking of the consequences, are you hurting anyone by doing what you are doing. This part of the brain doesnt mature until we hit the mid 20s, so the experts have said. Although of late, I have noticed even amoung my own kids and their friends, a certain level of this same immaturity at even later ages, even up to 30 or a little over before a person begins to really become a well rounded mature adult. Be patient with them, eventually they will grow up and behave differently. I know it hurts to hear such degrading things said to your face. What you can do so your brain doesnt take their comments in and dwell on them and actually feel badly because of it is to do a simple trick. When someone share's something hurtful like "you're just a terrible waste of air" your immediate reply with your conscious mind should be, "That may be your opinion and you have a right to it, be I refuse to believe it. Whether you say it to their face, or aloud to yourself after they are out of ear range seems to make no difference. What your conscious mind has done by stating this is help to bolster the feelings of your subconscious mind. Thats where all our emotions are stored and it needs to hear this and it helps weirdly enough so that you won't dwell on it. What ever a person dwells on too much, the subconscious mind assumes must be important to you so it strives to bring into play events by making changes in how you feel and therefore act so that you and your feelings match up with what others have said, in effect actually bringing you as a person into agreement with their opinions of you. This is a downward spiral that can only get worse. The hurt should still be there initially upon hearing such things said but you can cut down on your ability to bounce back from it by doing what I said. I hope this helps. If you do decide to try this, I'd like to hear back how its working for you. Best of luck.
I apologize in advance, my ordering of events and questions is far cry from perfect. But I try to get necessary information in with the question in proximity. I hope that is an understandable action.
I "met" this girl roughly a year and a half ago, and in the beginning it was a generally good chatting, maybe mild flirting ( I still deny being a flirt, or a good one.) She would send me images of herself(With clothing, always), all the random emoticon, usually pertaining to affection, and similar things. ( Which also occurs now) I had gained feelings for her, but not anything too serious. Then at some point, a lull occurred, and we didn't talk for 5 months.
( This would be a fair time to point out, She is in Romania, and I in America. So this has never been anything physical, solely words and emotion. That sounds cheesy..)
Now, fast forwarding to say the past few weeks, we talk daily most of the time. usually it is me to initiate it, but whenever we start to talk she engages. Now, sometimes she will read what I say, but never reply. This can vary from a serious question to how are you. And after about a day(or less) I will ask what happened and she always gives me a reason, and she is never upset with me saying something again. Is this normal for someone to repeatedly not answer a message for so long?
Now, to focus on the subject a bit more, very recently she had a realization of how much I had grown to care for her. And how she never knew how much I really meant it.(She went through the brief "oh my I didn't know" stage.) In the time since we began speaking again, I had grown a much greater affinity for her, despite the not answering, and the interlacing moments of where she barely replied when she did. Does this seem logical to happen?
Now, the thing that sort of takes the cake, is she made this realization, 5 days after having a new boyfriend.(I was unaware prior.) so, all this time before, she still would show affection, or say some of the ridiculous pet names we'd give another. This raises a question: Does this mean she'd be flirtatious with other guys had we kinda gotten together?(Emotional/status manner, since the distance.) Would this be a girl I should stay interested in? - While in a not so great moment of disagreement, I had asked if she would like me to go, stop talking with her, and she had answered no, that I am special and she doesn't want to lose touch again. I like to believe there is sincerity in that, and to take comfort in it. But not all of her stories have added up. But any of those have mostly been trivial. And I suppose not every single little thing should be answered. I wonder if I am fooling myself to look past those or not.
So, after this extremely long description, I'd like to know your input. Should I keep caring and talking with this girl? Should I let so many things bother me?(Knowing the person you care for has a boyfriend that can and is probably actively putting his hands on her, among other things, is somewhat unsettling. As an example.) Or maybe should I move on?
Simultaneously, I don't want to actively be a bar in her new relationship, as much as that could potentially please me. I don't want to be that type of guy. Things like I see her more active on the social media we talk on, but whenever I say something, it's isn't quickly acknowledged, so I can make the assumption she is talking with him. So I don't want to butt in and become an annoyance while she is talking with him.(Only an assumption)
I feel overall this may be too far, or maybe I am just willing to admit it really does bother me.
Thanks in advance for input! And hopefully not excessive insult with profanity. I am sincere in my questions, and sincerely unsure what to do.
Brian 19/M
Her 17/F
Hi Brian,
Actually you have very good questions and explained yourself well. It's not cheesy, but I will say that long distance relationships, for the most part...if long term, end up being nothing more than an illusion of the mind. In long distance, there are many types of input missing that the human mind needs to feel this is just as real as any face to face relationship and will begin to create by the imagination, images, scenarios, dreaming about the things you can not get long distance like what it feels like to hug or hold the person. We all want to feel that intimate touch with another human, especially important when feelings of interest occur as a person needs to discover if there is more than just the feelings, is there chemistry? This is something, no one can know merely from chatting short or long term. After a divorce, I got on a dating site where I met and found my husband. Being a bit older this time around, (in late 40's) I had learned some things in life and that helped me to realize that the internet was only to be used as a tool for coming to learn of the existance of the other person, not for going for a relationship long distance. So, even though advertising only for my area, in driving distance, quite often I found guys who sounded wonderful, perfect over the computer but there are so many things I can't learn over the computer that were important to me. See, in first marriage, I was sexually mismatched with the husband. I learned how important not just attraction with the eyes was, (seeing a persons image isn't enough) I had to be in their presence and close to see if I felt any chemistry. So even though I met guys at coffee shops or restaurants, I made sure to sit close enough and often to plan for a kiss before leaving to see if I felt any chemistry with the person. If there is chemistry, it feels heavenly, if not, it's a turn off, feeling like you just had a romantic kiss with your sister. There's nothing you can do to change existance of chemistry. Every person has something called pheremones. Its that invisible thing that attracts us to the other romantically and sexually. the rest is important too, getting to love the person for who they are inside but thats not enough. In person we need to be able to trust who that person is inside, at core, and when its not an 'in person' relationship, there is a lack of ability to slowly build trust in the other by being around to observe whether they are consistant in their character in a positive way so we know we can trust who they are at core. Unless you have an extremely shy person who does better LD on the net, or suffers certain social or anxiety disorders, females generally really need to date a guy in person. A your ages, you're still learning to understand the opposite sex and thats hard to do long distance. It in the day to day in person relationship that females get what they need from a guy. Tell me which you'd prefer: A female seeing your pic on line and commenting on how handsome and fit you are, or the female who happens to touch your upper arm in conversation and with a startled look says, wow-you're really muscular, and I just felt some kind of spark, i dont think was static electricity. Did you feel that too? The latter of course is going to be the most desireable choice of either scenerio for any red blooded male. Well, same goes for girls, the one who can feel a guy holding her hand, kissing her, to take her dancing, snuggle with while talking or watching a movie, etc...is important and so in comparison, a guy who is present at her end is always going to take precedence in importance over one long distance. You're older enough to be sexually active. How satisfying is it going to be long term to remain celibate, saving yourself for her for the one day it might work to meet in person to see if you can work out a relationship forever such as being married and having kids. Theres a lot of work involved into having someone from another country switch to the U.S. and be allowed residency not to mention citizenship.
She obviously needed something more than what an on line relationship can offer and went for another guy. The fact that she is dating him means there is no chance of her ever falling in love with you 100%, even if he were to leave her. You'd still have to compete with all the hundreds of guys who live near enough to meet her in person and establish a relationship. So to continue hoping you are that important to her, is a dead end. If you aren't ready to commit to a girl and only seek the social interaction of conversation at a surface level, then chatting with girls online and never in person is a good way to go, in person is better. If you have phobias about becoming close to a girl or fears of commitment, LDR's are also a safe alternative.
However, if you are seriously looking for a female as a buddy to socially just hang out with, as a friend with benefits, for a long term live together relationship or a marriage with eventual kids, then you are severely limiting your chances of finding a girl, especially one who would leave all her family behind to come live in the U.S. with you.
I am throwing out a random number dear, but hoping for an LDR girl to work out so you end up together forever and in love is probably more like 1 chance in a thousand compared to one in lets say one hundred. Yes, one hundred is a lot too, but much more achievable. In 2 1/12 years of being on a dating site, I easily met and dated 100 guys short term and only one came close to being the right one for me and is now my 2nd husband. It was so right that he knew within a couple days of meeting me that he wanted to marry me and I was that sure as well. Of course as I said, I am older and we both have more life experience to know for sure what we were seeing, sensing and feeling was for real. Its almost 6 yrs we're together and still going strong. If he had lived in another country and we hadn't met yet, we easily may never have and just gone with who was closer at hand, settling for less. So even if she seems like the best deal for you, a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10, but no chance of e ver meeting, compared to woman who are 8's or 9's on a scale of 1 to 10 in person, it's more likely you have a greater chance of having something with the female in person than just the hopeful wishing of the other. Hope this explains well enough. If you have more questions, address them to me by posting it from my column instead of putting it in the comment area for this answer.
So I had sex in February ans I got my period a couple days after. Now March came around and I haven't gotten my period. I didn't have any sex at all in March but my boyfriend fingered me and I was already two days late on my period I was supposed to get in March. He said I was bleeding alittle but then I used the restroom and I had nothing. I haven't had my period for two weeks now and I took a pregnancy test when I was 8 days late on my period and it came back negative. Now I have white thick milky discharge could I be pregnant or am I just stressing to much is my period probably coming? Help?!
Depending on a little critera I don't know, it could be perfectly normal to skip a month in having a period. It is common when girls are first starting their period. My 14th yr, it was very irregular, months in-between or sometimes twice in one month. Another thing more common with females of any age is to have a period delayed by stress, or recent illness. A period can also change it's time of month to occur at the same time as the majority of other females you find yourself around. At an office job, I found if I had my period, so did the other 5 women in my department.
Now, can you get pregnant from a boyfriend fingering you? It depends. Was he naked? The act of fingering alone can not and will not ever in eternity every make a girl pregnant. What will make her pregnant is if there was any of his semen on his fingers from touching his cock first before inserting fingers. Even then, just touching himself isn't enough, there has to be precum on the tip of his cock, that gets on his fingers. Both female and male bodies release some liquid before sex when aroused, a voluntary body release to prepare for the man entering the woman by providing lubrication needed to do so. So even if the female touched the penis and got precum on her fingers and then put her own fingers inside herself this gives the sperm in the fluid a chance to survive by being transfered immediately to the environment of her vagina where it can survive. Outside of the body, sperm doesnt last long so if some semen were long since dried on his body, its a good chance all sperm are dead.
If you find yourself having irregular periods but no severe pain or unusual heavy bleeding, theres no need to be concerned. My entire life I had yearly checkups and thats the first question the Dr.s always asked and warned me at the end to come in sooner for if they occured. There can be certain disorders related to the female organs and periods that are not common but can occur so If you are constantly coming back negative but having irregular periods, for peace of mind, its a good thing to go see the Dr.
I'm a 21 year old male from South Africa. About a year ago I met an amazing girl, and after months of trying I finaly got into a relationship with her, we've been dating for 9 months now and I get a feeling inside me that says things will work out between us and that she's the one. We have a lot of problems in our relationship, the biggest problem we have is our age difference, we are 4 years apart, her parents don't know anything about our relationship and if they do then they'll keep us apart. But the other problem is that I'm actually addicted to sex and she wants to wait for marriage since she's a virgin. I've learned that sex doesn't make a relationship and at most times actually ruins it. I really don't want to lose this girl, I've tried as hard as I can to get my mind off of sex but it gets harder and harder by the day. What must I do?? Must I talk to her about it and try to do it or must I respect her wishes???
By saying, "she's the one", I assume you mean the woman you want to marry someday. Then you want to be careful that you don't go for marriage vows to someone whom you find after marriage that you felt a chemistry towards but she didn't feel it towards you. You need to find out if its not just that she wants to wait for marriage to have sex but she would need to feel the same sexual chemistry with you for the two of you to be a perfect match. You may have fallen in love but it takes two things to really make a successful relationship as the relationship with only one, eventually falls apart. You need to be each others best friend first, this means you care about the day to day things in her life, whats important to her and are willing to uphold her and uphold her in what she's chosen for her life. So if this is important to her, you'll be glad to honor her wishes. Right now, your sexual urges are talking louder than reasoning. If you force her or talk her into something she really didn't want, its not going to be okay because you are going to marry eventually. What happens even if you didn't intend it to, is that she sees you as disrespectful to her and will lose respect for you. Yes, she can be married to you and still not respect or love you, there are many relationships like that and you will find it to not be so exciting when she just goes through the motions but knows you really don't love her like she wants to be loved. If sex is more important to you than honoring her wishes, then she's the wrong person for you and you are the wrong person for her. You need a female who doesnt have any special wishes regarding sex and wants it all the time like you. You say you learned sex doesnt make a relationship. Perhaps, you weren't treating your girls before this one as if they were your Queen, so they felt loved. A female who is treated very well, will be in love with the man who proves it to her. Not proving by sex but proving by his actions in how he treats her. If she is treated nice only to give up sex, then a female knows that and will be sorry forever after. If she shows by wanting to cuddle and kiss that she has a sexual attraction to you as well, then she feels chemistry too. If she doesn't, you don't want to end up locked in marriage to a woman who thinks once a month or once a week is enough when you want sex every night. But unfortunately a great majority of couples around the world make that mistake in their first couple relationships or marriage. So I truly believe she doesnt have to have sex with a man to know if she feels sexually excited by him. You want to know now if she doesn't and just hope it develops. Cus what you are looking for doesnt develop in time. Reason is, each human has their own set of pheremones they let off and if two peoples pheremones are not the same, matching, then the chemistry between them will be missing or very weak. Have a talk with her, not to convince her to give up her wishes but ask how she truly feels about you. Do let her know what you feel like and desire once married. Does it sound normal or extreme to her. If extreme, then you are not a match sexually. I was one with a high libido and husband a low one in 1st marriage. I am no longer married to him. When I went on a dating site to find my next husband, I made sure to mention I was looking for my sexual equal, someone with a high libido and who liked the same things as I did sexually. Yes, its that important. If its important to you, its very important to discuss ahead of time. Good luck
I have a HUGE crush on this guy at my school. He asked out my best friend and he asked her out twice. I really want him to ask me out instead even though she is my besty. what should I do? Thanks for your help!
Here's the deal, if your best friend really likes him too and has accepted the invite to go out, then you can't interfere. However if he asked her out and she wasn't interested and turned him down, then that means he's still single and not dating anyone. Make your move and ask him out before he asks someone else. It is ok for girls to ask guys out.
I made out with this guy who happens to be my crush, we are not going out tho( dating) I just found out recently that he is going out with so many other girls in my class and that's how he started with them so I guess I am the next victim what do I do? After we made out I realised I didn't like him after all tho and now he is all over me as if he likes me just pretence. (18. female)
So I guess you're asking if you should let him know that you know about him? If so, telling him won't make him change his behavior. He is out to get self gratification, and doesnt care about anyone else other than himself. Now if you decide to stop seeing him and he asks why you won't see him, you can then tell him that you realized you didn't like him. If he still comes after you, then you can tell him even if you did like him, you wouldn't want to have a boyfriend who is a player and chases after every female out there.
It is perfectly normal to have a list of criteria before dating a guy. At a young age, I didn't either though and ended up married to a bad guy. You might find it awkward to bring up with the next guy before dating or doing any making out. Let the guy know you want a guy who can prove to be a best friend before having sex. Thats one way to rule out the guys looking for easy prey. Females crave atever, there is good attention and bad attention. You know what the actions of a guy are like who give bad attention, the users. Now look for the other sort. If you haven't learned how to spot the users, you may go through this again in life and some are very good at hiding their true character. But know this, most people put up a false front, a mask, pretending to be someone they are not but after enough time goes by, that mask will slip. So don't be quick to give yourself to guys. I see in most that they begin to show their true self after about 2 ,3 months. Good luck.
All of my friends have bigger blobs than me and all the boys are atracted to them, I sort of have boobs,but they're really small compared to my friends.
When girls start developing as going through puberty, some will start sooner than others but that is normal. Most girls will start developing about the same time their moms did and only grow to the size of a female relative from either side of the family. So you could end up the size of your mom breast wise, or perhaps grandma on moms side or grandma on Dads side. ITs all genetics and nothing you can do to change it. I was one who saw other girls develop before me. By time I graduated high school, I had admiring looks from guys with my petite cup size. Its a matter of taste. Some guys end up going after girls with bigger chests, and others prefer smaller chested girls. Something I've heard many guys say in my life time (i'm grandma age) is that they don't want more boob than will fit into one of their hands. Sorry about sounding so graphic but thats what men have said. Now that I am older, all the big chested females who have D or large sizes are envious of ME! Yes, envious of the smaller woman. Why? Because once you reach adulthood, adult clothes, especially the really cute styles, are all made for smaller chested women, bra's included. The Mammoth sized boob girls find that pretty lacy bras are practically non existant. Another problem with bigger chests is that they are heavier and this causes pain in several ways, like bra straps cutting into the flesh of shoulders as the weight of boobs pulls at them or they get pain in their upper back from being so 'top heavy'. Not making this up. It's actually more of a blessing to be a smaller chested woman. So if you never do get very large, just be patient for the time will come when the larger chested girls are jealous of you or are getting boob reduction jobs simply for health reasons.
hi! im 19 years of age and i am a girl.I truly love my boyfriend more than anything else in this world.i love spending time with him.i spend most of my time everyday with him.we are always together.is it healthy to spend too much time with your boyfriend making love and etc? should I give him some space?
Everyone is different in how much private space they need. Some need very little. Example, where one person wants their own 'cave' room to go be by themselves for hours on end, another finds private time be reading a book or being on the computer while still in the same room with you. This works for some as their mind is no longer focused on their partner but on what they are doing and suffices for 'self' time.
If I were you, I would ask him how he feels about you both being together so much without time to himself. Check if he doesnt mind or feels he doesnt need time to himself. When you love someone, you of course want to be around them as much as possible. I am older, in love for real for the first time in my life with 2nd husband. I realize what I felt with my ex was more like caring for a friend with no sexual compatibility.
Being in love, we both are very social people and love to be with each other and getting closer to retirement age when some couples find being around each other 24/7 puts stress on them. For us, we love it, the more time together, the happier we are, but then again, we are such a perfect match and have an incredible lot in common while still having our different likes. We also love the sexual part of our relationship and have no intention of stopping just cus we're getting older. This is normal and healthy for us but may not work for two independant people with totally different lifestyles and goals in life and different beliefs and morals, etc..... The differences will begin to irritate each person after a certain amount of time spent together.
So truly, you need to bring it up in conversation and it is a valid thing to ask and he won't find it odd for you to ask if you explain why. Good luck.
Yes, quite the immature act to say you're in love at 15. He's graduating highschool next year. I'm starting college next year. (Were both Mormons)
Lets call him "N"
We met at a horse ranch in 2011. N was 14 I was 12. When the instructor said to a different kid "Do you know her (as he pointed to me) name?" He stood there frozen. While "N" jumped up and down in excitement and said, "Oh I do!!"
Next year, we gathered at a chili cook off. I straightened my hair to look good. "N" noticed. "How did you get your hair to look longer? Like, I know you can make it prettier, but how did you make it longer."
That same year, I got embarrassed by being unable to control a horse.. I cried. Hoping "N" wouldn't see me when he jogged by, he stopped in his tracks and his familiar voice filled my ears. "Is she okay?" My mom told him the story, be assured me just because of me being physically disabled, doesn't make me any less strong.
Last year. I turned 15. He's 17. He put on this ridiculous dance at church and swung his arms gently singing happy birthday with his twin brother next to him. I smiled, and said,"You remembered." He looked at me and said how could I forget?
This year, I showed him the cuts on my body.
He hasn't turned his back on me. He's helping me.
Or I could be completely mistaken and he's just being nice to me..
What do you think?
Even for just friendship, a guy will not choose to hang out with a girl they are not in some way attracted to. So we know that he likes you as a friend at least. Whether there is the right chemistry between both of you to each feel attracted as more than friends, is for you to discover, I could have no way of knowing. So when you are ready, you could ask the question in a way that won't make him uncomfortable to give a truthful answer.
A possibility is: N, you and I seem to enjoy being around each other. I consider you a good friend and hope you do too. I was just wondering though, beyond friendship, do you suppose there is any chemistry to explore anything more, like being boyfriend and girlfriend?
If he is interested that way, he'll jump at the chance to say yes because he was too scared to bring it up himself. Many guys like to go slow to not scare or spook the girl away and start as friends which is truly in my eyes the best way to go as the best of marriages and relationships are based on both being best friends and having that romantic/sexual attraction. If he's not sure, he'll say so. Then just be content to continue being friends with him and see what develops over time. If he says he only sees you as a friend, you need to trust that he knows himself well enough for that to be true. He won't feel any pressure from you and feel comfortable continueing to be your friend while you set your eyes to searching out a guy who might make a good boyfriend for you, if you're ready to date someone. Good luck.
Hello there I am Samayra n I belong to a typical conservative Indian family.my mom is very honest n genuinely good person.she has done nothing worng in her life.she used to play sitar n had a dance school n she was at the peak of her career before she got married.my dad n his family promised her that she can pursue her job n sitar after marriage but day by day they gave immense responsibilities n household workload on her shoulder.she couldn't speak out n take stand for herself as to maintain the pride n respect of her parents.n tolerated all the torture.my dad enjoyed his life wid his frnz n sister in laws.now my dad is posted somewhere else n he stays over there.mom n my maternal grandma stay at our home.due to some property issue my maternal uncles misunderstood my mom n as I said before my mom is very honest so she couldn't tolerate when her brothers cheated my grandma regarding property.so right now basically all my relatives both paternal n maternal,couldn't withstand my mom.my dad has started performing in concerts n making CDs whereas this was mom's career genre n he put all the responsibilities on mom.he only pays money to keep our livelihood running.my mom has taken enough of this torture n now she has become a rebellious.i know she has faced enough n did nothing wrong n still counting on her mental sufferings but sometimes she act naive.i have sympathy for her n I even fought wid some of my relatives for her but her expectations are choaking my neck now.one of my cousin sis will get married soon so her parents called my dad n invited him n told me to be present certainly but they didn't call mom n didn't invite her directly.now my mom doesn't want me to go n she sabotaging me emotionally to go.but I am getting isolated from everyone just because of her.i want to go.but if I go she will be hurt.what should I do?
I understand Mom doesnt want you to go but do you want to attend the Wedding? If you don't care either way whether you attend or prefer to please Mom but not want to hurt cousin, You could tell Mom you won't go. Tell cousin that you'll try to attend and day before wedding leave a message that you are sick with the flu. This is about the only valid reason for someone not attending a very important event like this that will not hurt the feelings of the one inviting you. Disappointed maybe but not upset with you.
Another way to look at this is, do you fully support what your mother is doing? To someone like myself born in the U.S. it is unconceivable that any person would choose to give up all their rights and wishes just to please a husband or believe that what they do will make their parents and grandparents look bad or bring shame. Here, we try not to judge a person based on what their family lineage has done and neither do elders get the blame if their children brought up right, choose to go the wrong way. I know there arent many yet in India who have this more progressive way of thought and living but they are growing in numbers. Your mother is trying to live her life for herself and according to how I was raised, there is nothing wrong with that. In fact I married a man who attended church and seemed to be a good man but within a short time, he began to verbally abuse me and towards the end there were times he was physically abusive as well. Her4e, I had the choice to leave him and start my own life when I tried everything before to please him, do his wishes but this was by choice. Later I regretted this as it was getting worse and so I wanted out. Perhaps it is harder for females to survive on their own in India but as far as your mom goes, you need to decide how you believe...more like her or more like the rest of the family. Do not let your answer be based on the fear of them cutting you out of their life and frowning upon your actions. So if you agree with Mom, then stand up for her, and let the others know that you choose not to attend because they did not invite your mother, not because you are angry at them. You understand their reasons, but you want to support your mom and continue to have a good relationship with her. Leave it at that and face whatever comes of standing up for what you believe. I see these as your only options but perhaps someone else will have another perspective. Good luck dear.
How do I see a psychologist/psychiatrist for free? I have no source of income.
With Obama care, if you have no income what so ever, then you'll qualify for Medicare or whatever it is called in your state. My husband broke his leg & foot right as we were ready to move into an apt and he was supporting both of us. We ended up not able to take an apt. and with no source of income, he went onto Medicare to take care of all hospital expense concerning the care for his leg and thats a lot of money but we never had to pay a penny. I too, signed up immediately and got a physical and put on a much needed medicine. Not a penny paid. The clinic I went to even had an office for a person who would sit with you and help you get signed up for insurance and also has its own social worker for any other help needed and it didn't cost to schedule with either of them. I suggest you check on line for your state. Or you could ask your local library. Mine regularly has meetings scheduled to explain how to get signed up and may have someone to do so on the spot. And lastly, I would just walk into the closest neighborhood health clinic to where you live and ask them to point you in the right direction. Good luck.
hey, so I met this girl a few months ago, and we've been dating. the only problem is, we live about 2 hours away. I love making her happy, so I was wondering something I could text her to make her day, that would make us love each other even more (kind of impossible though) I'm 14 and I'm a guy, so i would mind a girl around my age's advice please :)
Granted, it's hard for any relationship that's long distance, the things I share work for any relationship whether in person or long distance. I am not 14 but I'm female and the same things that applied when I was 14 still apply to women no matter how old they get.
A female is happiest when: the male compliments her often, pays attention to her, is supportive of the things she has interest in or talents in, encourages her, is a good listener when she just needs to talk (and asks if she wants a problem solved before offering help) is willing to talk and good at communicating, You do special things for her that she could've done herself to show you care, he never raises his voice to her, makes sure to learn what her favorite anything is, fav. color, foods, collectibles, hobbies. You may not be able to afford to send gifts but you can sure send her websites that have something you know she'd like.(ie. she collects anything having to do with fairys and you came across a website or facebook page all about fairys, or went looking for them to please her) I am sure I am leaving some things out just trying to write it out all at once...but that should help. When a female is happy, it's easy for her to fall in love with that man who is all these things for her.
For what it's worth, here's an anonymous writers quote I came upon some years back that somes it all up.
"Touch a woman’s mind-you get her interest. Touch a woman’s heart—you get her love.
Touch a woman’s soul; you get passion beyond your wildest dreams. Touch all three, you have a lover for eternity. (anonymous)
In explanation, the things I share will not only catch her interest but if you go the extra step to support something that is important to her, thats how you 'touch her heart'. The rest comes automatically when the 1st two are always being taken care of. its not something you do in the beginning to 'catch' her and stop later. When you stop being that kind of guy, you may lose her love, or you may not lose that but lose her respect and the relationship becomes nothing more than a dysfunctional pain in the butt thing.
First marriage, the guy did all the wrong things and yet I hung in for too many years. My love for him grew weaker and weaker til it dissappeared totally when he not only didn't do these things but went out of his way to be mean, disrespectful and abusive. The 2nd marriage, I have the total opposite, he's everything I mentioned that makes a woman happy and in love. And that part in the quote about a lover for eternity? well, I can say that when I am happy and in love, I want to be all that and more for him so he is mightily repaid for devoting himself to me in ways you can't imagine til you experience it. We love each other so much that we promise each other that if theres a way to be together as two souls on the other side once we pass on, we want to do that...thats how deeply we love each other...and all because we treat each other very special and with love. Good luck!
I know people on here are unlikely to be medical professionals, but I just wanted some ideas as to what this could be:
When I'm out and about on a very sunny day and I close my eyes to protect them from the extreme light, I experience mini fits. They only last seconds, but the more I close my eyes in situations like this, the more mini fits I get.
If I have like 5 or more of such fits I tend to, for about ten seconds...forget what I'm doing, where I am, etc...
The solutions I have found is to try not to close my eyes when its extra sunny. But I always have to experience a mini fit to remember to close my eyes to not get anymore-if that makes sense.
Normally it happens when I'm in a car or on a bus.
I'm 19 and have experienced this as long as I can remember. So has my twin.
Any suggestions what it could be?
Both of you have this? And do the parents know, cus they should. What if this is some kind of mini seizures you are experiencing? that is a life threatening thing if not managed with Drs care and medication. As to what will set of seizures, I used to be a caregiver and also known of other people I've come across like at a friends Christmas party. The one with seizures made an announcement to all other guests asking them to not take any pictures with their camera while she was in the room as the flashes would cause her to go instantly into a seizure. I've known others who had no reason catalyst to bringing it on, others who found it came on more often when stressed, having not had good rest lately. I am sure a Dr. would know and could explain better what causes this. So if you want to live a long life, I'd make sure the parents know and get you and twin into a Dr. for testing immediately.
My boyfriend and I have been on and off but lately things have been well for us and I couldn't be ever more thankful that we have stopped arguing and tried to get to some common ground. Although, deep down, I can feel another fight coming, though I definitely don't want it to happen. The last time we talked to each other about our feelings and confronted each other on our problems, he told me something that just resonated and wouldn't leave my mind. When we first started becoming serious, and even when I was for sure serious about him, I remember that there was time where on social media, he would try to follow almost every girl he knew and would constantly like their pictures. I knew through people telling me and things I saw for myself. All of that hurt deep down knowing he was telling me one thing but was trying to get attention from other girls. Today, he doesn't really do it but I remember from our night's discussion that he told me whenever he was with his ex, he would think about being with other girls physically. He told me this because he was trying to say that he never feels that way with me. Of course after he mentioned it, I remember those times we were talking when I saw that same behavior from him. Now, I guess we are more serious but my question is, why does it bother me so much? I do trust him now but I'm scared if things go bad, what if he turns back to this behavior. It would hurt so much.
It also bothers me that he's had about 5 girlfriends in the past and he told me about some of the hookups he had too. I know its not a competition but I've had only one boyfriend in the past so... I don't know, it makes me a little insecure. How do I get over this?
You need a list of pros and cons girl. That should help make it more clear to you whether this guy is the right one for you or not...thats the real issue behind all the others you mention. We all like to find ourselves a life partner who truly loves and cherishes us. I highly doubt that you're into self abuse and punishment. If there any foods you're allergic to, you avoid them, music that jangles your nerves rather than putting you in a good mood, you avoid it, what ever isn't the best for you, you likely avoid. It shouldn't be any different with relationships.
So heres what I come up with on pros and cons.
Cons:
1. On and off again, when the going gets tough, he takes the easy way out, stop seeing you. But then, you probably do too.
2. He's fought in the past and you say you feel its coming again soon. Likely this con means he is argumentative, quick to anger, has no idea how to control his emotions and has a problem talking gently, instead of raising his voice to you.
3. He isn't giving you first priority, instead taking time that could be spent with you, going after other girls.
4. He doesnt REALLY do it? That says he does not promote convince in you. So he only pretends to follow other girls when he doesn't really want to? No such thing. This con...is either that he likes to provoke jealousy in you to feel more important himself because he has a low self image of himself as a male and the more females into him makes him feel a bigger man. Or...you or not his top priorit on the totem pole.
5. He knows how to talk up a storm to try to prove a point but where he fails is 'words are just words' or empty promises unless being backed up by action. So when he says he doesn't think about other girls and desiring them when with you, the only way he can prove it is by treating you like his queen on a pedestal and if you did feel that way, you wouldn't be writing us so hes failed there.
6. You state you guess you are more serious. Guessing is not being sure. So he must be doing something that contradicts the fact that he is serious about you, or he fails to do something to confirm it.
7. A good partner inspires their mate to good things, not fear, worry of their repeating past behavior.
8. He's had 5 girlfriends in the past. Its not too bad if each of the relationships lasted around 5 yrs or so and he's now in mid life or older. But a young guy with lots of past girlfriends in a shorter amount of time hint that there is something about him that doesn't make him relationship material at all.
And now the Pros:
1. He doesn't fight 24/7 for according to you,you have stopped arguing (for however long that lasts)
2. On one occasion at least that you mention, he was willing to have a conversation bringing up the problems between you. Thats only half of the conversation. The other part to dicussing problems is coming up with solutions. So I don't know if he's good at that part.
3. He's willing to talk to you about his past with other girls and admit he likes to do that. So at least he isn't into hiding everything. I can only say he is being open about that but that doesnt necessarily mean he isn't holding other things back. Selective confessions may be his thing.
4. We know he loves being a story teller...as he loves to go over all his past hookups and conquests in detail and retell the stories to who ever will listen.
I have now addressed everything I could find in your message to draw up a cons and pros list. At this point, the pros list is too questionable and looks more like a cons list. so theres nothing really in his favor of being a great boyfriend material. Its up to you dear if you want to stay with him for whatever reason and live with fears and hurts and disappoints. It just seems you could do way way better and that you're just settling for less with him.
I told my friend I liked him and although he said he didn't like me as a crush, we agreed to still be friends. It's been about three months now and I want to get over him. Therefore I don't message him first anymore now but do respond and talk when he does. He used to message me first but for the last week he doesn't and at school even it seems like we don't talk much anymore. Even though I know I want to get over him, it is kinda heartbreaking when he doesn't message now. Should I message first? Why does it seem like he is kind of avoiding me? How can I get over him as a crush but still have him as a friend? I'm a 11th grade girl if that helps.
Well, You did say you stopped messaging him first, only responding if he does first.
Now imagine that you have a girlfriend who no longer messages you, she'll answer if you message first. You would begin to wonder if she has some issue with you she's not talking about. You wonder if she's still interested in being your friend or not. When people keep silent and just wait for others to make the first move every time, it's easy for the other to quit trying because it feels like the other isn't interested enough to keep in touch. I would say, that's the unintentional message you sent him by no longer writing first half the time.
As for remaining friends but getting over seeing a person as a crush, hey even adults have trouble with that too. It's not easy. It takes lots of time. And spending lots of time together is not going to be helpful to you in getting over him cus seeing him or hearing his voice is just a reminder of what didn't work out for you. So no matter who messages first, it all counts as contact that doesnt help you get over him.
Perhaps he was observant enough of himself to realize he felt the friendship attraction but not the romantic/sexual attraction. That's one of the biggest reasons that relationships don't have a chance to start, only one feels something. Or the reason that other dating couples split up, no chemistry in that area, not sexually attracted to the person. Theres a difference to finding a person to look handsome or beautiful and having that romance chemistry. The first is like watching a spectacular sunset, you drink in the colors and beauty of nature. But once that sunset is over, you can move on with all the other things in life and not miss it, there'll always be another. With a person where there's chemistry because both your pheremones match, there is instant attraction on both parts and both of you will know it and eventually tell each other, and won't want to focus on anything other than each other. Pheremones is something invisible that humans produce, and its what attracts one to the other, beyond just basic acknowledgement of looks. I can look at a beautiful female figure and enjoy it for its beauty without being sexually attracted to, wanting to kiss, cuddle and have sex with the other female. For that matter, there are men who've looked like a model out of a magazine and I got to date a couple short term before meeting 2nd husband. They were beautiful to look at. I had a desire to be with them because of how handsome they were but once we both got to know each other, realized that even though we were decent normal people, that who we were inside just didn't appeal to the other. I can't say your guy even consciously said no for any of these reasons, by he acted upon what he sensed all the same. Once you can understand that this happens often in life, you'll know to not dwell too much on a guy you initially are attracted to and continue to do so long term from a distance or as friends without taking the time to find out if the other feels the same attraction in return. If thats what you're looking for, best to find out in the beginning rather than invest that much time into a relationship, dating or even just plain old hoping from a distance.
The best thing you can learn that will help you in any relationship or getting one off the ground is excellent communication. Unless you and the other person are mind readers or communicate by mental telepathy, then communication is a MUST. I' can't over stress it. I can easily see points where you could be communicating better. You feel like he's avoiding you. Our thoughts and feelings can so easily lead us off base. But then there's womens intuition and sometimes a woman just knows. But thankfully people aren't thrown in jail over just a hunch that maybe they were at fault. You need solid facts to know where you even stand now as far as being friends. So start a conversation. Do not accuse him of 'making you feel' a certain way. Don't bring up his lack of contact and tell him its a bad sign or means something like he doesnt want you as a friend because frankly, you did the same. He can't read your mind and has no idea why you quit contacting him. So since he can't read your mind, best thing is to be honest. Tell him why. Yes. Tell him. You might think its embarrassin to have to admit that contact with him right now is not helping you get over your crush on him and you want to so you can go back to being just friends but it may be a while. YOu're not going to talk to him or see him and want him to know its nothing he did, you're not angry...just need time. and that You will be in contact again when you feel you are ready and able to handle it. He's appreciate your honesty and the explanation with make sense to him, he'll understand and there will be no bad feelings, in reality or imagined between you.
I am currently in my first year of university and decided to try to join a Drama Association. I went to an interview where I was asked a few questions and in about a week and a half I have to audition. They require me to do an improvisation, a monologue (which was chosen during the interview at random, but they still haven't sent me what monologue I'm supposed to be doing), and some sort of artistic presentation (recite a poem, a dance, singing, etc.). The thing is that I have acted before but nothing too big. I'm basically a newbie to theatre. I'm having trouble with the artistic presentation I need to bring - I seriously have got no idea what I should do. Its a theatre audition so I don't know just ‘what' would be preferred. I like singing and dancing a lot, but its not like I'm an expert in either one. I'm super nervous because I have never done anything like this and I'm afraid I'll screw up and look like an idiot. What tips should I follow through? Anything I should avoid?
PS. I'm a girl, although its not really that important, I don't care about acting male or female parts.
My only experience with acting was at a very large church who put on several plays a year and had a drama teacher and a drama team of which I applied for. But we all had to do improvisations, because it was one of the best ways our teacher had to take people who had no experience in drama and get them to loosen up and have fun and be themselves and allow their creative juices to start flowing and basically trust themselves.
Since improv is the creative activity of immediate ("in the moment") acting or singing or playing of music, there is no wrong way to go about it. So thats why you have not been told ahead of time what you will be told to do once on stage. To know ahead of time would mean it was no longer improvisation.
I'll give an example: Your on stage and told to play the part of a mother and a Dr who is telling you that your child was in an accident and is in emergency. The options are endless. You could play a single mom and this child is your only family as you were an orphan. You could have a husband and need to call him at work to tell him and then act the scene of what happens when you are in the waiting room awaiting the Dr. coming to give news of your child. You can choose to have him tell you your child will survive or that he'll be in ICU and it will be touch and go for a while. If you want, you can toss in calling your church to have the pastor and others start praying for you. Put emotion into it. Just for that short time, really imagine how you'd feel if you were that person.
I got to watch two on stage performances of plays where there was only one person playing all the parts and they spoke the roles of multiple people and it was great. One was the Bethlehem Christmas story by a visiting actor to our church, the other, my husbands boss's neighbor. This neighbor lady was gay and decided to create her own monologue play depicting the tough issues that LGBT people come up against in life and how they might feel as they are going through it and it was great. Its not props or things that you have in prov, its your imagination, its like being a story teller, creating a story on the spot, like writing a scene in a novel but instead of just reciting your story out loud to an audience, you act out the events that unfold between several people and act out their parts.
To get used to doing this before the date, ask your family to help you. Have them sit in the living room as your audience and each one take a turn to give you a scenerio to act on the spot. Once you've done this a lot of times, it becomes easier and easier. You may fumble at first for ideas but the thing is to come up with an idea quickly and just go with it. It can be short, just a couple minutes but a lot can be conveyed in that time so have family or friends help this way and set a timer so you only have maybe 3 minutes to do the one improv before going on to the next. Its actually lots of fun. I'd love to host a party and have all the guests do improv as a party game. Practice ahead to become good at doing improv and you'll be able to handle whatever they throw at you once you're on stage.