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I'm in love with a girl that wants to wait for marriage but I'm a sex addic
I'm a 21 year old male from South Africa. About a year ago I met an amazing girl, and after months of trying I finaly got into a relationship with her, we've been dating for 9 months now and I get a feeling inside me that says things will work out between us and that she's the one. We have a lot of problems in our relationship, the biggest problem we have is our age difference, we are 4 years apart, her parents don't know anything about our relationship and if they do then they'll keep us apart. But the other problem is that I'm actually addicted to sex and she wants to wait for marriage since she's a virgin. I've learned that sex doesn't make a relationship and at most times actually ruins it. I really don't want to lose this girl, I've tried as hard as I can to get my mind off of sex but it gets harder and harder by the day. What must I do?? Must I talk to her about it and try to do it or must I respect her wishes???
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Well a relationship with a sex addict and a virgin that will be a hard one. But with understanding and respect you can make it work. Some things are worth the wait. If you really feel she is the one and abstinence is something she feels strongly about well wait. and respect her wishes. If you are truly a sex addict there is medication, meditation, and self help for that. You can over come your addiction. Here is a helpful website on sex [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
You can always find things to do besides sex such as activities together to past the time if she is the one ask for her parents blessings and Marry her :) Good Luck
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By saying, "she's the one", I assume you mean the woman you want to marry someday. Then you want to be careful that you don't go for marriage vows to someone whom you find after marriage that you felt a chemistry towards but she didn't feel it towards you. You need to find out if its not just that she wants to wait for marriage to have sex but she would need to feel the same sexual chemistry with you for the two of you to be a perfect match. You may have fallen in love but it takes two things to really make a successful relationship as the relationship with only one, eventually falls apart. You need to be each others best friend first, this means you care about the day to day things in her life, whats important to her and are willing to uphold her and uphold her in what she's chosen for her life. So if this is important to her, you'll be glad to honor her wishes. Right now, your sexual urges are talking louder than reasoning. If you force her or talk her into something she really didn't want, its not going to be okay because you are going to marry eventually. What happens even if you didn't intend it to, is that she sees you as disrespectful to her and will lose respect for you. Yes, she can be married to you and still not respect or love you, there are many relationships like that and you will find it to not be so exciting when she just goes through the motions but knows you really don't love her like she wants to be loved. If sex is more important to you than honoring her wishes, then she's the wrong person for you and you are the wrong person for her. You need a female who doesnt have any special wishes regarding sex and wants it all the time like you. You say you learned sex doesnt make a relationship. Perhaps, you weren't treating your girls before this one as if they were your Queen, so they felt loved. A female who is treated very well, will be in love with the man who proves it to her. Not proving by sex but proving by his actions in how he treats her. If she is treated nice only to give up sex, then a female knows that and will be sorry forever after. If she shows by wanting to cuddle and kiss that she has a sexual attraction to you as well, then she feels chemistry too. If she doesn't, you don't want to end up locked in marriage to a woman who thinks once a month or once a week is enough when you want sex every night. But unfortunately a great majority of couples around the world make that mistake in their first couple relationships or marriage. So I truly believe she doesnt have to have sex with a man to know if she feels sexually excited by him. You want to know now if she doesn't and just hope it develops. Cus what you are looking for doesnt develop in time. Reason is, each human has their own set of pheremones they let off and if two peoples pheremones are not the same, matching, then the chemistry between them will be missing or very weak. Have a talk with her, not to convince her to give up her wishes but ask how she truly feels about you. Do let her know what you feel like and desire once married. Does it sound normal or extreme to her. If extreme, then you are not a match sexually. I was one with a high libido and husband a low one in 1st marriage. I am no longer married to him. When I went on a dating site to find my next husband, I made sure to mention I was looking for my sexual equal, someone with a high libido and who liked the same things as I did sexually. Yes, its that important. If its important to you, its very important to discuss ahead of time. Good luck
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