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We're both so shy.
18/f, he's 22. We both work together in a grocery store. He used to be my supervisor but he moved to be supervisor of another department so he isn't technically above me anymore. We went to the same high school so I always thought he was cute. He was the one to train me on register when I first started out and thinking back on it, even that was awkward-he would talk to me and walk me through how to do things but he was still shy then. One day I was on self check and he was restocking the impulse candy in the closed lane right next to me, a customer asked me something that I wasn't sure on the answer of so I went over and asked him and he was still awkward about it then, speaking very quietly to me so he just bypassed me and went straight to the customer and when he started talking to the customer, he was laughing and speaking at a normal level and everything, it's weird to see his personality change with whom he's around.
Now, I never really gave it much thought, I was always negative about it thinking that a guy as cute as him would never go for a girl like me. However, he was out at the bar with my brother's girlfriend the other night since they're friends and she texted me and apologized that she was tipsy and she "word vomit" to him that I think he is so cute. To which, she says, he replied "she's definitely cute" so she told him he should probably talk to me then because I'm shy and he said that he's really shy around me too.
But now it's like, we both know what the other thinks and now it's more awkward. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? When two people know the feelings of the other, shouldn't it be easy to communicate? Nope. Not for us.
Many people know of our situation at work. He is friends with a lot of people at our work and I talk to a lot of them as well. Like, he's the hang out outside of work kind of friends with them but I'm the type of only hang out with them inside of work and I'm friends with the rest of the people that he isn't.
So, it's kind of comical to me to have everyone tell me they're going to get us to talk because nobody really understands just how shy he is around me because he isn't shy around anybody else. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not talking down on him because I'm shy around him too, if I wasn't, there really wouldn't be an issue to discuss here. I have people come up to me all the time, like oh "he was up here earlier and we talked for a good ten minutes before he was called back to do mods" or "he was just up here, he asked if you were working" - because I know he comes up a lot to help elderly customers do carry outs and that kind of thing because I see it, we make eye contact a lot as he's walking up or out the door, we just can't ever say anything. I even have the strangest supervisor (I'm not kidding, she'll just magically disappear for ten or so minutes sometimes and someone will find her in the back of the store, just feeding the goldfish, telling us that she could sense they were hungry) and she said he talks to her a lot and when she tells me that and she sees that I get irritated, she always says "yeah, well at least you know he can't talk to you because he likes you, I think a lot of girls would take him being shy because he liked them instead of just chatting like good friends" and I have to admit, that makes me feel better because a lot of girls that work with us tend to like him and think he's cute and he can talk to all of them normally.
However, lately, ever since he's gone to the bar that night with my brother's girlfriend, I've noticed he's been, I guess trying in his own way. He'll come through my self checkout when he knows I'm working which he never used to do but he still won't say anything. Or he'll come up for his returns sometimes and he'll look at me and smile when he walks by, but you guessed it, still doesn't say anything.
Yesterday, a friend of ours that used to work with us came in to buy some things and when he was finished, he stopped to talk to me and catch up and ask how everything was. When we were nearing the end of our conversation, he asked if any of his friends, that he used to hang out with when he worked with us, were working and at that time, the mute walked up and I pointed to him and they started talking. Our friend included me in the conversation too and I would laugh at both of their jokes and our friend would keep talking to me and him but he would only talk to our friend and not me. So, yes, when I say that he's shy... I mean it 1000% that he can't even talk to me in a group conversation.
So, I guess my question is: is this a lost cause? I know he isn't ever going to talk to me, it's just something I feel in my gut. And I have a feeling that I'll be too nervous for a while to say anything to him too. I've been planning on leaving my number on a sticky note and leaving it on his car one day but his one friend said he won't ever text me until he talks to me so that'd just be useless. I just don't know what to do. And please don't even tell me it's as simple as just saying hi because as I've stated numerous times, it's basically impossible for either of us to speak to each other which is what is leading me to believe how useless wasting my time on him is.
Thanks for any input!
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I used to be too shy to talk to anyone, so I started meditating. It helps give confidence and make it easier to talk. Honestly, I think ️leaving your number is a great idea. If you don't start somewhere, then things will only continue to be awkward and you don't want to be 40 years old and still be staring at each other too scared to make the first step. Texting is always the best way to break someone out of their shell, including yourself. It's easier to talk your not face to face and neither of you can hear each other's voice. People write out their feelings sometimes, so texting can be easier for most people. After a while, he should eventually be able to talk to you, and you to him. Maybe put your name and number on the sticky note and say you hope he will text you that night. He may be kinda scared to text you, and may be hesitating till late that night, but should eventfully text you that night being afraid you could be upset or disappointed. I hope this will work for you, and best of luck to you. Im rooting for you guys!✊😃✊
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Yeah, it's not going to work until one of you get the courage to talk. And what if by that time, it's too late?
If you think this guy is worth it, then go talk to him.
Even though that's not the advice you want, it's like the only thing to do. Unless you just want to wait but it doesn't seem like you're happy with it. And you could possibly miss out on something awesome just because neither one of you had the courage.
So maybe just take baby steps. You guys already make eye contact, next time you smile. After that you can wave, after that you can say hi, then eventually start having small talk enough to where you can give him your number?
If he's not going to do something about it, then you should.
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Shyness, or social anxiety isn't something a person has to live with forever. they just have to get to the point where they are sick and tired of being that way and willing to do whatever it takes to get past it. That was me. I wasn't like you or him, able to talk to some but not each other. I never approached others first, they had to try befriending me first. I was so worrried about any attention possibly being focused on me that I couldn't even get up to use the pencil sharpener in school for fear everyone would be staring at me. I am no longer like that. In my senior year of H.S. I finally decided I'd had enough and it was holding me back in life. I prayed and believe what I heard God tell me to do is the best way ever to slowly get over shyness at a rate I was comfortable with. I did each step as I was given it, not asking for the next step until I felt totally at ease with the first one. Now I have no problem striking up conversation with strangers even. In your cases, I wouldn't call it shyness necessarily. Perhaps you're both introverts rather than extroverts so not as outgoing as others but that doesn't make you a shy person if you can converse with people as there is a need such as at work. Since he seems to only have this problem with you, it's not shyness on his part but that he has a big crush on you and wishes he was brave enough to talk to you but is so scared of messing up or making a bad impression that he talks himself out of it all the time or is too frozen with fear.
Now I will admit that many people feel a little trepidation at talking with someone they are very interested in because it is so crucial that they like us back. This is natural, but usually we end up taking the risk and saying something or at least writing a note, taking some kind of action to let the other know of our interest. For some, it is actually easier to converse on facebook or online in some other such venue rather than in person where they're more shy. I can't say that he'd find that easier. As someone said, he'd have to be willing to give you his info. online for you to contact him or use yours if given it and likely his fear may go beyond just being face to face with you.
This may not work with him but perhaps he needs a ton of reassurance before he'd be willing to even just talk to you. The only way I can think of is writing him a letter, a real pen and paper letter, not on line and having someone give it to him if you think he wouldn't accept it from you. In it, reassure him in all the ways you can think of having some shyness in yourself, knowing what the usual fears would be. I'd probably write about how I really like him and it hurt when he talks to others and not to me because i FEEL i could find no wrong in him, that theres nothing he could say or do that would turn me off. All I want is a chance to at least first become his friend and then see where that leads because you hope that he will give you the chance to show him how special a person he is to you. Once he knows he can stumble and stutter or find his mind going blank midway thru a sentence and you'll still be enamored with him, he may be more likely to give it a try. If he doesn't, obviously there can be no relationship if two people won't even do the most basic first thing and talk.
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