about

Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

So, my girlfriend and I have been together for a couple months, and I've been kind of unhappy. She is very unaffectionate to me, never wants to kiss or hug at school, but she holds hands, and hugs her friends at school, and has even cuddled with them outside of school. I'm very uncomfortable about this, and I've mentioned it before to her, but when i do, i get a "it's a joke, calm down" and a lecture from her friends that "I'm in the wrong" she's always sending her friends kissy emoji's and hearts, calls her friends "boo" and "bae" but i get no terms of endearment, almost no affection from her. It's "okay" for her to joke around about cuddling with other boys, but the second i mention something about one of my female friends, it's unacceptable. She completely ignores my texts, and will sometimes not reply for hours, but she constantly and immediately texts her friends back. Should i be worried? Should I leave?

Often in our school days time of life, people are not yet really aware of what is the right person for them in a relationship nor do they have any idea of how to go about maintaining a relationship. There is no knowledge of the do's and don'ts in dating in relationships and mostly its due to being new at this, BY new, I mean under 10 years of experience, not the fact that they have dated 6 people in 3 months time. The number of relatiionships doesn't make a difference in what they know or have in real experience that matters. It's when there have been a couple long term relationships that last because they are doing lots of things right that matters. And of course you will have a hard time finding this during teen even sometimes college years, it also kinda depends on how quickly a person matures and learns from their mistakes.

I wouldn't call 'indifference to you' as meaning she is unfaithful. thats not the only reason. It just seems she has no interest in you at all.
Lets put it this way, guys when they find a girlfriend will make her own of his top 3 priorites, with others that he also deems important juggled equally time wise, like school, his buddies, or a job. He honors his commitments.
Whereas when most females find a guy they are crazy about, they tend to make him their only priority in life when inexperienced, dropping focus on school and other commitments. What you have described of her behavior in no way comes nears to how an inexperienced, immature female acts when she's really into you. It just plain old seems she 's not interested. So if not interested, why would she continue to be your girlfriend, I don't know. She has her own reasons.
But if not interest, why doesn't she say so? Because another thing people don't know how to do is to break up with other people. No it isn't easy and some fear hurting the other but that fact is, they are already hurting if not being loved in return, so the hurt of breakup just adds some to the hurt already there. It could be she's too chicken to say she wants to end the relationship and figures you'll do it for her if she ignores you enough to make you leave her. Thats cowardice. So another black mark against her. If I were you, I wouldn't waste any more time on her. You yourself are still in learning mode about realationships and feelings. What you have experienced is just one of many learning experiences you will go through in life before finding a good long term partner or marriage. The thing to keep in mind is to learn from past mistakes in choice of girlfriend, discover what you like to look for in the next person, and take all of the stuff you don't like and make sure the next person doesn;t have any of those. People are good at hiding parts of themselves. Even as a divorced adult, I met some guys i thought were great until after the 3rd date they began to show some of their major faults that were on my list of things to avoid in a future relationship so I broke it off immediately. A good way to explain breaking off with someone, even if not spelling out the true issues (just to keep peace) is to say, there wasn't enough chemistry and not enough things in common, which when you boil it down is actually the truth, it just leaves out all her faults. Good luck.

[view]

i work with this lady got her number on thursday tuesday is gonna be a week its gonna be that day that is she gonna pick up the phone so if she doest pick the phone should a wait a week to call back self-confidence.discipline.challenge is the key

Lots of people will second guess anything in life, even someone asking for their phone number and may still not take that as the person having interest in them. This happens to girls too who ask guys for their number.
To be honest, once people start mulling it over in their mind without asking any questions on their mind, like "Why did you want my number?" they are not going to have the answer and find they aren't sure if the person is genuinely interested in getting to know you as well or if they don't know how to say know if they aren't attracted to you and just hand out their number and hope you dont call. Now if you had been asked why you want the number and you said because you are interested in her, then she'd have had confirmation right up front. Then maybe, she's grown up learning that the man should always make the first move which in todays society is not the case anymore but we stick with what we learned growing up.
So you can't expect her to automatically call you or even want to. In this case you'll have to make the move. YOu've made the first move by asking for her number but as I said, people today don't seem to take that as a sign of a possible interest in them so you'll also have to make the second move. Most women are initially not attracted to men lacking self confidence but there are many who do like the more quiet, sensitive man who is a home-body so you don't have to become the extreme social person, only confident enough for your real self to show through so she is attracted to you for you only.

So the real question is the step before calling her. I don't know how great your ability is to visualize, but I have an exercise for you to do. But you must do it, as silly as it may seem to you, it works. In my late forties after a divorce, I was wondering if any guy would be interested in me and read somewhere about borrowing self confidence from a famous person until your own has had a chance to establish it self. So I did an experiment. Instead of trying at first to get someone to notice the whole me, I went for trying to get people to notice my eyes.
I thought of an actress whom I felt had sexy alluring eyes who was even older than me. Then I imagined myself to be her, looking like her, placing that picture in my mind of me having her whole looks and doing this just before stepping out of my home, my car, into a building. And the results staggered me Sir. I am not kidding when I say I began to get people both women and men who were strangers to me, telling me that I had the most beautiful eyes. Some times I wasn't even wearing makeup so I was flabbergasted. I did not expect such success. And it continued long after I stopped doing the visualization exercise which I believe I did for only a full month, which is about the amount of time to replace a bad habit and establish a new one.
My eyes had not changed, so what exactly where these people noticig that others hadn;t before I did the visualization? Self confidence which isn't a tangible thing you can see and hear but people have built in radars that their subconscious minds use to pick up on things that can be sensed. It is what people sense that is just as important in getting them to notice you. While my looks are not going to appeal to every man on the planet, I dont need all to find me attractive, just a selective few for whom their taste runs in my particular looks. But if self confidence is lacking, even those few won't automatically notice you or be drawn to want to get to know you. If you try talking to her and she doesn't respond favorably at first, give yourself more time until you see yourself getting a more positive response from other people as well.
So choose a celeb you admire, another man you view as being sauve, self confident, handsome. Pick your best feature whether that be your hair, nose, your body shape and then choose a celeb who also has a great body shape, or nose, but it doesn't matter if it doesnt look like yours. All your doing is tricking your subconscious mind into gaining some self confidence. Then picture yourself lookly exactly like him, not at all like you several times a day. If you do this daily, you will begin to see a response in other people. You being male, I don't think other males will compliment you but you'll begin to see strange women who don't know you, staring at you in public, trying to watch you or the bolder ones giving you appreciative glances. THIS means it is working. Eventually some may make some comments even other female co workers like, "I don't know what it is but there seems to be something different about you lately." Or perhaps a simple, "Hey, looking good today John!" This is what you want, people noticing you. It means they've picked up on sensing the confidence. At some point, you automatically forget to do the visualization anymore because you realize you now have your own. good luck with that.

[view]

Hi there. I have social anxiety. Lately, it's really gotten to be a problem when it comes to interacting with other people, especially my friends. Even sending messages online is incredibly awkward. I take a long time to respond to the simplest of messages because I overthink things, but even though I know this, I still can't stop approach it any other way.

A lot of my friends have stopped talking to me online because it's just too awkward. Half the time I end up repeating myself, contradicting myself, or I put my foot in my mouth and say something I shouldn't have. I don't know what to do about it. Any advice would be welcome.

Hi Hon. social anxiety is fairly common today, even more so because so many have cells and text and haven't learned as they grew up, how to converse with people. In my time it was called being shy but I had a fear of people too and what they would think of me.
What you have may be just that but if you are doing a lot of the overthinking and talking yourself out of, vasciallating back and forth on what to do and not able to commit to one idea in any situation or area of your life, then it may not be related just to socialness but be a plain old Anxiety disorder which is a disorder that many suffer from today so you're not the odd ball out.

Social anxiety is the more common known thing and heard out and about. However, there is something else that comes close and only a professional can diagnose either and give the proper treatment.

This other disorder, less known but equally a problem today is a Cognitive Behavorial disorder. Cognitive means thinking, thoughts and is more of a learned bad habit with your brain so it can be un-learned and not require medication. The solution in this case is not medication for anxiety but Cognitive Behavioral therapy. Sometimes you can get a lazy Dr. who just wants to prescribe meds and not send you to a specialist Dr. to do tests, ask you questions to determine if your problem is more CB caused but your thinking process or just anxiety. Both which have the same end result, you not taking an action and unable to decide.
So if you haven't been seen by a doctor and diagnosed, this is an issue hon, which needs professional help. Doesn't mean you are broken or less of a human. It is just how you were born or a product of how you grew up. In my case, my mom was extremely shy, had zero friends, afraid to talk to people and as a little kid, she was my role example. Little kids learn to copy their parents so I little by little learned to become so, then by time I was in grade school it continued. My dad was the total opposite, very out going and made friends easily so by my last two years in high school, I was tired of being so shy/socially anxious and worked hard on my own to overcome it and did, but generally most people are not able to push themselves to do something despite their fear and anxiety and need professionals to help. I suggest you talk to mom and dad about this. Show them my response. Most parents want to know and get their child help. Only a few odd ones react opposite, not wanting to acknowledge there is something wrong with theire child thinking it reflects on them. That is not the case. they can be great parents and still this is the case. My parents were great parents and I had issues too.
If there are problems and they aren't willing to help, show them my response here. If that doesnt help in case theres an issue, talk to a school counselor and ask them to get you help. You deserve to not have to live with this the rest of your life. Good luck dear.

[view]

I am a 11th grade girl and I had told my friend I like him. He told me he likes me back but rather not doing anything about it because of some differences and he likes another girl more. We continued to be friends for 4 months but recently I have noticed he hasn't been talking to me much and when I message him his replies are short. Any idea why? Should I ask? I know before he started acting like this I was also kind of quiet and sometimes rude to him. How can I make it better? There are only three days of school. Also, if it doesn't get better I want to get over him, but it really hurts.

hon, it may simply be a difference in how each of you interprets the word "Like". For you, when you say Like, I assume you mean 'being attracted to a person romantically'. For him, like may mean simply frienship, or like as in having a preference for but that doesn't mean romantically because we use the word like and even love to say
"Oh I like chocolate icecream, thats my favorite." or to be more dramatic, roll your eyes and sigh as you say, "I absolutely love chocolate icecream". When people use the same words to describe such varying things, you can not trust that you have interpreted correctly what the other person meant. I don't think he hates you or feels indifferent to you, that he likes you well enough as a fellow classmate but doesn't feel perhaps enough in common to pursue you as a friend. If he was interested in you romantically, you'd know it. People subconsciously do certain things (body language) when interested in someone that way. If he 'liked' you that way, he would have stared at you every chance he got and also smiled at you alot and found opportunities to sit or stand near you, reached out and touched you innocently like a pat on the shoulder, etc... and perhaps not known he was subconsciously doing these things. I don't know what you want to accomplish in 3 or less days time. If apologizing for past behavior, just walk up to him and do so. Or write him a note apologizing, just that, nothing else. If you hope to get him to see you in a romantic way, as a girlfriend, there are some things no time will change. For example, theres something called chemistry between two people. Either you have it or you don't and you can't 'make' it happen by being in his line of sight constantly or talking to him constantly. If a guy you think is disgusting to you started doing that, would it work to make you fall for him? See, it doesn't work that way. Someone you find yucky and can't dream ever being kissed by cus it revulsive, not cus there's something wrong with the person, their looks and personality just aren't quite to your liking,
(and theres the word 'like' again)
So it must be something else. Looks play a role. I met a guy once who looked gorgeous, like a male model that just stepped out of the pages of a magazine. I was enthralled at first sight wondering how I got so lucky. When the time for our first kiss came, yuck...there was no connection, no excitement, no passion like heart doing somersaults. It was as disgusting as the thought of being kissed like that by my brother. What we were lacking was a pheremone connection. He never called me back and I wasn't expecting it. But then I was an adult when this happened with more experience.
A pheremone is something many mammals have, you see it in animal kingdom and its the same with humans, its what helps to draw the two sexes together to mate. Well, with humans, we have more than that. We have friendship and romance, being in love, flirting, .... which animals don't have to the degree we do. Pheremones is what helps us to feel that spark with a person. So physical attraction is what first catches our interest, and then we need a chance to be close to them, to see if we feel that chemical attraction, even without a hug, kiss or touch. You feel this before physical contact of some kind, its just the contact that confirms it.
All I can say is to take care to not get your hopes up in the future. You got a good answer from him, he beleives theres enough differences that you wouldn't make a close friend for him let alone becoming anything more. And that is a valid reason. He wouldnt even hang out with the male friends he has if he didn't have enough in common with them. For that matter, neither would you, it would get boring to hang with a girl you had nothing or little in common with.
The only thing that cures your kind of hurt, is time. In time it will hurt less but you have to make sure to not dwell on it and think about it. So as soon as a thought comes into your mind about him or hurting, you MUST tell yourself, that was never close to a reality. I was hoping for something unreachable with him so stop thinking about him. I want to focus on making new friends this summer." You will be saying this for the benefit of your subconscious mind which acts like an eager puppy wanting to please you. Due to not knowing any better, it assumes everything you let your thoughts dwell on, even the negative emotions of anger, sadness, fear are something you focus on because you like it and want it. So your sub mind will help you to feel even more of the same. And it becomes a vicious cycle of getting worse and worse. So another good trick is to find something to occupy your mind. If you can't find friends to hang out with, try finding a job or creating your own, maybe pet sititng for people going on vacations this summer, dog walking, etc... or volunteer some of your time. there are many agencies that need volunteers and wont say no to a teen willing to pitch in and help. Keep busy to occupy your mind but when the thoughts come, chase them away and eventually your subconscious will get the picture.

[view]

so i had tension with this guy pretty much all year, and finally a few weeks ago he told me he was into me and asked me out and then we hooked up the next day at a party, he later decided we cant go out because hes dealing with a lot of stuff with his family and whatever so called it off at least for now and we kind of stopped speaking. then last night we were at a party and talking a lot about everything he was saying how much he liked me etc and kept trying to kiss me, i initially pushed him away a lot but ended up kissing for a bit. i just found out though that hes been speaking to this other girl a lot and apparently likes her too, shes in another country tho so forsure nothing physically happened. do you think in general him being physcially attracted to me means anytnig about if he likes me/likes me more than that girl or, not sure if i should take the him alwyas trying to kiss me as he really likes me and thats how he is expressing it or is just sexually frustrated and making up that wanting to date me part. not a matter of if we will actually date because its a bad idea with everything going on with him just curious about his intentions.

Males are visually stimulated. So yes, being physiclally attracted to a female is important. And it ties in closely with their sexuality. For younger males just experiencing their hormones and attractions for the first time, too many have so many hormones going that they are aroused practically all day long, several times a day whether theres a cute female around or not. As far as physical attraction goes, females are not much different from males. Try to imagine as a female being attracted physically to a guy you don't find appealing in looks at all, can you picture your palms getting sweaty, and your heart doing somer-saults around him? No. Same for guys. The only really big difference is that at a young age, males tend to be more concerned with taking care of their sexual desires and females are a means to an end for them to see what its like to kiss and progress to more so they can gain sexual experience while taking care of their bodies need for sexual release, they equate this all more as lust than love while girls want a guy who loves them first and then havin sex is a way to show him that love. I am not saying all guys are this way but a good majority are when young. So its really hard to tell from so little contact with him that you've had whether he is interested in you for all of you, physically and who you are as a person. Time will tell if he has a true intereset in you because a male who had true interest in a female will put her has a high priority on his list to be in contact with and pay attention to. And thats just to tell if theres interest. But I can't say what kind of interest, sexual purely or for more than that, and the only way to know is to see under what circumstances he wants to spend time with you. If its only to kiss and cuddle or maybe explore more rather than go bike riding, out to a fast food place together, having him over to watch a movie iwth the family and spend time with you, then his interest is only a sexual one. It depends now if thats all you want or if you're looking for a boy who will like you for all of you.
P.S. Heterosexual Men of all ages never stop feeling attracte to females for their looks not matter their age or the age of the female. Its a life long thing built in to who they are. So this is not enough to base a decision on whether they really like you as a person or not. I am married, in my fifties and still get men who wink and flirt with me and find me attractive. You'll have to learn to understand when a guy is just appreciating the scenery, wants to temporarily camp in it, or buy the whole campground so to speak.

[view]

Every morning I'm woken up by crows crowing and some other birds. The strangest thing though was when I was hanging out with a friend and this crow was sitting on a tree, looked like it was staring at me. It was constantly crowing and swooping down so close to my head I had to duck or it would get in my hair. It did this until I went inside and it went back to the tree watching me. I learned a bit about crows and apparently they are extremely intelligent and can remember faces for 2 years. So can anyone make sense of this?

Yes, I have an answer. They are over protective of their own who are in a vulnerable state, such as a baby crow who can't fly and is out of nest on the ground somewhere and also their elderly who can't fly and are in the processing of dying.
My daughter had a crow swoop right at her head as she walked to school every day for a week. She asked a teacher who told her that likely there was a baby bird on the ground and if you are passing by anywhere remotely in the area of that tree, they won't want for you to get close enough to discover there is a fallen bird, and thats' why often we have no idea why they seem to be attacking. She was just walking on the side walk.

Once at a friends house, I asked if we could go visit out on her back patio instead of inside and she said I'm welcome to try but there are crows out there that won't allow anyone in step outside the house and she pointed to a corner of her lot. So I went out and immediately got the cawing, tried to see if there was a downed bird. Couldnt see from the distance, so walked closer to get a peek, just a few seconds, enough to see an adult bird on the ground alive and barely moving, unable to fly and had to duck the attacks of several crows as I was dangerously close in their minds as I was within visual distance for myself.
Don't worry, it wasn't that they don't like you.

[view]

So im a 13 year old girl and my best friend is a girl. She is bi. She has a huge crush on me but she is also always pointing out really cute girls. Lately I have been getting really jealous every time she does and I think I might have feelings for her but I also think I like this guy. So am I bi or am i just confusing friendship with love? What should I do?

I can see you are very intelligent by how you worded your question. The fact you wonder if you're confusing friendship for love of a romantic sort is something not all people realize.
What actually happens is that people are attracted to others for two basic needs we all have, one for emotional needs and the other sexual needs. We can feel love in both situations. When ready to marry or be in a life long relationship, the best choice would be not only someone who is the emotional support, like your very best friend treats you, but also someone with whom you are sexually compatible. Sadly many people hook up for life with someone they get only one or the other from and so its an unbalanced relationship that can be rocky with one or the other partner eventually upset that not all their needs are met.
You may have the emotional support in her and love her in that relationship. Don't confuse jealousy with meaning you are bi or gay. A straight person can get jealous of not having their special same sex friend always available to them once they begin seriously dating and looking for a partner, simply because you know your friend is now going to split time between their love interest and you and jealousy is all about fearing the loss of something or someone. While you wouldnt lose her totally, any serious change like that can feel like a loss and so you feel jealous. Only you can determine in the end whether you are seriously visually attracted to women only or both women and men to the point that it goes beyond visual attraction to feeling sexually aroused by one or the other or both sexes. You're just going through puberty and in a little more time, you will find yourself consistantly responding a certain way that will confirm your sexuality for you. right now, don't worry about labeling it. Just explore and enjoy it.
About people who are bi-sexual, they aren't necessarily monogamous, and I know that from knowing a neighbor who was bisexual. She was married to a man who understood her bisexuality and she had several female loves on the side. then from what she told me, there's the female who is married, never felt bi in her life until she meets one special gal and that one female becomes her other partner and other than that, she is never sexually attracted to other females.
Then lastly, there's the female who finds a female to be her life partner but is bisexual and she dates and has relationships with many different men. there may be other combo's but thats what I've come across hearing of.
You ask what you should do, just go with your gut feeling and only do that which you feel comfortable with. Anyone who can't honor your wishes or presses you for more than you're ready for or not sure of, isn't all that wonderful a person to be around in the first place. If you're wondering simply what to do about feeling jealous, thats something only you can change in your mind be your thought processes. Either you decide to give it a try and see how you like being more than just friends with your girlfriend and then decide what your next move is. But best thing is to let her or any guy know up front that you aren't settled for sure on anything yet, just exploring and ask each person if they have a problem with you also having a relationship with so and so. Multiple relationships are complicated enough for adults and often not very successful so it's even harder for teens just starting out. Hopefully I've shared enough so that you can relax and just explore on your own terms in your only time. good luck dear.

[view]

Hi, I'm a 16 year old girl. I've been singing ever since I was 5 and it's always been my dream to make it big someday. I made a music video the other day and I'm not trying to brag but I got lots of likes on it and great compliments too. Someone suggested that I try out for American Idol. They're supposed to be at my states capital this August. I want to try out so bad but I know my stage fright would completely fry my chances. I have suffered from anxiety since I was 9. I'm currently not on medication for it but I'm supposed to have an appointment with my doctor soon. I'm not trying to put out a sob story or anything, I just have enough trouble as it is. My dad thinks the medication would help me, he also doesn't want me to rush things but like I said I want this so bad. It means everything to me. What should I do? How can I get over stage fright by then?
By the way, this would NOT be my first time singing on stage. Advice is much appreciated. Thank you.

frankly, something the caliber of American Idol or America's got talent are so highly critical of even the best of the best, that even not having anxiety, I'd have stage fright too and know I'd mess up.
I wouldn't get on medication just for this one situation, to perform in American Idol. It depends really on if your anxiety is interrupting and affecting your life in other area's as well. tRUST your Dr. to know if you should take it or not.
Even on medication, you could still easily experience stage fright, and I would think, a lot of it may be due to a combo of how important this is to you to be successful and make it to another level plus having to face very tough criticism. I find it a poor way to find the next new talent as its really a crap shoot of which other talents you are pitted against...all who have the same level of talent as yourself but there can be only one who wins the top spot. Personally all the others who get even half way through are talents enough to get music contracts with other companies who see talent, even if you dont win on the show. You can't let disappointment or being ruled out crush you. If you think you can't handle this level of rejection, then it may be better not to try and put yourself through that torture. The best thing I know of from being in plays in a big mecca church with a thousand people audience is that when my time came to perform, hope the spot lights are bright enough to blind out your ability to see the audience and judges. If you can't see them, it's easier to perform, why, I don't know but thats how it was for me. If a spotlight moved and I could see people, I took my eyes off the audience, even closed my eyes for a few seconds to regroup mentally and then continued on. WIth singing, YOu can close your eyes often for longer stretches...something some singers do when they really feel the emotion of the song and are really getting into it. That's what you could try. You could test it out by trying to book local events, even on a smaller scale and be on stage beforehand to try and see how it works for you, that way whatever other tips you get and try, you can have proven confidence ahead of time that it works to keep you from freezing up with stage fright. good luck dear.

[view]

so i recently lost 2 guys to them being into other girls. first this guy i was dating decided to get back togehter with his ex and then i found out this guy i was starting things with was also starting something w this other girl. in both cases the girls are those classic pretty girls that manipulate every guy into falling in love with them. i happen to know that both of them have 10 different guys wrapped around their fingers and have always been like that, i cant for the life of me figure out whats so special about them tho. i know theres always those girls that just make every boy love them and not that im entirely unable to get people interested in me but just cant match thier level. i was wondering if anyone has any words of wisdom as to how to compete with these people, just seems like they can pretty much take any guy from everyone and not sure what the rest of us are supposed to do. do we just wait around and take thier leftovers, knowing any guy would leave us for these girls if they had the chance? seems crazy that the same girl can get so many people who are so wrong for her to be head of heels for them and get guys to leave any other girl geniunly not sure what the rest of us are supposed to do.

Yes!! There is hope. But there's a lot of factors to consider. For one thing, the media plays a big role in impacting young impressionable males. If and when it comes down to settling down, and finding a woman they are attracted to who would not only make a great wife but great mother, guys do not typically go for the girls who look like models.
Second, I don't know if you're aware of this but statistics show that there are more women than are men on the planet. This puts males in the role of being the 'hot commodity' and as such, they realize from a young age that they can get away with murder practically, make a terrible boyfriend and yet women still swarm to want his attention.
What's more rare on the planet than men? Females who look exactly like the way media portrays all of them should look which is in reality not how the majority of women look. Men are very visually stimulated so when they go after a female, they go after the kind of looks they grew up seeing on TV, in ads, on packages cus frankly...sex does sell better. But they learn to have a warped idea of what a good worthy female is like. Wait...I'm getting to the hope part. So far it sounds daunting I know.
First, many men eventually mature and grow up. Some never do their entire life. I watched a utube video once of two guys who have a video blog on dating. In it, they both admit they made plenty mistakes and hurt many women when they were younger. Neither of them could say their viewpoints and attitudes changed until they hit 30 or 35. Yes, that may sound like a long time to wait, but the end results for the average females who don't desperately settle for less, is that they are available once the men have wised up from life experience and realized that a pretty body isn't everything. In fact, there've been studies done to see how a man would respond to women. The model type lacking self confidence and the average looking woman with self confidence and self confidence won out over the beauty who lacked it. Then once they get to know you better, they realize there's real substance to your character vs the other type being prone to any of the following :shallow, untrustworthy, an airhead, and so on. NOt saying all beauties are bad people but they are even fewer than the beauties who lack good qualities and have an equally hard time finding a good guy. So if the men in question are all young in age bracket or haven't grown up yet, this problem exists.
So whats the solution, the test results showed men gravitated to the more self assured confident female who wasn't available to date any guy at a drop of a hat. She knew what she wants and wasnt afraid to ask for it and stick by her criteria, she doesnt settle for less or act as if she's desperate, in fact, she can be pretty picky about what she's looking for in a guy. She understands herself well, knows both what she needs, what would be a deal breaker and doesn't generally give guys a 2nd chance if their errors are grievious ones. I took that path second time around after a 30 yr bad marriage. I knew now what I wanted. Knew and wasn't afraid to share my short comings and my talents and who I was at core in my personality. I was so in tune with myself and knew exactly in detail what I was looking for in a male but finding one going to be like hunting for a needle in a haystack. So I tried two internet dating sites. Even though the profiles were too structured with spaces for you to fill in that didn't apply to mentioning about yourself or worse, no place to put what you were looking for. For one thing, my ex was snipped, I still had a period, and didn't want to go on pill, tried it, Dr said it made my fibroids grow so had to discontinue. So now, I had to find a male who had a vasectomy or was willing to get one as I wasn't about to get pregnant at my age. That one requirement of mine made many men angry. Well, that ruled them out instantly for not being understanding, assuming things about me in how they described me in return and I had many other criteria. I am allergic to cigarette smoke and the lingering odor of it. So no smokers. I had many other criteria including wanting someone with a libido to match mine after a husband with a low one who never looked at me with desire. The list was extensive. I caught flack from many males but ignored them. It was the honest ones who could say they met every thing but one and would share which, who got my attention. Hon, the men swarmed to me, a woman in her late forties who never looked like a model and yet they were falling over themselves to get me to agree to meet them. Some were good pretenders and fooled me but most couldn't hide some things from me at the coffee shops and I said I wasn't interested after all. Others fooled me until the 2nd or 3rd date and once they showed their true colors, I cut it off with them. It worked for me, I found my 2nd husband, a man who treats me like a queen, has eyes only for me, etc...
Every male has different tastes in women, for some, I am too short, too skinny, etc. and thats okay. Women have their individual tastes in men, and though I didn't request a specific body type, I have liked long hair on men and I got that with mine. SO its okay to be picky but the trick is to know that you have something that is gonna be long lasting and when males tire of the bimbo's they will come looking for Real women and thats when you need to be able to stand out from the hourds of other average looking women. All are beautiful in their own way and you will attract the men who like your looks, once they come back to reality, they like your personality, who you are on the inside and your confidence. The whole ball of wax.
Right now, these gals successful with men, may have confidence, but theirs is based on their looks, not a process they went through in their minds so when their beauty begins to fade, they'll go frantic and lose their confidence and try all sorts of tricks to regain their youth when a wrinkle or two begin to show and guys eventually wise up, most of them and see them for what they are, a once pretty package with faded wrapping paper and nothing inside the box. And men will begin to look for you. And no it doesnt take a decade for that to happen for all men. Some wise up much sooner so what you can do right now is practice that kind of self confidence. Write you own mantra you speak out loud every day to yourself. Something like, "I have more to offer than the model types, over exaggerated beauties of media style. I have a natural beauty that is attractive to a good portion of men, not all men, but I don't need all men. I have a wonderful personality and I know that any man who finds me will realize he has found a treasure.
you know...something like that, positive. In the beginning, its easier to picture yourself as having the confidence and popularity of your favorite actress. Borrow her confidence so to speak until you have learned to develop your own just from the experiences. Imagine me, at 40something wanting to have that kind of impact where ever I went. So I decided to choose an older actress whom I thought had sexy eyes and tho mine weren't exactly like hers, they where just a tad like hers. So every day before I left the house, before I entered a building, etc...I quickly imagined people seeing me as having just as sexy eyes as that actress (I started small insted of imagining the whole body, lol) and the result was amazing. Long after I forgot to do the imagining part, people, men and women, strangers I did not know would stop me and tell me I had the most beautiful eyes they'd ever seen. I am not making this up. YOu've got to trust me on it, I was actually as flabbergasted as you would be. It actually worked, way better than I thought.
Did I do anything different with my eyes? No, half the time wasn't wearing make up. What all people, females included, picked up on is something intangible, nothing they could touch or see, it was what their subconscious mind sensed and picked up on. I went on from there to experiment with other such borrowed confidence until I realized I had a great confidence in myself where I could honestly say no younger woman could ever take a man away from me, I was even attracting the younger men, my kids age...lol...true though. I knew that though I didn't look in the mirror and always feel I was a raving beauty, that men still saw me as exactly that. When reality hits men, they will finally realize that there were always lots of better options out there than they were aware of before. But don't wait for them to notice you or ask you out first. You decide what qualities you're looking for in a guy and when you think you see it in a guy, go after him first. that already shows a certain confidence. I wrote to two guys who looked at my profile but didn't write, just in case they were shy. And I got to meet and date both of them short term. It turned out they'd been single too long and didn't want a female all the time whereas I was looking for another life partner. But they met me and liked me and it wasn't awkward at all. I may have rambled here so if you need better clarification, just write to me from my columm. Good luck, and remember that in the end, you're in a better position for finding a life long love than the model types.

[view]

So I'm 17/f and im in a relationship with this incredible guy. He treats me better than any other guy has ever did. He tells me how much he loves me all the time and all the details as to why and hes always there to help and support me. Hes amazing. But ever since we got into a relationship a month ago, I feel trapped. Before we started going out I already felt as if we belonged to each other and we talked everyday and it felt great and everything. But now I feel like all I do is think about being with other guys.. and how sad it is that it didnt work out with other guys I really liked. Its absolutely awful and theres no reason for the way im feeling. I think it might be an immaturity thing? Or I have committment issues possibly? Im not sure. For the past week or so I feel like its been getting worse. I was on the phone with him one day and he was going on and on about something and I was just getting so annoyed and fed up. I kept thinking, I could just hang up and never call him back..it could be that easy. And this guy who Ive liked the last two years has been out of school for a while and he just started coming to school recently, the day after my boyfriend and I got together. And ive been so sad seeing him around and thinking how that never worked out and how it wouldnt anyway and how its the end of my senior year and I probably wont see him after high school and its just been devastating me. And I just feel so bad because I know I shouldnt be thinking about other guys like that. Ah I dont know what to do. The way this relationship happened with my bf was so weird, i just know ot was meant to be. And I know he loves me more than anything so I dont know why I feel like I iust want to be free from him. Its really stupid and awful and I just want to get myself out of this funk so I can be committed and happy in my relationship. And hes been noticing that ive been feeling down and thats somethings bothering me but I cant tell him why because itll hurt him and because im hoping this is fixable and that itll pass. But not being able to tell him has been upsetting him because all he wants to do is listen to what im feeling and help me.. so its just been blah. And I just need help so I can fix this problem because I really want this to work. So please help! Thank you.

Your minds may be divided and working against each other. With your logical, awake, conscious mind, you want to make this work and don't understand why you are dissatified if he's so great.
With your subconscious mind, where all your feelings and emotions are stored, there comes the feeling that you may be missing out on something and so you feel trapped by having made a commitment to one guy. this is actually a very common feeling that many get, a wondering if you're missing something. those who dwell on it too much get stuck with their imagination filling in the unknown details and they are hooked believing 'the grass is always greener on the other side'.

Let me add in at this point that sometimes, even perfect nice guys or gals are not right for someone because they only have the best friend equation of the relationship but lack the romantic chemistry and both are important to keep interest in a relationship. This may be an issue for you, I don't know, but you would. And if so, then staying with him won't change it as our pheremones are involved and we have the ones we're born with and can't change them to be compatible to someone else. Those that aren't compatible end up losing their interest in their partner and wanting the opportunity to find it else where. So if this is the case, there's nothing I can tell you to change how you feel.

I will say something about what I believe dating relationships to be and then you may have an easier way coming to a decision on your own.

I see dating with two purposes. At first, after intitial attraction, there's a need to learn more about the other to see if you still feel the same way. Dating is the natural next step to doing so and dating for just this purpose can be done without making a decision to become a persons bf/gf. If in this information gathering stage, you need to make it clear that you are still in the information gathering stage and not making any commitments to any one person yet. The info gathering stage ends when two people beleive they have found someone they want to commit solely to, not want to date or 'experience' any others. This then becomes what I term the second stage of dating, the committed couple stage. At some point the committed couple stage may move to living together. This is another important stage as there are things about a persons character and personality and how they live at home that can't be discovered in full detail while just dating. So even at this stage, a person may find there are things they simply can't live with or put up with long term in life and break up. The last stage comes naturally from there, being so in love and wanting to be partners for life, with or without a marriage contract.

So some people think that they have to make a commitment to a person when agreeing to date. If it was never agreed upon in the beginning, or ones particular purpose for dating spelled out, then I can see an issue like yours coming up. Especially at your age, all you've experienced is teen relationships. The part of our brain responsible for good judgements and decision making doesnt fully mature until we reach our mid 20's. While there may be some who are very mature as I was earlier, I still lacked experience, and being naive, made some bad life decisions like marrying the wrong guy at age 20.
So really, you have plenty of time and actually likely plenty of need to experience guys at an older age as you get older, I don't mean you dating a 30 or 40 yr old, but as guys in your age range get older, and more mature, you'll find there are more things to learn and fine tune in what you like and don't like about guys.
So really, if you are feeling this way, there's a reason for it, and more likely it's a natural response to being your age, not experienced enough to settle with one guy now who you;ll stay with til you marry. That may be a subconscious fear, and a valid one if you love but are not in love with him. When in love, all doubts disappear, and there's no desire or wish to experience any other. At your age, you don't need to commit to a guy long term unless you really want to. In the end, whatever you do, you need to do it because you want to stay with him, not because you are afraid of hurting him. In the long run, a decade or so after hanging with him and still feeling this way, eventually a guy will come along that tempts you enough to have an affair with. So its better to experience all you want to, wish to and actually need to in gathering experience and information for the future as to what you are wanting in a guy. You want someone who treats you well but theres so much more to learn. It's an indecision in your mind, its your own thoughts that come up. I can't give you a trick to automatically change your thoughts. Only you can do that once you have enough information to know why it is a good idea for you to stay with him. If there are enough reason's deep down inside you that say you're not ready to commit to be anyone's girlfriend, only to date for the experience, then be prepared, if who ever you date with this agreement, gets to do the same and so if he's dating other females at the same time he's seeing you and that may include kissing, flirting and yes even checking out how sex is together as that is an important part of a relationship to have in common if commiting to a person eventually for life. And sometimes, you don't know what you really like until you'v had a chance to try it or taste it. If you've never had caviar for example, how could you know its something you like or not. Same in relationships especially when thinking about the future and long term. Good luck with your decisions.

[view]

I mean just because it's not old doesn't mean it's not good, a lot of pop artists (p!nk, Lady gaga, Mikey Cyrus, Demi Lavato, etc) don't use much or don't use any auto tune and write their own songs. Pop artists make their own songs and many do know how to play instruments, they also have great lessons like you should be true to yourself and follow your heart, and things could be hard but you need to persevere, rock and metal artists send messages you should....get drunk? Kill people? Love rock? I mean seriously what takes more talent, writing songs and playing a guitar or piano and write an uplifting song while adding in symbolism, putting on good shows, and trying to stick to your own view point while battling haters and society shunning you, or strumming three cords on a guitar while shouting about loving rock music? It's pretty obvious which genre is better. Even songs that could seem bad, for example, Barbie Girl, that song was a comment on society. Pop music is constantly evolving and it's about expressing yourself and breaking barriers while staying relevant and rock and punk and emo has stayed the same for years and is all about appealing to hipsters and old people and angsty teens. Have you seen young stars like Sabrina Carpenter? It's clear she really feels what she sings and she is relatable, she is, what, 15? Yet she shows talent, these so called "stuck up teens and preteens" need a lot of self confidence and courage to get up there and sing songs THEY wrote at the many risks of putting yourself out there. Not everyone can do that. Rock singers can't dance either. Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Kesha, Zendaya, Rihanna, etc are some awesome dancers, they just get hated on because too many people like them. Pop artists are very real. Like Sia, is the realest person ever. One Republic and Imagine Dragons, they are two extremely real yet radio friendly bands. Eminem is an awesome rapper. Rock artists even end up fading into pop culture. Whether you realize it or not pop rules the music industry. Rock sucks.

If everyone liked the same things and acted the same way, basically we'd all be robots with no person choices or tastes because it would be all programmed into us. There is music out there that i wouldn't personally call music even, it just sounds like a lot of discordant noises that threaten to give me a headache. And I have a very wide range of music I like using your first two examples, Pink and Lady Gaga, Blues, Funk, Classic Rock, Celtic Music, Country music, Jamaican, Folk, Bluegrass and the list goes on. I get something out of all of those. But that's just me. With some music, what experts label it, isn't what I'd consider the gatagory it falls into for me. I make my own playlists on my pc. and some of the song that end up in Bluegrass were lableded rock or country or funk instead. Hon, its just personal taste. If all the people you hang out with prefer music that doesnt reflect your style, then based on how many other differences there are between you, the better idea, might be to go looking for some new friends, ( not necessarily to the extent of leaving old ones) but a group of people who have the same music and other tastes as you. tHAT is what most humans do, hang together with those they have lots in common with.

[view]

I dont know wht to do because my boyfriend is very touchy with other girls even with my bestfriend he tells mostly everything to my bestfriend instead of me and the most part tht bothers me is hes touchy with other girls and whenever my friend thts a boy talks to me or hug me my boyfriend would get mad at the person or like say im his and tht no one gets to touch me but then hes touchy with my bestfriend thts his bestfriend and to other girls but mostly her and i dont want to seem like kinda a jealous girlfriend do i talk to him or wht cause whenever i see him touchy with mostly my bestfriend (shes a girl and she bestfriends with the two of us) feel uncomfortable and i look away or sometimes i fake a laugh wht do i do?

Well, some open honest discussion between you two is needed where both are allowed to share their feelings and point of view without being called, "wrong".
the word touchy can be interpreted different ways depending on who's reading this. Most girls assume a male will only pay attention to them and not to other females. Lots depends on their age, lack of years (as in decade or longer) in experience with females and relationships, dating. Also perhaps a different cultural background, is more a part of their personality and can't be changed, or he may have some emotional issues of not feeling on par with other guys, low self image, inferiority complex and this will result in a male exhibiting the kind of behavior you see, hanging out with a group of females and paying attention to, flirting with all and getting jealous if another male pays attention to you. Jealousy is a fear of losing something. He may simply fear losing his status or position which is the only thing making him feel like a real male so yes, losing you and the company of other females would feel scary to him so he gets jealous.

As to what I think you meant by 'touchy' means to you, I can't begin to know. It could be a part of his personality type. Yes, there are touchy-feely men out there. However to keep things in balance, if these men, like my very own husband, know the top priorities in his life are very important and get his attention first, then you as his girlfriend, or mate or marriage partner, become one of his top 3 priorities. School or work will take another spot in equal importance. However, paying more attention to other females, neglecting you is not normal and should never fall into his top 3 priorities. It could be merely due to being young, (teens or early 20's) that he doesnt realize what he is doing is hurtful, and neglecting you if he really does have feelings for you. Perhaps he doesnt have feelings for you and asked you to be his girlfriend just for the 'social status' that many young people thinks is important, that it is more important to be able to say you are part of a couple than being single, wearing that as some kind of badge of honor, when in fact they care nothing more for you than any other female, you're only called a girlfriend, and thus---not treated as one because you merely serve as his badge of honor, to make him feel good about himself. And that brings me to males with an inferiority complex, low self image and thus act jealous if they fear losing the 'fake' self image they've wrapped themself in. It's one thing for a mature male to pay his lady all the attention she requires to be sure of his love for her and yet have that ability to sense what other people need to feel noticed. Many women go ignored by their males. My husband will compliment a woman on her jewelry or outfit or something as he comes across her in public, and I am with him. Women react either with fear, thinking I will go ballistic and jealous or they react with a smile and an honest thank you. Females can sense when it is genuine interest in what he complimented on or whether he is flirting and making the moves on them blatantly with me there...which is not the case. The female may not even be visually to his liking, but he does have a good eye for quality jewelry and will ask what the stones are or guess and ask where they got it. He's more into jewelry than I. LOL. But then, the difference here, He takes care of what I need, his attitude is wanting me to go places with him so he can proudly show society in general that I am his mate, and he treats me as a princess, I get all the flirting, the looks, the loving touches from him all day long. Thats quite a difference from what you describe but yes that can exist in dating too. Even young people. But since it doesn't, I'd have to question WHY he feels the need to touch other girls. Is it a part of his personality? Maybe. But if he asked you to be his girlfriend, it would be reasonable to expect it meant he has romantic feelings for you. If he is paying more attention to other females and neglecting you, that's wrong. If you got attention first and foremost and he treats you like a princess and then gave hugs to other females or a pat on the shoulder, those kinds of touches are okay.

So when you say touchy with your girlfriend, I must assume you meant that any stranger passing by who didn't know anyone in the group would naturally assume that she is his girlfriend instead of you by how he hovers around her, holds hands with, kisses, puts around around her leaving it there, etc...that is behavior only for a male who is crazy about a female. Can a guy feel that way for more than one? Generally, most humans are not able to be in love with and able to love completely and fully two people at once so in dating, I would say its the same, even if the feelings aren't quite 'love'. So if he is paying more than what is normal attention and neglecting you on top of it, then he's doing what he does for him and how it makes him feel, not with any concern for how it makes you or the other females feel. He's getting something out of it. The clue to me is that you say he gets jealous if another guys pays any attention to you.

Let me explain jealousy and you'll have a clearer idea of whats going on.
Jealousy is an emotion that comes up, like a warning light on a cars dashboard alerting you of an unknown problem thats there, running low on oil, gas, a door ajar, a part giving out. Jealousy is the 'indicator light' in a human signaling that the person has an inferiority complex, low self image and subconscious without even being aware of it is trying to make themselves feel better about themselves by taking actions that cater to what they feel they lack. Such a guy will get jealous because, jealousy is a fear of losing something...in his case, a fear of losing that which he wears like a cloak to make him feel like more than a man, like the ultimate male because he is surrounded by so many females, his paying attention to them that belongs solely to you is an indication that this is not a matter of it being his personality type, as he is doing this without thinking, without any concern for your feelings or needs. And he also fears losing this position of false 'self esteem' by losing you or any of your girlfriends to any threat from another male who might win you away. Can he change for the better? Not until he realizes he has a problem, own up to it, be able to admit he has a problem and also WANT to change for the better. Some men never do that in their entire lifetime and we don't know if he'll end up being one of them. If he is though, he'll become more controlling, at some point women in a relationship with such a guy are not allowed to leave the house and shut off from all their friends, are verbally if not physically abused, etc. by controlling immature adult men who never grew up and still have a low self image, and feel inferior as a male for some reason only of their own thinking.
It sounds to me like more than something that a good talk will cure but you're welcome to try.
If a talk with him doesn't help, I'd say it would be much better for you if another guy came along who won you away from him. In fact, there's no reason if you're unhappy with him to start looking for someone else, someone a step better than him, and go after that guy. Girls can ask guys out these days, its perfectly normal.
Good luck.

[view]

Can I be pregnant when his pennis didn't enter my virgina but we were both naked and I released since then I ve not missed my period I went for a blood test and the result was negative.it happened around febuary and I did the test May.

Hon, I wondering why if you are sooo scared about becoming pregnant what you are doing about use of birth control. I understand sex education isn't taught in many schools anymore so you don't know even half as much as I knew as a teen. So in todays time, sadly, you need to have a desire to self teach about how one becomes pregnant, the birth control choises out there, etc....

Adviceman already answered you but I am continuing with the questions you didn't ask or should have asked. How to make sure in the future you don't worry about being pregnant?
I can understand not wanting the parents to know if you're having sex. There is help offered to teens thru Planned Parenthood. Not just condoms, but they can get you on birth control. Any female issues you can also go to them with...including irritation and infections. Some clinics also have teaching programs for the teens regarding sex where you can get questions answered. You won't have to worry about them telling parents as theres the hippa law, ensuring all this info is kept private, just you and them. So I highly advice you see them or if not in a large city, the equivalent of a free womans clinic in your area.
As for self education on sex and relationships and any subjects that fall in that area, I know of a teen who did exactly that. Starting reading books to self educate on sex. She now has a popular utube blog and I highly recommend her. Now in her twenties, I have watched every one of her short entertaining video's and found them to have all the important facts in them. This isn't just some person blabbing bologna on screen just to be popular, she truly wants other teens to have a way to learn how she did the hard way, all by herself. She's done the info gathering and is highly revered for what she knows and shares, to the point that Planned Parenthood has used her to make some videos for them.
Her name is Laci Green and heres the link to her utube video blog. I highly recommend you start there dear. Good luck!

www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen

[view]

Hello, I have just graduated college last week with a bachelor's degree in Business Administration with a major in Accounting.

My parents seem to really, really want me to take the CPA exam, but the thing is, I'm not sure if I want to.

Should I take the exam to please my parents?
Or should I go for something I want to go for?

You are an adult. Parents may have some idea's of their own. If you asked their advice and thats what they suggest, or prefer, that's nice but that doesn't help you to do the adult thing of weighing all the information, gathering facts, not personal choices for you, and then making your decision.
So I will try to help with providing some info to be found on the net and you can do further research on your own to decide.

http://www.differencebetween.net/business/finance-business-2/difference-between-cpa-and-accountant/

It all depends on what you think you want to do starting out. There is such a thing as a Registered Rep exam to be licensed for specifice work. Heres a link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Registered_representative_%28securities%29

And finally on CPAs vs Financial Advisors

http://wealthmanagement.com/wealth-planning/odd-couple-advisors-and-accountants

When my ex got out of business school, he wasn't sure where he wanted to specialize so he talked to a gal at our church who'd been a CPA for decades. the Plus's is the income, You can charge an hourly rate. To keep your license, either yearly or every couple years you must take on going training to be informed on any changes in the industry, law changes, etc. She worked with small business owners doing accounting. In that arena, which my ex was leaning towards, she said she is licensed by law and can lose her license if she doesn't report things she comes across that are incorrect or have broken laws in a persons book-keeping or finances. The unfortunate thing, many sole owner or with one employee, were trying to do their own accounting and doing something wrong not on purpose but due to lack of knowledge and she would have to report it, bound by law, vs a tax accountant or book keeper could point out the problems and suggest they do A.B. and C. to fix it. Just out of school, with no work experience, you're in no position to open your own book keeping service. You might want to work 5 years as a staff accountant with a company, or even pass tests to do income tax. My ex was a book-keeper, registered rep and tax accountant. Passing a CPA exam would guarantee more money, but coming into a business with no experience, they may still not pay you what you expect. There's no harm in getting a CPA license. If in 10 years time, you find you don't want it anymore, you might check but I think you can let it go, especially if you don't keep up with the update training. and You would no longer be able to call yourself a CPA even if you used to be one, as that would be against the law. So it depends on what you want to do in the long run and you may not really know until you get involved in one of the many job options and decide whether you really like it or want to try something different.

[view]

i am a 15yrs boy and i want to know that what can i use instead of dildo for sex i am from india

I know that dildo's or vibrators is what females use but due to their age, they are not allowed into the sex toy shops that sell such items here in U.S. Many have to use their own hands. Since you are male, I don't know of any widely used device that males can use instead of their hands. So I guess you're stuck having to use your hands on yourself.

[view]

Hi..i'm from India M/32. I have a girlfriend.we are in a relation since 2010. She is beautiful lovely and very educated.we both wanted to marry.everything was right but 1year ago i came to know that she had an affair in her school days.i asked her and she agreed.she doesn't told me anything about it before i asked! Her ex bf's friend tell me that they had very intimate relation and had sex.when i asked my girl,she denied it and claimed that i am her first man whom she had sex 2times. But i can't trust because when we had sex she doesn't bleed. I can't trust her anymore.she hidden everything about her past.she told me that her past relation was very abusive,her ex tortured her so she breakup,she told me she wanted to tell me but she affaird to lose me.I am in dilemna. I cannot fully trust her now.and everyday we fight with the issue of her past. What to do? Please suggest me.

I understand you are raised in India and that there, men seem to think they are supreme over women in many ways. Whats okay for the man is not okay for the woman and that Sir, is the bigger issue here, not the fact that she had sex with a previous partner. I don't get the importance of having to be a womans first sex partner. It seems that being her first is more important than her personality and her being the right woman for you. What if a young woman was widowed at an early age. She's obviously had sex before. Does that mean if she wants to marry she can't because no man will accept her because she's had sex before. Or if she forced to lie and say she was married and never had sex with her husband and glad he's dead so she's released from that marriage to find love and sex now with you?

What if the tables were turned. Lets say the law in India changed and both parters must be virgins to be in a relationship with each other. And if the woman found out you've dated before and had sex before because someone told her, she'd right the right to dump you and break the relationship because you've had sex at some point in your past. Oh, but that would be unfair to the man, to you, right? Sure it would. Then the same applies to her. She's a human being with rights also. Did you really think someone from the U.S. answering you would say she's a terrible person and untrustworthy because of this? Here, women have more rights, they are not considered a lower sub human to men.
You have only been taught the same lies and misconceptions that other men have passed down through history.
We have such a thing as paternity tests to know if a child is yours or not so a man here is US can be forced to pay child support even if not married to the woman he got pregnant. In the past, there was no such thing as this technology so the only way a man could know if his offspring was his was if the woman was a virgin and never had sex before. This is the ONLY reason such a belief came to be. Women were also sold or promised to a wealthy prospect for a husband to make a financial gain. Now women choose who their boyfriend or husband is because they love him. So women in the past got matched with guys who were total strangers who demanded sex when she just didnt have feelings for and didn't get aroused by him so guess what? On her wedding night, she was dry as a bone in her vagina because the man either didn't take the time to pleasure her first and get her aroused or take his time slowly to not tear her hymen and cause it to bleed and hurt her. Forcing a penis really hard into a vagina can very easily cause it to bleed. So generally, since so many women were taken in this manner by men, the majority bled. But not all women are the same size and some hymens are more elastic and stretch. Even a woman wearing a tampon for her period can stretch the hymen some without her having sex. So this belief that a woman must bleed and can't have had sex in the past being a practice still done today, is like living in the dark ages. If thats what men in India want to do, then stop using electricity and flushing toilets, use candles only for light at night and use an outhouse. To choose to hold onto such an antiquated practice that no longer applies today for the reasons it was used in the past in very ludicrous. It means you're not thinking like a sane person. Not trying to put you down, you were raised this way but you have to learn to think for yourself, what actually makes sense and I hope the time I've taken has educated you so you will drop your bias's based on ancient techniques. If a man in the US expected a woman to tell him whether she's had sex before or was so bold as to ask her if she had, he'd be laughed at and no woman would agree to become his not volunteering information that she's had sex before in her past. that is irrelevant to the relationship she is starting with you. YOu've been with her 5 years. If you can bring your way of thinking up to the 21st century, and want to dump her, then I say, she's better off without you because your love is conditional, you don't love her unconditionally which is really the only true sign of love and she doesn't deserve to be with someone who doesn't love her.
Now I know you'll protest with, but thats wrong, I really do love her. I am sure you do, which means you have to examine your thought processes, admit whether there really is an issue here or not because from my viewpoint and many other European countries, there is no issue other than you living in current day using ancient practices. It hasn't applied for a long time now.
You wouldnt be the only Indian man thinking in modern terms. I know its gaining popularity for Indian men to treat their women as equals and also not expect them to be virgins or bleed with sex. You just don't hear about it but they're out there. I see the video's or articles posted on the internet here about men like that who will step in and protect a female from being raped, who rescue a woman from an abusive husband who treats her as property with no equal rights to him.
If I asked you right now to prove to me that you are a virgin, yes I know you're not. But if you had to prove it, with evidence that could pass as real evidence in a court case, could you? No. No man or female can prove they are virgins anymore than they can prove they've had sex before. It is something that can not be proven. HOpe I've made it clear Sir. I am sure that without these old beliefs you adher to, that you are a wonderful man and will make a good husband for her if you can get your mind to drop these ancient practices.

[view]

How do u know when the baby's made? And if he puts his penis in the vigina will i get pregnant?

There is no way to know at what point a sperm makes contact with your egg. It all depends on whether an egg has been released and if you haven't learned how to pinpoint the day you ovulate, it will be hard to tell. generally women do count the time from their period to the time when they are fertile and can become pregnant. If you are trying to get pregnant, here are some links to help you track when you are most fertile. Since u didn't specify whether wanting to become pregnant or avoid it I must cover both.
http://www.whattoexpect.com/preconception/fertility/five-ways-to-tell-you-are-ovulating.aspx

http://www.webmd.com/baby/healthtool-ovulation-calculator

If you want to avoid getting pregnant, don't let the penis in you or near the vagina and dont allow any of his precum on your or his fingers to get deposited inside you as you can become pregnant if not on birth control. The best thing is get on the pill and use condoms for 100% effectiveness

[view]

Ok so me and my husband swap partners. but its my first time and his. but here's the twist It's his dad and stepmother were swapping with. Me and her are bisexuals and weve messed around too. But now I think ive got feelings for his dad. Plus we all just did the swap once so far but before that night was planned I had sex with his dad twice beforehand when I was drinking with them. but now me and his dad kiss each other secretly goodbye and makeout and tell each other I love you and I really mean it. And its almost like he's hypmotized me with his gorgeous brown eyes which my husband also does to me. So do I just go along with the swapping like nothing or tell my husband the truth and get divorced and stay out of his dad and stepmoms relationship too. Because he wanted to do this so I had someone to give me attention because he is in to much pain or too busy. so he said to try this out. Please if you comment try to be open minded don't go all religious or be vulgar in your advice thanx!!

You want opened minded, well except for the part of swapping partners being the parents, I have done the swapping both first in swinging, and later on in polyamory. This isn't about crossing a line that is a no-no. This is about all consenting adults choosing to participate in a very different sexual experience. They may like it, may not, or problems can arise at some point later. The main thing is that ground rules are set up ahead of time and they adher to it strictly, and use extremely good and thorough communication.

I will share from my experience to back up what I am saying here. Going into this, both partners must be wanting to, no one reluctant. If you change your mind along the way and end it and say no, No means no. No argument about it. Couples have rules about safe words that mean stop now. Rules about safe sex and wearing condoms, rules about the core relationship coming first...that means you and husband are the core relationship, and if you swapped regularly with 3 others couples, they are all secondary in importance. If a partner no longer wants to swap, even if the other doesnt want to stop, they stop. The rules go on. I suspect you only talked about agreeing to do it but never gave any rules a thought or the greatest rule right after swapping, having a haeart to heart talk with partner and discussing what went down, not nitty gritty sexual moves and techniques, but whether the other is following rules your partner assumes they are doing and if not, then you have a talk with the other couple and tell them for what reason you are breaking off the swapping agreement. You talk to let your partner know how you are feeling and how it concerns you. When ever there are feelings of guilt or jealousy, all swapping must discontinue until the couple with issues can talk thru them and come to a place of understanding in their mind. These feelings you are having right now are not uncommon. when it occurs in a swinging relationship, it breaks up marriages. When it occurs in polyamory, it for the most part doesn't, its rare. But then again there are very few people who don't have problems with jealousy.

You may think none of this helps you or pertains. But it all actually does. the more knowledge and explanation you have from me, the easier it will be to decide what to do. So I will start with the difference between the two forms of swapping.

Swinging is all just about the sex only with others so if feelings develop, most married couples where one is feeling so enamored of the sex with or starting to feel something more than just a friends with benefits type of connection, the partner gets jealous and they pull out of the scene for a while and never go back to the couple that there was a problem with. You cant avoid seeing this particular couple as its family members. But the usual response of couples to cut off the swapping to maintain the integrity of their marriage is the smarter choice and I would guess once you have a good talk with hubby, he'll see that as the wise choice. Couples acted friendly toward us but pretty much avoided us when one or the other got attached to strongly to me or my husband. One of the most basic of rules is open communication, no hiding or keeping secrets. If you can't bear to tell hubby, then best to say you will no longer participate and ask that you both stop. However, I doubt he'll go for that without wantin to know why.

I can only share with you the pro's and con's of swapping, not just from my perspective but from the many other couples we've talked to in depth who'd been involved longer than I. I did this with the ex. Some couples go into it with a marriage that has problems thinking it will be fixed by doing this, that extra 'spice' that livens things up between them. Well, I suppose for older married couples, most all were out of child bearing years, late 30s and much older, into late 60s early 70s. So here's what I have learned. I for one was sexually mismatched with my husband but we wanted to remain together for the kids. Going into this was his idea, a way to get his sexual needs taken care of. Initially I said no and he asked if I would allow him to go as a single then. I gave it some thought and then thought, heck...he is gonna have all the fun and I still sit home with my needs unmet, no way. That was before we realized how big an impact swinging can have on marriages. Basically, if there are any problems in your marriage with your husband, swapping will bring it to light, even if you didnt know the problem existed before. So if you both have poor communication or distrust between you, that will become obvious, if one is okay with but settled for less when it came to a sex partner and lover with their mate, that will very quickly become obvious. I was a virgin when I married, so no sexual experience with others before my mate. So for me, experiencing sex with other men, all of it was better than my own husband, not that I developed feelings for them but it become very clear that we were a sexual mismatch from the get go, differing libidos, no chemistry. Never once did hubby look at me with desire in his eyes. It was just the sex act and I never had orgasms with him but did with almost every man I was with. Over time, I had an opportunity to sense, feel with a few men, only 3 out of dozens, a particular thing missing with hubby, a connection at an energy level which took sex to a whole new level for me. I knew what I wanted now and having a marriage that was troubled in many other ways, I for the first time realized that I was with the wrong person. This is neither a good thing nor bad thing, it is a part of a person learning and growing as a human. It is knowledge gained and once you have more knowledge, it is easier to make a fully responsible decision. I wont go into explaining what jealousy is but if you want to know in regards to the situation, write to my columm and ask your question from there.

Now on to polyamory. Some people who were polyamourous also attended a swing club so thats where we heard of it. We found a few couples we liked enough to want to spend time doing stuff besides sex with. Like going to a show, on a hike, to dinner at each others house so there was a friendship too. The only thing missing was love. But few swingers wanted to get that close as it put them all that much closer to the possibility of falling in love with another instead of their mate, or in love with two at the same time!!. We researched on the internet and found where the local polyamorists hung out socially and began to show up and ask questions. It was a strange thing to observe for example a man with a woman at either side of him and paying attention equally to both and kissing both of them. there was no way to know which one was his wife and which was his poly love. It was the same of one woman paying attention to two men. Or the couple attending might be there without their marriage partners. You couldnt assume a couple was married. And some had several partners, all whom shared love connections. It was more about relating the same way as you do with your mate, only multiplied several times. Even in polyamory, I saw several poly relationships break up but strangely not the marriages...that relationship was the core one and was very strong, it had to be in this arena. Whatever you have with your partner is multiplied many fold with any extra relationships. So if you have a well balanced relationship, no problems elsewhere. If your marriage has issues, or you two battle any basic relationship issues and haven't matured or perfected it, then it will be multiplied and even worse in poly relationships. SO this isn't for the timid, if you have problems in relating to your partner, such as keeping secrets from him, that problem gets worse the more people you do this with. I hope you see this. Looking back, I realized, even in swinging type swapping the same was happening, issues between two married people were brought into the open simply by swinging.

In your case, sounds like you were ripe for this to happen. If I understood right that is, with hubby not having enough time for you or not being present emotionally for you. This doesn't mean that swapping was the problem, it only brought to light the problem and it may not be entirely clear yet what the problem is. But you need to have a heart to heart talk with your husband. There's no way around this. If he can't accept that he is part of the problem and wants to lay all the blame on you, then perhaps you will end up breaking up. If he is however willing to listen and realizes that this has only happened because he has neglected you, then if both of you still love each other, the next step would be marriage counseling. Now, lets say you say nothing and continue on. Does that solve your problem, problem being having a partner who doesnt meet your needs? While in polyamory there's such a thing as triads where a person of one sex has their marriage partner and another and all three live happily ever after together with no one feeling jealous or left out. Do you really think Father in law's 2nd wife is going to feel good about allowing her husband to satify ALL your sexual and emotional needs especially if feelings have developed for both of you. In her mind, unless he's a widower, its more likely he divorced the original wife. Watching this unfold will make her wonder if she'll soon be kicked out the door and he makes you his third wife. Thats how people think, very possessively in these situations if they have no previous experience and are just starting to explore without any rules or guidelines. So saying nothing only delays the inevitable...so gee, that means you get some good sex for however long till it falls apart, or you can bring it up, and either find a fix to your marriage or he divorces you and you are free to find someone who is a better match for you who will not neglect you.

[view]

OK so I'm in high school and I have a best friend(let's call her Donna). Donna and I are super close, see each other several times a week, if not everyday, and I have very little that happens in my life that doesn't involve or isn't influenced by her in some way.

So, whenever I'm talking to people, naturally most(if not all) the stories I tell involve her.

Well, about a year ago now, a close family friend, Amy, came back after a few years of little to no contact(she was really sick so she couldn't come visit). And a couple months ago, I got caught drinking by my parents.
(I know it's not a good thing, and I really don't do it that often and I rarely ever drink enough to feel more than slightly buzzed. It was just this time for some reason it hit me a lot harder than I thought it would..plus where I live it is literally impossible not to be around it)

But anyway, Amy helped me with stuff during that situation, so I started trusting her with things and talking to her a lot more.

But my problem is...I have a problem where I tell a story or say something that happened to someone then stop and think "crap..I probably shouldn't have said that..." then feel terrible after. I wont for peoples deepest secrets or anything people tell me not to tell anyone. But just things that are just common sense that it shouldn't be shared...especially about someone else(meaning Donna as explained above)...

And the thing is, recently Donna told me not to tell Amy certain things, and some specific things we have done and stuff. And half of them I already told her, or at least I wasn't sure if I did or not... And that got me thinking and I've told Amy a lot of things I probably shouldn't of...and I feel terrible... But if I tell Donna that she'll be, well... not pleased.(she's really hot headed and stubborn...)

And if I tell Amy just not to bring any of it up to Donna, I'm worried she might forget and slip up or confront Donna about something I was worried about(the later of which she's done before.)


I don't know...just does anyone know how I could possibly fix this before it becomes a terrible situation and any tips on how to keep myself from doing things like this to myself more...I really try not to but when I'm exited or angry things just...come out and then I think about it and feel bad/worried...

I can't offer you what to do after its all been said. However, I am as chatty and a big story teller as you sound like. So I have to watch what I share. So for the future, try to retrain yourself to tell stories with "There's a person I know of, and thats not saying whether friend, family member, extended family member or friends of any of those, but here's the story as I heard it. They can guess all they want and not have a clue, if someone asks, is it Donna, or is it Amy when they know you wish not to reveal it, then say, I'd rather not start verifying with yes and no so you can start eliminating and narrowing down who it might be. Or...simply say something that is not a yes and betraying them, and is not a no and lying if it IS about them. If they say its sounds like Amy youre talking about it. All you need to say is, "I can see why you'd guess that, it does sound like I'm talking about Amy." This answer nethier affirms nor negates who it is, but the choice of words will make them think that they guessed wrong. Good luck.

[view]

Is it normal, when you are making a new same sex friend, particularly someone you look up to, to always have them on your mind and feel sad when you have to leave them? I don't mean in a romantic or sexual way; no physical attraction, just emotional. I'm not writing this because I'm worried that I'm gay or anything. I just worry that I'm overly vulnerable and get too emotionally attached to people I'm in the beginning stages of a close friendship with. The thing is, I'm pretty reserved and hold back in showing someone how much I like them because I'm worried about becoming clingy or whatever. This happened to me once or twice before and every time, it's a girl friend who's older or more experienced in life and I find myself wanting to be her, and becoming extremely envious of her life experience, beauty, social skills, etc. Anyone experience this before?

Yes. this is perfectly normal. It's just that most people, some adults included, have no idea that there are a couple of ways to be attracted, attached to another. One is the more obvious sexual ways. And the other is the emotional one.

We all need to be cared about for who we really are inside, our character and personality and usually friends, or best friends are the ones who fill this slot for us first in our lives. People need understanding, support and someone who will uphold what's important to us. It's way easier to treat a friend this way if you feel a strong love for them rather than indifference. It's because of how strong this kind of love feels that we get confused and think it means more when it doesnt.
That is a REAL need and nothing sexual about it.

There are many types of love, all with strong feeling behind them.
If two people have only the emotional rather than romantic love, they are friends, even if opposite sex, and this accounts for how a best friend of the opposite sex ends up in the 'Friend Zone' if the other 'romantic love' is missing.

Those who have the romantic love only, will eventually feel a need for the friendship love from their partner and may always feel unfullfilled in the relationship because of the lack of it.

I hope this explains it clearly enough to you.

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
humorist-workshop
eXTReMe Tracker