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My confused sexuality...
So im a 13 year old girl and my best friend is a girl. She is bi. She has a huge crush on me but she is also always pointing out really cute girls. Lately I have been getting really jealous every time she does and I think I might have feelings for her but I also think I like this guy. So am I bi or am i just confusing friendship with love? What should I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I am convinced that it is urgent that you will have a hot, got three way and tell us all about it! Honestly, are you asking me what you want?
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Why is it so Important for young people your age to put a label on their sexuality. It is very common for a first sexual experience to be between someone of the same sex when experimenting with your sexuality. This does not mean your gay or bisexual. It means you're normal.
It also does not mean at some time in the future you may not continue to enjoy bisexual sexual relations. For right now though it is safer to explore one's sexuality with a person of the same sex be you male or female.
There are also different types of love. There is the love you have for your parents, the love you have for a friend and the love you will have for a future partner in life. They are all different types of love.
To have sex with a friend be it a same sex partner or opposite sex partner it can be experimentation or lustful sex. Lustful sex can be satisfying but not fulfilling. Sex with a life partner of same sex or opposite sex is both lustful and satisfying because of a type of intimacy that comes with it.
I realize that right now this is all confusing to you and it should be because what you are experiencing is hormonally related feelings driven by the new hormones released by puberty. Don't be so fast to put a label on yourself. Just enjoy the moments and enjoy being a teenager. This is what being a teenager is all about.
Take the time to fully experience your sexuality. By that I do not mean to go and have sexual intercourse with a boy, you are way too young for that. Right now you should be setting limits as to what you will allow boys to do in the way of touching you and what you will do for them. The most important limit to set for a few years at least is never to be naked below the waist with a boy.
Even with these limitations you can still experience your sexuality.
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I can see you are very intelligent by how you worded your question. The fact you wonder if you're confusing friendship for love of a romantic sort is something not all people realize.
What actually happens is that people are attracted to others for two basic needs we all have, one for emotional needs and the other sexual needs. We can feel love in both situations. When ready to marry or be in a life long relationship, the best choice would be not only someone who is the emotional support, like your very best friend treats you, but also someone with whom you are sexually compatible. Sadly many people hook up for life with someone they get only one or the other from and so its an unbalanced relationship that can be rocky with one or the other partner eventually upset that not all their needs are met.
You may have the emotional support in her and love her in that relationship. Don't confuse jealousy with meaning you are bi or gay. A straight person can get jealous of not having their special same sex friend always available to them once they begin seriously dating and looking for a partner, simply because you know your friend is now going to split time between their love interest and you and jealousy is all about fearing the loss of something or someone. While you wouldnt lose her totally, any serious change like that can feel like a loss and so you feel jealous. Only you can determine in the end whether you are seriously visually attracted to women only or both women and men to the point that it goes beyond visual attraction to feeling sexually aroused by one or the other or both sexes. You're just going through puberty and in a little more time, you will find yourself consistantly responding a certain way that will confirm your sexuality for you. right now, don't worry about labeling it. Just explore and enjoy it.
About people who are bi-sexual, they aren't necessarily monogamous, and I know that from knowing a neighbor who was bisexual. She was married to a man who understood her bisexuality and she had several female loves on the side. then from what she told me, there's the female who is married, never felt bi in her life until she meets one special gal and that one female becomes her other partner and other than that, she is never sexually attracted to other females.
Then lastly, there's the female who finds a female to be her life partner but is bisexual and she dates and has relationships with many different men. there may be other combo's but thats what I've come across hearing of.
You ask what you should do, just go with your gut feeling and only do that which you feel comfortable with. Anyone who can't honor your wishes or presses you for more than you're ready for or not sure of, isn't all that wonderful a person to be around in the first place. If you're wondering simply what to do about feeling jealous, thats something only you can change in your mind be your thought processes. Either you decide to give it a try and see how you like being more than just friends with your girlfriend and then decide what your next move is. But best thing is to let her or any guy know up front that you aren't settled for sure on anything yet, just exploring and ask each person if they have a problem with you also having a relationship with so and so. Multiple relationships are complicated enough for adults and often not very successful so it's even harder for teens just starting out. Hopefully I've shared enough so that you can relax and just explore on your own terms in your only time. good luck dear.
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