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Is my girlfriend unfaithful?
So, my girlfriend and I have been together for a couple months, and I've been kind of unhappy. She is very unaffectionate to me, never wants to kiss or hug at school, but she holds hands, and hugs her friends at school, and has even cuddled with them outside of school. I'm very uncomfortable about this, and I've mentioned it before to her, but when i do, i get a "it's a joke, calm down" and a lecture from her friends that "I'm in the wrong" she's always sending her friends kissy emoji's and hearts, calls her friends "boo" and "bae" but i get no terms of endearment, almost no affection from her. It's "okay" for her to joke around about cuddling with other boys, but the second i mention something about one of my female friends, it's unacceptable. She completely ignores my texts, and will sometimes not reply for hours, but she constantly and immediately texts her friends back. Should i be worried? Should I leave?
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I have to agree with the other two giving advice here, it definitely sounds like something is "a-foot" but you cant be for sure that its cheating.
It could also very well be that shes in love with the idea of being in love and wants to go through the motions and have the title/status of being someones girlfriend and having a boyfriend but once your actually close enough to her she doesnt know what on earth shes doing and is still ruled by what her friend say and do and bottom line you arent at the top of the list because of that.
So when you look at it from that angle its not even actually a relationship, its a front for one that doesnt exist. think about that for a moment.
Now it sounds like your actually interested in a relationship, and you want to be cared for in return, so you need to kindly break things off with her, letting her know that through no fault of her own that you two just dont match, you want different things in a relationship and from what youve picked up she doesnt seem ready for that but that thats totally ok and she'll find someone one day that she matches. just like you.
say things like "youve been doing alot of thinking about the two of you" and "you noticed that" (then add your own thoughts after this part)
Make sure if she gets emotional (just incase here) that you make it known that you "dont think shes a bad person, and that you both want different things thats all"
simple statements like this to a female can mean alot and like youve really been paying attention to things and that she hasnt pulled the wool over your eyes (if that was her intent) about how things should be. (if she hasnt then no harm done either way because thats a very general statement and can be taken many ways)
; )
good luck
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Often in our school days time of life, people are not yet really aware of what is the right person for them in a relationship nor do they have any idea of how to go about maintaining a relationship. There is no knowledge of the do's and don'ts in dating in relationships and mostly its due to being new at this, BY new, I mean under 10 years of experience, not the fact that they have dated 6 people in 3 months time. The number of relatiionships doesn't make a difference in what they know or have in real experience that matters. It's when there have been a couple long term relationships that last because they are doing lots of things right that matters. And of course you will have a hard time finding this during teen even sometimes college years, it also kinda depends on how quickly a person matures and learns from their mistakes.
I wouldn't call 'indifference to you' as meaning she is unfaithful. thats not the only reason. It just seems she has no interest in you at all.
Lets put it this way, guys when they find a girlfriend will make her own of his top 3 priorites, with others that he also deems important juggled equally time wise, like school, his buddies, or a job. He honors his commitments.
Whereas when most females find a guy they are crazy about, they tend to make him their only priority in life when inexperienced, dropping focus on school and other commitments. What you have described of her behavior in no way comes nears to how an inexperienced, immature female acts when she's really into you. It just plain old seems she 's not interested. So if not interested, why would she continue to be your girlfriend, I don't know. She has her own reasons.
But if not interest, why doesn't she say so? Because another thing people don't know how to do is to break up with other people. No it isn't easy and some fear hurting the other but that fact is, they are already hurting if not being loved in return, so the hurt of breakup just adds some to the hurt already there. It could be she's too chicken to say she wants to end the relationship and figures you'll do it for her if she ignores you enough to make you leave her. Thats cowardice. So another black mark against her. If I were you, I wouldn't waste any more time on her. You yourself are still in learning mode about realationships and feelings. What you have experienced is just one of many learning experiences you will go through in life before finding a good long term partner or marriage. The thing to keep in mind is to learn from past mistakes in choice of girlfriend, discover what you like to look for in the next person, and take all of the stuff you don't like and make sure the next person doesn;t have any of those. People are good at hiding parts of themselves. Even as a divorced adult, I met some guys i thought were great until after the 3rd date they began to show some of their major faults that were on my list of things to avoid in a future relationship so I broke it off immediately. A good way to explain breaking off with someone, even if not spelling out the true issues (just to keep peace) is to say, there wasn't enough chemistry and not enough things in common, which when you boil it down is actually the truth, it just leaves out all her faults. Good luck.
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If you aren't happy, then you should end the relationship.
There are lots of reasons she might behave this way - including feeling ashamed of being attracted to someone, or feeling that she'll be made fun or called a slut, or even just general inexperience in relationships that is holding her back from being affectionate with you. There is no reason to assume the worst, like that she is cheating. There are tons of other reasons, including ones she may not understand herself. You can't know what is going on in her head (and we definitely can't know that) and it's disrespectful to assume she's betraying you.
What you can know, is that she isn't going to be able to be in the kind of relationship you'd like to have. For whatever reason, that isn't coming naturally for her and it doesn't seem to be what she wants.
So stop whining about 'double-standards'. That's not at all at the core of what is going on here. What is going on is that you two are a lousy match. Accept that, and end it with respect and kindness, not name-calling or accusations.
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