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those girls everyone loves: is there hope for the rest of us?
so i recently lost 2 guys to them being into other girls. first this guy i was dating decided to get back togehter with his ex and then i found out this guy i was starting things with was also starting something w this other girl. in both cases the girls are those classic pretty girls that manipulate every guy into falling in love with them. i happen to know that both of them have 10 different guys wrapped around their fingers and have always been like that, i cant for the life of me figure out whats so special about them tho. i know theres always those girls that just make every boy love them and not that im entirely unable to get people interested in me but just cant match thier level. i was wondering if anyone has any words of wisdom as to how to compete with these people, just seems like they can pretty much take any guy from everyone and not sure what the rest of us are supposed to do. do we just wait around and take thier leftovers, knowing any guy would leave us for these girls if they had the chance? seems crazy that the same girl can get so many people who are so wrong for her to be head of heels for them and get guys to leave any other girl geniunly not sure what the rest of us are supposed to do.
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Yes!! There is hope. But there's a lot of factors to consider. For one thing, the media plays a big role in impacting young impressionable males. If and when it comes down to settling down, and finding a woman they are attracted to who would not only make a great wife but great mother, guys do not typically go for the girls who look like models.
Second, I don't know if you're aware of this but statistics show that there are more women than are men on the planet. This puts males in the role of being the 'hot commodity' and as such, they realize from a young age that they can get away with murder practically, make a terrible boyfriend and yet women still swarm to want his attention.
What's more rare on the planet than men? Females who look exactly like the way media portrays all of them should look which is in reality not how the majority of women look. Men are very visually stimulated so when they go after a female, they go after the kind of looks they grew up seeing on TV, in ads, on packages cus frankly...sex does sell better. But they learn to have a warped idea of what a good worthy female is like. Wait...I'm getting to the hope part. So far it sounds daunting I know.
First, many men eventually mature and grow up. Some never do their entire life. I watched a utube video once of two guys who have a video blog on dating. In it, they both admit they made plenty mistakes and hurt many women when they were younger. Neither of them could say their viewpoints and attitudes changed until they hit 30 or 35. Yes, that may sound like a long time to wait, but the end results for the average females who don't desperately settle for less, is that they are available once the men have wised up from life experience and realized that a pretty body isn't everything. In fact, there've been studies done to see how a man would respond to women. The model type lacking self confidence and the average looking woman with self confidence and self confidence won out over the beauty who lacked it. Then once they get to know you better, they realize there's real substance to your character vs the other type being prone to any of the following :shallow, untrustworthy, an airhead, and so on. NOt saying all beauties are bad people but they are even fewer than the beauties who lack good qualities and have an equally hard time finding a good guy. So if the men in question are all young in age bracket or haven't grown up yet, this problem exists.
So whats the solution, the test results showed men gravitated to the more self assured confident female who wasn't available to date any guy at a drop of a hat. She knew what she wants and wasnt afraid to ask for it and stick by her criteria, she doesnt settle for less or act as if she's desperate, in fact, she can be pretty picky about what she's looking for in a guy. She understands herself well, knows both what she needs, what would be a deal breaker and doesn't generally give guys a 2nd chance if their errors are grievious ones. I took that path second time around after a 30 yr bad marriage. I knew now what I wanted. Knew and wasn't afraid to share my short comings and my talents and who I was at core in my personality. I was so in tune with myself and knew exactly in detail what I was looking for in a male but finding one going to be like hunting for a needle in a haystack. So I tried two internet dating sites. Even though the profiles were too structured with spaces for you to fill in that didn't apply to mentioning about yourself or worse, no place to put what you were looking for. For one thing, my ex was snipped, I still had a period, and didn't want to go on pill, tried it, Dr said it made my fibroids grow so had to discontinue. So now, I had to find a male who had a vasectomy or was willing to get one as I wasn't about to get pregnant at my age. That one requirement of mine made many men angry. Well, that ruled them out instantly for not being understanding, assuming things about me in how they described me in return and I had many other criteria. I am allergic to cigarette smoke and the lingering odor of it. So no smokers. I had many other criteria including wanting someone with a libido to match mine after a husband with a low one who never looked at me with desire. The list was extensive. I caught flack from many males but ignored them. It was the honest ones who could say they met every thing but one and would share which, who got my attention. Hon, the men swarmed to me, a woman in her late forties who never looked like a model and yet they were falling over themselves to get me to agree to meet them. Some were good pretenders and fooled me but most couldn't hide some things from me at the coffee shops and I said I wasn't interested after all. Others fooled me until the 2nd or 3rd date and once they showed their true colors, I cut it off with them. It worked for me, I found my 2nd husband, a man who treats me like a queen, has eyes only for me, etc...
Every male has different tastes in women, for some, I am too short, too skinny, etc. and thats okay. Women have their individual tastes in men, and though I didn't request a specific body type, I have liked long hair on men and I got that with mine. SO its okay to be picky but the trick is to know that you have something that is gonna be long lasting and when males tire of the bimbo's they will come looking for Real women and thats when you need to be able to stand out from the hourds of other average looking women. All are beautiful in their own way and you will attract the men who like your looks, once they come back to reality, they like your personality, who you are on the inside and your confidence. The whole ball of wax.
Right now, these gals successful with men, may have confidence, but theirs is based on their looks, not a process they went through in their minds so when their beauty begins to fade, they'll go frantic and lose their confidence and try all sorts of tricks to regain their youth when a wrinkle or two begin to show and guys eventually wise up, most of them and see them for what they are, a once pretty package with faded wrapping paper and nothing inside the box. And men will begin to look for you. And no it doesnt take a decade for that to happen for all men. Some wise up much sooner so what you can do right now is practice that kind of self confidence. Write you own mantra you speak out loud every day to yourself. Something like, "I have more to offer than the model types, over exaggerated beauties of media style. I have a natural beauty that is attractive to a good portion of men, not all men, but I don't need all men. I have a wonderful personality and I know that any man who finds me will realize he has found a treasure.
you know...something like that, positive. In the beginning, its easier to picture yourself as having the confidence and popularity of your favorite actress. Borrow her confidence so to speak until you have learned to develop your own just from the experiences. Imagine me, at 40something wanting to have that kind of impact where ever I went. So I decided to choose an older actress whom I thought had sexy eyes and tho mine weren't exactly like hers, they where just a tad like hers. So every day before I left the house, before I entered a building, etc...I quickly imagined people seeing me as having just as sexy eyes as that actress (I started small insted of imagining the whole body, lol) and the result was amazing. Long after I forgot to do the imagining part, people, men and women, strangers I did not know would stop me and tell me I had the most beautiful eyes they'd ever seen. I am not making this up. YOu've got to trust me on it, I was actually as flabbergasted as you would be. It actually worked, way better than I thought.
Did I do anything different with my eyes? No, half the time wasn't wearing make up. What all people, females included, picked up on is something intangible, nothing they could touch or see, it was what their subconscious mind sensed and picked up on. I went on from there to experiment with other such borrowed confidence until I realized I had a great confidence in myself where I could honestly say no younger woman could ever take a man away from me, I was even attracting the younger men, my kids age...lol...true though. I knew that though I didn't look in the mirror and always feel I was a raving beauty, that men still saw me as exactly that. When reality hits men, they will finally realize that there were always lots of better options out there than they were aware of before. But don't wait for them to notice you or ask you out first. You decide what qualities you're looking for in a guy and when you think you see it in a guy, go after him first. that already shows a certain confidence. I wrote to two guys who looked at my profile but didn't write, just in case they were shy. And I got to meet and date both of them short term. It turned out they'd been single too long and didn't want a female all the time whereas I was looking for another life partner. But they met me and liked me and it wasn't awkward at all. I may have rambled here so if you need better clarification, just write to me from my columm. Good luck, and remember that in the end, you're in a better position for finding a life long love than the model types.
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