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Behavior Change
I am a 11th grade girl and I had told my friend I like him. He told me he likes me back but rather not doing anything about it because of some differences and he likes another girl more. We continued to be friends for 4 months but recently I have noticed he hasn't been talking to me much and when I message him his replies are short. Any idea why? Should I ask? I know before he started acting like this I was also kind of quiet and sometimes rude to him. How can I make it better? There are only three days of school. Also, if it doesn't get better I want to get over him, but it really hurts.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
hon, it may simply be a difference in how each of you interprets the word "Like". For you, when you say Like, I assume you mean 'being attracted to a person romantically'. For him, like may mean simply frienship, or like as in having a preference for but that doesn't mean romantically because we use the word like and even love to say
"Oh I like chocolate icecream, thats my favorite." or to be more dramatic, roll your eyes and sigh as you say, "I absolutely love chocolate icecream". When people use the same words to describe such varying things, you can not trust that you have interpreted correctly what the other person meant. I don't think he hates you or feels indifferent to you, that he likes you well enough as a fellow classmate but doesn't feel perhaps enough in common to pursue you as a friend. If he was interested in you romantically, you'd know it. People subconsciously do certain things (body language) when interested in someone that way. If he 'liked' you that way, he would have stared at you every chance he got and also smiled at you alot and found opportunities to sit or stand near you, reached out and touched you innocently like a pat on the shoulder, etc... and perhaps not known he was subconsciously doing these things. I don't know what you want to accomplish in 3 or less days time. If apologizing for past behavior, just walk up to him and do so. Or write him a note apologizing, just that, nothing else. If you hope to get him to see you in a romantic way, as a girlfriend, there are some things no time will change. For example, theres something called chemistry between two people. Either you have it or you don't and you can't 'make' it happen by being in his line of sight constantly or talking to him constantly. If a guy you think is disgusting to you started doing that, would it work to make you fall for him? See, it doesn't work that way. Someone you find yucky and can't dream ever being kissed by cus it revulsive, not cus there's something wrong with the person, their looks and personality just aren't quite to your liking,
(and theres the word 'like' again)
So it must be something else. Looks play a role. I met a guy once who looked gorgeous, like a male model that just stepped out of the pages of a magazine. I was enthralled at first sight wondering how I got so lucky. When the time for our first kiss came, yuck...there was no connection, no excitement, no passion like heart doing somersaults. It was as disgusting as the thought of being kissed like that by my brother. What we were lacking was a pheremone connection. He never called me back and I wasn't expecting it. But then I was an adult when this happened with more experience.
A pheremone is something many mammals have, you see it in animal kingdom and its the same with humans, its what helps to draw the two sexes together to mate. Well, with humans, we have more than that. We have friendship and romance, being in love, flirting, .... which animals don't have to the degree we do. Pheremones is what helps us to feel that spark with a person. So physical attraction is what first catches our interest, and then we need a chance to be close to them, to see if we feel that chemical attraction, even without a hug, kiss or touch. You feel this before physical contact of some kind, its just the contact that confirms it.
All I can say is to take care to not get your hopes up in the future. You got a good answer from him, he beleives theres enough differences that you wouldn't make a close friend for him let alone becoming anything more. And that is a valid reason. He wouldnt even hang out with the male friends he has if he didn't have enough in common with them. For that matter, neither would you, it would get boring to hang with a girl you had nothing or little in common with.
The only thing that cures your kind of hurt, is time. In time it will hurt less but you have to make sure to not dwell on it and think about it. So as soon as a thought comes into your mind about him or hurting, you MUST tell yourself, that was never close to a reality. I was hoping for something unreachable with him so stop thinking about him. I want to focus on making new friends this summer." You will be saying this for the benefit of your subconscious mind which acts like an eager puppy wanting to please you. Due to not knowing any better, it assumes everything you let your thoughts dwell on, even the negative emotions of anger, sadness, fear are something you focus on because you like it and want it. So your sub mind will help you to feel even more of the same. And it becomes a vicious cycle of getting worse and worse. So another good trick is to find something to occupy your mind. If you can't find friends to hang out with, try finding a job or creating your own, maybe pet sititng for people going on vacations this summer, dog walking, etc... or volunteer some of your time. there are many agencies that need volunteers and wont say no to a teen willing to pitch in and help. Keep busy to occupy your mind but when the thoughts come, chase them away and eventually your subconscious will get the picture.
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