|
I CAN'T TRUST MY GIRLFRIEND
Hi..i'm from India M/32. I have a girlfriend.we are in a relation since 2010. She is beautiful lovely and very educated.we both wanted to marry.everything was right but 1year ago i came to know that she had an affair in her school days.i asked her and she agreed.she doesn't told me anything about it before i asked! Her ex bf's friend tell me that they had very intimate relation and had sex.when i asked my girl,she denied it and claimed that i am her first man whom she had sex 2times. But i can't trust because when we had sex she doesn't bleed. I can't trust her anymore.she hidden everything about her past.she told me that her past relation was very abusive,her ex tortured her so she breakup,she told me she wanted to tell me but she affaird to lose me.I am in dilemna. I cannot fully trust her now.and everyday we fight with the issue of her past. What to do? Please suggest me.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
A woman is not supposed to bleed during sex. If she bleeds, that doesn't mean she was a virgin. If she doesn't bleed, that doesn't mean she's not a virgin.
You will never be able to tell physically whether a woman is a virgin or not.
But I don't think you should be with this woman because that's all you seem to care about.
Her past is in the past, she doesn't need to tell you everything in her past. It's none of your business.
You either need to get over it or break up. She doesn't owe you anything.
]
Hi. I'm new to this site but I'll do my best to give you an advice.
First of all. Is your relationship all about sex? If it's all about that then, my friend, that is a relationship you cannot expect to last longer. Having a relationship with somebody needs trust. Love is the main reason and the glue you're both together and second, Trust will be the paint job. Yes she has a past I get it. but, haven't you ask yourself that she is afraid to lose you because she actually loves you? Haven't you thought about that she is afraid that she may lose some one very dear to her because she was actually felt love by you? I think that this may be hard for you to understand but sex is nothing if love is not present. Sex and making love is 2 different things. May be the real dilemma you're having is if you trust her that much so she can trust you more with her problems so she can share it with you more than hide it from you. May be that's the problem why she is not sharing you her dark past because you would react like this rather than talk about it and finish it then and there. Trust her more my friend. I'm sure she'll share her problems and also trust you more. =)
]
I understand you are raised in India and that there, men seem to think they are supreme over women in many ways. Whats okay for the man is not okay for the woman and that Sir, is the bigger issue here, not the fact that she had sex with a previous partner. I don't get the importance of having to be a womans first sex partner. It seems that being her first is more important than her personality and her being the right woman for you. What if a young woman was widowed at an early age. She's obviously had sex before. Does that mean if she wants to marry she can't because no man will accept her because she's had sex before. Or if she forced to lie and say she was married and never had sex with her husband and glad he's dead so she's released from that marriage to find love and sex now with you?
What if the tables were turned. Lets say the law in India changed and both parters must be virgins to be in a relationship with each other. And if the woman found out you've dated before and had sex before because someone told her, she'd right the right to dump you and break the relationship because you've had sex at some point in your past. Oh, but that would be unfair to the man, to you, right? Sure it would. Then the same applies to her. She's a human being with rights also. Did you really think someone from the U.S. answering you would say she's a terrible person and untrustworthy because of this? Here, women have more rights, they are not considered a lower sub human to men.
You have only been taught the same lies and misconceptions that other men have passed down through history.
We have such a thing as paternity tests to know if a child is yours or not so a man here is US can be forced to pay child support even if not married to the woman he got pregnant. In the past, there was no such thing as this technology so the only way a man could know if his offspring was his was if the woman was a virgin and never had sex before. This is the ONLY reason such a belief came to be. Women were also sold or promised to a wealthy prospect for a husband to make a financial gain. Now women choose who their boyfriend or husband is because they love him. So women in the past got matched with guys who were total strangers who demanded sex when she just didnt have feelings for and didn't get aroused by him so guess what? On her wedding night, she was dry as a bone in her vagina because the man either didn't take the time to pleasure her first and get her aroused or take his time slowly to not tear her hymen and cause it to bleed and hurt her. Forcing a penis really hard into a vagina can very easily cause it to bleed. So generally, since so many women were taken in this manner by men, the majority bled. But not all women are the same size and some hymens are more elastic and stretch. Even a woman wearing a tampon for her period can stretch the hymen some without her having sex. So this belief that a woman must bleed and can't have had sex in the past being a practice still done today, is like living in the dark ages. If thats what men in India want to do, then stop using electricity and flushing toilets, use candles only for light at night and use an outhouse. To choose to hold onto such an antiquated practice that no longer applies today for the reasons it was used in the past in very ludicrous. It means you're not thinking like a sane person. Not trying to put you down, you were raised this way but you have to learn to think for yourself, what actually makes sense and I hope the time I've taken has educated you so you will drop your bias's based on ancient techniques. If a man in the US expected a woman to tell him whether she's had sex before or was so bold as to ask her if she had, he'd be laughed at and no woman would agree to become his not volunteering information that she's had sex before in her past. that is irrelevant to the relationship she is starting with you. YOu've been with her 5 years. If you can bring your way of thinking up to the 21st century, and want to dump her, then I say, she's better off without you because your love is conditional, you don't love her unconditionally which is really the only true sign of love and she doesn't deserve to be with someone who doesn't love her.
Now I know you'll protest with, but thats wrong, I really do love her. I am sure you do, which means you have to examine your thought processes, admit whether there really is an issue here or not because from my viewpoint and many other European countries, there is no issue other than you living in current day using ancient practices. It hasn't applied for a long time now.
You wouldnt be the only Indian man thinking in modern terms. I know its gaining popularity for Indian men to treat their women as equals and also not expect them to be virgins or bleed with sex. You just don't hear about it but they're out there. I see the video's or articles posted on the internet here about men like that who will step in and protect a female from being raped, who rescue a woman from an abusive husband who treats her as property with no equal rights to him.
If I asked you right now to prove to me that you are a virgin, yes I know you're not. But if you had to prove it, with evidence that could pass as real evidence in a court case, could you? No. No man or female can prove they are virgins anymore than they can prove they've had sex before. It is something that can not be proven. HOpe I've made it clear Sir. I am sure that without these old beliefs you adher to, that you are a wonderful man and will make a good husband for her if you can get your mind to drop these ancient practices.
]
Ok number one, just because she didnt bleed the first time you had sex doesnt mean she was lying and wasnt a virgin, some girls hymen can brake or stretch just doing things like bike riding or being athletic. so you really dont know on that one.
secondly, does it really matter now? i mean its all so far in the past and YOU got her now, so even though she did lie if shes sorry i would try to move past it and just ask her to never keep things like this from you ever again and that if she can manage to keep that promise then the two of you will be ok.
it doesnt matter who had the girl before you, YOU got her now and thats what counts in the end. ; )
good luck and talk to her about this, see if shes genuine and feels bad at all or anything like that. if she does it would be best to just forgive and move on. this doesnt have to be that big of a deal if shes really sorry.
]
More Questions: |