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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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What can it mean for two people to have the exact same dream in the same night? I've searched on the Internet and mostly the information that's coming up is saying, it's possible for two people who are close to have the same dream. But what can it mean for two people to have the same dream who don't have any close bond, who are just aqquatience's. I dreamt of meeting my partners family and organising a wedding, also one of his family members who I am not close with had the same dream in the same night. It was the exact same detailed as mine. We are not close and she is neither close to my partner. Has anyone ever had this experience before?

For someone that you are not close with I find it odd that they would even hear from you about your dream and tell you they had the same. But then perhaps your idea of 'not close' is different than mine.You have actually two questions, 1.Has anyone ever had this experience before. well i have not.
2.What can it mean for two people to have the exact same dream in the same night? Sorry but i have no idea what it can mean. Although I will say that my belief is that it is very rare and may not even be a documented thing except for studies of twins. Twins are know to finish each others sentences and know what the other is thinking so its not a far stretch for their subconscious minds to have the same dream. But for just two random people the same night, I dont know if thats happened to anyone ever before.

Time will tell if it really meant anything at all or was just a fluke occurance.

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Only in 24 hrs he made me feel as if i am his fu than future wife than ignored saying you know what you did?

I to till yesterday emailed him with out any replyies.

NOW WHAT

I am sorry but the sentence structure is so chopped up that I am not sure at all what you are asking. I can take a guess.
If my guess is right, then continue to answer. If not, consider redoing your question so its easier for us to understand.

My guess: you were trying on line couple match up site, on line dating. And a guy wrote you and after a day of his chatting with you said the kind of things that you were hoping to find in a future spouse. I am guessing he either came out and said you seem to be the kind of person he'd been looking for to marry. Or he said positve things that you believed kinda meant that but he didn't actually say it. Then a period of time went by with no contact from him until yesterday. Instead of explaining why he wasnt on line, all he had to say was some accusation but wsa not clear as to what he is accusing you of.
What of course has you wondering so you wrote him but he hasn't written you back.

Did I get that right? If so, from someone who did the internet dating scene for 3 yrs until I found my 2nd husband on site, I would like to say that guys of all kinds can be found on there. I literally have had hundreds of men contact me over that period of time. From my experience, even tho i had criteria like allergic to cigarette smoke so no relationship with a smoker, guys tend to sweet talk first, then they seem to get pretty cocky and sure of themselves for the fact that you have even answered or talked to them, they interpret as they have you hooked. All people like to show their best self when meeting something and will hide their faults or lies. In person, people will eventually get comfortable and start to show their real self after a few dates, a couple weeks or couple months but not a day or two later. i guess he got comfortable knowing you couldn't know who he really was, relaxied and let his real self come through on the computer keys. All you have to do is decide if this kind of behavior is something that you are looking for in a guy, or want to avoid.

Internet dates and prospects are nothing more than an illusion until you meet face to face. I had many sweet talkers who said everything I wanted to hear on line so I met with them at a coffee house. The one guy didn't smoke while with me and I didn't smell t across the table on his clothes. Next date was short, a walk on beach andgo sit in his car to watch the sunset. The car smelled like cigarette smoke. I asked about it and he said his son uses it alot and son smokes. Third date, he got comfortable, I didn't suspect him at all yet, but out of habit he went to pull out a ciggie and put it away just as quick but I saw it. Told him right then I wasn't interested in a relationship with him and left right then. By time I got home, he'd left a phone message calling me all sort of horrid names, ranting like crazy. I know I made the right decision, he not only lied to me to my face but he was vindictive, had a temper and was verbally abusive. Where you find one mouse, you're likely to find more is how the saying goes. Its the same in personalities.
When a crack in their polished front occurs and one little bad trait gets through, it's an indication that there is a whole lot more where that came from deep inside, who he is at core. He doesn't sound like a good prospect to me, but I don't look if thats what you want in a guy. Most women don't but are afraid, second guessing themselves or what they heard or saw or think they are over reacting. And so they settle for less, thinking they will never find someone better.
Think again, I stuck with an abusive husband 30 yrs before I left and when I did, ended up finding a sweet man the total opposite of him. And I didn't have to settle for less. He met all the criteria that was important to me.
So, when you ask now what...I assume you want to know what to say to him. Say nothing. Don't respond. Ignore any contacts from him and he will eventually give up...

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Hi,
I'd like to buy online some toys for my two little kids on www.snapdeal.com using simpleshoppinglink.com because their conditions are good for me since I live in Germany.
But I dunno if this company isn't a scam.
Has anybody tried this one?

Don't know if you'll find someone here who happens to have used that site. I always look online for customer reviews no matter if its a restaurant i am considering, an on line purchase or consumers reviews of a new car they purchased. Its sometimes the best way to get information you need.

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I am not 18 yet but i want a tattoo and i know someone who would do it. what would be the best spot so my mom wouldnt notice it?

What is the skimpiest bit of clothing that your parents see you in? Wear that and have your tat done in the area it covers. Otherwise you risk being found out and facing the consequences.

Unless you're considering using a tat artist in a professional business whose work you've seen and know that they're good, I'd advise against having a friend do it. Chances are it won't look cool and look instead like an amature did it. But then you could go have a real tat artist fix it years later and end up maybe on the tv show about it.

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Is it possible at all for an asexual to date a bisexual?

This issomething for the two of you to discuss. If you are already friends, then bring it up. If not, it would be odd coming out of the blue when they don't know you well at all. A coworker or fellow student you see on a regular basis but never chat with would require some sort of friend overtures first.
Other than that, keep in mind a bi sexual can either feel that way in their heart but be in only one relationship or are very limited in their bi attractions but for the most part, they would classify as polyamorous, able to love more than one, rather than monogamous, only wanting one partner. If you can be okay with the fact they see others, and they have no problem with your sexuality then it works.
As far as love relationships go, there are two kinds of needs for love. Most successful couple relationships have both the emotional, best friend love part and the sexual romantic, chemistry attraction part. I have read that with Asexuals, you can not define them as what is right for them can vary greatly. Some prefer an emotional love but not the sex, some can do the sex part and well and have a satisfied partner but it doesn't do as much for them. Some enjoy sex but not often. And I've read of other variations. I would approach this the same way as for two same sex or heterosexuals go about getting to the point of dating, the same show of interest in the other if you haven't already done that. I could say more but not knowing IF there is a certain someone and this is just a what if question, or if you see the person and a are attracted in some way but dont have a friendship, or already are friends, it makes it hard for me to give any more advice. Good luck.

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yeah i thingk i prefer david dangelo or that dude from askmen.com Doc love or cory wayne they tell it like how it is this guys if you can't handle the truth go somewhere else

Thank you for reminding me of David DeAngelo. I couldn't for the life of me remember his name but yes he is very good at dating advice.

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Hey, I'm 20 and female. My friend is a guy and he's 22.
I've known him for quite some time. We used to go to the same church, his mom was my youth group leader. Since he wasn't my age, he was in the youth group above me with my brother. They actually got to be pretty good friends. We went to this church together for eight years. So, I knew him since I was six (he was eight) and we left the church when I was fourteen.

From fourteen until I was eighteen, I forgot this guy existed. At eighteen, I got hired at my work and low and behold, he was my supervisor. But it's been so long that we forgot about each other and didn't even realize the other was who they were. Until, I checked the schedule the one day and it shows the last three letters of the last name and it clicked that I went home and checked the church directory. So I went in to work the next day and told him and he asked what my last name was and I told him and it was like a weird moment we had where for the rest of our shift, we would just reminisce about old church stories.
I've now been at my place of work for two years and he has since moved to be a supervisor of a department that isn't mine but he is still working in my department a lot so it isn't like I don't see him.

Every time he needs help, he asks me if I can help him and I always agree. He knows I don't like being on a register so whenever he can pull me off, he does, and I appreciate that. Now, the jobs he usually has me do are very detailed and time consuming whereas if he didn't have help, he'd be doing that one job for half of his shift. It's usually pulling old price tags and putting up new ones for rollbacks or that kind of thing.
Since inventory is coming up, today he had me count all of the candy in the checkout aisles. To do that, he gave me a supervisor palm pilot so I could put the quantities in it. Now, I was not the only person helping him, he had two others on each side but I was the only one that got the palm pilot and I was the only one that he would talk to and help and that he would kind of shadow if I got out of the screen by pressing the wrong thing or whatever. He had to do them and he simply couldn't in a short span of time so he took half while I did the others and we would meet in the middle when we were done. He finished a lot quicker than I did since he's done it before so when I was on my last aisle, he came over to help me finish it so we could move on to doing something else. I kid you not, the entire time we were in this aisle, my other supervisors would not leave us alone, somebody would constantly be in our presence.

After we finished all of the aisles, his manager needed him to help him with something so he left to go do that and told me to take my last break so I did while I waited for his return. As I was taking my break, an elderly cashier was doing so as well. We were sitting on the bench together and she asked what I was doing earlier so I told her I was helping my friend inventory the candy so he didn't have to do all of it alone. She looked at me, sighed and gave me a look. So I asked her what that was about and she told me that he has me hoodwinked and that I'm wrapped around his finger, every time he needs help, I always help him. So, I got mad. Since when did doing favors for a friend become so uncommon that people mistake it for forcefulness or some kind of hold over the other person? As she told me that, another cashier walked by and she completely agreed.

When he came back from break, I asked if he needed any other help or if I could hop back on register. He finished the last two boxes on his list while we talked about our own, separate, individual plans for the night and how he found a flask earlier and wants to buy it to bring it to work later (he was kidding). When he finished the two boxes, he told me we were done and thanked me. So I went to go return the palm to the supervisor he borrowed it from and she asked if I was signed in under her numbers the entire time, so I replied verbatim "No, I was on ______'s" and she looked and me and smirked and said "oh, you were on ______, huh?"

Since I was helping him for about three hours then I took my break, I was only on register after that for about 40 minutes until my shift was over. So, after work I texted the friend I work with but is in another department but he's around this guy and I enough to have an opinion. So I told him what everybody was saying to me about him having me hoodwinked and that kind of thing and his reply was "well, I will say that your relationship with him is different than most" so i asked him what he meant by that, if he agrees with everyone and sees what everyone else sees that this guy and I seem to be missing. He said no, he doesn't agree with them because he knows how long this guy and I have known each other so he gets the closeness of the bond we share. But he went on to say that we are way more affectionate that most and that he noticed on both ends that he and I "go out of our way" to talk about each other or bring up other topics to bring the other person up into conversation. When I told him that he's crazy and that we aren't affectionate, he said he didn't mean touchy feely affectionate, he meant that the way he interact could be misconstrued as flirting. This guy is very, very open with everything, he makes it 100% known if he does not like you or he has a problem with you and if he does, he will make cynical jokes at or toward you all the time. This other guy that I was texting said he isn't like that with me, that the jokes he makes at me are cynical but they aren't as rude as the other jokes he makes to people he blatantly does not like or he will always smile after the joke he tells me. Upon hearing this, I had asked other friends that I work with and they all agree that he is definitely different toward me.

I just don't see it. I don't think he sees it. I think he just asks me for help because he knows that I will do it without complaining and I will do it in the quickest manner to help him finish a task. I just think it's strange that now, so many cashiers are coming forward in their feelings about this guy and I; that I'm wrapped around his finger and that his normally strong and sarcastic demeanor is more gentle and loving toward me. I told everyone I think they're just used to him being sarcastic to people so that when he isn't AS sarcastic around me, people tend to notice the difference and mistake that for him liking me or being softer toward me. I've gotten jokes before about he and I being together or liking each other or us being cute together but it never really made me sit and think about it until older cashiers and my other supervisors started doing it too.

Hes a cool guy, he really is and I enjoy his company a lot and I know I didn't give you much to go by in telling me if you believe him to have feelings for me or not, but I will tell you reasons I could 100% make you believe he doesn't. We don't even have each others numbers so when we leave work, we do not talk until the next day at work again. I actually gave him a few opportunities to exchange numbers but he never either picked up on it or just overlooked it because he didn't want to. We never hang out outside of work either.

Just give me any input, it would be greatly appreciated. Maybe how to handle everybody telling me that he likes me or blaming me for doing his job all the time since I'm so "hoodwinked." Maybe how to handle him if you think he has some kind of soft side for me. Thank you!

I don't get it dear. From what you are saying, it sounds like the only way the company can pay you for your time legally is when you are clocked in, logged in under your own name. I do not know of a system that lets two people clock in under the same name. this is essense sounds to me like you are putting in all the time but not getting paid for it because you are helping him. If the company has given only him, of all the employees, a heavy load of work that the others don't have to deal with then this is his matter to reconcile with his bosses and owner of the company. If he is being given more work than everyone, which I must assume is so, because you never mentioned the other co workers needing people to help them get their work load done or you neither. If he just plain old isn't fast enough, he needs to learn to be faster instead of having someone else do the work to help him finish. It doesnt matter who is bailing him out.
Now I know thats not your intent but yes you are going way beyond the call of duty to your job. If it isn't written in the company rules and guidelines, or in your job description, then you aren't required to be doing it.
If you worked elsewhere, someplace without him, would you be volunteering your own time, not getting paid to put in all this extra work, even if the co worker or boss was a nice person? I doubt you would be doing it.
Now if you occasionally volunteered to help other people as well, I could just say thats part of your very giving helpful nature. the fact that it is only him you are helping makes it stand out as a very Odd situation in the work environment.

You are so used to him as a friend that you see nothing odd about this compared to the relationship most people have with their supervisor. Its not actually the relationship that makes it odd, but the fact that you volunteer all this time and he just accepts it indeed of doing what he should as a supervisor. The same exact behavior and work should be expected from all employees. He is young as has no idea that other than an occasional help, being that your job position is not that of being his right hand man, that it is inappropriate in the business world to take advantage of employees this way and even worse since you are a friend.
Both of you are looking through Rose colored glasses, just not seeing this. He's as much in a wrong place as you. But who's to say its wrong if he's the top person and is not accountable to anyone right...there are bosses who an unscrupulouse and will do the wrong thing to gain in some way. You are helping him to look even better to someone, who ever pays his paycheck unless he owns the business which from what you said, he doesnt. So you are in esssence helping him to climb the ladder from where he is instead of him doing it entirely on his own as others have to. Maybe I am reading into this too much, but I kinda have to agree, all your co-workers are not over-reacting in how they see something odd about this. All we can do is guess at what's going on. I understand you still dont see this as odd.

Here's something that may help you see but you'd have to be real honest with yourself, don't lie to yourself by making excuses. Either what I say applies or it doesn't.
There are two main different kinds of love connections that are important to have in a committed couple relationship which you say this is not. I believe you. But here's where things mess up. One of those intense loves is the emotional kind, the kind of supportive, companion friend type that you can count on. This love feeling can be as strong as what a committed couple have. Sometimes it is lacking and a couple only have the wild sex as they're only compatible sexually, romantically, there is a great chemistry but they lack being friends so the relationship is rocky.
With the emotional connection instead of a physical one, at some point it is very possible for a couple things to happen if the best freinds are opposite sex.
1. One of the two slowly begins to feel the other type of love for their friend but is too scared to make a move for fear the other may not feel the same and that it would ruin their friendship. This is called getting stuck in the friend zone.
2. Both people as friends never felt ever a hot blazing romantic attraction like a good majority of people who get together do. Instead, a romantic love for them starts as an ember, a coal take slowly grows into a blaze, so slowly that it sneaks up on you and you don't notice the difference, but everyone else will because of how you treat each other.

You sound like a dating couple or married couple and there's nothing wrong that. But there's a problem if you don't recognize it cus sooner or later, one of you is going to be hurt. If another new employee, female started and he began to show her more of the attention he had for you and now is very romantically involved with her. Would you feel happy for him? Sure you'd miss him because she will now be his top priority and as only his best friend, not his girlfriend or mate, you'd fall to a lesser priority. Or would you feel jealous which is an indicator you fear a loss of something. Loss, or change like this is inevitable in life, it will come at some point. And you will eithe adapt or be unable to do so because you are in fact in love with him and don't realize it yet. The best of marriages are builted on both being best of friends and being each others romantic/sexual interest. Sometimes it happens simultaneously but very often the friendship comes first and then it blossoms into something more, either quickly or slowly. And this is where you need to be honest with yourself because it is looking fairly obvious to everyone else who works there, it just hasn't hit you or him yet.
You might want to have a good talk with him away from work. Just pose it as a hypothetical question. And tell him you'll explain later why you're asking. Since you both are such long time friends and have everything a dating couple has except the romance, how would he react if some dude came along and swept you off your feet? Happy for you, afraid to lose you, miserable and jealous? See what his answer is and then explain what others are seeing, what I've tried to explain in depth, that others say this isn't normal behavior for just two friends especially when one supervises over the other, and that this is more the behavior of two people who have grown sweet on each other, caring about each other as more than friends and just not realzing it. So you just want to check with him how he feels. Heres his opportunity if he's kept feelings hidden, to confess. If you're not sure but can't stand the idea of him dating anyone, then it might be the best thing to suggest that you both give dating and romance a try. Hope this helps yoou some.

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So I set up a date with a lady yesterday i said Starbucks 8.30 pm waiting for the counteroffer waiting waiting she then goes I am going to work out tomorrow if I dont I will feel bad put my shoes into her I use to workout a lot and say if I dont work out I'd fell bad too I use to fell that way her action seems to be telli the trueth then she goes that's a good time to go ill text you tomorrow my guts tells me she's not going bc there was no counteroffer rigth now she texted me back around 710pm I quote Hey!its Laura.i won't be able to make it to Starbucks today.I forgot that after work I needed to stay for meeting hmmmmm say if she texted me around 8.15 or 830 that would be a different story but she gave me an hour to think about her action I am gonna make her wait and text back no worry Starbucks or teavana 9 oclock Tuesday you pick a place

Wow! My first gut feeling is that you are over-thinking this all. I know it's hard to deal with rejection but to go into all this expecting it is more likely to make it happen not because she isn't interested but because of negative thought energy you send out there and that she then picks up as weird vibes and shys away if indeed she is doing that. You really have no proof, only what your mind is supposing sounds fishy to you. What you are basing your feelings and judgement of the situation on is not fact that has been tested and proven and therefore what you imagine to be true wouldn't be accepted in a court of law for example. YOu need to run your life the same way and assume she is innocent until proven guuilty. Now you tell me, what would be real proof that she just gave you a line? Here, I;ll help. She was supposedly at an evening work meeting. If so, who would be a witness that she actually attended a work based meeting? Its not that hard...to figure her co-workers would be. If you know one, ask her if you must know. If you don't, then whether she's guiltly or not, you must act as if she is innocent. If she's leading you on, then eventually she'll "Hang herself" if you give her enough opportunity to keep making silly excuses as one of these times it WILL be something you have a way to get proof on.

Now to address your issue of the time frame of her call to you canceling. Some people who had a Starbucks date would not arrive on the dot at 8:30 but a little ahead of time, being there already at 8:15. Most people would be seriously annoyed if someone canceling made them waste the gas and the time and travel of getting there. Most people would rather have much more notice so that 1. they don't make the wasted trip and
2. they have enough time to change their plans if they don't want to sit at home and sulk. Like go catch a movie with a buddy.
I really see no reason for you to feel eaten up by this other than you doing a lot of over thinking on this.

Now to support you, i knowing theres no such thing as dating 101 classes that you get through school so I was as naive and untrained as you once upon a time. I have come across a video blogger that might help you with you taking control of your dating life and getting some serious dating input and help. I enjoy his video's and as a female can assure you that whay he points out as how a female will react, negatively or positively to certain things you do is truly spot on and I've had to laugh because even i didn't realiae it wasn't just me but how other females react too.
His name is Stephan Erdman is here's one of the links to him: www.youtube.com/user/stephanerdman

good luck sir.

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I met this guy at a party and I thought we really connected, we hang out the whole night, had a lot in common and ended up kissing. He is moving country but I will be there all summer.I messaged him on fb and he took a while but replied but didn't really keep the conversation going and then the day before he was leaving I wished him a good journey and he read it but didn't reply, what does this mean ?

Hon, he's moving away from you, I will wager, a distance far enough that even if he were somewhat interested in you, there's no real opportunity to work on a relationship even if he wanted to take it in that direction. If his thoughts were that it was useless to keep talking to you because of this, then sure, it makes sense he didn't reply to your wishing him a good journey.
When you think of it, exactly what did you expect to hear back, thank you for your wishes and thats it? Or were you hoping to hear, I wish I wasn't chatting with you and just put you as a past chapter, experience in his life. I really don't know him hon, or how his mind works. I also can't predict the future. If you did hope to hear him profess feelings for you, would that have helped at all? An LDR is very difficult and more likely to be successful if the two who knew each other before being forced for whatever reason to move apart, had actually been dating and professed love to each other and spend a good long time establishing the relationship so that they were in love and would wait until they can finally be together again. With LDR's, too often, a real live person comes along who is there in the flesh, not pixels on the screen and that type of person is always more enticing to strike up a relationship and commitment with if just as good a person, as an internet girlfriend.
Take care to not let your wishes and heartfelt desires become thoughts that run amok and get blown out of proportion in your mind where you see things that aren't really true, and get your hopes up for things that are not for sure something that will be. Its part of growing up and maturing dear. At your age I made some doozys of expectations and bad decisions as far as relationships go. I regret I didn't have someone then with more experience to give me advice. I'm only trying to help, not dash your dreams. Some dreams are attainable. Some won't be.
If I were a guy moving away, I might have enjoyed you but my circumstances have changed so I know I won't see you again, and logically as males think, there is no purpose to pursueing any more contact and replys with you if I won't ever see you again. I may well be not interested in a long distance relationship if I was that interested because I know myself to want a real live girl around. And I may in the short time I had known you never be able to get to the point in my mind where I knew you were the one for me for the rest of my life. guys tend to want to be really sure about that and for some they know at first sight, some after a month or two and others can take up to years to decide. My opinion is that he didn't have enough of a chance to establish any real love feelings for you and thats why he didn't answer.

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I'm twenty, female.
He's twenty two.

I liked this guy since high school, I always thought he was cute but we never talked so I always just kind of admired from afar. However, after he graduated high school, I forgot all about him. Until I got hired at the grocery store I work at now. He is my superior.

He actually is the one that trained me. Very few words were used in the training but he talked to me then. Told me his tricks to bagging things and that kind of thing.

It's been a couple of years since working there and he is now an even higher up position in a department that I do not belong in.

A few weeks ago, he was at the bar with my brother's girlfriend and she was drunk and told him how unbelievably cute I think he is to which he had replied to her "she's definitely cute" and my brother's girlfriend told him to talk to me then because I'm shy and he said he's so shy around me too.

So, a few weeks later, here we are and we still haven't spoken.

I'm getting sick of the silence but I just over think conversation with him too much. I can't just blabber a conversation with him now after two years of silence and after I found out that he thinks I'm cute.

So, I want to write him a note. We park next to each other in the parking lot. It's kind of cute, we usually start around the same time each morning and we would park right by each other but use the courtesy spot parking. He always gets his lunch before me and is usually back before mine even begins but I'll walk out when he comes back and I got to lunch, that he parked his car right next to mine instead of leaving the courtesy spot.

I have noticed changes in him, though. He does the parking next to me on his own and now he goes through my self checkout when I'm working it. He always used to avoid it when he saw me on it.

So, anyway, I just want the note to be short and say something along the lines of "heres my number, if you want it, that's cool and if you don't, that's cool too" with a smiley so I don't seem too intimidating, lol.

I guess my question is, is that weird? Will he be weirded out if I left a note on his car? Will he even use my number? A few of my friends told me if he's too nervous to talk to me, he may not even want to text me. So, I just want to know if it's wort it, I guess. I don't want him to be turned off by me and not think I'm cute anymore because I really want this to work out. Have him text me then maybe, gradually move to talking face to face.

Thanks for your help!

Either I have seen too many questions like this or you have posted this same scenerio at some earlier time. If you did, and can remember when you last wrote, the answers would still be there for you to read.
But for what ever reason in short to answer your questions:
Is that weird. No
Will he be weirded out if you left a note on his car? Impossible for us to predict. I don't know him personally. If he is prone to over reacting to everything around him in life, no matter what, then yes, he may feel it weird. But in light of fact you've heard he thinks you're cute, I don't think he would be offended.
Will he use your phone number? Again, there's no way I can predict the future...I am an advice giver dear and that does not mean that with however much life knowledge I've gained that I have the ability to predict the future and whether he will or not. If he not only thinks you are cute but wants to get to know you better, then yes he will more than likely call. If there are store policies to discourage any dating between employee's, and he's afraid it may affect his position, than he may not do so or he may just want to keep it quiet, in which case, leaving a note on his car is a good way to go. good luck.

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he problem is I'm the only guy in a class full of women who are at least ten years older it looks. And this is a swimming class? Wouldn't that be awkward?


Hon, I already answered you on that. the only place it is awkward is in your mind. You are allowing your thoughts to control your actions. If this is occuring not just in this situation but many others in life where you find you can't make any decisions or take any actions as you're always thinking thoughts to talk you out of doing things, then you may have a Cognitive disorder that affects your behavior. this is much more common than you would think, and is not really a mental illness at all by mere a very bad and crippling disabling practice due to a real bad habit in your thought processes.
I can't stress more than if you are dwelling so hard on the issue of taking a class with all women and that preventing you from attending, that you may need Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Look it up on line, its a real thing and it prevents people from doing things in life cus they get stuck in indecision. Good luck.

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I've been talking to this guy I met about 2 months ago, Im 24 he's 25. We've met up maybe 3 times, he's really busy so we meet up when we can. Most of our relationship was through texting, and it was fun. When we did meet up it was effortless and comfortable and it got a little hot too. The first week we started talking I got this weird vibe that something was off so I told him I needed a break from texting almost every hour of everyday, not long after we picked back up where we left off, no problems, and I apologized for being cautious. The other two times that we hung out followed after that, and from my view it was perfect, we connected, he was very affectionate, but then the last time we hung out we were making out and before he left he got very distant. As he was leaving he gave me a hurried kiss on the cheek and all but ran out the door. The next day I asked him what was up, and all the sudden he told me he wasn't ready for a deep/steady relationship. He said I was cool to hang out with, beautiful, sweet, funny etc. he told me he had got out of a long relationship about 3 months ago. So I said I understood and I wished him the best because he told me he didnt want to lead me on so he wanted to cut ties right then and there. So we did. Until two days later when he text me sayin he misses talking to me. I responded saying I missed it as well and he asks if we can start talking again. Of course I really like this guy so I said yes, but then he immediately responded with "Well I don't want to lead you on, I still dont want a relationship, but I don't just want sex either." Also he made it very clear any time we would hang out would be by his choice, not mine. I couldn't believe it so I told him as nicely as I could "I may like you a lot but I deserve more than you can offer me right now." He seem to take it fine telling me that he understood and it was asking a lot from me and if I ever needed anything to let him know. So now I feel stuck, I know I'm not going to get the relationship I want from him, but I like him enough to actually miss him and want him in my life. Do I just suck it up and count this as a loss, realizing that he may not even want me at all? Or wait for him to maybe one day want the same thing I do?

Sorry for the long question.

YOur question was long enough to give good detail. Heres what I am sensing by what you said. Either a couple scenerios here. The biggest change came after you had sex. So it could mean that if he isn't wanting sex anymore that he likes you as a friend, or one can feel love at that level and get their emotional needs met. However a long term couples love relationship needs two things to really survive or make it without being rocky and unfulfilling in some way. A person has both emotional and sexual needs to be met. Some people end up long term or married to someone who is only their best friend and supplies the emotional needs or only their lover but not best friend and supplies only their sexual needs. In either scenerio, the relationship is off balance. One partner or the other will end it or go elsewhere outside the relationship to get either need met.
SO if he checked out the sexual side and realized you couldn't make a mate for him but he stills loves you as a best friend, thats fine, as long as you don't expect him to fulfill that other side and as long as he has no problem with you still looking for a man in whom you can get both needs met to becomed involved with or married to.

Perhaps he has a secret he's keeping and thought better of it than telling you for fear of losing your friendship. Perhaps he is one of the alternative genders, whether gay, or a-sexual and simply feared losing you if you didnt get sex at some point so pushed himself to try and discovered he couldn't handle it. He would then be afraid of losing you cus he loves you as a best friend over this situation. If you think you can handle that if that is indeed the case, have a good talk with him and bring it up. If all he wants is to remain best friends, and you're willing then go for it. However you make sure he understands you will still be looking for your life partner to marry and have kids with and of course that person then takes a higher priority in your life and so you'd have less time to spend with him than you do now but it won't change you still being friends. If he can handle that, great. If he can't, then sadly you'd need to leave him behind and move on. Of course these are just my guesses and there may be another reason, you just have to ask him and he needs to be honest.

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So got this girls number waited about a week to call Monday called around 8.20 pm didn't answer the phone but in about 20 minutes later she called 2 left a message Tuesday got to talk to her I mention about me calling she said o I didn't know who it was you should have texted me back hmmmm this other woman that I am really interested I work with her lately she's been asking me to hangout with a woman there radar are always strong when it comes to courtship she knows that I am interested but just holding back making sure that the interest is mutual so one day just got done doing something well then one day went to work got to see her she's been talking about doing something with me so then I pulled out my phone and I said well I'll let you know on our first date so then waited in about a week to call Tuesday
around 8.15 it ring 4 times then on the 5 I heard her voice saying hello as if she doesn't know who it was then I said something then after that it just said ended on my phone so then I waited a few minutes to call she didn't pick up what the hell is that all about action of interest is there she's been wanting to hangout showed her a pick of my friends then she goes why was I not invited got her number wanting to fiinally hangout with her crap it's like did she purposely hangup the phone when I heard her on the phone it seems she doesn't know who it was the crap is driving me nuts it's like self-control is a must I feel like going to work I feel like asking what is going but then you can't cause it well just show weakness and I know weakness is a no no I am thinking the next time I see her I'll just be like so what's up talk for a bit then say give me your address pick you up at 9 Tuesday all this shit about playing games shit man she knows that I've been there for 6 years not ones I've ever dated somebody

Its not like you're calling several times a day or every day of the week, that would be odd and scare a girl off thinking you're needy. But asking for an explanation, just depends on how you word it.

What if she's had a problem with her landline or cell for some time now and just hasn't realized it yet. I actually had once an older cell that acted as if it was possessed by some weird power. I could have it on and it decided to turn itself off while I was waiting for a friend to call me. I had many other odd issues with my replacement phones for the ones that were lemons. At one point I was on my 3rd phone and had the problem of not being able to hear anyone on a live open line, seconds ticking and volume all the way up.
then again, yes she may have had 2nd thoughts and wants to avoid you and this is her childish way of doing so. In which case, if she could act so childishly, do you even really want to pursue someone like that? So heres what you do. Next time you see her in person, just say, hey, the strangest thing happene when I called the other day. In thinking about it, I can come up with only two possibilities, one that your phone is acting up and calls are not getting through cus I heard you but you didn't hear me, in which case I thought you'd want to know in case others havent been able to reach you either and you may want to get it looked at. The other possibility I came up with is that even though you trade numbered and seemed interested in me at one point, you've had second thought and didn't know how to say so. I would rather you just be honest and tell me now if thats the case and I will stop persueing you, but you need not worry over creating bad blood here at work, I will still treat you friendly and with respect as I do all other co workers.
this way you are not accusing her of anything which is good in case it really was her phone. Or, what if she has a major hearing problem and doesnt want to get checked out cus she hates the idea of wearing a hearing aid??
then if she's changed her mind, you've just given her a way out so she doesnt have to feel awkward. If she's not avoiding you, and she's a mature person, she'll give you the words right then to confirm she's still interested or say something along the lines if she's really interested. Why at this point if she likes you, would she risk losing you because you are assuming no answer means she is not interested. I would hope she's not a fool. So go for it.

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I would Love to get my ears pierced. I live in the UK, and i'm 11. I am allowed to get my ears pierced at 13, and that has come out of years of begging, responsibility and high grades. My mum has 5 piercigs, and loves all of them. I can't understand why she won't let me get them doe. Please help!

If you don't understand why, then ask her. she would need to have a good reason. You're not old enough would not be a reason. You could say, I know there are laws as to when one is allowed to drink, when one is old enough to be considered an adult. Where is the law that says girls can not have any major changes like piercings and tattoos until they turn 13? Or could you explain with a very real valid reason why I can't, something that I can understand or than it's simply an idea you came up with in your mind. If you can give me a valid reason to wait until 13 to get my ears pierced and other adults agree with it, then I will no longer bug you about it and wait until I turn 13. Ultimately, in the end, they are the parents and they do get to decide these things for you whether with good reason or not. If you try to have a rational thought with them, they may take a second look at their stance and realize theres actually. I as a parent fell into that, I had so many adult responsibilities on my mind to really take time to think about my daugthers requests and would automatically say no or I am too busy. This is a bad habit and is no valid reason. when my daughters asked me nicely to explain why the answer was no...I often realized I had no answer. If a parent wants to train their child to grow up, heres an opportunity, take the time to explain your viewpoint and reasons...but a parent may be making their choice without having enough information. I got this in a parenting seminar. give the child an opportunity to 'appeal' their decision like a case in court. this means bringing new information to the parent for their use in possibly reconsidering their initial answer. example: Moms reason is that you're too young to take responsibility for yourself on the after care while the ears are healing and you might get an infection. Or her excuse is you might be allergic to metal. A good response would be, 'Mom have you ever seen me to not take care of my personal hygiene, do I not taking showers regularly, brush my teeth, my hair and wear only clean clothes, non wrinkled or torn? Why would I all of a sudden not take care with the care of my own ears? If its allergies, then "Mom, I have worn other jewelry that are metal and have had no allergic reaction to them. So theres no reason to believe piercing my ears would be a problem now and not be in two years. Let me give it a try now and use only hypo-allergenic earrings and if after a year I am still having troubles. I will take the earrings out and not wear them and let the ears heal up. I do not care to live with infected ears just to make a fashion statement, trust me. these kinds of responses from you will show her you are not just wanting to do something becuase friends are doing it, but because you want to do it for you and show a very mature response to her.
try and see if that helps you any. Good luck. Oh and by the way, there are plenty of Moms who now get their girls ears pierced as a baby so it really has nothing to do with age.

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My boyfriend tends to stay away from me when i get upset. He normally walks with me before lunch and today he ditched me for his friend, he knows im upset. Hes been ditching me during lunch because he claims he wants to eat, idk why he can eat around me but whatever. Around the end of lunch he realized i was really upset so he came and walked me to my next class but now he is leaving me on read and i asked him why he stays away and he sys he doesnt wanna make it worse, but i just want to talk to him not about what happend but to get my mind off things. I think he wants to break up with me sometimes but he never does and we end up having these really deep moments at the end of the night and i just dont know what to do

Hon, teen boys are just barely starting to figure out what a girl is about.
What you need to know is that all males when approached by a female with a problem just don't understand the concept that you only want him to listen to your problems and not solve them or offer a solution. It is the nature of males to want to be needed and to help. In their minds, and actually even mine as a female, it does not logically make any sense to simply talk about ones problem if in the past taking this avenue never results in a solution. So he most likely realizes you only want to talk about the problem, dwell on it more which engages your emotions more and thus you feel even worse in the end and think you feel better, but only for the moments that a person is listening. If this method helps you end your problems, then by all means continue to do it this way, but not by asking males to be the listener. It goes against how they are made. And quite frankly, I'd have to agree with the males perspective on this, their way of tackling problems is more likely to result in a solution. So he is not doing anything strange or that shows he doesnt care about you. It seems he only distances himself at the times you tend to spill your guts and not want him to help solve. He is in the right for doing as he does. He knows he can't help you, cus you wont let him, so he makes himself scarce. this in no way means he wantst to break up with you. That is your mind dwelling too much on negative thoughts to the point you begin to believe them. Take hold of your negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones each time you catch yourself thinking a negative one. Its a retraining of your brain. And don't worry, you're not odd, the majority of humans tend to have more negative thoughts, some very subtle tho, than positive ones. Even adults. We battle it all our life. The difference is those who stop dwelling on the negative and replacing it with positive ones.
Heres a trick I used to get my mind off things. Instead of telling someone about it, I would write about it. This way I can get all my feelings out on paper, or the computer screen. Keep a live journal or cyber one just for you. No one else. Go back and read it later. Do you feel the same or have more to add. I have found as I just rambled on in putting all my thoughts down that I inevitably stumbled across my own solutions. It became clear to me what I needed to change in me, my attitudes, or how I handled life situations. We may not be able to ban certain things from happening to us, no control there but we do have control of how we react or respond to it. I think you actually have a great boyfriend and due to your age and inexperience, you just dont know it. the fact that he'd still approach you to walk you to class shows he really cares about you, its just that you're expecting him to do something that males are not born with in their natural instincts.

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one I experienced heaven. like I was meditating and I felt like I was flying and that I was empty, yet filled with so much peace and happiness. and I heard angels singing and then I heard a very clear angelic whisper in my ear.

when I was meditating I also asked jesus for forgiveness, and I heard footsteps behind me and then felt a pressure on my back like someone was hugging me from behind and I felt fingertips going up and down my shoulder. was that jesus?

and every time I meditate, ill ask if jesus and the angels are there and ill hear footsteps suddenly coming towards me and then ill feel presences overtop of me.

whenever I take naps, ill literally hear voices. some have called my name. and some say stuff like "thank you" and "i feel like I cant breathe" and "im a doctor" (when I heard that, I meditated and asked for him to give me a sign that hes here and I felt hands on my back and you know when a doctor tells you to breathe deeply? I heard a breathing like the doctor was showing me how to do.) and "i do" and "i got a message" and random giggles and "i don't argue" and just a lot of other voices.

I once had an encounter with a spirit guide who gave me a dream of the career I should choose and he gave me a dream of a lot of dogs. and that soon gave me the idea of a doggy daycare sort of thing. I haven't heard from him in a while though.

but ever since ive been having these experiences of the angels and jesus, ive been so happy. like ive never felt this way before. and id really like to know what this all means, if you can please help me. id really appreciate it. thank you.

I believe you that you hear these voices. I can not say that it is Jesus or Angels but I can tell you I started church during my teen years and came to have a relationship with Jesus and Holy Spirit. What I have learned over time not just by experience but by books I've read of authors who have experienced a range of similar things is that God and Angels do not chatter and spit out nonsensical things. Their only concern would be with your spiritual growth and lots of that will happen thru what you do as a human. The messages of Angels are much more subtle than bits and pieces of sentences, just a gentle prodding to your mind, placing an idea there that you will think you came up with on your own. Jesus does not say things like I'm a doctor, I can't breathe, I don't care and random giggles. None of this applies to helping you grow spiritually. God has many created beings that work on a heavenly plane. But ours is also a quarantined planet because of the fall of Lucifer and the other angels he took with him who now all work to the contrary of Gods ways. Then there are souls. Each person has a soul. If we as a soul have learned enough and graduated so to speak, then we are ready to work from the heavenly side, There are positions in heaven to be filled by our souls but one job is to be a spirit guide. At least thats my belief thru books and my experiences. I know too well from an adopted sister who is psychic that there is also a who seek to distract us from the right path, by pretending to be angels of light and God. Lucifer was a most beautiful angel once (what we call the devil today)
There are also souls who die and either aren't aware they are dead and its time to go see Jesus or they haunt a place and continue in spirit life as a ghost to do more of the same mean hateful ugly stuff they did while alive. So there are two basic sources where you could experience all this from. Anyone would feel happy if they felt Jesus was visiting them so to feel that is great but not any indication that you are safe and for some odd reason under attack spiritually in a way you wouldnt realize is from a source that is anything but Angels or Jesus. Like I said, a master of disguise to gain your trust first and then the voices tell you to do much more rotten things.

Then again dear, there is a condition under which people generally hear voices that no one else does, because its something their brain is doing and creating when it is not real. You've probably heard of Alzheimers, old people get it. Their brain at first makes them lose contact with whats real and whats not. I remember when my 'grandmother on my husbands side called his mom saying, please come help me. There's this free loading couple who have invaded my home and I try to kick them out and they won't leave. Mom goes over and is told they are currently in the back bedroom. When she looks, there's no one there and grandma doesnt see them either at the moment. But as her condition got worse, her brain began to fail more and she no longer recognized any of us.
I am telling you this to prepare you for a mental health condition that may also be the caues and does afflict younger people. It's called Schizophrenia. My brother had it. He's no longer alive. I watched him have conversation with me and then turn to start talking to or listening to someone or something else and would make comments like Yeah, I know, or giggle. It was bizarre to watch and he wasn;t like that at first, this was after the mental illness had really set in and it often makes its first appearance in teen and college age people. So this is something you may want to rule out as its easier to check with a Dr, under go tests and be able to rule this our or confirm it, in which case, meds should help you live a fairly normal life. If the Dr. says you don't have it, then the only other explanation left is that something is going on in the spiritual side of things. As much as I believe in people being able to hear from God, only a very few actually hear audible voices, not voices in their head and sense things rather than feel an actual touch on repeated occasions. this is not to say a loved one who passed on may come once to give you a hug so you don't miss them as bad but then again, its also not a repeated performance from all accounts I've read or experienced myself. I tend to lean more toward you being haunted or being messed with by spirits with no good intentions in the end who are not with Jesus but pretending to be. Children and teens are easy to attack as their minds are not done growing and won't be until age 25 or so, and they are just more easy to manipulate because they just don't know any better. The other thing it could be is some mental illness. If so, its not your fault, it doesnt make you damaged good or inferior...its just that your brain needs something your body perhaps is unable to do on its own but can with medication.
In either case, I feel it best if I talk to the parents about this. If they do not take this seriously and do nothing about having you checked out with a Dr. then I suggest talking to a school counselor. What you can do for protection...other than ask if that is Jesus, is to protect yourself. You do have enough of this natural power, something I guess about being made in gods image. It takes good imagination. think of a soap bubble force field around you, where ever you are, or go, it moves with you surrounding you at all times. Every morning, think of this bubble that you physically can't see, surrounding you, and its made up of a bright shining Godly light. Always put it back in place, even couple times a day. Anything that is not pure and working on Gods side, can not touch you, or talk to you through that. If it doesn't stop, its not because you're protection isn't working, it might have to do with Schizophrenia. Just tell someone in your life who can actually get you help then.

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20/f
I have recently met a guy who I am now dating. He is two years older than me. To me,he's the sweetest guy in the world,he loves me,he tries hard to make me happy,he treats me like a queen. But there is one problem,so to speak. His hearing is damaged so he wears hearing aid. I told my family today and their reactions are far from what I had expected. They reacted as if it were some dangerous contagious disease. He hasn't even been born like that,his ear got damaged later in life. My grandma even accused him of lying,even though he's been honest with me since day 1. My mom called him disabled. I don't even dare to tell my dad. I generally live in an environment where people are extremely judgmental. But I thought my family was better than this. I really love this guy and there is a high chance we'll hit it off and get married one day. What should I do then? I want them to accept him because I'm afraid they may forbid me to see him,yet again it's my life and I will marry who I want. I am scared,I don't want to be forced to choose between my family and him,because I want all of them in my life. He is the kind of guy I've been searching for,I won't let go no matter what. And my family are the ones who made my life possible and I love them dearly. I don't know what to do.

Oh hon, I am so sorry that you have to discover the shock that your own parents are so narrow minded. It may be a testing time in their life wher they have a change to grow thru their short comings or to remain stuck. I know how important it feels to have the approval of ones parents but we can't always have that. I once had to tell my sobbing daughter that she had done nothing wrong. That in fact her dad, my now ex, was an adult acting like a child, immature and was totally in the wrong. I explained to her that we don't all get the privilege of having mature loving supportive people as parents and as freaky as it sounds, they are in a situation where they are more normal and responsible and mature than their parents. I told her to not let that hold her back from doing the right thing ever.

If your friends had all decided at some point to start using recreational drugs and expected you to see their viewpoint as it being harmless and wanted you to take them too or risk losing their friendship and support, would you have done the wrong thing just to please them and remain in their circle of approval? Gosh, I hope not. Cus thats the same thing you are facing here. Your parents are taking a stance that would be wrong for you to cave in to if it was your friends, or anyone else out in the world, so why do the wrong thing just to keep your parents love.
sadly hon, it isn't even real love if in the end they insist on keeping their stance and not seeing the light and turning around. That kind of love is actually conditional love...I will love you only if you do as I wish. Lucky for us God isn't that way or there wouldn't be a living soul left in existance if His attitude was that of your parents. So here, you need to seek a higher form of guidance to follow. If there isn't another parent figure to talk to and find approval with, it may just end up being God, you know he'd find nothing wrong with your boyfriend.

Perhaps you have grandparents or aunts and uncles who would be more supportive. Try to nurture those relationships if you still feel a need of approval from someone related to you.
The worst case scenerio is that they refuse to attend your wedding or see you and him after married. Yes, thats heart breaking and though they hurt you, you can recover, they as people remain stuck and can hurt worse but refusing to see you. So you give them a choice to attend and dad to walk you down the aisle when the time comes, and if he can't commit or won't, have a supportive uncle, grandpa or even your father in law walk you down the aisle. Just change that line from "who is giving her away' question of the pastor to something else you want. Some don't even say it anymore as many women do not like the sound of it, as if somebody owned you in the first place to give you away. Its a silly antiquated practice. But it is a beautiful gesture to be accompanied down the aisle to the front by an approving male family member or friend if you wish.
I know how scary a situation like this can be. My younger sister (white) fell in love with a black man. When mom at first learned how serious sis was even tho a marriage wasn't quite planned yet, she was momentarily stunned and the words that came out of her mouth were, but my grandchildren will be black. People might not think I am their grandmother, but a nanny instead." Even people who are not truly racist or bigoted have a picture in their mind when they imagine things. I was married and she had a grandchild by me already, (white) AND our only value system, not what we think we were, but who we really are is tested when something in life happens other than the automatic picture in our minds. Do you think black kids want white barbies, or black families want a white baby jesus in their manger scene, heck Jesus wasn't pale skinned, he was from the middle east and as such had darker skin. We go with what we are used to in many cases and when confronted and challenged to face what we truly believe, we process through our thought in time and realize that we were just responding out of a preconcieved idea or mind picture which really wasn't what is important at all. So in the end, in time, Mom and even dad if he feels the same which he may not, my dad had no problem at all, may come around. Its more likely that they will, especially if you've never known them to be bigoted in any other ways, such as against gays, other people of other religious beliefs. My mom came around within days as she wasn't normally like this in other areas of her life. So she was very receptive when meeting his family and coming to like his mom who is the kind of person no one can not like, real sweet...and was supportive of the wedding and terribly excited when my sis was going to have a baby. She has no problem being out in public with her mixed race grandchild and no one thought it odd as there are so many mixed marriages, even of different faiths, or same sex today that no one blinks an eye or see's it as weird or wrong, well except for a few but usually no stranger says anything to you. I have seen plenty of white moms in the grocery with a black child runnin up to them with a package, Mom can i have this. Its just normal, same as a person with a disability if it can be called that. Those with disabilties or mental or social disorders just have to go about a different way of achieving the same end result as anyone else without the same issues. They are differently abled as in your boyfriend. To hear great like anyone else, he uses a hearing aid... so what.
So don't go off worrying that this is the worst case scenerio. You really don't know. Dad may indeed be receptive. Maybe find a time when Mom is not around to have your boyfriend meet your Dad. That way he isn't put in a bad awkward spot of having to suggest to his wife to drop the comments or reprimand her in front of the rest of you which isn't right either. If he is approving, then later let him know of mom's reaction so he can work on helping her see the right way. He's known her for longer than you and may get through to her if she hasn't recovered yet from shock. If she is that stubborn, regardless of his loving her despite that, he will support you. I think you'll be just fine. don't over react, keep your head about you and if it turns out as bad as you imagined, then get support from other family and friends when it comes time to marry. If indeed the parents want nothing to do with you and hubby and grandchildren later on, its really their loss. The kids can still have his parents and you can choose an older couple who have no children and therefore no grandchildren but love kids and would love to be asked to be honorary, adopted grandparents. We did that when my parents both died within a few years of each other. His parents liked and related to older kids better and struggled to know what to do with young ones as mine. So we asked a couple at church who had adopted a child who had no want yet to get married for a long time and badly wanted to be grandparents and paid so much attention at church to ours so we asked them and they accepted and had the kids over for cookie baking and all sorts of fun stuff grandparents do. It was a good win win for them and our kids. You and your husband and future children don't have to miss out on anything as an experience, they can still have two sets of grandparents even if yours choose to not participate. I wish you the best dear. It sounds like a wonderful guy you have there. Not many are that good at relationships or mature enough at his age. Don't let him go because of the parents. You will spend the rest of your life with him and thats many more years than the years you have left before your parents leave this earth. Your scenerio is one too real in society, in books and movies where the child gives up on their love, marries who their parents approve of or never marry. Later they divorce and decide to go find their lost love, or the parents die and now they're 40 or 50 never been married and just now free to do so. I wouldn't take the chance of having to wait that long dear. The guy may not wait that long for you and marry and not be available in the future when you feel free to pursue him. So stick with him if your're both in love, it's your life you're living, not allowing them to live thier life through you.

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I feel like I'd be a better person if I lived on a deserted island. I want to eat healthier, exercise more, clean the house more, etc. but I don't want to get fit for approval of the same jerks who devalued me when I was overweight, and I don't want my parents to think I'm a better person just because I clean the house more often. I feel I'm of the same value whether I'm in a state of depression or everything is going my way, and I feel equal to other people. When my parents compare me with my cousins or those "homeless to Harvard" stories it makes me angry. I'm currently on a break from college and people say it's great to go to college so you can make more money, numerous people have said variants of this to me, and it pisses me off because I'm genuinely into learning and improving the world, that is my motivation, not just money. I can't just motivate myself to do anything just for money, the thought of that makes me feel suicidal, just to spite that kind of mentality. I've never been a partier. I'm 20 and I haven't been invited to a birthday party with my peers since I was 14 or 15. I've had a lot of internal struggles and it's annoying when people just say it's laziness, because when I feel enough self worth to give work my best effort, I put more effort into it than others, by a long shot. But as I've grown older, and my self esteem has been chipped and chipped away, it's been hard to find that self drive, and the added pressure from my parents, on why i'm not like their ideal child, doing what they want me to do, makes things worse. I'm envious of people who say they've always felt loved and supported by their parents even when they've struggled and even when they sought careers that weren't in medicine, but still were in demand. I've never been a wild child, my sibling in elementary school has been invited to more birthdays than I have in my entire life. I've never done drugs, have never gotten drunk, don't bully others, etc. I had it rough in high school, especially when my family moved to a new town my soph year, and i feel like i've finally been able to mostly move on but when addressing the past with honesty, my mom tries to put the blame on me, like maybe something was wrong with me that people didn't want to hang out with me and it's so messed up because i was literally nice to everyone, every single person, it was just difficult due to a culture clash and that my interests varied from most other students in that area. i removed myself entirely from social media and my phone rings so little i barely recognize my own ringtone. i have childhood friends i havent spoken to in a while and its just difficult cause everyone is in college now and im far away and not currently in school and i don't know what to talk about or how to relate now that our lives are so different. part of me doesn't even want to interact, i want to work on myself, but i want to do it without it being "sad", like my parents thinking something is wrong with me for not going to the mall with a friend. i mean its not like i've ever really rejected invites, i just don't get the invites, does that mean i should drop dead or i can't find things i individually can be enriched by? with the weight thing i dont want my people to think im doing it for that same BS approval. i feel like other people judge me a lot and it's annoying, i just want to get myself back on my feet so i can go back to school and be able to be successful and do the career i love. i think not having much of a social life could even be beneficial as a worker, the problem is just being able to believe that even in spite of the attitude given by the majority of people, that popular things are cooler, that if you're not living the normal way you are messed up, and etc. im taking time off to add to my resume so i can apply to a better school, and with acceptance then i'll work with them on what community college credits will count and what wont, so it's annoyin when people just say to just go to community college now when every school has its own standards. but i work, do a lot of volunteering, and focus on other hobbies, too. im just struggling in finding confidence and self worth in my decisions, decisions that seem good in my head but in reality, surrounded by parents, aunts, uncles, other peers, etc i just feel overwhelmed and i know it's really dumb since i'm 20 and not a child anymore, but these are my real feelings. i don't normally spill everything on here but i really don't have anyone i can just talk to like this without fear, i hope someone here can relate. and i promise i can type better than this, my words are just flowing. i really appreciate any help

I am another like adviceman who can relate. I decided early on as a young child that I didn't like the BS of the majority of humans out there. Yes they all seemed to do the same thing so they beleive that what they do is normal. Its the herd mentality...just follow the herd rather than pick out your own path to travel. I never went with what all the kids were into as far as clothing. If I didn't have a liking of the style, I didn't wear it. As a result of walking my own path starting at a young age, even though I was shy/social anxiety and a lack of self confidence, I was determined to do what I wanted to do, even if no one else was doing it. Yes, it feels awful to be the only one but in some cases, the others who find you doing your own thing will fall into their follow the leader, herd mentality and copy you. I had fun as a grade school kid trying on moms clothes even tho way to big. It led to her giving me panty hose that were too small for her but as a 6th grader, fit me perfect. So I wore them to school and oh boy did girls stare and make whispered nasty comments. The lady teachers compliments me on looking so nice and grown up. It wasn't until the girls saw the female teachers approved that they wanted the same thing. Sure enough, they wanted it so bad they made their moms get them panty hose that night and came to school the next day wearing them. I remember how delighted I felt that in being myself, others wanted to copy me. Of basic personality types in the world there are four The Controller who is the leader type and I cant remember exact percentage but for the illustration I will say its very few, less than most, so out of 100, lets say only 10 people are controllers, they are the ones who not only lead but get things to happen in the world. Another small amount of 1o would be the Analysts, these are the bookworms, the thinkers, those who evaluate info and create, the inventors in life. The other 80 is split between Promoters, the self assured, extroverts, party types, great self confidence, but lacking the drive of controllers, many never really get anything much done, just flitting from one idea to the next, very social people. Lastly is my type, a Supporter, someone equally social but has a harder time deciding between two choices, not one to want to lead but rather follow a 'friendly understanding leader, not the unsocial, hard drivng controller type. Willing to help a promoter find success. End result, 80 % of people will be friendly deep down inside in their true personality but certain issues may hold them back, like social anxiety, wanting approval of others which the other 20 percent dont want or need. So these are the herd type mentality the majority of people. At 20, most people are still figuring out they are. In fact a good many people don't have that major crisis of personal change for the right reasons, the point you seem to have come to at a much younger age. By around 30 yrs of age, many more people will come to decide that they no longer want to be and do what people, friends or society expect them to do or be, they are ready to become their very own unique person. So sadly, you're not likely to easily find others like yourself until others grow a bit older.

Keep firm though to what you beleive because you are on the right course dear. I just feel badly that both your parents are not supportive. I had support of my parents growing up, even tho I suffered a lack of self confidence and social anxiety. I no longer do but I did back then and that is what helped me to feel secure and loved even tho I struggled in society. So as adviceman siad, what ever you do, being doing it because you want to do it for you, for your personal goal to improve yourself as a person. In fact, that is the very reason to the question of life that some have. Why am I alive, why am I here. Despite the harshness that this world has to offer, you can consider yourself a success if you learn to live by advicemans motto. If you can do that successfully for yourself, then it doesnt matter what you look like, your income, whether you create a cure for cancer, or solve the energy crisis, you will have accomplished just the right things in life for you. If you need someone to talk to time to time, you can write to me from my column. Good luck, and I do truly want to hear back. If you ever feel social anziety or lack of self confidence holds you back from doing what you want to do in life and want to overcome for yourself, ask me, I have very simple instructions on how to overcome them, at least, it worked for me.

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hi im 14 a close friend of mine who is a boy stole a nude picture of me and started black mailing me and im scared to tll my parents please i need advice

I back up all adviceman said. I could see only one more thing holding you back from telling your parents, the guilty feeling of having nude photos of yourself and why you even did so in the first place.
Yes, lots of parents may react negatively, I mean is their child and its' hard for them to make the transition in their minds of their little kid is now growing into a women.

In case you think perhaps they'd see the fact that you have nude pics of yourself as bizarre behavior...actually hon, it really isn't. Participating in sexting, taking nude shots of yourself on cell and texting to a boyfriend is wrong. But all you say is you had nude photos.

At your age and long before, all my 3 daughters went thru a phase of enjoying the fact that they were becoming women and a favorite activity was to get their sisters or girlfriends to take photos of themselves by at first secretly borrowing my sexy clothing, stuffing their bras to look fuller and taking lots of sexy poses with makeup and hair done. When I discovered this, I supported them, told them the only thing wrong was not having asked to use my clothes. I then got out all my cutest dresses and let them have at it. They never took nude photos of themselves but what you had was just a step away, likely done for the same reasons and it is perfectly normal and harmless as the photos taken with digital camera were all kept at home. I still treasure them, they were real good at capturing themselves in good poses. So save this response for your parents in case they freak and let them see how I feel about this and many other moms I talked to for whom this was also considered a normal thing. The difference for the older generations is we didn't have digital cameras or cell phones to do the same thing at our age so easily or we would have. Let them see what adviceman answered also as they need to know the legal ramifications. THis can not go unaddressed. You need their support to take action as your parents and file reports against this kid through the police. Again, you have nothing to be embarassed about, what you did is normal behavior for a teen girl your age and the fact that this boy stole the photo from you is plain old wrong not to mention what he is threatening to do with it. So tell your mom immediately. Good luck and I'd like to hear back how everything turns out for you dear.

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I am 22 year old guy finally deciding to take a swimming lesson. I went on Saturday and the class looks to have only women in it so I will be the only guy. They all look in their 30s and maybe some younger but still older than me. I called my mom and said I can't go and to cancel the lesson. She said she will if I really want to. Is this a valid concern or am I worried over nothing?

If it was a womens only swim lesson and they made an exception to take you, I can see it feeling awkward but if its open to all, then it shouldn't be weird, just a fluke that this time around there just aren't other guys taking swim lessons.
The age of other students shouldn't prevent you from taking a class. I know a man who was 69 at the time I talked to him and he was taking classes at a community college to learn something new and so the majority of students were all in their 20s and a few in their thirties. I also know a women who recently went back to school and got her counseling degree and has a good job. She's in her late 40's compared to kids just out of high school or a bit older, who were studying the same thing.
When it comes to wanting to learn something new, it shouldn't be looked at as strictly a social venue. Yes, may you get a chance to chat with some of the women there. If you don't want to, don't. But they are all there for the same reason, to learn. I don't think the women took the class hoping to use it as a way to find eligible men. If you took the class hoping to find a girlfriend and thats your only reason, not learning to swim being the reason, then you shouldn't have signed up in the first place. But if you truly want to learn to swim, you're in the right place. It shouldn't be odd to be younger than most women there. There are quite a number of guys your age who actually like having older women for girlfriends, my husband being an example of that in his younger days. At your age he was consistantly dating women already once divorced who were in their thirties, maybe 40 who only wanted a boyfriend, not another marriage commitment, never again on that. They wanted to remain single so it worked out great for him and for the women.
At 22, I do wonder why you couldn't cancel your own lesson and had to call mom and ask her to do so. Perhaps the real issue here is a self confidence issue or social anxiety? I hope you understand how I can come to that conclusion by what I read from you, not that the intention is to pick on you. Even if mom was nice enough to have paid for your class and was the one to sign up, that doesnt' mean as the actual swim class participant that you can't cancel the class, just to let you know. So in the end to answer your exact question, is yours a valid concern that the other class participants are all female and older than you, No. thats not valid in itself and to worry over just that is not necessary. Howeever if it continues to bother you, you can take the easy way out and keep avoiding things in life that make you feel uncomfortable or be determined to get checked out and see if there are some hidden factors in you that might be the contributing cause making you feel this way to begin with.

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