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BOYFRIEND PROBLEMS
My boyfriend tends to stay away from me when i get upset. He normally walks with me before lunch and today he ditched me for his friend, he knows im upset. Hes been ditching me during lunch because he claims he wants to eat, idk why he can eat around me but whatever. Around the end of lunch he realized i was really upset so he came and walked me to my next class but now he is leaving me on read and i asked him why he stays away and he sys he doesnt wanna make it worse, but i just want to talk to him not about what happend but to get my mind off things. I think he wants to break up with me sometimes but he never does and we end up having these really deep moments at the end of the night and i just dont know what to do
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Hon, teen boys are just barely starting to figure out what a girl is about.
What you need to know is that all males when approached by a female with a problem just don't understand the concept that you only want him to listen to your problems and not solve them or offer a solution. It is the nature of males to want to be needed and to help. In their minds, and actually even mine as a female, it does not logically make any sense to simply talk about ones problem if in the past taking this avenue never results in a solution. So he most likely realizes you only want to talk about the problem, dwell on it more which engages your emotions more and thus you feel even worse in the end and think you feel better, but only for the moments that a person is listening. If this method helps you end your problems, then by all means continue to do it this way, but not by asking males to be the listener. It goes against how they are made. And quite frankly, I'd have to agree with the males perspective on this, their way of tackling problems is more likely to result in a solution. So he is not doing anything strange or that shows he doesnt care about you. It seems he only distances himself at the times you tend to spill your guts and not want him to help solve. He is in the right for doing as he does. He knows he can't help you, cus you wont let him, so he makes himself scarce. this in no way means he wantst to break up with you. That is your mind dwelling too much on negative thoughts to the point you begin to believe them. Take hold of your negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones each time you catch yourself thinking a negative one. Its a retraining of your brain. And don't worry, you're not odd, the majority of humans tend to have more negative thoughts, some very subtle tho, than positive ones. Even adults. We battle it all our life. The difference is those who stop dwelling on the negative and replacing it with positive ones.
Heres a trick I used to get my mind off things. Instead of telling someone about it, I would write about it. This way I can get all my feelings out on paper, or the computer screen. Keep a live journal or cyber one just for you. No one else. Go back and read it later. Do you feel the same or have more to add. I have found as I just rambled on in putting all my thoughts down that I inevitably stumbled across my own solutions. It became clear to me what I needed to change in me, my attitudes, or how I handled life situations. We may not be able to ban certain things from happening to us, no control there but we do have control of how we react or respond to it. I think you actually have a great boyfriend and due to your age and inexperience, you just dont know it. the fact that he'd still approach you to walk you to class shows he really cares about you, its just that you're expecting him to do something that males are not born with in their natural instincts.
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