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he confuses me on what to do?
theres this guy, we met at a party but we connected and had a heart to heart we had been texting all week. he started calling me babe and complimenting me. telling me i was the only girl he talked to and that he wants to hang with me again. but when i asked him if were were "talking" he told me he doesnt do relationships. and his reasoning was. (he doesnt like being hurt and he doesnt like drama) should i even try to continue to flirt or should i just consider friends? i honestly started to like him. and ive been hurt so much i know his pain
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This is all up to you. You have to determine if you can handle not being in a relationship with him. Being friends with benefits can be very dangerous emotionally. I would suggest not to go down that road and to either just stay with friends with him or if it's too hard, give up
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It sounds like he only wants a hookup,so it just depends on what you want.
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I tried to answer yesterday but the site was having issues. In the meanwhile, Razhie has hit upon something that I go over too, a no drama person being unable to relate to ANY human being.
Here's my saved response from yesterday:
Hon, it all depends on what you are looking for, if you even have a clue.
Using myself as an example, I dated after divorcing. My ideal wish was to find a man who could be my life partner for the rest of my life. Marriage not necessary, just the commitment. My last partner was abusive and treated his friends way better than me. So I was looking for someone with all the opposite of the others failing qualities. Although I wasn't a prude and a very sexual creature, I wasn't into being someones occasional sex partner on their terms only. Until I found "mr right", I was okay with a sex partner under the friends with benefits agreement, them knowing once I found the one, I would no longer be available and since no love ties were there, it was easy.
Based on the little I have said about me, If I came across a guy like that, I would not consider him a good potential life long mate for me. Dependng on what you want, he may work for you. I would not even consider him a good temporary sex partner as he has issues of pain and hurt and so will want the control of how and when he see's me, and I want it to be mutual. I dont go for sex with a stranger but with a friend. And being best of friends is one part of the ultimate relationship, being in love and each others sexual equal is the other. If he says he doesn't do relationships, a friendship is a relationship, and that means he isn't available to be friends either. Don't be fooled that the word relationship in his mind may strictly be directed at boy-girl dating relationships.
We relate to people all day long in our world. We have family relationship with parents, sibings, work relationships, class mate --teacher relationships and the list goes on. When some people are hurt deep down, their subconscious mind doesn't always differentiate in what capacity he knows the other person and how he is related to or relating with, and so to protect his feelings, instead of shutting off just heterosexual dating possibilities, a wall is built up inside the person to protect them from all relationships which means there's a possibility he could be one of the extremes who now fears that he can be hurt by just about anyone, not just a female he's attracted to.
The attraction is his natural instinct he can't turn off and thus the sweet names but not able to commit or trust. And trust is vital to a good relationship. You say you've been hurt too. Want to guess what happens when two emotionally hurt people get together? Neither gets better or gets over it,as both tend to help each other stay stuck, both suffering through the on again off again seeing each other in what neither can or wants to call a relationship but that's just lying to oneself. The only way you could never relate to another human being is to become a hermit out in the boonies. So then it becomes a matter of each individuals interpretation of what a relationship is and what it isn't. The end result would have to be something that brings you joy and fulfills you.
Some people fall into the trap of getting into a relationship with someone, (cus in reality, no matter what they call it, it is a sort of relationship) someone who is hurt, damaged, has mental or social issues, bad habits, vices, destructive behavior, etc. and are thinking that their love or presence or friendship can fix the other person. No person changes or will be ready for help and respond to it until deep inside they feel ready. Some do get to that point in their lifetime. Many do not and go their entire life with this chip on their shoulder.
Why do some people get sucked into trying to help others who may not be willing? Well, it may be that they are the type of personality who tend to want to or just fall into being of service to others. This is something that follows you a lifetime, I know as I am such a person or I wouldn't volunteer my time on here for one thing. I also had hopes I could fix my bad 1st marriage and patiently loved for 30 yrs before the stress finally began making me seriously ill. I am recovered now and married to a sweet man who is also another soul in service to others, to help any people in our path that we come across. The difference is being able to tell when a person really wants help or if they are not ready.
I hope this gives you enough info to understand your situation better and make a decision.
It may still be hard to decide for what reason you even want him. Ultimately in the end, do you want, whether just an activity buddy, a boyfriend, a friend with benefits, or a long term committed relationship with or without marriage license. You need to be able to have this straight in your mind before being able to make a clear decision that you can live with dear.
I want to help further if I can. I do have an article I can paste in as an answer if you want to know what steps to take to finding "Mr Right' for you. I'd be glad to share it if you write and ask for it. Just go to my column and write me from there asking for it. In the end, I'd really like to know how you do decide to go. good luck
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A guy who tells you he doesn't like drama, usually that is code for he doesn't want to deal with a human being. He doesn't want a girlfriend, or even a friend. He rather a house pet. Something who never talks back or has expectations or demands, or a perspective on life, and has nice low IQ.
I always stay away from guys who say "No Drama". In my experience, it means they aren't prepared to be respectful and kind. They think it's just soooo much hard work to be decent or considerate of other people. Bleh.
If you really want to be friends, go ahead and be friends, but remember that no wanting to 'do relationships' isn't about getting hurt. Everyone gets hurt. A lot. That's normal, humanness. A guy who 'doesn't want drama', or 'doesn't want a relationship', doesn't actually want you - not as a fellow human being.
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Ok, im going to give this to you as if im MOST of the single guys ive ever known that say things like this to girls.
basically, im down to have sex with you but i dont wanna be with anyone right now because i wanna leave my options open.
i think you should either just consider him a friend or move on. USUALLY all the guys ive ever heard say this kinda stuff dont want a relationship/arent ready/or want to continue to be a bachlor and dont want to be tied down should someone "better" come along.
it sounds like based on what you said HE said, that hes leaning more towards the selfish side of things and would just be down to jump into bed with you which you dont need to deal with, when you could have better.
good luck
; )
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