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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
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Okay so first off we're both adults, have been together a long time and live together, I'm just noting that to give some sort of perspective since there are so many young girls on this site talking about sex.
Usually my boyfriend wants to have sex every three days or so. It's been a week now and he hasn't even tried to have sex with me and I almost feel guilty and bad about it.
Last time we had sex it was bad for me because it hurt so much and he knows it. This might sound selfish or inconsiderate but it's him who's making it bad.
I'm a very petite girl (under 5FT and 78 pounds) and he's tall and fit so naturally he's "large" physically (in the obvious department). I try my hardest to please him in every way in bed and do whatever he asks me to do or at least try it.
The problem is he refuses to use lubricant because he doesn't think I should need it.
So basically he tries to fit something that's already too big for me in without enough moisture which is horrible.
I bleed almost every time and sometimes it hurts so bad I have to really try hard not to cry.
The other problem is that he gets turned on very quickly and I don't. He'll kiss my neck once and then expect me to want to have sex when I'm just not ready and of course that makes it hurt too.
The worst part is he asks me why it's bad for me like he wants to fix it and I tell him why but it just keeps going back to the same problems.
This week has been kind of weird. It seems like he's really just not trying at all or he will do something sexual and then just not continue.
What I mean is like last night I was on the couch and he grabbed my breast and then kissed my neck twice and I started kissing him back and then he just stopped and we watched a movie and then went to bed.
It's been like that all week and it's very irritating to me to the point it's making me angry. The day before yesterday he carried me to the bedroom and we started kissing and after maybe 30 seconds he asked me if I was ready and I told him not yet and then he just gave up and walked away to go play video games.
Like he's really not even trying to turn me on he just expects one boob grab to make me aroused enough to have sex.
Half of me feels horrible because I feel like he's scared now to have sex with me and I feel like it's my fault that I can't just make myself aroused in .03 seconds.
What should I do?
I feel like talking about it is going to be awkward and it's going to just make me feel worse.
First do you realize that at 5'and 78 pounds you're grossly under weight by about 30 pounds and that is if you are small framed. If you are medium framed or larger you are even more underweight. Being this much underweight is one of the reasons you are having problems accommodating your boyfriend.
Remember what you vagina is built for. It is built to deliver a child into this world. It is therefore meant to stretch and accommodate the exit of the child from the birth canal. Your boyfriends penis may be large but he is not that large that your vagina cannot stretch to accommodate him.
Being as underweight as you are your body is not functioning properly. You are not lubricating, partly because your boyfriend is a horrible lover but partly because you are so underweight that in order to save itself the body shuts down certain systems. To send what it has to the most important systems needed for life. Your reproductive system is the first system to shut down.
The muscles in your vagina being part of the reproductive system may not be getting what they need in order to function properly. Therefore they remain frozen and are not stretching as they should.
Question do you get regular periods? Being this much underweight you should not be.
I'm not a doctor but I do know about anorexia. A good friends daughter died of this illness weighing slightly less then you when she died. So unless the 78 pounds is a typo leaving out a 1 and you actually weigh and you 178 then you need to see a doctor about your weight.
Next your boyfriend is a selfish lover; Interested in his own satisfaction. The only way to fix this is to try and teach him how to be a better lover. Lets face it sex is a learned act. It requires both partners to not only communicate their needs but to show each other how they like to be touched and where they like to be touched.
Foreplay is the bigger and to me the better and more intimate act of sex. TO be brutally frank no one needs a partner to get off. Masturbation will do that for you. Oral sex is a big part of foreplay both giving and receiving. Oral sex is a learned activity and different partners have different needs and likes when it comes to this act.
I suggest you try to talk to your boyfriend about sex and his lack of foreplay and its intimacy. Tell him you want to get naked with him but there is not going to be any sex just touching and fondling. The end result of this lesson is to bring each other to a climax using just your fingers and mouth. Kissing, stroking, fondling, licking but no intercourse. Learn Where each others erogenous zones are. I'm fairly certain if you try this with him he will find he can get off more than once in a night simply by touching and will make intercourse more enjoyable for both of you. For you it will give you time to get excited and to lubricate properly if you are able too.
Most important is if you really do weigh 78 pounds that you see a doctor. Based on facts available to me your health is in danger and you need to see a doctor.
I'm a sophmore in highschool and I don't really know what to do or how to react to my family's recent situation. My father just lost his job and is currently being paid a severence for the next 12 weeks. We are immigrant citizens and neither of my parents have college degrees. My mom isn't working and probably will never because she speaks very little English. When my dad told me he was fired I was in shock and i still am. I haven't really talked to him about it nor have I done anything about it. I don't know what to do I looked up online and got people saying how I should get a job to help support my family but Im too young and the jobs fit for my age group are filled I can't even drive by myself yet and my parents wouldn't allow it anyway because I'm a girl and they want me to stay sheltered and let them do the work but I can't do nothing I'm really worried about how my life's going to change and I know how selfish it sounds but this is the first time this is happening to me and it's weird. I see these things on tv and on the news all the time but I didn't ever think it would happen to me. Please, what do I do? I don't know anything.
I think it is admirable that you want to jump in and help out during this time. You need some grandfatherly advice and since I am of that age I will give you some.
First if your dad is receiving a severance package it means he was not fired for cause. Meaning he has done nothing wrong to cause him to lose his job. Something happened at the company he has worked for to cause them to no longer need all the people they have working for them in certain positions. While yes they are firing people it is considered being laid off without possibility of recall.
There is a big difference between being fired for cause and losing ones job because the job no longer exists. Which is what it appears is your father's case. While the job market is tight it will be easier for your father to find work understanding that he was not fired for cause but let go because the company no longer need him. People fired for cause have a harder time finding work than your dad will.
Next it is not your place to go out and support your family. Your job is to continue to go to school and get the best education this country will provide you. It is even more important now that you get the best grades you possibly can so that you can apply for scholarships and grants to attend college. For your parents will have to dig into savings if dad is out of work more than the 12 weeks he is being paid to stay home and look for work.
I know this is unsettling for you but you cannot let it bother you. IF you are 16 or older it is possible to get working papers, requires parents and your schools permission, to work at a part-time job. If you do find a part-time job you cannot let it interfere with your school work. Maintaining your grades must come first.
Your job now is to remain calm, be supportive to your parents, be on your best behavior and attend to your school work. I know this does not sound like much to you. You will have to trust me when I say if you can do all this and if you have younger siblings you can care for and keep out of trouble you will be supplying more help than you realize.
iv taken the morning after pill straight after I had sex the next morning and well it's been 3 weeks and my period hasn't come so today I brought a pregnancy test and it was negative , so periods usually delay for a long time?
I think iv been feeling stressed cause it hasn't come and I know I ain't pregnant cause I don't have signs or anything plus the result was negative so I'm 99 percent sure its true .. I'm just worried because I'm scared it's going to take ages to come is this normal ? help !!
Normal is sometimes hard to define. What is normal for one person may not be normal for another. What is normal in your case is that you are stressing out over this. Stress is the biggest killer of a woman's period. Just why this is I can't say for no one really knows other than stress upsets the normal and delicate balance of a women.
You know you are not pregnant. If you want to make certain take another home test. If this one comes up negative stop worrying about the missed period. Consider it normal for you. Your next period should arrive on time if and that is the big question mark, if you stop stressing out over whether or not you're pregnant.
According to the information I can see you are 18 an adult. You do not need anyone's permission to get birth control pills. As an adult you now have total medical privacy. Mom and dad no longer can see your medical records under a law known as HIPPA.
Upon your next visit to your doctors ask to see who the doctor has on file as having right to see you medical information. If those people on file are people you do not want having the right to see your medical records you can rescind that right.
It makes no difference that you may be on your parents health insurance. I could be paying for your health care. It does not give me the right to see your medical records. Only you now can determine who sees your medical information.
So if you want birth control medication ask your GYN for it.
This guy keeps texting me and we have a pretty good relationship going. He always calls me beautiful,tells me I'mdifferent from other girls and invites me over but whenever I can follow through he always either cancels or makes excuses. Is it because he's shy? Then he asks me to be his cuddle buddy. I said Ok, but he still doesnt initiate hanging out. I really like him now but am afraid that he doesn't feel the same way. What is your intake on this? Does he like me, is he playing me or just flat out wants sex? Thank you for your answers!
PS Im an 18 yr old girl
There is really not enough information here about him to give you a definitive answer. There could be many reasons he is the way he is.
Being shy is certainly one of the reasons. Your beauty and sexuality are certainly another reason especially if he is inexperienced around girls. You of course know him better than any of us do so you need to find the underlying problem.
I'm sure sex is on his mind, for any red blood boy sex is not far from the front of his mind. It may also be the problem that he holds you in to high of a regard to see you just as an object a of sexual play thing and is unsure how to really approach you. It is easy to talk on the phone or to text someone. It gets much harder to actually hold a face to face conversation with someone who is the object of your affection.
If you like this boy then you may have to take the bull by the horns and make the initial contact. Try and make it someplace where he would not feel uneasy to be alone with you. Some places that come to mind would be the food court at the mall, the library, a miniature golf course, a bowling alley or anyplace where there would be other people around. Then you two could have a conversation, one that you might have to start.
In any relationship for it to be fruitful and to grow and mature. It has to have a basis in knowledge and trust of each other. This basis is formed by communication. Any relationship formed strictly on sex appeal and sex is doomed to failure for one day you wake up and need to talk to each other and then find you have nothing in common.
If you like this boy and want to see if there is a basis for a relationship then with him it may be you have to take the lead. If the relationship progresses to the point where sex is appropriate you may have to take the lead there as well.
If you are both over the age of 18 you are adults. As adults you have certain rights. Among those rights is a right to a sex life if wanted. Just make sure to take the proper precautions.
First, the backstory. I have been with my boyfriend for 3+ years. I have 4 children from a previous marriage and 1 child with him. She is going to be 2. I am 31. We live together. I am very much in love with everything about my boyfriend but one thing. He's addicted to Roxys and at this point, i think any pill he can sniff up his nose. He's not wanting to stop. No, he wasn't doing it the first almost year we lived together. But, when he did start doing it, he hid it from me. Then stopped. Then hid it again a few months after. Then stopped. Then, he hid it again a few weeks after. He hasn't stopped. Now, he's open about it. His excuse, because he no longer wanted to lie to me. At that point though, the damage is already done so him still doing the very thing he lied to me about doesn't make me or I feel allow me to trust him at all. I know I can leave at any time. But, as stated, I love him. It is very difficult to stand here and go everyday asking if he still has money, if he's done a pill, what he's done while I was working. (I do not give him anymore money after finding out he wouldn't get help. Not even for cigarettes or gas for the car we both use) Now, that I've gone back to work and fix the mess of debt I've put myself in trying to cover all our family's expenses. I just can't even fully focus on what I'm doing at work without wondering if he's on a pill or buying or selling them with our daughter around him. He hangs out with people who do the same type of drugs he does. So of course, I don't trust them either. My goal is to get out of this debt and move our family as far away from his bad influences. But, I think he would honestly take the possible 2 to 3 hour drive just to buy 1 stupid pill. He knows he's getting us in more financial trouble. He knows these pills are making his testosterone practically non existant. He calls himself all kinds of names. Like screw up, low life, horrible person... he says he can't stop. He says it's like he's trapped. He says he doesn't want to go to rehab because it won't work. (He's never been. But some of his friends have) My question is this, how can I get him to stop? I just really want him back like he was when he wasnt on drugs. When he helped me out financially and didn't make me feel like I'm losing him daily to this new life he's chosen to keep. I don't want to leave him. I want him to get help and it work. I want him to stop.
Your boyfriend is truly a case of being able to lead a horse to water but you can't make the horse drink. As they would tell you in NA a branch of AA is that a person has to hit bottom before they will reach out and ask for help. Everyone's bottom is different and your boyfriend has not hit bottom yet. I learned this from my brother in-law a 25 plus year recovering alcoholic. It is what they teach in AA.
Leaving him home to care for your daughter while you work is dangerous for her especially if he is driving around under the influence of drugs. I believe you know this. So the first thing that must be done is to find a safe environment for her while you are at work and not able to see to her safety. I realize that he would not purposely hurt your daughter, still her safety when she is not with you is paramount.
You can't force him to get help. What you can do is remove his safety net, which may lead to him hitting bottom; by leaving him now. This is not a good environment for your daughter and your other children to be in. By removing his safety net by either leaving him or forcing him to move out, you are removing his ability to have shelter, food, clean clothes and transportation. These things enable his ability to find drugs. You may not be giving him money but look around your home and see if anything is missing of any value. Then check the local Pawn shops to see if he has sold them.
Doing this is hard but then that is why it is called tough love. I realize it is not your intent to enable his drug habit. By supplying his safe haven, his food, his home and other things you are enabling his drug habit. There is no other way to put it. As long as these things are in place he has no reason to stop.
There is one thing though that you can do for yourself that I and others on this site cannot do for you. You can join a local chapter of Al-Anon. Al-Anon is a self help group spin off from Aa where you can meet and talk with others who are relatives, friends, wives and children of those addicted to different substances. Through them you can learn how they deal or have dealt with this problem.
Below is the URL to the meeting locator page for Al-Anon. Use it to find a meeting in your area. Attending some of these meeting will be of much more help to you then we can provide.
http://al-anon.alateen.org/local-meetings
Hello, i took a Morning after pill the day after i had unprotected sex which was about 3 weeks ago, well i got the normal symptons such as spotting and bleeding, however that did stop..
But i keep feeling fatigue in me, like constantly i don't feel ill or nauseous or anything its just that and sometimes i get abdominal pains. Why am i still getting these?
And how long can your period be delayed for? normally i would be getting signs that my period is going to come around this time and nothing has happened? the more i think about it the more i stress, because the person i had sex with is not my boyfriend we were seeing each other and that..
I'm thinking to do a pregnancy test tomorrow, however a lot of girls said that their period was delayed by 2 weeks or something, im really scared i don't want to be pregnant.
My fatigue comes and goes, are these symptoms normal since its been 3 weeks since i took the pill!? please im really confused.. by the way im 19.
THANKSSSSS
You have one sign of pregnancy. In and of itself that does not mean you are pregnant. Taking a home pregnancy test should put your mind at ease. should it be positive wait a few days, about 5 and take it again. These test give more false positives than negatives. If both tests are positive then you need to see a doctor for a medical pregnancy test and exam to confirm the home test.
Chances are the stress you have put yourself under are the cause of the fatigue and missed period. Stress is the biggest killer of periods. This is followed by changes in exercise patterns, medications such as antibiotics you might be taking and diet. Though stress is the biggest is the biggest problem to overcome. It not only can delay your period it can also cause depression. Depression can cause other medical problems including temporary cessation of of your period.
My advice is to try and relax. Take the home pregnancy test and see what the results are. Make sure to follow the directions on the box. If you took morning after pill on time, which you did, then the odds favor you not being pregnant
I have been a pest, an annoyance and a bother since I can remember. I enjoy bothering people by annoying, twisting their words, get under their skins, and disregard their own feelings. I am not sure why I enjoy this and I do not know if I will ever change, but it is problem. Even if I do change,I am not sure what I should become.
You have asked a good question. One unfortunately that I or other advisors may not be able to answer properly. So rather than try to give you some uneducated reasons for why you do so, my advice is that you seek out a qualified psychologist to help you explore why you do so.
With the help of a qualified psychologist you can find the answer to your question. Once the answer is found you can then find ways to overcome this habit. A habit which I would go as far to say that you are finding annoying as well as those you have been bothering.
Seeking out a psychologist does not mean you're in need of mental help or you have a mental illness. Quite the contrary. A psychologist is someone you can speak with in total confidentiality, sort of a new best friend you can trust to share your deepest secrets with knowing they go no further. A psychologist is someone who can help you explore the why of something rather than just tell you that this is just how you are; because they do not know the why.
This is not just the way you are. The one thing I am aware of that this type of behavior is a form of defense mechanism you have developed to ward off being hurt. Now the question becomes what has caused you to develop this type of defense mechanism. This is what I or others here cannot help with as it requires one on one conversations. This is where therapy sessions with a psychologists come in.
I believe you will be surprised to find out just what caused you to put up just such a defense mechanism. It will be something that happened long ago and the mechanism has become second nature to you. You can change once you discover the why. This is where a psychologist comes in.
You may have to go through one or more psychologist before you find one you are totally comfortable with. This is fine; for as I said above. In order for therapy like this to be successful you have to be totally comfortable with the therapist to the point you will tell him or her your deepest secrets.
wat if i was use 2 finger fuck myself so nw mt boyfriend wnt us 2 have sex cn i fall pregnant
Your question is hard to understand but I get the genera gist of your question.
The simple answer to your question is; Any time you have sex, a boys penis enters your vagina, you can become pregnant. It does not matter what you do before or after. IF you use a condom there is less of a chance and if you are on birth control the chances are even less.
The short answer is that anytime sexual inter course occurs there is a chance of pregnancy. Based on your writing I would say you are way to young to be having sex. If your boyfriend is saying anything like; "If you love me you will have sex with me." DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM. HE does not love you, he lusts for you. There is a big difference between love and lust.
Why is it illegal for a 14 y old to go out with a 19 y olad?
The simple fact is that the 14 year old is a minor in almost all countries and the 19 year old is a legal adult. As a 14 year old in most countries, and I will assume we are talking about the USA for this discussion, and in all states a minor is under the age of consent. Meaning you cannot consent to sex or much of anything.
Now the age of consent varies a bit from state to state and some states, although most have withdrawn this law, allow a age gap of 3 to 4 years between ages before the older person can be charged with anything illegal.
In this instance the older person can be charged with the following crimes: Contributing to the delinquency of a minor; being a pedophile and Statutory Rape. To be charged with Statutory Rape sex does not have to have occurred it is assumed. All of these charges are real and carry steep jail terms up to life in prison in some states.
The simple fact is there is no reason a 19 year old should be dating a 14 year old. There is something wrong when someone of this age dates so much lower than their age. It is generally thought to be because they do not interact well with people their age or they have pedophile tendencies.
These laws are designed to protect young children especially young teenagers who may think it is great to be able to attract someone so much older than they are.
If you are the 14 year old in this type of relationship I urge you to tell your parents. Let them handle it and you should not contact this person any more. There is something very wrong here and you could be hurt or worse.
I'm fourteen and female and would like to know when is the right time for dating and relationships to start. I feel like I'm on the back of the bandwagon because my close friends have already begun dating which worries me. I don't want to miss out on crucial learning experiences for relationships in my adult life. Is it okay to start dating late, like in collage or even as a young adult? I want to get some advice before entering high school. Thanks for reading :)
This is a good question; it is also a tough question to answer as everyone is different.
To start with lets define dating. Dictionary definition: Dating is a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two people with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner.
This is a little deep for 14 year olds. At 14 the definition of what most of your friends are doing falls more in line with hooking up for fun. Meaning a group of kids going to the mall to hang out with maybe the boy asking the girl to hang out with him. Most parents myself included would not allow a 14 year old girl to go out on a date alone with a boy her age or older.
You are also correct that dating is time for learning as well as for enjoyment. This is the time when you learn how to handle boys and men and how to properly socialize.
There is no set time for when a teenager will start to date. The reasons for this are many. Foremost is maturity. Each of us mature at a different rate therefore we will each decide when we are ready or feel comfortable to date. It is not something you do because your friends are doing so.
Then there are those teenagers that have made life plans, such as wanting to get into a specific College or specific ranking of colleges. To do so requires a great amount of attention to school work leaving little time to date. There is nothing wrong with this as there are a great many students who date infrequently or not at all during the school year.
The long and short of the answer is you will know when you're ready. Being ready does not mean to do so because your friends are doing something. In the case of dating it will also include permission of your parents.
What I am about to say is totally wrong but there is a double standard when it comes to boys VS girls and how parent treat dating. Boys are generally given more leeway as to when they can date than girls. The simple fact are boys cannot become pregnant; so parents are far less reluctant to allow boys to date at an earlier age.
My advice is to first sit down with mom and discuss dating with her. Get moms input as to when she feels you will be old enough to date by definition of dating and when you could group date (hook up). Then sit down with both mom and dad and find out just what they would allow as far as dating. Such as when you could date and what your curfew would be.
With this information you will then know when you feel you're ready to date and when you will meet less resistance from your parents. Yes, dating is a time for growth and maturing. It starts though with a great many restrictions, especially for young girls until you build your parents trust in your dating. So have the conversation now so you know what to expect when YOU are ready.
I'm 22 year old female. I have been dating this guy since high school and now I'm a year past graduating college. We have been dating on and off since 2007. I broke up with him in 2009 because I felt I wasn't IN love with him anymore. A year later, we agreed to start a casual sex-only/friends relationship, but that turned into an unspoken transition into dating. I was secretly not exactly happy with dating him exclusively again so I broke it off earlier this year. We spent 3 months apart, and I missed him terribly. I asked him to take me back, but he said he wasn't sure if he was ready to take me back. We accidentally ended up having sex again one night and now we are back into the "unspoken transition into dating". We have talked about moving in together next year, but I'm scared that it's not really what I want. I have jerked around this man I love dearly for so long, but I'm afraid I'm staying in this relationship because I don't think anyone will ever love me like him. I'm scared of hurting him. I'm scared that later I'll regret it. I am secretly in love with someone else, but that situation is hopeless. I feel like an awful person day in and day out, but I couldn't stand the thought of hurting him again. What should I do?
My feeling is you are young and still not sure what you want from life as far as a relationship goes. You need to communicate this to your guy so he knows where he stands with you.
I would further recommend you no have a friends with benefits relationship with him for two reasons.
1. Because it seems to lead beyond a friends with benefits relationship if you do so.
2. It is also not fair to the other guy you are in love with to be having sex with another man while you are trying for a relationship with him.
As for moving in with him. No not at this time. Not until you are rid of the doubts If there is a doubt in your mind that you cannot spend the rest of your life with him then you can not move in with him. Moving out of that type of relationship is a s bad or worse then a divorce.
I don't know what to be, but I'm hoping for weird, nerdy, age appropriate, funny, and slightly obscure ideas for costumes.
Back in the day as the saying goes. Nerds walked around with pocket protectors, slide rules, ugly horn rimmed glasses clothes out of style and didn't fit properly.
Today with all the electronics Nerds probably don't need pocket protectors. Though they probably need a batter pack to run all the electronics they carry. I'm not sure if they even make the different kind of slide rules that we, those of us old enough to be your grandparents, used back then. If you can find any, search your grandparents house then this might make a good costume as I believe people your age might not know what you're trying to say.
Find some clothing that do not fit properly. A blouse that has a pocket on it and do not match it to the skirt or pants you fined. Preferably a pair pants that are baggy and to short with a belt that is too big. Then hopefully you have found several slide rules of different types, compasses, pocket protectors and a pair of glasses you can take the lens out of.
Accessorize your outfit with all the different old items we used before computers and calculators came to be. In fact a large pocket calculator would go good with your outfit as it would fit in with the look you would be going for.
Chances are like the 8 track tapes and some other things from that time your friends would have little idea of what or how you are trying to portray.
Hi! I'm thirteen and homeschooled, and I usually get up around 7:30 or 8:00. I know it sounds late to most people, but I haven't really been needing to get up any earlier than that.
But for the next couple of weeks, I will have to get up at 6:00. . . . I'm not used to getting up that much earlier than I usually do.
If you guys have any tips on how to get up earlier, I hope to hear them. Thank you for any advice!
The previous advisers advice is very good and you should try it. I also know that adjusting ones bedtime is hard to do. Some of us can do it and some of us can't. If you're the type that can fall asleep at the drop of a hat then try going to sleep an hour or so earlier. Getting the same amount of sleep will make it easier to get up earlier.
If you are the type, like me who's body follows a long learned cycle, then what needs to be done is to bite the bullet so to speak and get up the first day at the earlier time. It will be hard as you want to sleep. First because you are not ready to get up and second because all teenagers like to sleep later in the mornings.
The first day is the hardest. The next night you will be tired and probably be able to go to bed earlier. Even if it takes you a bit longer to fall asleep the resting in bed will help you get up earlier the next day.
What you are doing is retraining your body to follow a different cycle. The first day you will be a little jet lagged so to speak. After a day or so it will be easier. When are able to go back to your normal sleep cycle that will be easy; as you will get almost two hours of extra sleep. I'm sure you will enjoy and you're body will naturally go back to its normal cycle.
The first day is the hardest so try not to schedule to many important things, especially late in the day when you will start to ebb. Whichever path you follow I'm sure you will succeed.
Ok so...
I am a 15 year old girl and the youngest of all my siblings (20,28,38 and 31) I dont really get to do much with them as they work all the time.
I watch Anime a lot.. and it identifies with me. That's why I love it. But you see, my family is religious so i cant watch anything with religion not present (such as Fullmetal Alchemist) or Black butler.
I feel lonely a lot since my 'friends are sort of jerks.
So, I imagine that I'm talking to the characters I watch and I act out all sorts of scenes. I even had a crush on one of them... My family looks at me like i'm crazy and like I said they dont like the stuff I do.
My question overall is, is it wrong to be imagining the characters talking to me and doing things with me (like being a pirate/detective ) ? Also, is it wrong to feel like I have a crush on one?
(No I am not crazy, just lonely. I read and write fanfiction all the time, which my parents and family dont like either. Also, I have A and B grades.
Please give me some advice, any advice at all is appreciated.. thanks)
Is it wrong to fantasize? No, just as long as you are aware it is just that a fantasy.
Dreaming or fantasizing is an escape mechanism which allows us to take a vacation from the reality of life. Especially a life which we may find inhibiting or overly restrictive. If it weren't for dreamers, as some may be called, some of the things we have or can do today would never have come to pass. Think about all the modern conveniences we have today. They all started out as some ones dream.
Your 15 and you dream and write about a different reality. You are aware this is all fiction and not reality. There is nothing wrong with this as it allows you an escape from your reality which you find shall we say constricting.
Relax your normal.
I need advice on a very important subject. When is the right time to have sex? All I hear is "I remember prom night" and all these stories from people's collage years. I'm confused about when it would be the right time. I don't want to make any rash judgements or mistakes which I will regret later on. Thanks for reading.
P.s. I'm fourteen and female and know now is not the right time for that relationship, though I would like to know when.
Your right; this is a very important question. Hopefully some of the information I provide will help you know when the time is right.
First, you are not the first young lady to write and ask this question. In answering this question the first time I found a website which answers many of the questions you have far better than I can. I have included the link
below.
I cannot tell when the time will be right. I can tell you that now the time it is not right to have sex. If any boy says to you; "If you love me you will have sex with me." DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM. You can expect to hear this from boys your age up to boys the age of twenty something. Why will boys say this? Simple boys and girls in this age group have a different definition of love. Young men and boys define love more as lust. When a young man or boy in this age group says I love you chances are he means I lust for you.
Sex is not a way to prove your love for someone. Sex is the result of a loving relationship. Something that occurs after a time when you are old enough and mature enough to fully understand the consequences of the act.
I know I sound like a parent, well I am, actually I'm old enough to be a grandparent and wise enough to know you may not want to wait until your wedding night to have sex. This is a decision you have to make. Only you will know when the time is right. If you have any hesitation then the time is wrong. Just remember you do not prove your love for someone by having sex with them.
Right now at your age and for the next several years is the wrong time. You body may look like that of a woman's but your sexual organs are not fully developed yet. Yes; you can get pregnant. That does not mean you are fully a women. When you entered puberty the hormones now in your body sent signals to different muscles to develop them properly for a women. This includes the muscles of your vagina.
It is not the tearing of your Hyman that hurts when you first have sex. If you are to young and the muscles in your vagina are not prepared to be penetrated this is what hurts. The longer you wait the less your first experience will hurt and the better it will be for you.
You have a lifetime to enjoy sex. Do not be in a hurry to have that first sexual experience. Your virginity is a prized possession that the older you and your partner are the more meaningful it will be for both of you.
http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.
ok so on sunday I got $60 to turn into my school for a fundraiser then I put it in my binder then on Monday my friend took me to school and I lost my binder ive looked at her house my house all my other friends house and I cant find it I don't care about my school stuff I just want the $60 back im saving up my money but im also saving up for a phone and I cant have both I have to have the money in by the 28th im supposed to get my phone this weekend so do I wait til the deadline and turn in what I got or do I turn in the money on Monday and have no phone or do just tell someone the guilt is getting to me though so I need answers fast
I didn't think you would be thrilled with my answer. But trust me as I am old enough to be your grandfather that what I have offered you is the right thing to do.
Please talk with your parents about the right way to clear this matter up. In the long run you will be much happier if you follow my advice.
Unless you think someone stole your binder to get the money the right thing to do would be to replace the lost money. I say this for there are only two options here on how the binder has gone missing.
The first you were careless in leaving it someplace you should not have. Upon finding it someone found the money and kept it and discarded the binder. The second is someone knew the money was in the binder took it while you were distracted and some how distracted you from looking for it before leaving for school.
I do not know you so I do not know if you are the carless type and would just leave your binder with $60 laying around for someone to find and steal the money. In the same light I do not know any of your friends or school mates to know if they would steal from you.
What you need to do is talk with your parents and tell them what happened. Your parents I'm sure will agree with me that you have to make up the funds lost or stolen to the fund raising event. Depending on what they believe happened will depend on whether you can make up the funds and get your phone. Meaning your parents help you out with the lost funds. Your parents could see this as an object lesson and tell you to make up the loss out of your phone money and you just have to wait for your phone until you have saved up the money you needed to give to the fundraiser.
Regardless of where the money comes from the fundraiser needs to be made whole and receive the money raised in their name. You were responsible for the money therefore you must come up with the money they are expecting. This may be a hard lesson to learn but it is one you will remember for the rest of your life.
When you take on a responsibility you take on the whole responsibility even if that means having to do something you don't want to do. You may think I am being mean by saying this. How would you feel if a friend did something for you that you were counting on and then at the last minute turned you down. IF you do not make up the money to the fundraising this is in essence what you would be doing to them.
Talk to your parents; I'm sure they will help you work this out.
I have been going to pine land since I was 3 and I am 24 now and the pineland here is the mental health center he was the one who prescribed me the Zolaph and diagnosed me with depression .I do have clinical depression .
I do not know much about Pinland other than what they put on their Web page.
Zoloft is an older drug used much by public agencies as it is fairly inexpensive. If you have private health insurance I would recommend getting a second opinion from a private practioner.
You can call the state board of psychiatry for a list of board certified psychiatrist in you area. Find one your comfortable with and start seeing that doctor.
I can't be sure your problem is caused by the medication your on. One way to find out is to change medications. The new class of antidepressants all have their own side effects as does Zoloft . Working with your doctor you will find a medication that you tolerate well and is effective for the depression.
There is never anything wrong with getting a second opinion. Sometimes a doctor who does not know you will see something a doctor who knows you to well may miss.
Hi everyone. I'm thirteen, and I have been struggling with suicidal thoughts and self-harm on and off for a long time now. I really want to stop, but nothing seems to work.
I cut because it relieves stress, I like the sight of blood, and it's a way to punish myself for being stupid. I feel like it's the only thing keeping me from suicide.
Speaking of suicide, I think about that a lot. But it is only a thought now, and I haven't acted on it yet.
I have two counselors and do not like either of them. I have been trying to convince my mom to let me try something else or see a different counselor because they aren't helping. But she always says it is helping and I just don't realize it. (No, that isn't true. I don't like them and they do not help me!!)
I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to or someone to understand me. The only person who is actually helping is my girlfriend. Not my counselors or anyone else.
The other thing that concerns me is how to hide the scars . . . are there any other ways to hide them other than wearing a sweatshirt all the time? I tried using bracelets and concealer, but those don't cover them up well enough.
I guess what I'm asking is, what else can I try to stop myself from cutting and also stop thinking about suicide? And how can I cover up the scars?
Thank you!
nBefore I tackle the other points you write about I must tackle this point first.
You are not STUPID; get that out of your head right now. I am old enough to be your grandfather and anyone who can write as well as you have and articulate her thoughts as well as you have is far from stupid. In fact your writing says you are quite intelligent.
Your cutting: I understand that you get stress relief from the cutting. What I'm going to suggest may do the same for you without causing any scarring or blood letting. Cutting is also very dangerous for if you cut in the wrong place or to deep you could bleed out before help arrives.
Instead of cutting try this. Get a big rubber band and let it hang loosely from your wrist. When you feel like cutting snap the rubber band against your wrist. The pain will be more intense and you can do this anywhere. You do not have to go off and hide as you do to cut. It is safer and does not cause scarring.
Your Counselors: Mom could be right in what she sees or she could be wrong I truly cannot say. What I will say is that you believe your counselors are not helping you. That you are not comfortable with your counselors therefore this is your perception and perception is real.
In order for therapy to work you the patient has to be comfortable working with your therapist. If you are not comfortable or do not trust them then the therapy will not work. It matters not if mom, dad or the rest of the family like your therapist what counts is how you feel.
Yes easy for me to say but how do you get this across to mom. I can only think of two ways to do this. The first is to show her what is written here by printing this out. Then you can ask her to contact me by private message if she has any questions as I would be glad to discuss this with her on your behalf.
I'm sure mom does see a change in you that you do not see or feel. Still it is so important that you are comfortable enough in therapy that you do not hold anything back from your therapist. To be able to do this you must be able to trust your therapist. That what is said in therapy stays in therapy. Without that trust it will be very hard for you and the therapist to work together.
One question; Do your therapists know about your cutting?
Suicide: I've saved this for last not because it is not important but because it is the most serious of what you have written.
Suicide is not an answer it is a wrong solution. People who commit suicide leave behind people who love them. Who are hurt beyond repair. Parents never recover from losing a child. Friends wonder for a lifetime why they did not see it coming and did not do something to help that person.
Fact is there is no problem so large that someone cannot find a solution. Stress is a horrible thing. Stress causes depression and in depression we perceive things wrong. I know I suffered from depression because I am disabled do to a car accident. I suffer from chronic pain to the point I can't walk most of the time. I have learned how to manage my pain and with the help of some good doctors I get through it. There are days the pain gets ahead of me and cause me stress and anxiety. I could get depressed if I let myself but I have learned how not to.
If I can learn how to better deal with stress so can you. I would like you to make me two promises.
First: if you ever feel so bad that you want to hurt yourself that you will pick up the phone and dial 911. Tell the call taker you are wanting to hurt yourself and help will be sent to you. You do not need anyone's permission to call 911.
Second: You need to calmly sit down with mom and discuss the problems you are having with your therapist. Just telling her, "Its not working" is not enough for she believes it is. You have to give her some better reasons. If need be write her a letter if you feel you can not calmly discuss this with her. Also you need to tell her about the cutting as this is something that you should have felt comfortable enough with your therapists to tell them and I do not feel you have.
I am always here should you need to talk to someone and should you feel I am someone you can talk to.
I am suffering so much that suicide is the only answer. I cant go on. I have lung disease, heart problems, both caused by living next door to a meth house. My brains are fried. I am homeless. I am a mess. I dont have family or friends that could help. I am a mess.. What can I do to save myself.. I am 54
Not knowing where you live limits the amount and type of advice I can offer you.
If you are sick you can go to any hospital emergency room and ask for help. You cannot be turned away for lack of ability to pay. They must treat you to the standard of medicine for what problem(s) you complain of.
While you are at the hospital ask to speak with the hospital social worker. There are social programs that are available to help you. The social worker would know of them and should be able to help you avail yourself of the different programs that you need available to you.
If you do not need to go to the hospital then go to the department of social services for the county you are living in. Just as in the hospital ask to see a social worker. Explain your problems both health and living conditions t the social workers. Work with them to obtain the programs you are both entitled to and are available to you.
my doctor prescribed me Zolaph for depression I have been on it for almost 3 months now and ever since I have been taking it and I have been taking it like it says on the bottle but I have been having really bad stomach cramps and been going to the bathroom a lot with the diarrhea lately ever since I have been on the new medicine are these side effects from Zolaph ? Do I need to be put on something else for my depression ?
What you are experiencing are not published side effects of your medication. It does not mean that the medication is not causing the problem. One of the side effects of the medication is heightened anxiety which can affect how often you need to use the bathroom and be the cause of diarrhea.
What I suggest is you see the prescribing doctor and ask for a different medication. Zoloft is a medication that has been around for a long time and is generally prescribed by family doctors as it is an inexpensive and generally safe drug to prescribe.
If you are being treated by your family doctor for depression I would suggest seeking out a Board Certified Psychiatrist to re-diagnose your depression and prescribe medication. Since most depression is clinical depression the cause is of a hormonal or lack of two hormones needed to control mood. Since these hormones are secreted into the brain a psychiatrist is best trained to diagnose and prescribe for clinical depression.
Seeing a psychiatrist for clinical depression does not mean your crazy, far from it. Clinical depression has two main causes. The first is as I just wrote, hormonal. The second is stress. Combine the two and you have clinical depression. The psychiatrist prescribes and monitors your medication. A psychologist works with you to find the root cause of the your stress. Once the stressor or stressors are found the psychologist will work with you to find a better way to deal with them.
Once you have properly dealt with the stress you probably will not need to supplement the hormones with medication any longer. It is a two sided assault on the problem. Medication alone will not cure the problem it will only mask the symptoms.
My advice is to first find a Board Certified Psychiatrist to treat and prescribe new medication. Then if you are not already working with a psychologist. You need to find one so that the root cause of the stress, the second part of the depression cause can be found.