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Should I break up with him? I'm so scared
I'm 22 year old female. I have been dating this guy since high school and now I'm a year past graduating college. We have been dating on and off since 2007. I broke up with him in 2009 because I felt I wasn't IN love with him anymore. A year later, we agreed to start a casual sex-only/friends relationship, but that turned into an unspoken transition into dating. I was secretly not exactly happy with dating him exclusively again so I broke it off earlier this year. We spent 3 months apart, and I missed him terribly. I asked him to take me back, but he said he wasn't sure if he was ready to take me back. We accidentally ended up having sex again one night and now we are back into the "unspoken transition into dating". We have talked about moving in together next year, but I'm scared that it's not really what I want. I have jerked around this man I love dearly for so long, but I'm afraid I'm staying in this relationship because I don't think anyone will ever love me like him. I'm scared of hurting him. I'm scared that later I'll regret it. I am secretly in love with someone else, but that situation is hopeless. I feel like an awful person day in and day out, but I couldn't stand the thought of hurting him again. What should I do?
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Of course you should break up with him, not to be the b*tch here but if you know you love someone else, you don't want to be with him, and you know you are wasting your time you should have been dumped him. You are being selfish and you are leading him on. You said you are in love with someone else right? So imagine if you started seeing that person and they secretly wanted someone else and was still acting like they wanted a future with you but knew they really didn't and even knew they were leading you on? You say you can't stand the thought of hurting him but you two are bound to break up at some point if this is how you are feeling so either way he is going to get hurt whether you tell him you don't want to be with him or he starts to realize you don't and starts to become insecure about himself and the relationship because you didn't have the guts to tell him.
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You should break up with him...You are scared of what life would be like without him...of the unknown...he has become like your security blanket. I know it is scary to be alone...but you shouldn't settle...it there are any doubts than he isn't the one. You are short changing both him and yourself. You are missing the chance of meeting mister right because you are with him. It is hard to go out there and start anew...but it is also exciting and fun...to realize that anything is possible...give yourself the chance to meet mister right...but don't focus on that...focus on living your life and the rest will happen...You are young and have so many possibilities with your career now...make sure you can take care of yourself with or without a guy in your life...make sure you have girlfriends you can count on...go out and live your life and the rest will just happen. Let him go and have the same chance. You will probably always have a special place in your heart for him, and that's ok, you can love someone but still him not be the one you are meant to live with the rest of your life. You don't want to be married and looking elsewhere and cheat on your husband...when you do get married you want someone who fulfills everything you need in your life...someone who you want to come home from work to be with...not someone who is just there. you want someone who makes you laugh and smile and you know it's only him that you could have that happily ever after with.
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In the long run, you're going to end up hurting him more.
You're still figuring out what you want. Don't move in with him until you know that you want him. I think you need more time to figure things out..without hooking up with him. It's not fair to him that you're staying with him and you're unsure of how you feel and you like someone else on top of that.
Sit down and have an honest conversation with him. Tell him that you don't want to be going back and forth but you're still not sure what you want. Ask him to give you some time. Don't sleep with him, at all.
If you think you're staying in this relationship because you think he's the only one who's ever going to love you, then you shouldn't be with him. It's the wrong reason to be with someone.
Also, while you guys are on a break, get over the other guy. If you're with someone but you have feelings for someone else, the relationship with end terribly or you'll just be unhappy. So you need to move on.
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My feeling is you are young and still not sure what you want from life as far as a relationship goes. You need to communicate this to your guy so he knows where he stands with you.
I would further recommend you no have a friends with benefits relationship with him for two reasons.
1. Because it seems to lead beyond a friends with benefits relationship if you do so.
2. It is also not fair to the other guy you are in love with to be having sex with another man while you are trying for a relationship with him.
As for moving in with him. No not at this time. Not until you are rid of the doubts If there is a doubt in your mind that you cannot spend the rest of your life with him then you can not move in with him. Moving out of that type of relationship is a s bad or worse then a divorce.
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You should have a honest conversation with your partner. You said that you are scared of hurting him, well you'll hurt him more by playing about with his feelings. You have to 'grow up' and decide what is it that you actually want:be with your partner or start anew with someone else. You can of course carry on breaking up and getting back together but in my opinion that wont work forever as earlier or later one of you will find happiness somewhere else-that's when real pain will come. So you are best of deciding now.
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