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I'm 20 and I broke up with my first love a year ago. I loved him with every fibre in my being and did literally everything for him, even if it went against my morals. I spent all the money I had on getting him expensive gifts and I stuck with him, even when he couldn't care less about me. When we broke up because of the fact that he didn't wanna deal with commitment, at this stage in his life, he wasn't upset, not even for a day. It's been over a year and I've been the only one carrying all this pain and I've been holding so much hope that we could get back together, someday. We still see each other and he kisses me and that's what gave me hope that he still likes me. But last night, he told me that he'd never even think of marrying someone like me and that he needs a submissive kind of girl who doesn't pick up on the wrong things he does, like I did.I always picked up on all his lies and everything he hid from me. It hit me all at once, last night that he's been using me this past year and using my vulnerability. I cried in front of him for two hours straight and he kept saying the same things like "You're not my first love so I can't hold that much love for you" and "I told you I didn't want a relationship" "My first made me lose all my emotions" . I don't know why I'm so attached to him or why I'm even this devastated over a jerk like him. I just need someone to talk some sense into me. I worry, that I'll never be good enough for someone. What else can I do for someone to make them appreciate me? I allowed him to cross so many limits of mine and went above and beyond for him, and I get this, in return. How will I expect the next guy in my life to appreciate what I'll do for him and not break my heart again? (link)
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Hi, I know how to help you but I'll need to talk to you through mail (Natka143@hotmail.co.uk) because there is quite a lot that I've got to say.
You see I know where the problem lies and I know a few methods of how you can get over your ex (different methods work on different people). And I will also help you to rebuild your confidence-your ex is a jerk but it doesn't mean that all men are.
So if you want, you can email me and then we can talk this through in private.
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I'm going into 8th grade and super scared that I will get bad grades or something. Should I be worried? (link)
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No, just prepare to work hard and you'll be fine.
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will god forgive me and will I still go to heaven when I follow through with what I'm about to do. I figure if I'm going to loose everything I'm going to loose it on my terms. I am going to jail for driving under suspennsion and I,m on disability and I'll loose everything I'm already living my life in a wheelchair from a motorcycle accident. I already have my mind made up (link)
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So you'll go to jail, it's not the end of the world (depending where you live as different countries give different sentences).
If you're religious (you've mentioned God), then only by serving the jail sentence (your punishment) he will know that you are sorry for what you've done. You see you want to run from your problems-if you choose to do that then god will know that you gave up your life and he's putting you through a test and it's up to you if you'll pass it. You see I believe that everything happens for a reason and that god had a plan for each of us.
Of course the final decision is yours but I wouldn't advice taking your life-that's what cowards do.
If you wish to talk to me, then email me at:
Natka143@hotmail.co.uk
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HI Natalka
I am trying to reach for over two weeks now .As stated I would like to chat with you and send you request through my email account.If you are busy or you don't want to communicate please elt me know as I desperately needs help and person to talk to
Thanks
(link)
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Hi
Yes we can talk live. Email me on: Natka143@hotmail.co.uk (do it from your normal email account) so that I can give you my skype or other details.
I'm looking forward to your email.
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This is going to be real long :/ I need advice, Opinions and thoughts on what this all says about a person please.
Have you ever had so much to say but can't find the words to even describe just one way you feel or even think? Does it ever cross your mind that the things you think about are things you've talked about a million times? When you've tried everything to forgive and forget certain situations or past events but they randomly creep up at you when you are given a free moment to think. Perhaps the thinking is nonstop on a daily basis and becomes a rare friend or even a perfect enemy? Sometimes you are dazed or lost in deep thought and someone ask "Are you alright?" Mhm, Sure I am alright. I have a million and one things on my mind on a daily basis that I never have a moment to comprehend or sort out the real problem of things. It's a maze or what I would even call an entire new world nobody knows nothing about. A world that haunts, hurts, confuses and even at times angers. They say everybody fights or has demons in their closet, True. Try living with them in your mind, Try fighting with what is right and wrong to say. When something bothers you so much but don't feel the energy to talk about it. You begin to ask yourself whether you are going insane or if the problem is apart of you. Do people really understand you? or maybe they think they understand you?
I ask myself, Who was that women standing in the fields while the rain came pouring in? Oh yes, That was me. That person was the hallucination of feelings and emotions that I have created. We are bound to forgive and forget, The one thing that doesn't seem to exist to me. I cannot recall the last time I have forgiven someone and that is truly forgiving them without hard feelings. I remember things that have happened years ago and still have never truly been able to let them go. I feel that people can only be hurt so many times before they eventually learn to bottle feelings and move the fuck on. It's almost like a choke hold, It begins to eat you alive but after so long of doing so, You begin to deal with the pain.
When people try to get talk to me, I have a tendency of brushing them off. I seem to have almost little to no interest in socializing with people because I feel drained and overwhelmed with the thought of sparking a social conversation. I prefer to make a quick "Hi and Bye" rather then a 10 minute conversation with people and at times even people that I am close with. The word "Friend" is almost like nails on chalkboard. I feel it's a drag to go visit someone, My energy becomes low and again, I have no interest or desire. I can't quite pin point the reasons to why I feel this way, That I am still trying to figure out. Over the years, I have had friendships that have fallen out. I have been betrayed, Lied too, Back stabbed and the whole caboodle. I suppose this would explain why I have barricaded myself. I can't let it go, I have tried. I have tried to explain my hurt and frustrations.
The reason why I am against a lot of suggestions is for a reason, Some of these reasons I cannot explain. I have a hard time admitting many things because I have yet to face them myself and some things, I don't know if I will ever face at all. I am not perfect, Although sometimes I try and pretend to be. I just want to think I am perfect.
I am afraid to forgive people who have hurt me, I am afraid to let people in because of the fear that I will or could be hurt again. I don't trust because I never learned how to trust. I don't do a lot of things, Simply because I am afraid too. Sometimes I feel that people push me or suggest things that make me feel forced to change or come out of a shell that I have been battling with for a very long time. At times, I feel that asking someone to listen or try to understand me is impossible. Once again, This is hard for me. I am trying to express myself...
One thing I hate to admit, I will admit only this one time. I am very afraid of people. I talk, I go out but when it comes to socializing I fail miserably. I cannot make friends, I am jealous and I also fear the possibility of me ever getting close with someone besides my family. (link)
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Hi, I can help you. That's if you are ready for it (which I think you are because you wrote this). There's a lot that I've got to say on this (there's a lot of different aspects that need to be discussed-that's if you can trust a complete stranger [me]). I know exactly how you feel and what you feel (let's just say that I know how to help you to overcome this fear). Because there is so much for me to say about this, I will make a suggestion to you: my suggestion is a live chat/or talking through email (more privacy). You can contact me through my email: Natka143@hotmail.co.uk with your decision.
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i remember being asked these sort of questions which made me angry it angred me when some stupid theropist woman asked me if i did that and all my questions were no i do not play games on the computer i am occasionally asked those questions it might be becuase everyone else is doing it do i care no but nobody takes it seriously so how can you make people stop it if that was to happen nobody would ask those questions . (link)
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I can't make people stop. People need to want to stop themselves. I can only guide them (you) in the right direction. That's of course if you want my help.
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HI Natalka , you were great ,honestly I hadn't got suh a good psychoanalysis with such little info .let me put my post again and some recent developments and your true advise.as I said before ;
hi we are both married . I have feelings for her but she said no. Inspite of tis she accepts gifts from me .and I have touched her breasts and kissed on her neck .I always think of her but she never reciprocate .I always pay for dinners but she never did bring me anything.now the confusing part is she says she didn't tell anyone that she is meeting me .she let me kissed her on her lips but then got grumpy .any good aadvise will be welcomed
NOw we did meet few times again but in public venues. I texted her to meet me but she got angry saying she is busy .I ended the text with taking her for dinner. Now natalka I want to approach her again after no contact for at least one month and just sending her a new year Christmas card.is it okay to approach her like that or I am wasting my one month NC challenge .I don't care about other peoples opinion but I do take your opinion very genuinely .Please help me to navigate this .
[ Answer this question ]
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Natalka16 answered Wednesday December 4 2013, 10:55 am:
Hi, it's up to you really. It depends whether you want to be treated like that [she will always use you(when she feels like seeing you she will and when she doesn't want to see you she wont)basically she's in control/sets out all the cards]. You need to ask yourself whether you can put up with that.
Personally (but that's just my opinion) I think that no one deserves to be treated like she's treating you. So you could try talking to her about it (ask her openly what's her game/maybe set out some of your rules). If she ignores the conversation then it means that she'll just continue to use you.
If I were you (that's just me again) I would find myself someone else but as I said before it is completely your decision.
If you have any more questions feel free to contact me.
Thank natalka , you were great .I wish I can chat to you live , because their is tons of stuff that I cannot write on the board.Is it possible to have a live chat with the privacy of both of us intact. Thanks again. Also should I send her a card instead of a text message .It will not show me as needy? (link)
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Hi, I don't normally do live chats but I guess it wouldn't hurt me so yes we can do a live chat.
Sending her a Christmas card sounds like a good idea.
Contact me by email (Natka143@hotmail.co.uk) and then we can talk about the details of the live chat.
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Hello advicenators, I am a 15 year old male and have struggled with self harm for 4 years and various eating disorders and I think I may be gay. Yes that is quite a handful of things, but I am bulimia binge free for 3 months and haven't cut for 6 days ( after a 3 week clean). I'm frustrated about my sexuality in general and feel different in the backwards little town I live in. I honestly just want to cut and fall asleep for a while and wake up and know for sure if I will be accepted and if I am more than bisexual. I grow weary of all this uncertainty, but I understand how there is no 100% way to know at my age. My mother knows, and she has been making offensive jokes about it and sneers at the very fact of it all... I want this to stop more than anything.(I am on Zoloft by the way for
depression)I used to go to counseling. I want to be on for five fucking minutes for once. That is my plea for help, and I'm not sure if anyone will even read this let alone have any solutions for my questions.should I be in counseling again, and is there anyone out there I can trust enough to let them help me? (link)
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Hi, I've read your question and I'll try my best to help you. Here's how I see it:
You say that you're not sure of your own sexuality (whether you're gay or bio). That's perfectly fine, many people don't know until they find that person who's right for them.
You talk of acceptance. Many people cannot understand that some people have different sexual preferences and no matter what you do or say they wont understand. So don't bother. Having different sexuality is a challenge in today's society so you must learn to be proud of it and ignore those who don't accept you. You say your mother is making fun of your sexuality, talk to her (tell her that you too have the right to be happy, after all everyone deserves to be loved). She as your mother will one day understand.
About self harm. Don't do it. I know that you think that it is the only way out but trust me it isn't. Find alternative ways of dealing with difficulties in your life (you could try running/exercise-it helps you to get rid of those emotions that are trapped inside you). About the eating disorder-fight it I know you can.
And finally remember be yourself. Those who love you will love you for who you are. Don't change yourself just because some people treat you differently/unfairly/or dislike you (they're not worth your attention).
Feel free to contact me. Your story moved me so I'll be here for you if you need me. My email is:
Natka143@hotmail.co.uk
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I have a talent show coming up and I don't know what to do have any ideas
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Do what you do best/you are most confident doing.
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My boyfriend paul has been acting very mean to me lately, one minute he is snapping at me telling me to go away and the next he is being the sweetest person on earth to me. Some of my friends are saying I should dump him but my best friend is saying that he really loves me and I should try to work it out with him. I really don't know what to do so some advice would be great! (link)
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Hi I think that you should ask yourself this question first-Do you want to be with him?-if yes (on your own it's your life not your friends life)-if yes then I would agree with your best friend. You should try to work it out and the best way to do that is by talking to him (openly tell him to sort his behavior out as without any offense he behaves like a 5 year old). By the end of this conversation you should know:
why he behaves in this way
what can you do to help him to control his emotions
does he love you? you said that your friend said that he does, really? how does she know that? ask him and then you'll know what you're standing on
If he acknowledges the conversation then you are on your way to working things out between each other.
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I'm failing math for the year with about a 50 average. Its about a third into the marking period. Our grading system is 64=fail. Only me and a couple of other kids are doing this bad. The other kids don't care if they fail. I'm in 7th grade and CAN NOT go to summer school. I feel really stupid asking for help with something so simple. I don't think its fair that they put me in a smart class when I cant keep up. If I switch classes then do you think I could pass? I always do the homework I just fail the tests. (link)
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Hi, first of all don't be ashamed to ask for help! The teachers are there to help you (after all that's their job).
If you can't keep up in the 'smart class' then in my opinion it would be wise if you'd move down. Remember don't be afraid to take bold moves like this. After all the decisions that you make now will affect your future.
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HI Natalka , you were great ,honestly I hadn't got suh a good psychoanalysis with such little info .let me put my post again and some recent developments and your true advise.as I said before ;
hi we are both married . I have feelings for her but she said no. Inspite of tis she accepts gifts from me .and I have touched her breasts and kissed on her neck .I always think of her but she never reciprocate .I always pay for dinners but she never did bring me anything.now the confusing part is she says she didn't tell anyone that she is meeting me .she let me kissed her on her lips but then got grumpy .any good aadvise will be welcomed
NOw we did meet few times again but in public venues. I texted her to meet me but she got angry saying she is busy .I ended the text with taking her for dinner. Now natalka I want to approach her again after no contact for at least one month and just sending her a new year Christmas card.is it okay to approach her like that or I am wasting my one month NC challenge .I don't care about other peoples opinion but I do take your opinion very genuinely .Please help me to navigate this .
(link)
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Hi, it's up to you really. It depends whether you want to be treated like that [she will always use you(when she feels like seeing you she will and when she doesn't want to see you she wont)basically she's in control/sets out all the cards]. You need to ask yourself whether you can put up with that.
Personally (but that's just my opinion) I think that no one deserves to be treated like she's treating you. So you could try talking to her about it (ask her openly what's her game/maybe set out some of your rules). If she ignores the conversation then it means that she'll just continue to use you.
If I were you (that's just me again) I would find myself someone else but as I said before it is completely your decision.
If you have any more questions feel free to contact me.
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My mom married a much younger guy last year, and living with him has been awkward because he flirts with me when my mom's not around. Yesterday when my mom was at work I was sitting on the couch watching a movie with my little brother and sister, they were sitting on the floor. My step dad came and sat by me. He put his hands in between my thighs over my jeans and started touching my breasts. He did while my sister and brother were sitting on the floor with their backs to us and it was dark. When he did that I was scared . I told him to stop and he told me not to tell him to stop. My sister & brother were watching the loud movie, so they weren't paying attention to us on the couch. I tried pushing him away and moving. He kept on bothering me the whole time and I was scared to get up and when my mom got home I went in my room. I never feel comfortable around him. He'll put his hand on my waist, rub my stomach and get too close to me in front of my mom and it feels uncomfortable, and he's always saying "You're beautiful" My mom thinks he's playing around. And he looks at me with perverted eyes, all the time. i know my mom loves him so much and I know she wont believe me & she'll stay with him because he has money and we have nowhere else to go. She has stayed with him even though he beat her up before. (link)
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I'll start this of by saying that what your step dad is doing is wrong and can undergo sexual harassment.
You said that you've tried talking to your mum yet she totally ignores the problem (in another words she doesn't believe you). You could try to contact other family members and talk to them about your situation. If that however doesn't work out you need to sort this out yourself. Your mum wont believe you without proof so what you'll need to do is collect it. Whenever your step dad touches you again film him on a camera (set it up before-hand so that he doesn't know that he's being filmed). When your mum gets back show it to her (do it when your step dad isn't around). Oh and have a copy of the film (always comes in handy). You see when you show your mum that your step dad is sexually harassing you (don't be afraid to use this phrase) she should behave like a mother after all you should be her number priority.
PS: Tell your mum that money isn't everything and that there are more important things in life.
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thanks natalka about advising me on my recent post .you are right she is manupilative .how can I beat her in to her own game .please don't ask me why , I guess you know that .tell me how to proceed (link)
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You could play a manipulative game yourself. It is risky but it may work. You mentioned that your wife's best friend has a husband. How about trying to be friends with him. Tell him that he shouldn't be treated by his wife like he is-that she doesn't deserve him (cheated on him like you've said). Basically get her husband behaving differently to make your wife's friend realize that she's messing up her life. When she realizes then she will have to concentrate more on her marriage. If you make her husband leave her (not for real-a pretend leave) then if she loves him she'll fight for him. This will hopefully teach her a lesson and light a new perspective on her life. If she however will not fight for the relationship you could tell you wife that her friend broke up a marriage-that she's not mature and if wasn't ready/didn't want to get married she should have left the poor guy alone.
That is risky though as being manipulative isn't as easy as it sounds. It takes years of practice to master its art/true colors. But that's what I'd do if I was in your shoes.
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So, I am 14, my sister is 21. I want to go to tomorrow land sooo bad, minus the fact I know they do drugs, drink, smoke AND you have to be 18+ I would still love to go. Though I still have four more years, is there anything like tomorrowland that either my sister could take me along with her to or something similar? I doubt there is but still, I'd love to see if there is anything. (link)
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I don't know whether there is a club for younger people but if you really want to go to an 18+ club you could ask someone who's 18 or over (like your sister) to go with for protection. All you have to do is dress up to make the bodyguards believe that you're 18+ and make sure that your make-up is appropriate. When you're outside the club make up a story that you've lost your ID (flirt a little with them). And if they buy it you're in. That's what I did and it worked. Good luck!!!
PS: Wouldn't recommend on telling your parents. They'll kill you.
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I'm a thirteen year old girl in 8th grade and this guy asked me out. I don't like him. He is more my friend. When he asked, I was frazzled so I said I have to think about it. I want to be friends with him still without making it awkward. What should I say tomorrow at school?
P.S.-Everyone in the school knew he was gonna ask me out. And people were telling him that I was interested. (link)
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Tell that boy how you feel. If you don't see him as someone more than a friend then don't feel pressured (by your friends) to say yes. Remember it is your life and the decisions you make now may affect your future.
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Okay, I'm a 15 year old girl who has been depressed for the past few months.
So there's this teacher who I have got on really well with over the past year. I've known for some time now that he was going to be leaving but I don't think it ever really sunk it. Until today that is, because it's been his last day.
He's been there so much for me at school and has been really helpful and supportive. It got to the point where I would go and see him every day for advice because he was literally the only person I could talk to.
Now he's gone I don't know what to do. I have no way of contacting him (his school email was deleted today) and he's moving to the other end of the country so there's no chance of seeing him at all.
I just don't know what to do because he was everything and now I have nothing. (link)
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Stop thinking like this-that you have nothing. You have to understand that life goes on and you have to move on. It might be difficult but it's not the end of the world. Look on it from a good perspective. If he's leaving then maybe there is something greater awaiting you. I know it's hard but trust me you will only feel depressed if you make yourself feel depressed. Remember you're the one in control-try to find someone else who understands you. Things will get better with time.
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I am a 13 year old female and I like a guy in my grade and I feel like he likes me back. But I mostly like another guy in my grade who is dating someone. I'm scared that my minor crush is going to ask me out so should I go out with my minor crush or should I wait til my main crush becomes single again and then see if he likes me? (link)
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I think that you should wait until your main crush becomes single. If your minor crush asks you out I would advice you to decline his offer as he might get hurt by yourself later when you will take interest in your major crush.
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My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for 3 and a half years now. When he's away at school he has a extremely busy life and always says he doesn't have time to even think about me, he's so crazed. I give him tons of space at school and try not to cling on as much as possible. However he only texts me a few times a day, never ever calls or says the loving things he does when were together. This has been an ongoing battle for years now where I constantly feel unloved by him when were away. He's said hurtful things that really make me question what I am to him. I know he loves me and cares about me or he wouldn't go through all this but I'm so tired of being last on his list. I've tried everything. Everything. Talking to him about it is no use, believe me. Should I just ignore him for a while? Take a break for a few weeks so that maybe he'll begin to realize what I am to him?Sometimes I feel this is the only way for him to miss me and get his attention. (link)
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I think you're right. Give yourself some space. Don't contact him at all for a few weeks. That way you will see if he still cares for you. If he does he'll contact you and if he doesn't then maybe you should think if this relationship is worth continuing.
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Sometimes I wanna break up with my fiancé sooo bad, He does and says mean things sometimes. he goes on his drinking binge he is trying to recover and has relapsed. Sometimes I get this thought process in my head that I don't wanna break up with him because I am afraid that he will fall in love with someone else. I don't get it I guess... advice desperately needed please. My mind is running in circles
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The question is:Do you still love him? If yes then fight for this relationship. Sit him down and talk to him about his behavior. Tell him that you don't like him behaving like this ... (whatever he does wrong). If he doesn't however take this on board, tell him that you'll leave him (and do leave him for a few days just to observe his reaction). This should make him realize that you were dead serious about this conversation. You see men are like children, they don't realize what they had until they lose it. Then you talk to him and tell him that if he treats you badly again you'll leave him for good.
About worrying that he'll fall in love with someone else, well that's how things go. You see the thing is: Do you want to be in a relationship that the guy is mistreating you or do you want to find yourself someone who'll treat you properly? I'll leave you to answer that question.
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