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Should I ignore my boyfriend for a few weeks?
My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for 3 and a half years now. When he's away at school he has a extremely busy life and always says he doesn't have time to even think about me, he's so crazed. I give him tons of space at school and try not to cling on as much as possible. However he only texts me a few times a day, never ever calls or says the loving things he does when were together. This has been an ongoing battle for years now where I constantly feel unloved by him when were away. He's said hurtful things that really make me question what I am to him. I know he loves me and cares about me or he wouldn't go through all this but I'm so tired of being last on his list. I've tried everything. Everything. Talking to him about it is no use, believe me. Should I just ignore him for a while? Take a break for a few weeks so that maybe he'll begin to realize what I am to him?Sometimes I feel this is the only way for him to miss me and get his attention.
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No, don't ignore him for a few weeks.
If there is no good communication in the relationship, it won't work. It's that simple. If there's no use in talking to him, because he just doesn't listen or it doesn't get through to him, then you know things just aren't going right.
You've been constantly feeling unloved by him. He has a busy life. He's not making room for you in his life. He doesn't get to see you, he gets to see everything else he has in his life, that's why you're not at the top of his priority list.
It's not a good excuse for him to be that way, but ignoring him won't help any.
My boyfriend wasn't happy with us at one point. He ended up ignoring my text messages and calls. It did not make me miss him more. It made me really upset at angry. I'm pretty sure if you ignore him, he'll just be annoyed and go keep himself even more busy.
So honestly, I just think you should end the relationship. You're not happy, he's too busy, you don't fit in his life and you're not happy with where he placed you so just let him go.
If you've tried everything, and you're sinking down to using the silent treatment, that's when you know the relationship isn't working.
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I agree with everything Razhie has said, silence does not help and can only worsen things. We're not saying that you are childish but that trying to use the silent treatment to get something you want is a "childish action". I believe you are feeling frustrated enough to want so badly to rectify the situation that you are now willing to graso badlysp at any straws to fix things without putting much thought into if it really is a mature healthy option or not.
Some of your desperation might be due to the length of this relationship, 3 1/2 years, you don't want to find it end and therefore end up as a waste of your time for the past years. LDR's are hard and very few end up with the couple successfully getting together and leading a normal healthy life.
An online/and by phone relationship can only be real to a certain extent, the real is filled in by our imagination. Even I in internet dating at one point in life, and the short term phone chat stage before meeting in person, I was shocked by the final outcome. The person I clicked with so well on the phone and was beginning to have feelings for and could hardly wait to meet in person, was nothing at all like what I thought him to be. It happened many many times. But I began to learn what subtle things to look for in their talk and how to question them better, etc...
What is going to be more real to him is what he can reach out and touch, smell, taste in the world around him, he can't do that with his LDR with you. The world within touch is going to be more real to him and easily be able to drag him away from you. Relationships need to go through stages where they deepen as the years go by and that can't happen to the extent it needs to when its online/LDR. Your few visits in person do not suffice for that.
We all have bad days and might occasionally say something we shouldn't to the one we love, but if its become a pattern, thats not love. Words are easy to say dear, promises easy to make, but the only thing that holds water is the actions behind the words. A confession of love without the action behind it is worthless...like a grocery coupon that has expired. So to confirm your feelings of being "constantly unloved by him"... you are feeling that because it is so. Important lesson to learn, one I had to learn myself, is to love myself enough to choose to no longer subject myself to such behavior. But first comes realizing what kind of behavior or treatment is wrong. I hope you are at that point and can see that. Just write him that the relationship is over and do not answer any emails or phone calls from him. If you need someone to talk to further, you can always write to me dear. Blessings to you.
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Silence is never a solution.
If he is legitimately busy and occupied, than he is very unlikely to just miss you so much.
He's more likely to get pissed at you for trying to play games with him, or to be concerned that you are cheating on him.
Silence breeds distrust and contempt.
If talking to him hasn't, and you think wont, address the problem, then the only solution left to you, is to end the relationship.
Getting his attention through game-playing and silence, will only lead you down the path to a breakup anyways. If you are so unhappy you feel those are your only options, then skips that childish drama and simply end the relationship.
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I think you're right. Give yourself some space. Don't contact him at all for a few weeks. That way you will see if he still cares for you. If he does he'll contact you and if he doesn't then maybe you should think if this relationship is worth continuing.
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