|
Well I don't think this is going to end well
Hello advicenators, I am a 15 year old male and have struggled with self harm for 4 years and various eating disorders and I think I may be gay. Yes that is quite a handful of things, but I am bulimia binge free for 3 months and haven't cut for 6 days ( after a 3 week clean). I'm frustrated about my sexuality in general and feel different in the backwards little town I live in. I honestly just want to cut and fall asleep for a while and wake up and know for sure if I will be accepted and if I am more than bisexual. I grow weary of all this uncertainty, but I understand how there is no 100% way to know at my age. My mother knows, and she has been making offensive jokes about it and sneers at the very fact of it all... I want this to stop more than anything.(I am on Zoloft by the way for
depression)I used to go to counseling. I want to be on for five fucking minutes for once. That is my plea for help, and I'm not sure if anyone will even read this let alone have any solutions for my questions.should I be in counseling again, and is there anyone out there I can trust enough to let them help me?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I didn't read all the other replies, so I'm sure you've received some great advice already. But when I was in high school, my then-boyfriend went through some similar issues: cutting himself, questioning his sexuality, antidepressants, eating disorders. I tried to help him as best I could at the time, and those experiences taught me a lot. If you just need someone to talk to, feel free to privately message me and I'll give you my email (to protect my BF's anonymity).
Also, please PLEASE don't feel like there is anything wrong with you questioning your sexuality. Regardless of what your mom or anyone else in your town thinks. You don't even need to know right now if you're gay or not. Just take the time to love and accept yourself, and when someone comes into your life who perks your interest, be it male or female, you can take it from there. I'm from a small, very conservative, religious town, and I'm all-too-familiar with anti-gay sentiment. (Our town even once made national news for a Day of Silence fiasco). But you know what? I got out of high school, went to college, and traveled around the world. I found out that most people are not so closed-minded, and don't feel the need to see someone as being defined only by their sexuality, or their religion, or their political beliefs. They are genuinely interested in who you are as a person. I have gay friends, bi friends, asexual friends, and straight friends of all different races and religions. And now those people in my old town seem small and limited.
You've only got about 3 years before you can get out into the larger world. Hang in there, it's worth it.
Really, pm me anytime you want to talk.
--Pollux
]
Hi, I've read your question and I'll try my best to help you. Here's how I see it:
You say that you're not sure of your own sexuality (whether you're gay or bio). That's perfectly fine, many people don't know until they find that person who's right for them.
You talk of acceptance. Many people cannot understand that some people have different sexual preferences and no matter what you do or say they wont understand. So don't bother. Having different sexuality is a challenge in today's society so you must learn to be proud of it and ignore those who don't accept you. You say your mother is making fun of your sexuality, talk to her (tell her that you too have the right to be happy, after all everyone deserves to be loved). She as your mother will one day understand.
About self harm. Don't do it. I know that you think that it is the only way out but trust me it isn't. Find alternative ways of dealing with difficulties in your life (you could try running/exercise-it helps you to get rid of those emotions that are trapped inside you). About the eating disorder-fight it I know you can.
And finally remember be yourself. Those who love you will love you for who you are. Don't change yourself just because some people treat you differently/unfairly/or dislike you (they're not worth your attention).
Feel free to contact me. Your story moved me so I'll be here for you if you need me. My email is:
Natka143@hotmail.co.uk
]
I've been doing this for a long time and I'm a lot older than most advisors on this site. In fact I'm old enough to be your grandfather Please read what I'm about to tell you with an open mind.
In your letter you say you're a male age 15. In your profile, I'm a site moderator I can see certain portions of your profile, it reads female age 14. Which is correct or are you using someone else's computer?
First: There is nothing wrong with being gay or bisexual. In fact at 14, or 15 I have found that most teenagers are still finding out just who and what they are sexually. I don't know of anyone who went through their teenage years that did not experiment sexually with their same sex. Why, simply because it was safe and easy to do so. Parents trusted two people of the same sex being alone in a bedroom together especially for a sleepover. It is absolutely normal for this to occur in your teenage years and does not mean you are gay or bisexual. There would not be anything wrong with either if that is what you find you are.
If you are gay you were born that way. You did not wake up one morning and decide you were gay. It would be wrong of anyone in this enlightened age for anyone to put you down, tease you or bully you for your sexual identity, especially your mom. You would have known you were gay from early childhood, it is not something that comes out with puberty. Being bisexual is different. Scientist are not quite sure if this is a learned experience or as with being gay you are born this way.
My feeling is that since almost everyone and this includes your parents, starts their sexual identification and awareness by experimenting with the same sex. Then bisexuality is a learned experience.
As for your eating disorder and the cutting. These are products of your depression. You should be being treated by a Board Certified psychiatrist for medication. No your not crazy; clinical depression is caused by the lack of chemicals or insufficient chemicals secreted into the brain that controls mood. Since this is so a psychiatrist who is also a medical doctor is best trained to prescribe medication.
You also need to get back into therapy with a clinical psychologist. This is the trick part as you need to be comfortable in talking to the therapist. If you are not comfortable enough not trusting enough to be assured that what you tell him or her stays with them. Meaning total confidentiality of your therapy sessions, then the therapy will not work. If this is the case with your past therapist you need to find a new one and you keep trying until you find one you are comfortable with. The therapy works I know for I have suffered with depression and I went through three therapists until I found one I could trust and work with.
I really cannot tell you what to say to your mother. If you get back into therapy as you should, make this the first topic you discuss with the therapist. Your therapist can, without revealing anything you don't want revealed talk to your mother about this and how hurtful see is being. Moms attitude is also a direct cause of your depression to my way of thinking.
People my age are not as liberal as I am in accepting of alternative sexual lifestyles. People of your moms age are and should be. As I said earlier I do not believe at your age, unless you have felt this way for as long as you can remember, that you are gay. If so you were born that way and mom should understand it. It was nothing either of you had control over.
I do believe if this is something you are feeling since puberty came on that this is based on experimentation with your sexuality. Something all teenagers go through and if mom will admit to it she went through herself. Mom should be more accepting of how you feel and help you sort out what must be very confusing to you at this time. These are the things a good therapist can help you with.
]
You should definitely go back to counseling. They went to school specifically to help people in your situation and really do want to help. So going to the professionals will be the right thing to do. It's really good that you want help. They'll probably also have some solutions on how to handle your mother.
Lots of people get made fun of who they are. It sucks. It's even worse when it's your own family. There are good people out there who won't judge you though, but there will always will be people who will be mean and hurtful. You just need to know how to handle it and not take it so hard.
I don't have the solutions to your problems but I do think counseling is the right direction.
A lot of people cut, that's one of the hardest things to stop. Just remember that it's usually impulsive. That feeling will pass. So when you feel the urge to cut, go do something else that you enjoy doing. Call a friend, watch tv, watch a movie, take a bath, anything you like.
Just keep your head up and go back to counseling.
]
Before I say anything else, it's totally okay to feel the way you're feeling. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being the way you are. It's disrespectful of your mother to be making offensive jokes towards you. You need to sit her down and tell her your feelings and if she can't accept who you are, hate to say it but she's being a terrible mother and she needs to know that she's not helping in your situation. As for the other things, it's really good that you stopped harming yourself however I do recommend you see a councelor just in case because with all the stress you're going through, it could come in handy and the last thing I would want for you is to hurt yourself. Anyway, if you feel as if you are gay, then so be it. If you are comfortable and sure that you are, then that is who you are and no one can change that about you. There are people going through similar issues as you, remember that. I understand you're frustrated about your sexuality but this is just a phase where you are trying to discover who you are and I guarantee you everyone goes on this path once in their life and it's all a part of life. It's better to know who you are then to not. I hope this helped:) also I'm 15 and we're about the same age so I get a better understanding of where you're coming from.
]
Counseling can be very helpful. I dealt with an eating disorder myself for a long time. My mom criticized me for a long time also and it made me depressed too. But you can't change the way people think or react. It may take your mom a while to adjust accepting your sexuality but try not to take it personally. Believe it or not there are millions of people out there like you and having someone to talk to and that is willing to listen is a big help. Keeping those feelings inside is what destroys people and causes us to self destruct sometimes. There are people out there that are trustworthy but there is also a lot of people that will let you down...you have to remember no one is perfect. Counselors are professional people that make their living on people putting their trust in them so I think that is a good option. You might not always like what they have to say but they are there to help ya know.
]
More Questions: |