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How can I stop cutting and thinking about suicide?
Hi everyone. I'm thirteen, and I have been struggling with suicidal thoughts and self-harm on and off for a long time now. I really want to stop, but nothing seems to work.
I cut because it relieves stress, I like the sight of blood, and it's a way to punish myself for being stupid. I feel like it's the only thing keeping me from suicide.
Speaking of suicide, I think about that a lot. But it is only a thought now, and I haven't acted on it yet.
I have two counselors and do not like either of them. I have been trying to convince my mom to let me try something else or see a different counselor because they aren't helping. But she always says it is helping and I just don't realize it. (No, that isn't true. I don't like them and they do not help me!!)
I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to or someone to understand me. The only person who is actually helping is my girlfriend. Not my counselors or anyone else.
The other thing that concerns me is how to hide the scars . . . are there any other ways to hide them other than wearing a sweatshirt all the time? I tried using bracelets and concealer, but those don't cover them up well enough.
I guess what I'm asking is, what else can I try to stop myself from cutting and also stop thinking about suicide? And how can I cover up the scars?
Thank you!
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Hi, I totally understand you and I know how you're feeling. Please read this.
Suicide isn't the answer, whatever you're problems or worries about life you can't give up. Now you might think that life is crap but trust me better days will come. You just have to believe that something good is waiting for you around the corner.
I agree with you that counselors are an absolute waste of time. They don't help but make the situation even worse. They are however right with one thing:suicide is not an option and self-harm (yes relieves stress) is wrong and the scars (that you've mentioned) will stay with you for the rest of your life.
How to stop suicidal thoughts? It's not easy but I know that you will be able to do it. I mean you have a girlfriend that will support you (I didn't have such luck). If you don't do it for yourself yet do it for her. I mean she wants her boyfriend alive not dead. Now to get rid of suicidal thoughts you have to block them out (as soon as they pop in your head start thinking about something else-something pleasant such as things that you used to enjoy in life). About self-harm (cutting) try to find something else that relieves stress (don't choose alcohol-not a good option) like exercise. I started to exercise and it helped me to understand a few things+you will be so tired that you wont even want to think about suicide.You might even meet some new people. About having scars, they'll stay with you unless you stop fast enough.
I know that's not exactly what you've asked for but trust me if I'm happy than you can be to. You just have to believe (I believe in you).
If you ever feel that you would like to talk to someone who's been in a similar situation, feel free to email me at:
Natka143@hotmail.co.uk
Hope that I've helped you. Sending you my love xxx
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nBefore I tackle the other points you write about I must tackle this point first.
You are not STUPID; get that out of your head right now. I am old enough to be your grandfather and anyone who can write as well as you have and articulate her thoughts as well as you have is far from stupid. In fact your writing says you are quite intelligent.
Your cutting: I understand that you get stress relief from the cutting. What I'm going to suggest may do the same for you without causing any scarring or blood letting. Cutting is also very dangerous for if you cut in the wrong place or to deep you could bleed out before help arrives.
Instead of cutting try this. Get a big rubber band and let it hang loosely from your wrist. When you feel like cutting snap the rubber band against your wrist. The pain will be more intense and you can do this anywhere. You do not have to go off and hide as you do to cut. It is safer and does not cause scarring.
Your Counselors: Mom could be right in what she sees or she could be wrong I truly cannot say. What I will say is that you believe your counselors are not helping you. That you are not comfortable with your counselors therefore this is your perception and perception is real.
In order for therapy to work you the patient has to be comfortable working with your therapist. If you are not comfortable or do not trust them then the therapy will not work. It matters not if mom, dad or the rest of the family like your therapist what counts is how you feel.
Yes easy for me to say but how do you get this across to mom. I can only think of two ways to do this. The first is to show her what is written here by printing this out. Then you can ask her to contact me by private message if she has any questions as I would be glad to discuss this with her on your behalf.
I'm sure mom does see a change in you that you do not see or feel. Still it is so important that you are comfortable enough in therapy that you do not hold anything back from your therapist. To be able to do this you must be able to trust your therapist. That what is said in therapy stays in therapy. Without that trust it will be very hard for you and the therapist to work together.
One question; Do your therapists know about your cutting?
Suicide: I've saved this for last not because it is not important but because it is the most serious of what you have written.
Suicide is not an answer it is a wrong solution. People who commit suicide leave behind people who love them. Who are hurt beyond repair. Parents never recover from losing a child. Friends wonder for a lifetime why they did not see it coming and did not do something to help that person.
Fact is there is no problem so large that someone cannot find a solution. Stress is a horrible thing. Stress causes depression and in depression we perceive things wrong. I know I suffered from depression because I am disabled do to a car accident. I suffer from chronic pain to the point I can't walk most of the time. I have learned how to manage my pain and with the help of some good doctors I get through it. There are days the pain gets ahead of me and cause me stress and anxiety. I could get depressed if I let myself but I have learned how not to.
If I can learn how to better deal with stress so can you. I would like you to make me two promises.
First: if you ever feel so bad that you want to hurt yourself that you will pick up the phone and dial 911. Tell the call taker you are wanting to hurt yourself and help will be sent to you. You do not need anyone's permission to call 911.
Second: You need to calmly sit down with mom and discuss the problems you are having with your therapist. Just telling her, "Its not working" is not enough for she believes it is. You have to give her some better reasons. If need be write her a letter if you feel you can not calmly discuss this with her. Also you need to tell her about the cutting as this is something that you should have felt comfortable enough with your therapists to tell them and I do not feel you have.
I am always here should you need to talk to someone and should you feel I am someone you can talk to.
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I'm glad you're actually seeking help. You should sit down and have a talk with your mom. Don't beg or cry or anything, just be simple and real and explain that you really believe they aren't helping you make any progress and you really want to try someone new.
You won't stop thinking about suicide or cutting without professional help so you need to make sure you get it.
As for trying to keep it in control for yourself in the mean time, here are some of my suggestions..
-Exercise. Any kind of exercise you enjoy. Dance, bike rides, running, go the gym, sports, anything. It releases stress better than cutting ever will and on top of that, it's good for you.
-I don't know if you're creative or like art. But it's a good way to express your feelings. Drawing, ceramics, painting, ect.
-Write in a journal. It helps to get it all out and you start feeling better rather than keeping it inside and taking it out on yourself.
-Make yourself as comfortable as possible. Maybe take a warm bath with bubbles, listen to nice music, give yourself a mani/pedi, give yourself a facial, things like that.
-Take a new hobby.
-Go out with friends.
-Keep your hands busy.
-Plan activities during your most difficult time of the day.
-When you get sad, make yourself some treats, get into bed and watch some shows.
-Remind yourself that you don't want scars.
Just remember that cutting is impulsive. You'll only be wanting to do it in short bursts of time. Also, you're in control. Remember that.
Ice cubes help as an alternative to cutting.
I don't really know any way to cover up the scars though. Possibly foundation? I'd invest in some scar remover. It helps with scars that aren't very deep.
Just make sure you talk to your mom.
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Hello sweetie :)
I would suggest to hang out with people you enjoy. Sometimes friends are the only ones who understand us,have fun do things you like, this might sound weird but i think you should record how long you can go without having suicidal thought or cutting. Each time try and try to go as long as you can try to get your mind off of it. And if your mother does not understand then talk to her, i mean REALLY talk to her. Tell her that if you want to get over thinking about suicide then this is not the way to go. Tell her that things are just getting worse and your counselors make you think more and more about suicide because they are not helping at all, make her understand. And if you want to hide the scars the best way to do that would be to stop cutting. As tempting as you might feel, you're going to have to fight the feeling.(Ha might fight that rhymed ;) okaay im lame :/) Whenever you want to cut think about your girlfriend and how much you like or love her. Think about how she would not want you to do this to yourself. I hope everything works out. Please keep me updated on what happens :) I hope everything works out.
XOXOXO
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