Your boyfriend married young and has been divorced for less time than he was married. Not fighting for custody is one thing, but not being interested in regular visitation is entirely different. The thing is, we really only know his side of the story. Truth is subjective and the way he sees what happened is probably different than it was for his wife at the time. No one can argue that fighting in front of kids is good, but it takes two to argue...always. He cannot use that as an excuse. Being in love and a couple is much more simple than being married and sharing a child to raise. It is easy for him to be a great guy to you and virtually effortless compared to the responsibility he gave up as a husband and father. He may be a good guy right now, even a terrific boyfriend, but when the pressure is on and time tests his ability to stick to his commitments can he do it? I don't know the answer to this question, and it is hard to be objective about someone we are in love with and have a sexual relationship with. Your parents suspect the same thing I do and question his integrity because of the choices he is making in his life that are more about him than his girl. Can you imagine marrying him, having a baby together, and when it gets rocky he wants to split and leave you with his child to raise alone? What does that child feel? Rejected, ignored, unloved, unworthy, and sad that she does not have a father in her life that values her enough to be a consistent part of her life. I have personal experience in this area. Kids don't care about money or fame or toys a hundreth as much as they care about someone being with them. Taking walks and talking, listening to their fears in life and dreams. Why wouldn't a parent want to be a part of their child's life? It would literally kill me to be separated from my children...even on the days they drive me nuts. You can't make this man love his daughter the way you know he should. You cannot save her through marrying him and encouraging the relationship. I have been married a pretty long time and I love my husband, but I will never be able to love him with the same unconditional love that is effortlessly bestowed upon my flesh and blood. So, can a man that puts himself before his own flesh and blood daughter love you like you deserve? I would at least take time to consider what you are getting from him and what you are giving. If you are the giver in the relationship and the moral compass, then that is the way it will always be with this man. Can you have more from a man? ...only if you BELIEVE that you are worth more from a man. His daughter will grow up not believing she deserves much from the men in her life unless he steps up to the plate and fast. We can't change our childhoods, but you have the choice right now about the men in your life...make a good one.

This is a moral question, but also a legal one. The right thing to do was to be honest and own responsibility. Avoiding the truth forever is not healthy or very likely to work out for you or your brother. Maybe it was an act of chivalry on his part, or maybe there is another motive for his taking the blame. Either way, when the truth does surface eventually there may be unseen consequences. I don't have a crystal ball, and I don't know your brother, but you need to think about the price you could pay for trying to keep this thing hidden. You could also be involved with insurance fraud here...talk with your brother again about the details of the situation and any risks involved. I hope no one in the accident was seriously injured and that you can work this out and make a decision you can live with.

You need to always do what is best for you and stick with your own goals. He is not the first guy and won't be the last to try to come between a woman and her dreams. If he really cares for you then he will want what is best for you and trust your decision. Tell him that he is important to you, but so are your goals in life. He is going away to college without you pretty soon anyway, and would not put off his dreams to hang out with you...be practical.

Keep a chart of everything you do everyday. At the end of the week present it to your folks and ask if some of your brothers could pitch in with a specific chore or two. Start off slowly without complaining. Bring reasonable and detailed plans and ask your parents to include all of you equally in pitching in. Don't just whine or your parents will shut their ears to you. Tell them you are glad to share in the household responsibilities, but you cannot do more than that, because it is cutting into your study time and you feel like you carry a larger responsibility than your older brothers but don't know why.

You don't have to stop liking him whether or not he likes you back right away or if all your friends like him, too. However, you need to keep your options open in case he does not ever return your affections. Since he is already a good friend you have the perfect opportunity to be around him and let him get to know you, as well. Some guys like assertive girls and some prefer a challenge. I don't know about this guy, so it is your job to find out what kind of girl he is into. Most guys do prefer a no games girl who is confident without being stuck-up and just like you, he appreciates a good sense of humor. How he feels when he is around you can determine whether or not you two have a chance to hook up. Be easy to talk to and non-judgemental of him. Just relax and have fun with him and he will notice!

At this point in your life, you should be enjoying the time left with your aging mother. Don't waste precious time fighting about silly stuff. She is trying to help you get a hold of your spending with her nagging, and probably really cares about you and your future without her there to help you someday. As long as you are living under her roof, try to keep the peace and respect her. You are too old to still be rebelling against your mom and need to learn to see the depth of your emeshment with her. I suggest you give the jewelry a break and find some new hobbies. You can start by reading books about gaining your independence from your parents, forgiveness and finding your identity. This could begin a new exciting change not just in your relationship, but for your life in all areas.

Kids have an easier time accepting a new step-mom than a new step-dad or at least that is the opinion of the psychologists I have known. It is sexist, but they really will see you as their dad's plaything rather than a serious threat. I don't think it is going to be that much of a shock to her, but her dad should be the one to tell her and not hide you, now that you are serious about marriage. If my kid lived in another state, and I was serious about parenting, I would move there. So, my advice is really more about you getting married to this man who is not spending time raising his daughter like a father should. Is this really acceptable to you? Don't make up excuses for him, and get defensive. Just consider all that it could mean for the kind of commitment he will have to you and your future children and if that is going to be enough for you. Good luck with everything. Marriage is a lot of work in the best circumstance, so be prepared beforehand and know that if there is anything you are hoping to change about him, it won't happen...ever. Be very intellectual about it and set emotions aside for a minute. Do what is best for you.

Buy a "Buns of Steel" or other video that focuses on exactly what you want. The "Buns of Steel" videos are older, but definately work.

If you don't already have birth-control including condoms, then get some. If you are sexually active or just thinking about it, then be prepared. Oral sex is very intimate and special. It is not something that you should take lightly. You don't need to shave, just be clean and emotionally ready. Are you? If you are not mature and in a loyal relationship then it will only be uncomfortable and leave you feeling regretful. Sex, oral sex, all the wonderful things humans are gifted with can be a curse or blessing, depending on the situation. Always be the one in charge of your own body, including when and where and how anything happens. Never let anyone tell you or influence you to do anything that is not your desire completely. Your body has one boss...you. Protect yourself physically and emotionally.

Unfortunately her mom is not likely to change. She is definately a control freak and I feel for this girl. Keep giving your friend support, because she gets none at home. Usually kids of parents that are this over-controlling will do anything to please their parents and either keep trying all their lives or find a way to rebel. Sometimes they rebel by choosing to be with an even more controlling lover. Pretty scary, but very likely. Support your friend and warn her of hooking up with guys that are control freaks as well...she is unlikely to spot the difference. As far as you and she, let her make up her own mind on how to deal with it, because the last thing she needs is one more person telling her what to do with her life. Just support her choices and encourage her to be herself.

Unless you have food poisoning, you don't need to make yourself throw up. It can be very damaging to do so. Your best bet is to drink lots of clear liquids and watch your temperature. It feels like you need to throw up, but if your body wants to it will and you won't get the choice. Rest and let yourself be healed.

Two truths: Humans can like more than one person at a time. Flirting is often just flirting for fun and not serious. Accept these truths. They are especially true of guys who are notorious for messing with as many girls as they can possibly get away with. Not all are so, but enough that the entire gender is famous for it. If you enjoy the flirting there is nothing wrong with it, as long as you don't think it means anything more. Don't ever let a guy manipulate you in this way, and you will be fine.

You are not the first and won't be the last person deceived through the internet. We have become a society that relies heavily upon computers for communication, but the net makes it that much easier to hide behind untruths and make-believe identities. Pictures can be deceiving and this person purposely lied to you and manipulated the situation. You were tricked. Why do you think only lesbians are attracted to you? I doubt that is really the case. You can only be Bob's friend if you have an honest and trusting relationship. It sure did not start that way, so be cautious. Feelings can also be deceiving and can come and go quickly. Don't ever base a life decision on feelings alone. We need to be intellectually and emotionally balanced. I would expand my circle of friends to include those that are not hiding behind false identities. If this girl wants to be a lesbian or become transgendered it is her business, but you should never put up with being manipulated and lied to by anyone.

You may need to walk away if she won't accept your help and advice. This is not about food, but about control. Don't pressure her, but be honest about your own feelings. Tell her it is painful for you to watch her health decline. Give her unconditional love if you are willing and focus on her inner beauty. Often the person with the disorder already feels invisible and powerless in some area of life. She will have to overcome this is she is to survive. Clip and paste this link to your browser for some professional advice. Bless you both.

http://www.murraystate.edu/womenscenter/MSUWomensCenterHowToHelp.htm

Actually, you are both correct. The only reason you can "love" him is because you don't know the real him. The fantasy is very powerful and like an addict, you have to do this for yourself, not others. This obsession is runnning your life. It is not good for you. It is preventing you from enjoying friends and family and meeting guys your age and it must stop. You need to get rid of your stuff. Throw it out if you can and at least pack the rest away. Many people have had obsessions, and they don't lead to anything good. You alone have the power to end the obsession because you alone created it. The fantasy can be fun, but that is all it is. Like a helium balloon you feel on top of the world, until you realize that what is keeping you there is a bunch of hot air that won't last...it is time to come down to reality with the rest of us and have some fun that is within reach. You can always keep him on your list of hotties, but that is it. You are too anxious to give your life and heart away to someone that has not earned it and that will lead to trouble unless you accept the fact that real love should always be mutual and equal and based upon friendship. Whether a real guy or fantasy, they are both a waste of time if they give nothing in return for your huge heart.

First, stop using your current mascara and eye-make-up remover. You need to give your lashes a rest before you lose them all. Some of those products including eye-lash curlers can be really damaging. Some lash thinning happens as we age, but if you are pretty young that is not the case. Are you healthy and eating enough? Having hair loss anywhere else? If your health is fine then it make just be the overuse of the products and your routine. Don't rub your eyes, throw out your current mascara, and look for eye-lash conditioner clear mascaras. Use only those for awhile and see if it helps. Lashes take a long time to grow back, so protect what you have.

It is probably all the pressure from everyone telling you to do it. All eyes seem to be on you. Diffuse the attention by letting the subject rest for a little while and just find a quiet moment without the prying eyes and ears of the world, to talk with your crush...alone.

If you are not old enough to know than I think you need to wait before you go around testing different theories. Physically guys are very fast to respond to any kind of assertive attentions from a girl they even sort of fancy. Just take it slow, and don't dangle meat in front of a lion...so to speak.

Whoa! Quite a mix of "advice" you are getting here. I have to say that I disagree that as one person claimed, "Well, technically, the term "Slut" applies to anyone who has sex before marriage, so I guess you would fit under that category." This is simply her opinion, but when anyone makes such a judgement about anyone else's actions or "morality" it is merely opinion. The real question is who do you think you are? Our behavior sends a message about who we are, but we can also change our behavior to match our internal feelings about who we want to be in the future. Everyone makes mistakes in life, and it sounds like you may be regretting the free rounds of oral sex with guys who don't respect you. The best way to get this behind you is to make it clear that you won't let this one time thing become habit. Now, about the "boyfriend." Tell him that he needs to stop calling you a slut and start treating you with respect and kindness. If he is just using you for sexual favors, you need to end the "relationship." As far as I am concerned, you were taken advantage of and you are the only one who can stop it.

Avoidance or ignoring her will catch up to you, so you are going to have to confront her with your feelings. Tell her that while you value her as a friend, you just don't have the energy to keep up with her. Also, you don't need to apologize for being who you are, just be sensitive to who she is. Maybe she sees gossip as a way to bond with you or she wants to know what you think as a way to get to know what you value in a friend. Try to steer your conversations away from gossip, and your friendship should grow beyond this.

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



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All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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