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My girlfriend has an eating disorder. I wish nothing but the best for her, but she keeps eating less and less. She keeps a daily, sometimes weekly count of calories and tries not to go over 1000 calories a day, as opposed to the daily 2000. Additionally, she tries to exercise daily, sometimes twice a day, if she felt like she gave in to eating a certain food. What do I do to help her? I've tried being there for her and talking her through it, but nothing seems to get to her. She explained to me how 'eating healthy' for her was staying away from any kinds of fat, carbs, and just overall eating less. Her color is starting to fade too. Instead of feeling good about losing any weight, she just uses that as more motivation to continue the process. She is borderline average weight and under weight, but I still don't feel like this is healthy for her. I know it's not. When I bring up the problem, it usually ends up with the same 'it's my own body' conclusion...and she refuses to seek medical attention. What do I do? How can I get through to her?
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Eating Disorders are unfortunately exactly what they are called; "a disorder." It is a disease and like any disease, it requires treatment. There is a difference between being "healthy" and being obsessed with your weight and body image. To me, it sounds like your friend is the latter.
Eating less and less and exercising more and more is the unhealthy way to lose weight. The best way to lose weight is a healthy diet and moderate exercise. Cutting out carbs completely is not the best idea. We are trained to avoid carbs at all costs, but some carbs are good for you and give you energy. It's good to exercise but not when its at an extreme. 3-4 times a week is a good standard but not 2 times a day.
Speaking from experience, unfortunately, sometimes it really doesn't matter what you say. She has a distorted body image as well as control issues and low self confidence. Those are things that she controls and creates in her mind. Even if you say she is beatiful or thin, she has to belive it herself.
Combating an eating disorder is a long process and often involves nutritional and psychological treatment.
The best thing you can do is to educate yourself and learn the facts. Try and learn about nutrition, weight loss and eating disorders. Educate her with the "healthy" ways to lose weight. Try and continuely tell her how great she looks and try and help her with her confidence. Moniter her diet and workouts. If she gets worse, you may want to tell a family member of hers to help you in your efforts to cure her from herself.
You are doing the right thing now by recognizing the warning signs. Now, just don't ignore it.
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tell someone
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i know it may be very tough for you right now but you need to get her help or you may lose her for good. this is what you do: tell her you have a suprise for her and you wana take her to see it. then blindfold her and put her in the car. take her to the hospital or clinic and once she is in the room with a doctor take the blind fold off. if you don't want to be this sneeky than show her what it does to people. find families who are willing to talk about the loss of a loved one due to eating disorders and get them to talk to her. there are many websites that you can find these people at and they will bw willing to help and no matter what don't give up and don't give in to her ways at times she might hate you but when it's all over she will understand and be very happy that you did what you did.
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You may need to walk away if she won't accept your help and advice. This is not about food, but about control. Don't pressure her, but be honest about your own feelings. Tell her it is painful for you to watch her health decline. Give her unconditional love if you are willing and focus on her inner beauty. Often the person with the disorder already feels invisible and powerless in some area of life. She will have to overcome this is she is to survive. Clip and paste this link to your browser for some professional advice. Bless you both.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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There isn't an easy answer to this, as much of it depends on how she takes things. But I would suggest letting her know that you do understand it's her own body, but that you are concerned because she's doing something destructive that will be detrimental to her health. This isn't just a physical problem, it's an emotional problem. She is buying into they hype of having the "perfect" stick-thin, celebrity body. We can blame the media, tv, society, etc., etc. but in the end, and I hate to say this, some people are more prone to buying into this due to their own insecurities. I know how hard this is on you. You are concerned about her mental and physical health. I suggest talking to her and saying that there are other, perfectly healthy ways of managing your weight. Let her know she's the beautiful girl that you chose to be with for a reason, something along the lines of how you like her the way she is. I'm not saying she's going to buy any of this...it's a hard habit for her to break. If she doesn't listen to you, seek the advice of a school councelor, or maybe even a school nurse. They're trained professionals and surely hear tons of similar cases. Actually, I think you should talk to one of them immediately, maybe even before you talk to your girlfriend...just to know how to best deal with this. Good luck..and you know what, thank you for being genuine and not being brainwashed by all the crap out there regarding female body image. I see how it affects not only women's perception of their own bodies, but male (distorted) outlook on what the perfect female body is.
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If you are that conecerned and talking to her hasn't done any good, if you haven't tried really telling her how upset it makes you that shes doing this and how concerned you are with her health/weight/well being. You could try talking to her parents, or close friends. I really hope that you can help her resolve this issue, because it can be very fatal and un-healthy. I wish you the best of luck hun. And please, email me if you have any other concerns/questions, because I've been there with a close friend of mine as well.
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