"A True Friend Will Stab You in the Front." I will tell you things that you may not always want to hear. I am honest, unbiased, and fair. I always try and give two sides to every problem and I let you make the choice. I genuinely care about helping people and I will give a realistic side of the situation from an outsiders point of view. I only offer advice to those who have real problems. There's no games here. I keep it real.
Gender: Female
Location: Hawaii
Age: 25
Member Since: April 15, 2007
Answers: 12
Last Update: November 27, 2007
Visitors: 2000
Main Categories:
Love Life
Friendship
Families
View All
|
| |
|
My "Best" friend did it again and I'm not sure to react this time. We have know each other for 30 years. We say we were in the womb together because our parents were friends and we hung out and sleep at each others house til the end of high school. We lost touch while she was in college but then we hooked back up again. We worked together and then I got pregnant. This weekend she told me she was going to take me to Stevie B for my birthday and all of a sudden she couldn't get the tickets, but we were still goign to hang for a while, that was until she called and told me that she was going home for the night instead. I now have two children, 8 and 1, she wasn't there for either birth or even to visit me in the hospital, nor has she been to either ones birthday parties. We always say that we will be friends forever no matter what but now I feel so hurt I don't know if I any longer want her friendship. Friendship goes two ways and I seem to be the only one giving. Is it mean or bad to feel this way? It's my 30th, a major milestone, I was at both of her 30th parties, ugh!!!!!!! (link)
|
This has happened to me many times. What I have learned from my personal experience is that there are many variaties of people. THerefore, there are also many different types of friendships. I use to have high expectations for a friend. I had a simple request. All I wanted was a friend who would be there for me through thick and thin and someone who I can trust and have fun with. Little did I know that that wasn't the easiest thing to find.
I encountered many friends who have backstabbed me, lied to me and who have "blew" me off on numerous occasions.
There are a three things you can do to handle this. A) Stop being her friend completely. B) Deal with it in silence OR C) Tell her how you feel and hope she changes.
I highly suggest option C. As your "best friend," you should be able to talk to her about almost anything. That also means, she should be understanding when you express feelings of hurt and sadness. Approach her at an even playing level. Don't allow her to get defensive by acting aggresive or offensively.
Instead of pointing out all the negative things she has done, tell her how it made you feel when she did it.
Your right, a friendship and ANY relationship is a two-way streak. You give some and take some. If there is someone who only takes, there is no way the relationship will work.
It is clear she has let her responsibilities as a friend faulter. It needs to be addressed. Especially since this is a long standing friendship. Every relationship requires work.
If she still doesn't change or make any attempt to redeem herself, than it may be time to part ways. Sometimes we hold on to old relationships because of the history. BUT sometimes, friendships have expiration dates. You had your time, and now it's time to move in seperate directions. People come into our lives for a reason. Some stay and some leave.
You deserve to get back everything you put in a relationship. Just be sure that others appreciate you as much as you appreciate them.
|
I'm male, nearly 30.
For half my life I've been chasing girls and from asking God for a girlfriend to crying in the shower, I've tried it all.
I've been on dates, but none of the women I have been interested in, likes me back (more than a friend, your such a NICE guy... I know that one off by heart). Its really frustrating to be 30 and to know only rejection from women, obviously at this stage I'm so insecure that the last time I liked this chick I totally started to stutter really badly when I thought about trying to kiss her.
I don't try to screw anything that moves, if I'm not interested in a women, I don't make moves on them and have no problem talking to them.
I'm really low and I need advice, not comfort. (link)
|
I can relate. The dating world is really tough out there. I have and still am going through it.
Most people might say, "Don't look for love, let it come to you. It's when your not looking that you find it."
I hate that phrase because it's not realistic. Love is all around. On TV shows, in movies and everywhere you look. It's hard not to think about being single and wanting to be in love. A lot of times, you can't help but seek love everywhere you go.
Having said that, here is my advice to you: Try your best to not let the bad dates get to you. COnsider each female and each date as it's own isolated moment. The worst thing you can do is get insecure about it or let it get you down. BECAUSE, confidence radiates. Many people are attracted to others who have high self-confidence and who are secure with themselves. You must show that.
If you are noticing that EVERY women you are interested in, doesn't like you back, you need to either re-look at the "type" of women you go for or change the way you act towards them. Try not to fall into the "friend" role. DOn't be overly nice because sometimes, as bad as it sounds, nice guys finish last.
Try to venture outside your comfort zone. Meaning, sign up for classes in art, fitness or wherever your interests lie. Go to new places and try to network as much as possible. The larger your circle of friends are, the better your chances will be.
Focus on things that make you happy. There are SO many perks to being single. Write them down and remind yourself about it each time you feel down.
Asking God and crying in the shower will do nothing but give you false hope. Make moves on your own and never let yourself settle for anything less than what you deserve. IT will come. Good luck!
|
20/f My little sister died eight months ago and all but one of my friends in college completely failed me. They continued to spend most of our time together talking about and doing things I couldn't participate in. They often played violent video games when I was in the room even though I told them how much it bothered me (and they weren't playing when I eneterd the room). They even criticized how I was grieving and got mad at me for being a killjoy. I have spoken with them over a dozen times about how their behavior often excludes me or just makes me feel worse. I know it's selfish, but I wanted to be the center of attention for a little while, while I healed from my tragic loss- but they refuse.
I am moving away soon, and would really like to forget most of them and never return. Only, two of them are getting married soon and I have been asked to be a bridesmaid. The only other bridesmaid is the bride's 17y/o sister who has no money and is very irresponsible. I would pretty much be on my own for planning the bridal shower and bachelorette party and I would be doing it from far away. This would take a lot of time, energy and money. I really don't feel like putting in any work for her- but I still would like to attend the wedding as I've never been to one and would like to see the one friend who went above and beyond to support me during my time of need.
I'm not normally this selfish. But the bride-to-be has treated me awfully. At this point I don't even care about her. She's getting married because she was pregnant (miscarried though, after knowing about the child for two weeks). She's only dated this guy for six months. And she's annoying and stupid. She doesn't know how much I dislike her because I see no point in intentionally hurting her.
Should I suck it up and help her anyway? Is there a polite way to refuse being a bridesmaid, but still be invited to the wedding? Or should I not go since my only motives are selfish? (link)
|
Let me start by offering my sincrest condolences to your recent loss.
Your problem has a couple scenarios going on but the most important is that, your so-called "friends" are not treating you with respect.
They are not acting with your best interest in mind and they are in turn disrespecting you. I don't blame you for not wanting to return the kindness.
Some people come in our lives and go right out. It seems like some of these people just don't deserve to be your friend. Friends are people you can rely on, have fun with and be yourself around. When tragedy hits, they should be the first ones to console you, however long it takes.
If you have already expressed your feelings to them on how poorly they treat you, and they have chosen not to change, you should consider cutting them out of your life.
In terms of the bridesmaid situation...outweigh the pros and cons of the situation. If the cons outweigh the pros, then you have answered your own question. Try to think rationally and ask yourself whether this person would do the same for you.
The best way to deter this situation is to tell your friend that your just too busy to be a bridesmaid but you'd love to be in attendance on her special day.
Good luck!
|
can anybody make me list how you know for sure someone is true friend and what not a true freind and how you know she or he not pretending be your friend or not thanks
(link)
|
Friendship can be a very beautiful thing and at the same time can be very stressful and requires a lot of work.
Unfortunately, I can't give you a list that will explain what makes a true friend. Everybody sees things in different angles. What I may think is a true friend may not have the same meaning for you.
The best way for ME to tell if someone is my true friend is to consider some things.
1) Does this person TRULY have my best interest in mind?
2) Does this person go out of their way to make me happy?
3) Can I trust this person?
4) Does this person bring out a positive side of me?
If you have answered YES to most of these questions, I would say you definitely have a person who has a lot of true friend qualities. Just keep in mind, a true friend will be there for you when you need them AND they will make you a better person, just by being in your life.
Keep negative friends away and cherish those rare ones who are the light at the end of the tunnel.
|
i have alot of friendssss
and a couple of great best friends
but none of them are really like me.
i hate to use this label but they're "preppy"
and idk
how do you make new friends? (link)
|
There are a million ways to make new friends. It's just a matter of going about it the right way and finding friends that are worth keeping. Unfortunately, realy good, true friends are hard to find. Consider yourself truly lucky to have found a lot of friends and a couple of best friends. Treasure them because they are a rarity.
There must be something in common with you and your friends because after all, they are your best friends, as you state.
If you are interested in expanding your circle of friends, I would suggest participating in activities that involve your interests. For example, if you like art, take an art class or go to a museum.
A lot of great friendships are based on commonalities. If you have similar interests, friendships can be even more fun. Good luck!
|
|
My boyfriend's dad has a business, his dad got very sick and now my boyfriend is working every single day, helping his family. I see him once every 1-2 weeks. I miss him and I know working this much isn't healthy but he tells me constantly he "has no choice". He's very family oriented so I wouldn't make him choose. It's just I would like to see him more, and besides it'll get his mind off work. What am I supposed to do? Wait it out and do/say nothing? (link)
|
I think you should definitely wait it out for a little bit longer for a number of reasons.
First, this could be temporary and things could get better. Right now, it is a very hard time for your boyfriend and his family with the head of the household being ill.
I understand you miss him but being a good girlfriend means supporting your boyfriend and being there for him through thick and thin. Right now he needs you to be as supportive as possible. He is already in a tough situation both emotionally and physically. Don't make it any harder for him.
I am sure he wants to see you more and be more available. But the fact is that he needs to help his family during this tough time. What kind of man would he be if he didn't? This shows you what great character he has.
If roles were reversed, wouldn't you want him to understand?
Find ways to do things together, even if its for a short time. Can you help him with his work? That would be a great way to spend time with him while still having him fulfill his duties and obligations to his family. How about suggesting he hire another person to help?
Meanwhile, just enjoy the time you do get to spend with him and know that eventually, it will get better.
|
|
I'm coming onto the 1 year anniversary of my fiancee's death. She was 27, but after 1 year, I still can't get over her. I had waited almost 30 years for someone like her, and she was the love of my life. I'm a wreck, and I don't know what to do. Is this normal? What can I do? (link)
|
Let me first start by offering my deepest condolences regarding the anniversary of your fiance's death.
Second, it is completely normal how you are feeling. Death is a very hard aspect of life. It's the hardest thing anyone will have to go through. Taking that into consideration, it's normal to feel pain about this. Most people take a long time to grieve a loss. Some people take months, others years. Everyone must mourn at their own pace.
The only thing that will help to heal your heart is time. Eventually you will wake up and it won't hurt as bad. For now, you have to continue to wake up each day and live it like she would want you to. Live a full and happy life each and everyday. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for her.
To help with the mourning, keeping yourself busy always help. Devote yourself to work, family, friends or yourself. Be active in your hobbies. If you don't have a hobby, find one. Take classes of things you have been interested in, go to museums, meet new people. If that doesn't work and you don't like being alone, surround yourself with those people you love and who love you. Be sure to hang around positive people who make you laugh or bring a smile to your face.
Try and find something in each day that makes you happy. Keep a positive mentality. One day, you will find someone who will make you as happy as your fiance did. I know it may be hard to see that now. But eventually it will. This person will not replace your fiance, nobody can. But this person will only come when you are emotionally ready to love again.
You will never forget her. She will always be in your heart, but eventually you need to move on.
"When thinking of someone makes you cry, remembering someone will make you smile."
Give it time. Your heart will heal one day.
|
I don't get it. I'm a smart guy but I can't get over her. Its been almost a year, and I can only think about her- the girl that I was going to marry. She's gone now- and I'm miserable. I'm exhausted, on the verge of tears, and all I want to do is "leave las vegas".
What can I do to help with this pain? (link)
|
First off, being smart has nothing to do with what your heart feels. Even the most intelligent person can get their heart broken and have a hard time getting over it. Your mind may be telling you one thing and your heart another. You know what you have to do, but it's another thing to do it.
Your pain is completely understandable. After all, you were planning to marry this person. To find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and have them not feel the same, is one of the most heart breaking things that can happen to someone. It will take some time for you to get over it. Some people take months, others take years.
The best thing to do is to keep yourself occupied. Keep busy. Do positive things for yourself and others. Surround yourself around good friends and positive people. Eventually, you will get over it. It's hard to see that now. But you will. You will meet someone who you will love more and who will love you back just as much.
Remember, if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it was meant to be. If it doesn't, it was never meant to be in the first place.
Good luck!
|
19 f
ok so ive recently gotten a boyfriend and hes really special to me. I also have my friends. theyve both met but thats pretty much it. I feel bad if i go out with him and leave my friend out yet on the other hand were in our first stages of still getting to know each other. I dont want her to be mad at me...ahh any advice would help thanks! (link)
|
Balancing friends and significant others can get difficult sometimes. Depending on each persons personality, it can determine your level of difficulty.
Sometimes our friends can get jealous of our "new" relations with the opposite sex. They are use to the "single YOU," who is more available. Once you meet someone new, your time must now be divided between this new love interest and your friends. Depending on your friends, some may completely understand your newly busy schedule, wheras other friends may become bitter, jealous or angry.
No friend should ever be angry that you are spending a lot of time with this new person. A true friend will understand and be happy for you, so long as the "new" person in your life plays a positive role.
If it bothers you that much, you may want to consider doing group dates or double dates. IF your friend has a boyfriend, go on double dates together. That way, you are killing two birds with one stone. If your friend does not have a boyfriend, than maybe your new love interest can bring out a nice friend.
The first few months is considered the "getting to know each other" stage and to truly get to know one another, it requires you to spend some individual time with this person. There is nothing wrong with that. Everyone goes through it. Just don't completely abandon your friends or family to a point where you don't see them for months on end.
Learn how to manage your time evenly and choose your battles wisely. Because in a couple years, this new love may not be around but your friends and family will be.
|
|
My girlfriend has an eating disorder. I wish nothing but the best for her, but she keeps eating less and less. She keeps a daily, sometimes weekly count of calories and tries not to go over 1000 calories a day, as opposed to the daily 2000. Additionally, she tries to exercise daily, sometimes twice a day, if she felt like she gave in to eating a certain food. What do I do to help her? I've tried being there for her and talking her through it, but nothing seems to get to her. She explained to me how 'eating healthy' for her was staying away from any kinds of fat, carbs, and just overall eating less. Her color is starting to fade too. Instead of feeling good about losing any weight, she just uses that as more motivation to continue the process. She is borderline average weight and under weight, but I still don't feel like this is healthy for her. I know it's not. When I bring up the problem, it usually ends up with the same 'it's my own body' conclusion...and she refuses to seek medical attention. What do I do? How can I get through to her? (link)
|
Eating Disorders are unfortunately exactly what they are called; "a disorder." It is a disease and like any disease, it requires treatment. There is a difference between being "healthy" and being obsessed with your weight and body image. To me, it sounds like your friend is the latter.
Eating less and less and exercising more and more is the unhealthy way to lose weight. The best way to lose weight is a healthy diet and moderate exercise. Cutting out carbs completely is not the best idea. We are trained to avoid carbs at all costs, but some carbs are good for you and give you energy. It's good to exercise but not when its at an extreme. 3-4 times a week is a good standard but not 2 times a day.
Speaking from experience, unfortunately, sometimes it really doesn't matter what you say. She has a distorted body image as well as control issues and low self confidence. Those are things that she controls and creates in her mind. Even if you say she is beatiful or thin, she has to belive it herself.
Combating an eating disorder is a long process and often involves nutritional and psychological treatment.
The best thing you can do is to educate yourself and learn the facts. Try and learn about nutrition, weight loss and eating disorders. Educate her with the "healthy" ways to lose weight. Try and continuely tell her how great she looks and try and help her with her confidence. Moniter her diet and workouts. If she gets worse, you may want to tell a family member of hers to help you in your efforts to cure her from herself.
You are doing the right thing now by recognizing the warning signs. Now, just don't ignore it.
|
|
pls i want to know if it is bad for me to have a girlfriend if i am not ready to marry. (link)
|
It's not bad for you to have a girlfriend if your not ready to marry for a couple reasons:
1) You are still trying to discover what it is you want and the only way to find out is to date.
2) You may change your mind once you meet the right woman.
The only time it gets bad is if your hurting and deceiving the women you date. As long as you are clear on your intentions and your feelings towards marriage, and keep an OPEN communication with the women you date, then it is fair game.
|
okay question
do guys actually look at a girls clothes?
what do they like or look at? i know its broad and that every guy is different but im talking about in general.
do they look at eyes?
do they like smart girls, pretty girls, stupid girls, flirty girls.
(link)
|
Some guys look at girls clothes but not nearly to the detail that girls look at girls clothes. Women pay more attention to detail. Some Men will notice when women match their clothes but they won't notice the brand name of a women's bag or the color of your eye makeup.
Men will notice if a women is wearing something short, scandalous or tight. Some men look at cleavage, some look at legs, others look at butts, and others look at the face. Every man has different taste.
I think a lot of men don't see the eyes at first unless they are close enough to see the color. But once they do, a good amount of guys like a women with pretty eyes.
Here is a short and sweet answer to the last question you asked:
-Smart men like Smart women
-Everyone wants to date someone attractive
-Guys like flirty girls when they flirt with them, but not when they flirt with other men
|
|