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My Fiance Died Last Year.
I'm coming onto the 1 year anniversary of my fiancee's death. She was 27, but after 1 year, I still can't get over her. I had waited almost 30 years for someone like her, and she was the love of my life. I'm a wreck, and I don't know what to do. Is this normal? What can I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Let me first start by offering my deepest condolences regarding the anniversary of your fiance's death.
Second, it is completely normal how you are feeling. Death is a very hard aspect of life. It's the hardest thing anyone will have to go through. Taking that into consideration, it's normal to feel pain about this. Most people take a long time to grieve a loss. Some people take months, others years. Everyone must mourn at their own pace.
The only thing that will help to heal your heart is time. Eventually you will wake up and it won't hurt as bad. For now, you have to continue to wake up each day and live it like she would want you to. Live a full and happy life each and everyday. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for her.
To help with the mourning, keeping yourself busy always help. Devote yourself to work, family, friends or yourself. Be active in your hobbies. If you don't have a hobby, find one. Take classes of things you have been interested in, go to museums, meet new people. If that doesn't work and you don't like being alone, surround yourself with those people you love and who love you. Be sure to hang around positive people who make you laugh or bring a smile to your face.
Try and find something in each day that makes you happy. Keep a positive mentality. One day, you will find someone who will make you as happy as your fiance did. I know it may be hard to see that now. But eventually it will. This person will not replace your fiance, nobody can. But this person will only come when you are emotionally ready to love again.
You will never forget her. She will always be in your heart, but eventually you need to move on.
"When thinking of someone makes you cry, remembering someone will make you smile."
Give it time. Your heart will heal one day.
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You already have some great answers, so I don't have much to add.
But, just so that you know, anniversaries can be very hard for any tragic / traumatic event. So chances are, you are feeling even worse with the anniversary coming around. This is normal.
But things will not be this hard forever, they will start to slowly get better. Hang in there, I know that it's hard, but she wouldn't want you to be in pain. She would want you to be happy. Try thinking of that when times are really bad. It might help alleviate some of what you are going through.
Sorry I can't give you any better advice, but there is no magic answer for this type of thing.
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damn i am really sorry for you loss. it's completely normal for you to feel lost about this sort of thing cause a death of a loved one is hard and everyone has their own pace of healing. dont think that just because it's been a certain length of time that your just going to get over it. its better for you just to let yourself have time. i am truly sorry for your loss.
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Oh! I'm so sorry. There is really no answer to your question. It takes time. You have to remember that your fiance would want you to be happy.
♥ Mz.JENNiFER
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I'm sorry for your loss.
Yes, you are normal. Bereavement groups have released information saying that people can be in deep initial mourning for up to two years - beyond that point, if a person hasn't begun to recover, they may need professional help.
I would suggest it would be a great support to you to find a therapist now, however. It gives you a place to speak about your fiancee and how you are feeling about her life and death.
There are a lot of publications out there for people in grief. Some people find it helpful to learn about the cycles/stages of bereavement, and some find it pointless. You've really got to see what works for you, and it can be less confusing when you are dealing with your pain with supportive professional help.
It's okay to be a wreck. You loved someone deeply, and you've lost her. You are where you are in your own healing, and as painful and confusing as it might be, it's where you need to be at this point. I wish you strength and honesty.
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Losing anyone, especially someone as close to you as a fiance, is always going to be painful. There is no set amount of time to how long the mourning process is going to take. First, you need to give yourself permission and time to be sad. If you are (or anyone else around you is) pressuring you to be over it by now, that's not a very healthy thing to do. Grief has no clock, so allow yourself to feel what you feel and don't worry about what's considered normal.
Second, you should consider talking to someone like a therapist. They can be a great deal of assistance in times like these when talking to someone and making sense of things is the key to the healing process. There's many different types of therapy, and going to talk to a therapist can help you see just how many routes there are to the road to recovery. Just knowing that you have options and that there is hope for the future will probably help to make you feel better all by itself - of course, not completely.
Third, engage in activities that you enjoy and surround yourself with people who cheer you up. It's normal for human beings to want to withdrawal when we're suffering, but unfortunately the withdrawing only feeds the pain and isolation. You might have to force yourself to do those activities and be around those people, but you don't have to force yourself to enjoy them. That will all come back to you in time. The most important thing to remember is not to lose yourself in sadness.
Just know that heartache and pain never last. They always heal, and I promise you that you will heal as well. Just put for some effort to mend this wound and time will do the rest. If your fiance were still here, she would not want you to be sad and suffering. She would want you living life to its fullest and being as happy as possible. So get better for your sake and for hers. Take solace in the fact that she's in a better place and one day the two of you will be reunited. Good luck and God bless. :)
Please email me if you need anything - more advice, someone to talk to, etc.. I'll be happy to help.
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