BIOGRAPHY:
My name is Carrie, and I just recently turned 25. I've been told that I give excellent advice, so I created this column last year with the intention of helping as many people as possible. Although I do believe I succeeded, I ultimately turned my back on this column when I discovered just how cruel and thankless some people can be. Almost one year later a lot has changed. I've gained a whole new perspective on life and the world around me. I'm much more positive, sympathetic, and willing to listen when people truly need help. So now I've decided to come back and focus my attention on the individuals who are truly in need of advice.
ADVICE:
I'm very genuine when it comes to giving advice. I try to be sympathetic to the person asking the question, but I don't ever sugar coat things. I've learned quickly that many people who ask for help don't really want advice - they want someone who will say what they want to hear. Sorry, but you're not going to get that with me. I'm not here to make friends (if a friendship happens though, yay for me!). You'll always get the truth from me whether you like it or not. While the truth may sting just a bit to begin with, it will absolutely set you free in the long run. If you want to be lied to, please seek advice from somebody else.
CONTACT INFO:
If you like my advice and have additional questions for me, click on the link right underneath this profile that says "Ask Me A Question." If you leave your follow-up question for me in my feedback, I have no way of replying to it. Please use the link. Also, I have an e-mail address where people can get in touch with me if they need to. Feel free to use it.
IMPORTANT:
This may be a hobby in some people's eyes, but I don't like it when people waste my time regardless of whatever it is I'm doing, which in this case, is providing a free service out of the kindness of my heart. So please don't ask me stupid questions, and please make an effort to type sensibly so that I can read and understand your question. I know there are a lot of young people on this site, but that's no excuse to type like you're brain dead. Proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation is highly appreciated with me. The more intelligent your question is, the more intelligent of a response you'll get from me.
ABOUT ME:
Here are some facts about me. I like pop music (especially Madonna). I like horror movies (especially Scream). I like to chat (on MSN). I love to write (poetry, screenplays, short stories). I love shopping (Best Buy). I'm a gamer (I'm better than a guy - Xbox 360 all the way). I have a MySpace (Click "Ask Carrie" for the link). I love my doggies (I have 2). I'm not a bitch (...well, sometimes). I love to laugh (and sometimes I pee a little when I do). It happens.
Website: Ask Carrie
E-mail: soundslikepink@gmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: South Carolina
Occupation: What's that?
Age: 25
Member Since: June 10, 2007
Answers: 195
Last Update: September 13, 2008
Visitors: 17050
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well my name's yvette
14/f
im currently dating someone that im like totally in love with the problem is we've only been together for a little more than a week and it usually takes me months before i tell a guy i love them even if within that period of time they've already said it to me well about the 3rd day into this relationship he busted out the 3 magic words and to my suprise i said it back...and meant it...it scares me to be falling so soon and i've been hurt so many times im afraid of how much it will hurt me if me and my current guy ever break up i love him but i put up a wall with every guy im with and it's up for him to i really want to trust him and give him everything but im scared so my question is should i tear down the wall for him because he's so different from my past relationships or is it to soon? thanx on advance =) (link)
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Yvette, you lead a very mature and complicated life for a 14 year old. As satisfying as it is to feel grown and sophisticated, you have to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. You're playing a game right now that makes you feel older, but when you're in your 20s and 30s and you're still playing that same ole game, you're going to be absolutely miserable and wish you had waited a little while longer before you decided to play.
You're missing out on something really fun and cool right now - being 14! Life shouldn't be so serious when you're that age. It should be a celebration of fun, being young, and growing up. You shouldn't be telling guys you love them and giving them "everything." Even if you wait months, that's still way too soon! Look at what it's gotten you so far - nothing but past experiences. Love doesn't just fade into nothing like that.
If you're with someone who says they love you after 3 days, don't walk but RUN AWAY!!! This person is either trying to manipulate you or is as confused as you are. I'm well aware that these are things you don't want to hear, but if you want advice you should at least get it from someone who cares and can see the bigger picture. Save "everything" for the person who's worthy of having it. One day you'll meet someone deserving of your words, your love, and your affection.
That doesn't happen at 14.
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Lately, it's been incredibly humid outside and sometimes rainy. I live in a dorm and we don't have air conditioning, just windows and fans. How can I reduce the humidity? I read that I should close my window on humid days.. does that really work? btw, I'm looking for other suggestions besides buying a dehumidifier because I can't really afford that right now.. Thanks! (link)
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It's been a hot, humid summer here, so I know exactly what you're going through. If you can't afford an AC window unit or a dehumidifier, there are still plenty ways of keeping cool.
Obviously, drink plenty of fluids and wear light clothing. Dark colors, especially black, attract the sun's rays, which is very unfair since black is so slimming and goes with everything!
There are less obvious things you can do to stay cool as well. Keep your doors closed. Heat likes to travel, so if you can close your bedroom door, use your fans to cool off that space.
As for closing your windows, close 'em now!! Not only close them, but pull the blinds, shut the curtains, and buy some window tinting (its really cheap). Tinting repels the sun's rays.
Other simple things you can do is eat cooler foods (treat yourself to a popsicle!), turn off electronics (PCs, laptops, and gaming systems get incredibly hot), and take cooler showers.
Finally, put a bowl (or something bowl-like) of ice in front of your fans. It sounds crazy, but it makes a difference and every bit helps when you're cooking alive! Good luck and guess what...
Summer's almost over!!! :D
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okay so I just started my freshman year and I like this guy and I mean I really like him. but I don't even know him and I never spoke to him. it's like when he's near me,my heart begins to beat fast. and even when I think of him,I blush .ain't that stupid?lols. when I see him,I blush and squel. but I don't know him but I have those feelings like I have butterflies in my stomach when I see him. and I'm too shy to even talk to him . and he has a girlfriend. I don't know what to do. what should do? is this feelings weird? or normal? (link)
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Aww. How cute. :)
Don't worry. Everything you're feeling is completely normal. It's a little emotion called "infatuation." It happens to a lot of people, but it mostly happens to us girls. You better get used to it, because it doesn't seem to go away!
As for what you should do, I think you should stop and enjoy this precious moment. Very rarely will you have another feeling as pure and intense as this one. If you're feeling up to it, say "hi" to him. I'm sure he isn't going to bite you.
He has a girlfriend, so you have to respect that and respect her, but for right now maybe you could be his friend. Chances are, he won't always have that girlfriend, and maybe whene she's on her way out, you can find a way to work your way in.
Stranger things have happened!
If he doesn't want to be your friend, you have to respect that too. And just remember that no matter what happens, you'll survive it. No emotion - not love nor heartache - is so intense that it can't be gotten over with a little time.
So with that in mind, enjoy your crush!
The butterflies won't last forever.
Good luck and let me know how things go. :)
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I am a full time student through a community college but since I registered late, it's independent work I do at home. So I'm at home like all the time, my boyfriend works full time (we live together). I can't find a job. My friends and his are all away at school so at night are seriously bored to tears and get very very irritated with each other and frustrated that there's nothing to do. I seriously get so upset that we are such losers...we're only 20 and we live like 70 year olds! The days are just so long and monotonous because I'm stuck at home doing school work (and because I can't drive) and the nights are depressing and boring and awful. The spark is like gone from our relationship, seriously, because we are so pathetic and bored and there's nothing to do together at night. What can I do? I seriously can't go on like this, it's awful... (link)
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It doesn't sound like your life needs an adjustment, it sounds like your attitude does! Go back and read the question you asked and see how many negative things you said about you, your boyfriend, and your lives. Take into consideration that you probably THINK those negative thoughts several times a minute - far more than what you typed in this brief question. Also, take into consideration how much negativity that is in an hour, a day, a week, a month, a school semester, etc!! No wonder you're miserable and hate your life. You're beating yourself up left and right.
Most psychologists believe that your thoughts trigger your emotions, so if you think bad thoughts you're going to feel bad emotions. Chances are, you've perfected the fine art of negative thinking and now it's habitual. Fortunately, like any habit, it can be broken and unlearned. You just have to stop being so down - stop feeling so sorry for yourself and thinking about how bad you have it. Doing that won't be easy nor will its effects be automatic, but trust me, it will work - it's a fact. You might be unhappy with your situation, but there are millions who'd be thrilled to be in your position.
You complain about being home all the time - be happy you're fortunate enough to have a place of your own! You say you get bored to tears - take that as a sign that you need a hobby. What are you interested in? What's he interested in? Maybe you could do something together. Maybe you could do something on your own. Take this as a great opportunity to learn about yourself or learn more about him. You say the spark is gone from your relationship - figure out why that is. It sounds like the burdens of adulthood is suffocating you. To someone else, the taste of independence would be as sweet as honey. It's all about your attitude.
You're making yourself miserable because you're seeking out the bad in every situation. For every bad thing about it, there's something good about it too. That's what you need to focus on. Or maybe you need to realize that you're only 20 and you're not ready for the realities of adulthood. Maybe you need to have a conversation with your parents and tell them how unhappy you are. You have your whole life to deal with relationships and financial burdens. Take this time to focus on school and/or work and doing what you want to do. None of us can make you make a change. All of this is up to you.
If you're unhappy, you can change your attitude or change your situation. Nothing is written in stone. However, whatever you decide to do, I strongly urge you to change your perception of things and be a bit more mature. Thinking negatively and beating up on yourself isn't going to help or change anything. You're only making things worse for yourself. You have to make a conscious decision to stop. It's your life, your choices, and your consequences. Suck it up, stop complaining, and go live your life as happily and as progressively as you can.
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my best guyf riend two years ago and i stopped being friends like 6 months ago cause we became friends with beenfits and it just stopped working out. we got into way to many fights. now he wants to be my friend again and said we can forget teh past but im scared i dont want to get hurt again i cried over him forever. i decided im going to be his friend but if somehting happens again how can i handel it matturely without making a huge deal about it and dreading not being his friend? (link)
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When it comes to relationships, there are boundaries. Some boundaries are worth crossing, and some boundaries should never be crossed. Once you cross a boundary, more often than not, you can never go back. If you want to handle any future situation maturely, you must first look at the present situation realistically. You said you've decided to be his friend, but how much consideration did you give this decision?
I'm sure you've given it a lot of thought, but did you give your heart and mind equal consideration? Often times we overlook what's smart in favor for what's simple and familiar. Love is what comes naturally to us, especially girls. It's difficult to walk away from, but sometimes walking away is the most mature thing you can do for yourself. Sometimes the greatest and most selfless act of love is letting go.
If you still feel it's wise for you to be his friend, realistically you have to expect unwanted emotions to surface from time to time - jealousy, anger, bitterness, etc. Can you be happy for him if he's happy with another girl? If your answer is no, you might want to rethink what being a friend truly means. If your answer is yes, maybe the two of you can be friends again. Just don't rush into things and don't dwell on your fears.
Just remember, the mature thing to do isn't always handling yourself well in every situation. Sometimes the most mature thing you can do is realize that it's smart to avoid the situation at all costs. The scary thing about trusting someone with your heart is that sometimes they break it. Just make sure he's worth all the time and effort it took to mend the first break, and realize that even as a friend he could easily break it again.
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I'm 16/f
My older sister is almost 20, still living in our parents house, un-employed, and about to quit college. My dad doesn't really say anything about it, but my mom is now heck-bent on me going to a top-notch college, getting a job as soon as possible, and all the things I want to do socially with friends doesn't even matter. I understand that they don't want me to end up like my sister, but I find it unfair. They were never this hard on her, and let her decide. Heck, she didn't even get her drivers license until last year! And now it's gotten to the point where they are catering to her every need and pushing me out into the world without warning. With that said, How do I talk to my parents about this? I want to do all of these things (drive,work,etc.) but at MY own pace.
Thanks,
AngryYoungerSister (link)
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What's going on with you is definitely unfair. You're having to pay for your sister's mistakes, but you have to realize that this is what happens in a lot of families. Being a parent doesn't come with a manual (ugh, my mom says that all the time), so they're trying their best to learn from their mistakes by keeping you from following in your sister's footsteps. So even though it is unfair, you need to see that they have good intentions and aren't trying to make your life difficult for the fun of it. You may already know this, but I just want to make sure you do before I continue.
I think the best way to handle this situation is to approach them with respect and the utmost maturity. First, make sure that they know that you know that they have your best interest in mind. If they see that you understand that, they're much more likely to let their parental guard down to hear what you have to say. Next, tell them exactly how you feel. Keep it casual. Don't raise your voice and don't attack them. Make them see that this is something that you've put a lot of thought into, but it's something you're willing to work out with them. Don't give them the impression that you're being a spoiled brat who wants her way this very moment.
Lastly, like the person before me said, make sure that they know that you can see all of your sister's flaws. Don't go about it by putting your sister down, but ensure them that you don't want the same kind of life for yourself that your sister has. Tell them what you would like and what your plans are. Emphasize the plans that coincide with theirs. Just tell them with all sincerity that they're pushing you too hard and you deserve to be given the chance to succeed on your own. As an added bonus, tell them that you believe that they should trust in their parenting skills more to know that they've already guided you in the right direction.
A little ass kissing never hurt anybody.
Good luck! :)
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15/f
Okay so I haven't really had a "real" boyfriend before, and this guy and i have sort of had a thing for each other. i'm really scared though because i want to stay a virgin until i'm married and i won't really go farther than making out. Will he get bored of this? Do relationships end because they are bored of making out with you? i'm terrified that we'll be in the middle of a makeout session and he'll stop kissing me and be like "i'm sick of this..." or will he always think making out is fun? do you know any guys who have ever been sick of their girlfriend/making out with them? (link)
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Yes. Every guy ever.
I commend you for holding on to your virginity. I'm 25 years old and a virgin (by choice). I've always thought of my virginity as a gift that I want to give to the man that I love on our wedding night. It sounds so sweet and perfect, but the truth is...life isn't a fairytale. If you're going to remain a virgin until you're married, you're going to have to be willing to go through hell to get to heaven.
I've fooled myself into believing that I was in love several times. I've been ready to give it away thinking that I'd met the one. I told myself it'd be no big deal to give in early to the guy if he's the one I'm going to marry. The problem with that is if you wait long enough and don't give in, things fall apart and you'll see that you made the right decision.
The truth is, it's hard to say no. It's especially hard to say no to guys you have feelings for. But if the guy truly loves you, he'll wait because he knows it's what you want. The trouble with that is, most younger people (especially guys) don't care what other people want. Their priorities are their own needs and desires first. That makes waiting more difficult.
Being young is fun because you get to be selfish. Selfishness and love are two things that don't mix. Trying to find a guy who's young and who's willing to wait for sex is next to impossible. That sets up the person who's waiting for sex for a lot of pain and heartache. Virtually your only two choices are to embrace the pain to come or keep your heart to yourself.
There will be lots of tears, trust me. There will be many times when you think you've found the one only to realize you've found a jerk. There will be lots of wanting, trust me on that too. There will be many times when all you want is to have a connection with another person as deeply as the ones people around you are having. The loneliness is the hardest part.
The best way to deal with a situation like this is to surround yourself around people who support you and share your desire to wait. You're going to need all the support you can get, and it's hard remaining a virgin and hearing about the wonderful sex lives of others. However, keep an eye on those people. Those are the people whose lives are overly complicated.
Use their stress as an inspiration not to give in.
You should know that there are several good things about being a virgin. Not only will your life be less complicated (no pregnancies, no STDs, no boys using you as their sex toy), but it'll be enhanced. You'll learn to respect yourself more. Others will admire your strength and willpower. And because they can't have you, guys everywhere will want you.
I'm not going to lie...I'm a tease, and I love it. There's nothing that makes you feel sexier than not having sex. There's no greater sense of power, control, or pleasure you get from knowing that you're the center of attention and that you have something everybody wants but can't have. That feeling will give you a rush. It's like an orgasm that doesn't end.
Embrace that power.
Don't see waiting for sex as something you're not doing. See it as something very bold that you are doing. You're taking the road less traveled. That's a good thing. You can watch a porn and see what sex is like, but how many people can say they know what being a virgin at 20 or 25 or 30 is like? Obviously, you may get married sooner than that, so don't stress.
Lastly, masturbate.
There's nothing wrong with masturbating, and it's the #1 tool that helps people truly wait for sex until they're married. Learn how your body works and learn how to use it to your advantage. I promise you, not only will you have a good time on your own, but it'll make you a better lover for your future husband. That makes the gift you have to give even sweeter.
Good luck and let me know if you have anymore questions! :)
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I have a co worker who described me as a manic depressive (her husband is one) I get angry at the drop of a pin I yell throw stuff break things and ive even hurt myself before. I can be perfectly happy one second and then find that my hair brush was moved and be extremely ticked. I have just put off going to the doctor thinking that I'm just simply depressed moving out of state away from my family. I most of the time im worried and I feel like I can't breathe. If I am manic depressive is there any other way to get better other than medication? Or should I just go, I just don't want to be bound to a pill and rely on it for a good day but I don't want to lose my boyfriend (who has been sweet and patient with me) (link)
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It sounds like your life is spinning out of control. You need to get a hold on it before something happens that you cannot undo. You need to see your co-worker's wakeup call as a blessing. Is her diagnosis correct? Maybe or maybe not. However, obviously something is wrong and you do need to take action. Taking action is a sign of strength and power.
Go talk to a therapist and be completely honest with him or her. Keep an open mind and tell him or her what's going on in your life. Explain to him or her about your fears concerning medication. They're there to help, so relax. Let them do their job and let them diagnose you as they see fit. You deserve to be content and to be more in control of your behavior.
If you talk to a therapist and he or she recommends medication, don't consider that to be a weakness or a failure. Consider it a blessing that there's a medication out there for you that can help. There's lots of people with lots of problems that can't be helped by medication. They have to suffer, you don't. You should try to see the positive in that.
What's the difference between taking a medication that helps you mentally and emotionally than a medication that helps you physically? I take insulin for diabetes and lead a completely normal life. It looks like I may be on it forever, but who knows? All I know is that it helps to keep my glucose levels balanced and I'm a healthier, happier person because of it.
Don't let your fears overcome your better judgment.
Go get the help that you deserve and be happy again. :)
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F/13.
im depressed. the guy i like doesn't like me the same way. my step-dad has hit and bruised me about 5 or 6 times in the past 4 months. my mom is dying of a disease. everyone i care about is starting to hate me, because they're getting to know the real me. and it sucks, because right now i need people the most.
i cry myself to sleep, and today [[march 30]] i started cutting again. after not cutting for 2 1/2 months. my mom doesn't know i started cutting again. my therapist might put me on anti-depressants. i'm prolly bi-polar and have ADHD. the only people i have left are the people that can't help me through it. [[except a few people]] and i don't know what to do. i can't help this depression, and i want it to stop. but i can't. my best friend [[that's a girl]] is prolly the girl that everyone thinks im going out with. and my best guy friend is the guy i love, and wanna go out with. im going through the normal shit. times 5 billion. i barely get any sleep. and when i do i have nightmares. about what im gonna turn into. and it sucks because im turning into the person that i hate. i hate my step-dad's part of the family with a passion, but i have to deal with them. i need to talk to my real dad. but i can't. im scared of what he's gonna think. i don't care what people think of me, but im terrifyed of what they think, i think im ugly, i hate the way i am, and how i look. the only reason i haven't commited suicide is because of one person. but i think i'm loosing them. please. help me get over my depression, help me. talk to me, keep me alive. keep me going, please. i wanna hang on. but it's hard when nobody cares. please.
aim:randomconfusionx
i just need someone to talk to, someone to keep me going.
please.
i wanna hold on. (link)
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I'm sorry to hear about your mother and your step father. Unfortunately, you can't do anything about what's happening to your mom, but you can do something to stop the abuse that's coming from your step dad. Talk to your therapist and tell him or her what's happening. Talk to a teacher or a guidance counselor. If you go to church, talk to someone there. Someone can help you get out of that situation.
Even though it might seem scary to leave behind the only kind of life you've ever known, you have to trust in the fact that there's something better out there waiting for you. You're still so incredibly young...giving up now would be a real shame because you have an incredible amount of potential. Once you get your life straightened out, the sky is the limit. When you're down, the only way to go is up.
As far as being put on anti-depressants is concerned, you need to realize that some people need medication. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You shouldn't feel weak or disabled because of it. I'm a diabetic and I have to take medication to keep my glucose levels from fluctuating. People take medications all the time for various reasons. If you are bi-polar, finding the right medicine will bring you a lot of relief.
You shouldn't have to feel as hopeless as you feel. Your life sounds incredibly complicated, but a lot of those complications could end if you were dealing with things correctly. If your doctor feels you need medication, take the medication and know that you're blessed to have something that could help you. There are lots of people out there suffering with problems there's no help for. You're not one of them!
As far as your best friends are concerned - you have enough stress in your life. You don't need to worry yourself with who likes who when you have all of these problems to deal with. A lot of your stress is coming from the simple fact that you're choosing to let it go on. If you want some instant relief, take a step back from this friend drama. In the grand scheme of things, it isn't important. What's important is you.
I truly believe you can get your life in order. I also believe that you can be happy and lead a normal life like everyone else, but it's going to take effort on your part. Stop cutting yourself and stop behaving like a bratty emo 13 year old who craves attention. Just because you are 13 doesn't mean you have to act like it. Also, stop whining, stop being such a drama queen, and stop feeling so sorry for yourself.
You may have it bad, but somebody out there always has it worse. It's one thing to be in a bad situation, but it's another thing to purposefully make that situation worse, which is what you're doing. I encourage you to accept help from others, but I also encourage you to learn to help yourself. Nobody is going to magically make all of the bad stuff in your life disappear. It's up to you how you cope with things.
Your mom is dying - live for her.
Your step dad hurts you - heal yourself.
Your friend may or may not like you - love yourself.
The bad thing about thoughts are that they're like waves - they're easy to get caught up in. Sometimes they make you fall and take you far away from the place you're supposed to be. The more that they consume you, the deeper you get lost in them until it feels like you're drowning. Sometimes that feeling can become so scary that everything appears hopeless and the idea of drowning becomes a wonderful relief.
The good thing about thoughts are that they aren't waves. They're only thoughts. Any time you feel like you're drowning and losing sight of where you're supposed to be, you can open up your eyes and see that you're the one who's in control. You only drown if you let yourself drown. And you only stop holding on when you're willing to give up and let go. If "nobody cares" like you say, you can only blame yourself for that.
You should care.
And if you did care, you'd show it by taking action and begin doing what's best for yourself. I suggest talking to a guidance counselor. I suggest printing this question out and showing them or showing it to your therapist. You don't have to deal with this all on your own, No matter how dark things are now, there is a light that's shining. One day you'll open up your eyes and see it and know that you're a survivor.
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Hi... I'm a guy and I'm 15, and I really need advice on how to deal with the situation I'm in. For the past few years now I've been moving schools, and starting over with making new friends and building a new social life. I'm popular at school and I'm really good socially, and now when I move schools, about after 2 months I start to get popular, but right now I'm in the 9th grade, and I'm moving schools again. I don't like the school I'm at right now because it's private, and the social life sucks there. I was popular earlier in the year, but now not as much because I don't even try anymore, and people have kind of forgotten about me. But now I'm going to a knew school next year and I'll be in the 10th grade. It's a public school, which is more what I'm used to. There are A LOT of kids there, and it's the best public school in the state. I'm worried about going there though because I realize that every time I've moved before, I've had some kind of friend or connection before the school started. This is a totally new school, and even though I've picked up some really good social skills, I was home schooled before I started moving around public schools, so I don't know if I can handle going to a new school with no connections at all! There are so many things I'm worried about, like for example, where do you sit at lunch on the first day of school? I really want this to be the last time I move schools, and I want to do a good job of fitting in. Also, in the mean time I'm worried because every year my social skills get better, but I haven't really got to improve this year at the school I'm at. None of the kids have very good social skills, so I'm not challenged, and haven't really gotten to improve at all on my social skills this year. Please any advice you have I want to hear., sorry this was so long.. thanks, (link)
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Although I'm sure you're aware of this by now, one of the best parts about switching to a brand new school is that you can create a whole new identity for yourself. It's unfortunate, in my opinion, that you've had to move around so much and switch to so many different schools. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to create any kind of connection with a person or a group of people. So you definitely have my sympathies about that.
As far as my advice is concerned, I don't think you need much of it. You seem to have things under control. You just need to believe in yourself and feel secure in your ability to adapt to change. Not only does the human spirit adapt much more quickly than we give it credit for, but you seem to be pretty strong and courageous for a 15 year old. Even if you're feeling unsure about things at the moment, that's OK. I know you'll be fine.
You need to remember that these people don't know you. If you show fear, they're going to pick up on it. However, if you appear confident, they'll have no reason to suspect otherwise. I would simply suggest trying your best to relax and don't over prepare for this situation. You've done this before and you can do it again. It's not a big deal. Keep telling yourself that. Even if you don't believe it at first, eventually you will.
You say that none of the kids have very good social skills - that's quite the unfair assumption you've made. I would suggest being a tad bit more humble about things. You don't have to put others down to lift yourself up. I'm sure you didn't mean that to be as arrogant as it came across, but you don't want to go into a situation and give off the vibe that you think you're better than everyone else (even if you are). Take that into account.
In closing, I really don't think you have anything to worry about. I don't think there's anything you can improve upon to increase your chances of making friends. You seem smart and you need to believe in your ability to adjust to certain situations. You can't control what others think, but you can control what you do. Learn to relax and be optimistic about things, and have faith that everything will eventually fall into place.
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Basically my friends keep going to movies that I would really like to see, on Saturdays. A day that I can't really hang out on because of my job. All of my friends have completely free Fridays, but we never really do anything on Fridays, we end up sitting around the whole day. But then on Saturday, they go see the new cool movie. I have tried confronting them about it and they say that it's just in my head, even though I've been able to provide specific incidents. I stay calm about it when I talk to them because I'm not mad, but for some reason they think that I am pissed. Then they usually say that I'm mean for even bringing this up. And in the end, I usually end up saying something kind of offensive, but not too bad, like "Fine then, be a jerk about it." And they freak out. I feel stuck. (link)
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This is one of these questions where I have to be blunt, so don't read anymore if you can't handle it:
I'm getting a VERY strong feeling that these people don't like you. Not only do they not like you, but it seems like they're having fun at your expense and are getting a kick out of excluding and hurting you. In fact, it sounds like they're setting you up to confront them so they can spin it around, make you out to be the bad guy, and leave you feeling guilty.
Unless you're overly sensitive and exaggerating, I side with you 100%. I don't see why they can't, at least on occasion, go to the movies with you on your day off. I can understand saving the movie for Saturday, because if you don't work and you have nothing to do, Saturdays can be horrifically boring, but I don't understand why they can't compromise.
One week they could go to the movies without you on a Saturday and one week they could go with you on a Friday. At least then you wouldn't feel as excluded as you do now. It's hard for people, especially teens (I assume you're a teen!), to come together when some work and some don't, but if you're truly friends and you care about each other, you make it work.
It sounds like they're not willing to make it work, which for me, would raise up a red flag and make me question my friendship with these people. I certainly wouldn't want to feel excluded, so I can only imagine how you must feel. Have you tried simply asking them about it instead of confronting them, which might make them a little defensive, naturally?
I would suggest a lighthearted chat with one or two of them and bring it up in a nice, controlled manner. If you attack them, especially as a group, they will attack back and make you feel like it's you vs. them. That's not a good position to be in, but I'm not sure if they're setting it up to be that way or if the way you're handling it is making it seem that way.
If it's you who's causing the problem, which might be the case because maybe you're jealous, feel excluded, and resent that you have to work and they don't (which is all perfectly OK to feel), just explain how you feel to them and don't let it turn into an argument where you're all playing the blame game. They should understand if they're truly your friends.
If they don't understand, I would get suspicious that they're enjoying the fact that you're getting so upset. It sounds to me like they love getting a rise out of you, and you continue to give them what they want every time you get mad. I'd give them one more chance to prove that they're truly your friends before I found another group of people to hang out with.
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I havent had a boyfriend in more than a year and its not like i need a boyfriend, but i want one. So i want to know what guys find attractive. All ages please, and mostly guys opinions, but girls are fine. I do not want to hear confident, because i already am, thanks (link)
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Well, I am a girl, but I'm the kind of girl who only has guy friends, so I feel 90% comfortable speaking for guys. I'm sure someone somewhere will disagree with me, but I know a lot of my guy friends would agree with what I'm about to say.
First of all, I have to say this even if you know it. Guys DO like confidence, which you say you are, but if you were you wouldn't have to ask questions like this. So regardless of how confident you perceive yourself, being confident in the eyes of a guy is a completely different thing. Work on it just a little bit more.
Physically, this question is even more difficult to answer. The truth is, no matter what your body type is, there are guys out there somewhere who LOVE it. You just have to find those guys. And trust me, they ARE out there. Some guys like big girls, skinny girls, tall girls, asian girls, girls with accents, girls with short hair, etc. The media might portray one thing, but guys aren't as affected by the media as us girls are. Despite what TV, movies, music, and magazines suggest, guys like a wide variety of women - not just Barbie.
Guys really like girls who are feminine but can enjoy some of the things that entertain them. For example, I cry at movies, love pink, love to shop, and if you poll most of my guy friends they'll say I'm the girliest girl ever. However, those same guys will tell you that there's a side to me that's very guy-ish. I can go toe to toe with them in video games, love talking about technology stuff, dig watching porn, make crude jokes, etc.
I have all of my bases covered.
Guys also really like girls who are lighthearted and as drama free as possible. If you find yourself in a situation with a guy who doesn't mind getting into the most dramatic parts of your life, run away! That means THEY'RE a drama queen too. Most guys - most GOOD guys - love a girl who can laugh at herself, laugh with them, doesn't bitch and complain all the time, knows how to have fun, and can handle her own problems like an adult. A good guy will help you with your problems. A drama queen will take advantage of that and dump all of her problems on the guy. After a while, guys get sick of that...pretty quickly usually. So lighten up.
The best advice I can give you, because this question is incredibly vague, is to find out who you are and be it completely. Guys really find girls sexy when they can be themselves. Guys hate having to be mind readers and doing detective work; therefore, they hate trying to figure out who a girl is and what she's all about, especially when the girl has no clue who she is or what she's all about. Although this is the vague answer, this is the most honest answer - guys like it all.
Men like ladies who they can respect; men like sluts who they can get dirty with; men like women who can be funny; men like women who can be serious; men like women who can get all dressed up, yet men don't tend to like women who are vain and full of themselves; men like women who are confident; men like when women do cute, nervous things unintentionally; men like women who can embody everything and can still be themselves at the end of the day. It's not really that hard to please a man if you know what you're doing.
Every guy likes something different. Guys really like it - because unfortunately it's rare - when girls stop thinking about themselves long enough to think about them, learn what they like, learn what they want, and give it to them on occasion. It makes a man feel good. If you make your mission to get down to the very core of a specific guy and see what makes him tick, you'll pretty much have him eating out of the palm of your hand. Guys are simple creatures. Find out what makes them happy, and then make them happy.
5 Things to Be:
1. Be yourself.
2. Be versatile.
3. Be laid back.
4. Be affectionate.
5. Be his buddy.
Good luck!
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ive been having trouble sleeping alot lately. i was hoping someone would know some tricks or medicine(non perscription) that i could take or just something i could do to help me to sleep harder. i dont really want to go to a doctor, so no doctor advice. thanks
(link)
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Increase your exercise. If you do enough throughout the day to tire your body out, you will eventually fall asleep without any problems. If this method doesn't work for you, increase the amount of physical activity you're doing even more. Often times trouble sleeping is directly related to inactivity. If your body and your brain aren't getting enough stimulation throughout the day, it isn't going to want to shut off at night.
Pay attention to the food and beverages you're consuming. Obviously avoid drinking caffeine and eating sugary treats several hours before bed. Some foods and beverages such as turkey meat or milk can actually induce feelings of tiredness. Do some research and check to see if you've been eating properly or if there's anything you could eat or snack on that would help you get some ZZZs.
Have you tried going to the vitamin shop? They have countless supplements that can really make a great impact on your day to day routine. They have lots of safe and natural sleep aids that can help you get to sleep earlier so that you get a full night's sleep. Also, they have a ton of vitamins that can give you a quick energy boost so you don't lag throughout the day due to not getting enough quality sleep from the night before.
Leep a journal for a couple weeks just to track certain behaviors and routines of yours that you might not be aware of. I was on a medication for two years before I realized it was causing me to have insomnia. When I discovered this I began taking the medicine in the morning and that helped some (although talk to a doctor first before doing anything like that). You might also realize that some of your bed time rituals aren't helping you.
For example, don't watch TV or go online before bed. A bright screen causes your eyes to send a message to your brain that says "hey, this is bright. It must be the sun so I should wake up." Also, make sure you go to bed the same time every night and wake up the same time every day. If you sleep later and later in the day, you'll fall asleep later and later at night. That's a very vicious cycle I've gotten myself trapped into.
Finally, try not to spend tons of time in your room. Try to make your bedroom a place for sleep and sleep only. I moved most of my entertaining stuff into other rooms in my house, so when I do go to my actual bedroom, my body knows that it's time for sleep and it's not going to get stimulated by my Xbox or PC or high def TV. Speaking of stimulation, this might sound odd, but having an orgasm before bed really helps you to relax and tends to tire most people out. This is only a suggestion, but masturbation is known for being a pretty nice sleep aid. Consider giving it a try.
Good luck!
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im 13/f, in grade 8, and im only 5'2
i feel so short compared to everyone!!
everyone else is 5'4 and up, and i feel like a grade 6. I know im only 13 and can get my growth spurt, but all my family members are really short, so i doubt i'll grow. Is there still some hope of growing?? and is there something (other than heels) that can make me look and feel taller??
Thanks:) (link)
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I'm not saying this just to make you feel better, but a ton of guys prefer short girls. I'm a fairly tall girl (5'9"), and I've had guys flat out tell me that I was way too tall for their liking. When I asked them why, they told me they liked their girls short and petite. So no matter what your height or weight is, there's always going to be people who love it and people who don't love it. The key is to be happy with yourself and screw what other people think.
To answer your question, there are several options to make you look and feel taller. The first and most important option is to work on your posture. Stand up straight with your shoulders back. Not only will that make you feel taller, but good posture has been linked to increased self esteem, lowered chances of depression, and having fewer back problems later in life. Plus, everyone should stand tall and be proud regardless of their physical appearance.
Another option is to wear your hair up. That instantly adds at least a couple inches to your height and there are a lot of cute and fun ways to style your hair up. Browse magazines or go to a stylist to get some tips! Besides wearing heals, how about wearing boots (which I LOVE and recommend EVERY girl do because they're very empowering) or you could rock vintage platform shoes like the Spice Girls did in 1997. Everyone loves a trend setter.
Lastly, if you really want to give the illusion of added height, wear a solid color from head to toe. Why do you think supermodels wear all black or all white while they strut down the runway? It makes them look 6'0" instead of 5'10". It also makes them appear thinner, which might be an added bonus. Give it a try and see what works best for you. You don't have to be tall to feel tall and that's what you need to work on in my opinion. I'm sure you look fine. :)
Good luck!
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Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been together for almost nine months. I love him very much. I'm always looking for ways to show him I love him, more than just saying the words. If anyone has ideas on things I could do I would greatly appreciate it. I've already burned him a few mix cd's with songs that say how I feel about him, and I made him a notebook full of 101 reasons why I love him. I also made a list of 101 things I want us to do together. Any other suggestions...? (link)
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If I'm being completely honest, your lists are probably driving him crazy. If you really want to prove to him that you love him, stop making him lists! You seem to be under the popular misconception that what would make you happy is the same thing that'd make him happy. It's not.
Girls and boys are pretty different, so if you want your boy to know you love him, you have to do things that he'll enjoy. Watch movies with him that he likes. Play games with him that he'd like. Go places with him that he likes. Buy presents for him that he asks for. Do things that make him happy.
It isn't just your words that shows someone you love them, it's your actions. While your lists may be a kind and thoughtful gesture, how do you think it translates to him? Remember, girls and boys are different and he may interpret it a completely different way. Talk to him and get to know what he likes.
Just remember three things:
1. Relationships are about compromise. You want to make him happy, but don't put yourself in the position of being unhappy for the sake of his happiness. In a successful relationship, both people are happy and work towards maintaining that. You shouldn't have to do anything you don't want to or aren't ready for (such as sex) just for him. If he loves you in return, he'll respect you enough not to make you do things you don't want to do.
2. Open the lines of communication between the two of you. The simple fact that you're asking this question suggests to me that you don't know this guy very well or you wouldn't need tips on how to make him happy or say "I love you". Happiness shouldn't be that hard to achieve, so make sure that you know how he's feeling and that he knows how you're feeling. That's crucial to the lifespan of any relationship.
3. When you're in love, it can make you feel like you heart is swelling up with so much joy and happiness that you might explode. This feeling is usually released by letting the other person know how you feel, so naturally you want to say it and show it as much as possible. Be careful with that, because that leads to smothering the other person, which can lead to a very fast breakup. Nobody likes to be smothered, especially guys.
So just ease up a bit and learn the fine art of subtlety.
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13/f
OK. So i have problems with likeing guys. i like 2 guys at once and they both like me back. and this always happens to me. and then i end up making the wrong choice. plus i cant stay in a relationship. my friends go out with there boyfriends for like 2-10 months. im a select soccer player who likes emo stuff dresses prep/skater/geek/whatever i feel like. i like to read and i like computers. I love to talk and everything. plus im geeky and a tomboy. SO that makes a very odd person. and i cant find a guy that fits into more than 2 of those things so sometimes its hard. so bottem line is
1)how can i find out what type of guy i want
2)how can i keep myself out of love triangles
3)why does this have to happen!!
Please help. = ( (link)
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You could avoid all of this aggravation by being single, which really isn't as hideous an idea as it may seem to you and your friends. Instead of putting yourself out there to get hurt and frustrated, why not be a little more reserved and let the boys come to you? By making them come to you, you're increasing your chances of finding the boy who's right for you.
You're only 13 years old (don't hate me for saying "only," I mean it as a compliment!), you have your whole life to engage in this kind of drama. Although this drama may make you feel older and cooler now, you might have to deal with this frustration for 10 or 20 years (maybe more) to come, and you'll be wishing you'd just chilled out when you were 13.
It sounds like you're a really fun and unique girl. Don't waste your time worrying about boys. Do things that make you happy. In the meantime, your lack of interest in them will only frustrate them more and, in return, make them want you more. You'll be doing yourself a favor by focusing your attention somewhere else. So rock out and show them what they can't have.
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18/f
I had a boyfriend for three years, but then I was going though a lot of problems so I wanted to take a break. Throughout this whole time we still kept kissing and everything, so I really don't even know why I called it a break. Well, mostly because I was being very ill-tempered. Well, two months passed and we went on like this. Holding hands, everything.. But I still kept hurting him. We knew that we loved each other and everything though, so when I was finally done sorting out everything (Actually, the problems are all back now so it was really STUPID of me to even do the whole thing!) We went back out. Then, a week later he broke up with me and said he didn't want to be with me anymore because it wasn't the same. A week after that he has a new girlfriend and forgets about me. He said I took too long to ask him out and many other things.
So what do you think? I wanted to freaking marry the guy. Is there any chance of us going back out again? It doesn't seem like we will by the way he acts towards me and I regret being mean to him so much, but we were technically going out the whole break :( I was just being very evil at times. I hate it so bad. Please, I need help with this! And don't tell me to move on. I have tried, TRUST ME. I know this is the guy I want for the rest of my life :( I really know it, but I don't think he feels the same way about me anymore because I ruined everything. I have even cried everyday since he broke up with me :( Sometimes it gets so bad I just wish there was a time machine and I want to go back so bad I have panic attacks. And I have talked to him about ALL OF THIS, and he just says that it's okay, it doesn't matter that I hurt him because he found someone new. I just can't beleive it at all. A week ago before he was with her he told me how perfect we were. And I am pretty sure he was being genuine.. He is just trying to get rid of the pain maybe? Maybe he does like her? I don't know. Please show me a new perspective :(! and please, please think about everything I have written here. (link)
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I won't tell you to move on, but I will tell you that you will move on. I was in the exact same situation you were in. I loved this guy, but because I was miserable personally, I took it out on him. He dealt with my mental and emotional "abuse" (more like a lot of nagging and mood swings) for a while and then I got upset one night and called things off. Although I called things off, everything stayed the same as it was minus the label of "boyfriend/girlfriend."
Although we were off for a while, the whole time we were really on. For some reason, there's a certain sense of relief when you stop trying to define your relationship that allows you to just enjoy it for what it is. Eventually, things started getting better for me personally, so once again we were back on. Unfortunately, I ultimately showed signs of my old, former self and that led to him completely ditching me. He made new friends, found a new "girlfriend," and moved on completely. I, of course, was devastated.
I tried to deal with it for a while (several months), but eventually I had to seek help. I had previously been on 10mg of Prozac and ended up increasing the dosage to 20mg. That, plus allowing myself time to heal and making new friends, really helped me to move on regardless of me previously thinking I wouldn't be able to. I know you don't want to hear it because I certainly didn't, but you will move on and you will be happy again. You may need help, but time heals ALL wounds.
To tell you how bad I was back then, I begged him to take me back for just a weekend to see if it would spark something inside of him that would make him want me back. I made him my whole life (aka no other friends or hobbies) and I was desperate to have that life back. I look back on that moment now and laugh because I was pathetic and desperate back then. I've completely changed. Not only am I fine (aka very happy) without him, but I think he's a huge dork now and possibly gay!
I don't know if I've offered you any kind of new perspective, but hopefully you can see that I've been there and I really do sympathize with you. Falling in love is not just a figure of speech. When you get your heart broken, it honestly feels like you've fallen into a dark, bottomless pit and you have to find a way to get out. The way out begins by allowing yourself to be sad, giving yourself time, taking it easy, and remembering that not only do you love him, but you love yourself too.
If you need anymore advice or someone to listen, please feel free to email me. :)
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he is my exboyfriend (14) and we still like each other. A LOT. he tells everybody that he likes me but that he cant ask me out for "10,000 personal reasons" and that he doesnt need to "go through that anymore" i dont understand what he means because we had a GREAT relationship. (link)
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You didn't ask a question, but I'm going to assume that what you want advice with is why he won't go out with you. Honestly, if YOU don't know, neither will any of us. It could be any number of reasons:
1. He's gay.
2. His parents won't let him date anybody.
3. His parents don't approve of you.
4. He's lying to you and he doesn't like you at all.
5. He's not ready to date yet.
6. He doesn't feel like he's good enough for you.
7. He likes you, but he likes someone else too.
8. He's grounded.
9. He has no money.
10. He only likes you physically.
11. He has homework to do.
12. Your dog ate his homework.
13. You broke his heart the last time you dated.
Like I said, it could be any number of reasons, so my advice is to talk to him and ask him specifically why he won't go out with you again. Tell him you're confused and want a definitive answer. If he still doesn't give you one, it sounds like you're A LOT better off without him.
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ok so my exboyfriend (we're still friends) and my bff wont stop fighting. they just dont like each other. my bff always hits him and makes rude remarks on how dark he is...so of course being a normal guy he has to defend his ego...so he says something rude back...and it never stops ! i've already talked to both of them and my bff wont agree to stop and my ex said that he has to say something back. i cant go anywhere with both of them at the same time. i want to be able to go out somewhere with both of them acting like civilized people. (link)
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Don't take this the wrong way, but your friend sounds like an idiot. Why does she care how dark he is? I'm not sure if she's referring to his skin tone or his personality, but either way, what concern is it of hers? Plus, I hate girls who think it's OK to hit guys whenever they want to. Its bossy girls like her who end up getting hit back and completely deserve it. Sorry if I sound harsh, but I don't even know her and I already don't like her at all.
I feel sorry for you and your situation. Obviously I don't have all the facts or the history of what happened between you and your ex (for example, if he cheated on you, she has every right to dislike him (but NO right to hit him)), but it's your choice to remain friends with him and she either needs to accept your choice or stop being friends with you. The least she could do is spare you the frustration and complain when you and she are one on one.
Unfortunately, I don't think there is any resolving this problem, which sucks for you, I know. I can relate though. I have a lot of guy friends who are all jealous of each other and I can't hang out with them together at all. I have to do everything with them one on one, even birthdays and holidays. You'd think for our sake they'd stop being immature and petty, but it's never going to happen. Sadly, I've been dealing with this my whole life.
The best advice I can give you is to sit them down one on one, starting with your best friend, and ask them why they don't like each other. Do it in a very serious and stern tone and let them know that you feel caught in the middle. Warn both of them that you don't want to have to choose, but if you're forced to you will. Maybe then they'll back off and chill out. If they don't, either pick one or hang out with them separately.
If they complain about not spending enough time with you in the future, remind them that they caused it by not getting along and tell them it's not your problem anymore. But no matter what happens, get your friend to stop hitting your ex. Seriously, that's not cool at all. It's absolutely no different for a girl to hit a boy as it is for a boy to hit a girl. Bickering is one thing, but your friend is provoking a physical fight. Make her stop now.
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16-f
my boyfriends birthday is comming up in about 2 weeks he's gonna be 17. We've been dating for 7 months and i dont have like any money so my moms gonna have to buy it and she doesnt have much either....he like gummy worms so i was thinking of getting him a big bag or sour gummy worms & maybe 2 shirts that i think he would like...does this sound like an ok gift??
any more ideas?? (link)
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First of all, I wanna say that you sound SO sweet and thoughtful. I hope your boyfriend really appreciates you. I've shown your question to a couple of my guy friends and even they said "awwwww how adorable." :) This has nothing to do with your question, but here's an extra piece of advice: don't ever lose those qualities! Kindness and thoughtfulness are qualities that are very rare in today's world. To see it shine as brightly as I (and my friends) see it shine in your question, is refreshing, inspiring, and really, really cool. Thank you for making my day brighter.
Now, moving on to the question at hand...
I would advise that you come out and ask him what he wants for his birthday. Ask him to make a small list and get him to think of a couple things he wants. You may discover that what he really wants isn't even that expensive. Even if it is, you can get him something like it instead of that specific thing. For example, if he says he wants a game that costs $59.99, maybe you can get him a similar game that costs $29.99 or maybe you can get him a gift card so he can put it towards purchasing the game that he wants. If he's a sweet person like you, he'll be thankful for whatever you give him.
As far as the sour worms go, I think it's a sweet idea. Who doesn't love candy? The only thing I'm concerned with is the fact that boys aren't as appreciative towards thoughtful gestures as us girls are, so I don't want you to get hurt if he's not as thankful for it as he should be. Still, I say go for it. Like the person who answered before me said, I'd put them in a jar or maybe a heart shaped canister or something creative and hand made. Also, you might consider making him a CD of songs the two of you like that'll make him think of you. Or maybe you could write him a sweet poem.
Just remember two things:
1. Home made gifts are a bit risky, especially when they're given to a guy, but if you give them to the right person they will always be appreciated. It's a very sweet gesture to show your love for him on his birthday, and hopefully his response makes you happy and appreciated. If it doesn't, don't let it get you down too much. Guys are "special" and don't often comprehend or acknowledge how much time and effort we put into certain things. I'm hoping, for your sake and for his, it goes really, really well.
2. Girls tend to get in the habit of getting guys what they think they want instead of just asking them what they want. That can be annoying. Right now, at 16, it's completely fine, but don't make a habit of it in the future. Girls are very specific about what they want. Boys aren't. That's why when guys get older, they always end up getting socks and ties for special occasions and we always end up getting jewelry and whatever we want. As nice a deal as that is for us, it isn't fair for the guy. So make sure he gets what he wants too.
I hope this helps. And if you need any more help or feel like telling me how the birthday goes, feel free to email me. :)
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