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What is expected of me?
I'm 16/f
My older sister is almost 20, still living in our parents house, un-employed, and about to quit college. My dad doesn't really say anything about it, but my mom is now heck-bent on me going to a top-notch college, getting a job as soon as possible, and all the things I want to do socially with friends doesn't even matter. I understand that they don't want me to end up like my sister, but I find it unfair. They were never this hard on her, and let her decide. Heck, she didn't even get her drivers license until last year! And now it's gotten to the point where they are catering to her every need and pushing me out into the world without warning. With that said, How do I talk to my parents about this? I want to do all of these things (drive,work,etc.) but at MY own pace.
Thanks,
AngryYoungerSister
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i do belive that it's not fair for your parents to be doing this to you but they just don't want you to turn out like your sister. you should talk to them about how you feel and that you will try your hardest to succeed in all the things they want you to do but at your own pace. best of luck,
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I can't add much, but I will add a bit of advice for you.
When you talk to your parents about this, don't bring your sister into it. Yah, I know. Her situation, and how your parents are dealing with it is frustrating to you, I'm sure.
HOWEVER, that is all between Mom, Dad, and Sister.
Nothing you can do to change that.
What is between Mom, Dad, and You are your wants, needs, and future. Not the unfairness of Sister's current situation. So best way to be heard is to maturely discuss what you feel is right for YOU in this life, while leaving her completely out of your discussion.
You don't like to be compared to her (which is sorta what's going on) so don't open doors for anymore of that.
If Mom and Dad start saying, "Well, Sister blah blah...," Kindly ask that they don't use this time to discuss her, because you want to discuss you and only you.
Good luck, and try not to let your sister's life troubles effect you. I know that's hard to do, but it's really for the best.
ygs-29/f
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They probably feel like they failed with her and they want something better for you. The best thing for you to do is tell them exactly what you told us. Let them know that you want to succeed in life but you want to do it for you, not them.
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Well You can tell your parents that you need to talk to them and tell them how you feel and if it doesnt work then convince and tell them that you are not gonna end up like your sister becuase you are smarter than her.. and you are gonna end up going to college and be successful in life so your parents do not have to worry...and your sister needs to get a job not quit college or else shes gonna end up with no life and NOT SUCCESSFUL AT ALL......and she needs to get her own place because that pretty embrarrasing your 20 years old and you dont have your won place she needs to think it through also your parents need to stop spoiling he and teach her a lesson!!!
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They may not say it but you can bet they feel as though they failed with your sister in some way. They are likely ashamed that she's still living at home, has no job and no desire to do a thing about that.
Therefore, they're hard on you because they want to have at least one kid that "made it" in the family. What they should be doing though is kicking your sister's butt in to gear and making sure she goes to college, gets a job and takes charge of her life. You see, their problem is with her and not you.
What do do you do? Talk to your teacher or an adult you trust that mom and dad know and respect. Have them bring up the fact that their too hard on you and that you're beyond miserable. have them point out you're level-headed want to drive, go to college, get a job when you feel ready.
Have them illustrate the fact that you're a good student and plan to work your ass off in college and afterwards to be successful but now is time to relax and not be so intense. A kid needs to be a kid. Worry about all this other stuff a year or so from now.
They'll listen to that person who tells them the above and not you. They'll feel embarrassed at being "called out" by another adult and start making changes.
Don't hate your sister for this. She's got more problems than you might think. The more you stay angry at her the more it will only hurt you. It's like drinking a jug of Draino. It will only eat away at you. Anger is poison and can kill.
Your problem is with your parents and their fears and insecurities about messing up as parents or messing you and your sister up. They just want you both to succeed but want to ensure you don't make the same mistakes your sibling has. Therefore, they're on you like a hawk.
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Well for most parents there first child is a experiment in a way because when you came they now no what to do. What i would say is mom dad i really want all the stuff you want me to have and am willing to work hard for it but im still a teenager and I have to be able to hang out with my friends and do normal things i need time you guys are giving me stress ino that [lets call your sister laura] laura is at home and and you guys are scared that i will end up like that but u guys should help her back on her feet just because i am her sister does not mean i will end up like her because i am not her i am my own person with differnt needs i can do all the stuff you want me to do i just need a break to be a teenager hang out with my friends i need to live i only have one chance to be this age i dont want to spend it on books every waking secound i need to be a teen!!! just dont high your voice make it your normal talking tone and you should be just fine.
I hope that you will benifet from this advice.
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o i know your situation well! to start your parents basically messed up on your older sister and there is no chagning her now its to late. so they are trying to fix the mistakes on her to make you look like the perfect one yet you are not happy what you do is say i dont feel ready for this yet im still 16 and want to go on my own pase if that doesnt work rebel rebel rebel your a teen its expected what can they do nothing really.
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im sorry,that sucks!and your absolutly right,they DONT want you to end up like her.i mean do you wanna have her life?most likely not.i would just say[when your sisters not around]i know you guys want the best for me and thats why you guys are pushing me BUT its hard.i mean im 16 and i want to have a life but a good future at the same time.i just feel like you guys expect to much of me and its really hard on me.maybe we could work out an agreement so i could work on some days and be a normal care free teenager on others.mmkay?i tihnk that sounds good.i mean thats whatd id say.good luck!
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When I get annoyed at one of my seven siblings (which you can imagine happens with some regularity) I always find it best, first and foremost to remember this.
FAIR treatment doesn't mean THE SAME treatment.
Fair means that each person receives according to their needs.
It is a royal PAIN IN THE ASS, when for some reason; your parents see your needs as being so different from your sister's.
But that is the place to begin this conversation: "Mom, what I NEED from you right now is some respect and faith in my judgment.”
Explain to them that you are feeling 'punished' because of your sisters behavior, and even though you know why they feel that way, pushing you this hard is not helping you to succeed, but making you scared and overwhelmed.
The calmer you can be when you explain this to them the better and remember, it isn't about them being bad people; it's about YOUR feelings and what you are struggling with.
Sit down with them and talk about your goals for the next two or three years. Putting these goals on paper would really help them see that you don't NEED them haunting your every step, that you have plans and goals and need their support, not their surveillance. Writing down some of your goals and priorities will help to calm their fears and give them confidence in you. From there you can explain some other priorities, like having fun from time to time, as well.
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First off, you have every right to be angry at this point. But try not to let it get to you as much. Your parents really are trying to do what's best for you. They don't want you to end up like your sister.
As for catering to your sister's every need, it's probably only because she needs their support right now. Having no source of income is probably very hard for her. True, she should really try to get back on track, but for now, let it go.
I think the best thing for you to do right now is to have a good, long talk with your parents about how you're feeling. I'm sure they don't even realize how much pressure they're putting on you. Assure them that you DON'T want to end up like your sister, and that's why you're going to try really hard in life. But at your own pace.
They're your parents. They love you and just want what's best for you, so I see no reason why they wouldn't understand.
Good luck with the situation, I wish you the best. :]
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What's going on with you is definitely unfair. You're having to pay for your sister's mistakes, but you have to realize that this is what happens in a lot of families. Being a parent doesn't come with a manual (ugh, my mom says that all the time), so they're trying their best to learn from their mistakes by keeping you from following in your sister's footsteps. So even though it is unfair, you need to see that they have good intentions and aren't trying to make your life difficult for the fun of it. You may already know this, but I just want to make sure you do before I continue.
I think the best way to handle this situation is to approach them with respect and the utmost maturity. First, make sure that they know that you know that they have your best interest in mind. If they see that you understand that, they're much more likely to let their parental guard down to hear what you have to say. Next, tell them exactly how you feel. Keep it casual. Don't raise your voice and don't attack them. Make them see that this is something that you've put a lot of thought into, but it's something you're willing to work out with them. Don't give them the impression that you're being a spoiled brat who wants her way this very moment.
Lastly, like the person before me said, make sure that they know that you can see all of your sister's flaws. Don't go about it by putting your sister down, but ensure them that you don't want the same kind of life for yourself that your sister has. Tell them what you would like and what your plans are. Emphasize the plans that coincide with theirs. Just tell them with all sincerity that they're pushing you too hard and you deserve to be given the chance to succeed on your own. As an added bonus, tell them that you believe that they should trust in their parenting skills more to know that they've already guided you in the right direction.
A little ass kissing never hurt anybody.
Good luck! :)
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Well, you can start off by stating to them that you clearly see the mistakes your sister is making and have no intentions of repeating them, because not only do you learn from the mistakes you make but you also learn from other peoples mistakes too. As a parent I can clearly see both sides of this dilemma. In your first child, you have high hopes, you encourage, baby and give in to their every whim. Then something snaps and you begin to ask yourself, is this the way I want my child to behave? Instead of trying to correct that child's behavior, you push your agenda on the younger one in hopes that somehow, you can correct the mistakes you made with the first one. What parents often fail to realize is the individualization of each child. I was also the number two child, so I paid for the sins of my brother. Just try to understand that your parents do love you and care about you or else they wouldn't be concerned about your future. It may seem pointless now, but it will make you a better person in the end.
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