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im just, a mess. [[please help, please. it's really urgent]]
F/13.
im depressed. the guy i like doesn't like me the same way. my step-dad has hit and bruised me about 5 or 6 times in the past 4 months. my mom is dying of a disease. everyone i care about is starting to hate me, because they're getting to know the real me. and it sucks, because right now i need people the most.
i cry myself to sleep, and today [[march 30]] i started cutting again. after not cutting for 2 1/2 months. my mom doesn't know i started cutting again. my therapist might put me on anti-depressants. i'm prolly bi-polar and have ADHD. the only people i have left are the people that can't help me through it. [[except a few people]] and i don't know what to do. i can't help this depression, and i want it to stop. but i can't. my best friend [[that's a girl]] is prolly the girl that everyone thinks im going out with. and my best guy friend is the guy i love, and wanna go out with. im going through the normal shit. times 5 billion. i barely get any sleep. and when i do i have nightmares. about what im gonna turn into. and it sucks because im turning into the person that i hate. i hate my step-dad's part of the family with a passion, but i have to deal with them. i need to talk to my real dad. but i can't. im scared of what he's gonna think. i don't care what people think of me, but im terrifyed of what they think, i think im ugly, i hate the way i am, and how i look. the only reason i haven't commited suicide is because of one person. but i think i'm loosing them. please. help me get over my depression, help me. talk to me, keep me alive. keep me going, please. i wanna hang on. but it's hard when nobody cares. please.
aim:randomconfusionx
i just need someone to talk to, someone to keep me going.
please.
i wanna hold on.
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hi, my name is maria and i really want to help you. my AIM is xopantherangelox I have saved your aim so i can i/m you when you get on. you shouldn't hurt yourself because the b.s other people put you threw. and you need to let someone know about your abusive step-dad, he isn't allowed to do that, its wrong. and no matter what anybody says you are beautiful.you having ADHD and being bi-polar isn't your fault, you can't really help this. you will get threw this, just please stop hurting yourself.
lots of love [[maria]]
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ok for one if your father or anyone is abusin you then you shouldnt have to deal with it.Maybe it might save you somet trouble if you told someone about it even if it is risking your life because NO ONE should ever have to deal wiht that
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ok well i would love to help you and well heres my email and thats how i can talk its the best way and we will figure out times and what not
stroud3_2012@yahoo.com
stroud3_2012@hotmail.com
ill keep you in my prayers and remember God is always there
(and i do in fact know how u feel with alot of this i promise)
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I'm sorry to hear about your mother and your step father. Unfortunately, you can't do anything about what's happening to your mom, but you can do something to stop the abuse that's coming from your step dad. Talk to your therapist and tell him or her what's happening. Talk to a teacher or a guidance counselor. If you go to church, talk to someone there. Someone can help you get out of that situation.
Even though it might seem scary to leave behind the only kind of life you've ever known, you have to trust in the fact that there's something better out there waiting for you. You're still so incredibly young...giving up now would be a real shame because you have an incredible amount of potential. Once you get your life straightened out, the sky is the limit. When you're down, the only way to go is up.
As far as being put on anti-depressants is concerned, you need to realize that some people need medication. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You shouldn't feel weak or disabled because of it. I'm a diabetic and I have to take medication to keep my glucose levels from fluctuating. People take medications all the time for various reasons. If you are bi-polar, finding the right medicine will bring you a lot of relief.
You shouldn't have to feel as hopeless as you feel. Your life sounds incredibly complicated, but a lot of those complications could end if you were dealing with things correctly. If your doctor feels you need medication, take the medication and know that you're blessed to have something that could help you. There are lots of people out there suffering with problems there's no help for. You're not one of them!
As far as your best friends are concerned - you have enough stress in your life. You don't need to worry yourself with who likes who when you have all of these problems to deal with. A lot of your stress is coming from the simple fact that you're choosing to let it go on. If you want some instant relief, take a step back from this friend drama. In the grand scheme of things, it isn't important. What's important is you.
I truly believe you can get your life in order. I also believe that you can be happy and lead a normal life like everyone else, but it's going to take effort on your part. Stop cutting yourself and stop behaving like a bratty emo 13 year old who craves attention. Just because you are 13 doesn't mean you have to act like it. Also, stop whining, stop being such a drama queen, and stop feeling so sorry for yourself.
You may have it bad, but somebody out there always has it worse. It's one thing to be in a bad situation, but it's another thing to purposefully make that situation worse, which is what you're doing. I encourage you to accept help from others, but I also encourage you to learn to help yourself. Nobody is going to magically make all of the bad stuff in your life disappear. It's up to you how you cope with things.
Your mom is dying - live for her.
Your step dad hurts you - heal yourself.
Your friend may or may not like you - love yourself.
The bad thing about thoughts are that they're like waves - they're easy to get caught up in. Sometimes they make you fall and take you far away from the place you're supposed to be. The more that they consume you, the deeper you get lost in them until it feels like you're drowning. Sometimes that feeling can become so scary that everything appears hopeless and the idea of drowning becomes a wonderful relief.
The good thing about thoughts are that they aren't waves. They're only thoughts. Any time you feel like you're drowning and losing sight of where you're supposed to be, you can open up your eyes and see that you're the one who's in control. You only drown if you let yourself drown. And you only stop holding on when you're willing to give up and let go. If "nobody cares" like you say, you can only blame yourself for that.
You should care.
And if you did care, you'd show it by taking action and begin doing what's best for yourself. I suggest talking to a guidance counselor. I suggest printing this question out and showing them or showing it to your therapist. You don't have to deal with this all on your own, No matter how dark things are now, there is a light that's shining. One day you'll open up your eyes and see it and know that you're a survivor.
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You need to hold on to that part of you that wants to keep going. Don't give up. When you've hit rock bottom, the only place left to go is up.
I think it would be a good idea to talk with your therapist. Just get out everything that's been on your mind. Even if he does give you some type of medicine, it will probably help you. I'm hoping he will also be able to help you stop cutting. I know that you probably feel like cutting stops the pain your feeling, but remember that it always comes back. It's not a permanent solution and it is not the way out of your problems.
And I am dreadfully sorry to hear about your mother. You should try to spend as much time with her as possible. Read her books, watch movies with her, buy her a cute get well card everyday. Just being with your mother will make her happy and I'm sure she'd love to spend time with you. It might even make you feel a little better.
You should try to make amends with your step dad (even though you hate him). Be polite and helpful around the house. You don't have to talk to him all the time, but be respectful when he speaks to you. As long as you do that, he has no reason to lose his temper and hit you. If he does it again, call the police. Immediately. Don't hesitate.
I know that since you hate the man so much, it's hard to sympathize with him, but he's going through a rough time since your mother is ill. It's definitely not an excuse for him to hit you like that, but remember his life isn't so great at the moment either. The least you could do is try and get along. Do it for your mother.
If you want to talk to your father, you need to. He loves you and cares about you no matter what you're going through. I really feel that he is the most important person you need to get in touch with at this time. I'm sure that talking things out with someone you know and love will help you through this difficult time.
After that, if things are still not going well, spend lots of time with your friends. Do fun things together. I'm sure that your friends want to be there for you, you just have to let them.
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