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oh my god I almost hate my life.
I am a full time student through a community college but since I registered late, it's independent work I do at home. So I'm at home like all the time, my boyfriend works full time (we live together). I can't find a job. My friends and his are all away at school so at night are seriously bored to tears and get very very irritated with each other and frustrated that there's nothing to do. I seriously get so upset that we are such losers...we're only 20 and we live like 70 year olds! The days are just so long and monotonous because I'm stuck at home doing school work (and because I can't drive) and the nights are depressing and boring and awful. The spark is like gone from our relationship, seriously, because we are so pathetic and bored and there's nothing to do together at night. What can I do? I seriously can't go on like this, it's awful...
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
You're in a rut.
Been there. I live with my girlfriend, we work at the same place, have the same days off, and every day is almost exactly like the day before it.
The trick is, to work up the energy and motivation to do something fun.
- Develop a hobby. You need something you can do on a regular basis thats just for you, and just for your own fun. Go start buying books. Get a bike. Get a video game. Build something. Start renting TV series from blockbuster.
- Develop some easy duo activities. Go see a movie together, or go play miniature golf, or anything you can enjoy. A blockbuster membership does wonders, because even if you're always watching movies you can always be watching NEW movies.
- Spice up the bedroom. Try something new. Spark isnt something that stays, its something that must be worked, even fought for. You have to take it upon yourselves to maintain the passion with each other. It'll help everything, because couples who have lots of sex usually fight less.
- Be more affectionate. Give him headrubs, backrubs, take a second out of what you're doing to go kiss him and rub his neck. Try to get him to do the same, ask for a backrub or a neckrub while watching a movie or something together.
- Communicate more. Talk to him about how you feel, and ask him how he feels. Tell him that you don't want to be upset around and with him all the time, and you don't want to piss him off or upset him either.
- Make friends. It can be terrible when you only see one person every day. Maybe consider investing in a bike and riding to campus for classes so that you meet some new people. Bring someone home to hang out, or go visit some new friends. People are good, I'd go crazy if the only person I saw every day was the GF.
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I've read both the other two answers and I don't honestly think they're any good.
I know what you're going through, due to illness ive spent a lot of time at home with my fiancee and often feel lonely, bored, pissed off with him, and its generally shitty.
If you are working from home, have a specific area of a room you work in, and start and end at desiganted times, so start at 10, have a break at half 11 or something. This'll make it feel less like your home is being invaded by work.
As for the boyfriend, try to do things out of the ordinary. Suprise him even if you don't feel like it, it'll remind you of how it used to be and you should soon be back to how you were. Also try spending a few days away from him, go visit one of your friends, that way you'll appreciate him more when you come home.
Try to meet up with old friends, people you haven't seen in a while, if you want to get out of the house, join an evening class or club of somesort. Don't be afraid to introduce yourself to people. This'll mean you get out of the house more and get some social interaction.
I hope that helps, its worked for me! If you want anything else, just drop me a line
Take care!
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The first thing that you should do is scheduel a vacation with your boyfriend for two months from now. The next thing you should do is move out within the month. If you feel that "the spark is gone" and that you are "living like 70 year olds", then you need to start treating each other like attractive, intelligent people you are dating as opposed to fighting like an old married couple. The best way of doing that? Find your own apartment.
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It doesn't sound like your life needs an adjustment, it sounds like your attitude does! Go back and read the question you asked and see how many negative things you said about you, your boyfriend, and your lives. Take into consideration that you probably THINK those negative thoughts several times a minute - far more than what you typed in this brief question. Also, take into consideration how much negativity that is in an hour, a day, a week, a month, a school semester, etc!! No wonder you're miserable and hate your life. You're beating yourself up left and right.
Most psychologists believe that your thoughts trigger your emotions, so if you think bad thoughts you're going to feel bad emotions. Chances are, you've perfected the fine art of negative thinking and now it's habitual. Fortunately, like any habit, it can be broken and unlearned. You just have to stop being so down - stop feeling so sorry for yourself and thinking about how bad you have it. Doing that won't be easy nor will its effects be automatic, but trust me, it will work - it's a fact. You might be unhappy with your situation, but there are millions who'd be thrilled to be in your position.
You complain about being home all the time - be happy you're fortunate enough to have a place of your own! You say you get bored to tears - take that as a sign that you need a hobby. What are you interested in? What's he interested in? Maybe you could do something together. Maybe you could do something on your own. Take this as a great opportunity to learn about yourself or learn more about him. You say the spark is gone from your relationship - figure out why that is. It sounds like the burdens of adulthood is suffocating you. To someone else, the taste of independence would be as sweet as honey. It's all about your attitude.
You're making yourself miserable because you're seeking out the bad in every situation. For every bad thing about it, there's something good about it too. That's what you need to focus on. Or maybe you need to realize that you're only 20 and you're not ready for the realities of adulthood. Maybe you need to have a conversation with your parents and tell them how unhappy you are. You have your whole life to deal with relationships and financial burdens. Take this time to focus on school and/or work and doing what you want to do. None of us can make you make a change. All of this is up to you.
If you're unhappy, you can change your attitude or change your situation. Nothing is written in stone. However, whatever you decide to do, I strongly urge you to change your perception of things and be a bit more mature. Thinking negatively and beating up on yourself isn't going to help or change anything. You're only making things worse for yourself. You have to make a conscious decision to stop. It's your life, your choices, and your consequences. Suck it up, stop complaining, and go live your life as happily and as progressively as you can.
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You're letting your school work rule your life. Don't forget that sometimes you need to have fun just to ease off the work load and just relax for a while.
As for your boyfriend, suggest that you go out somewhere together as a couple like the films or go and have dinner in a restaurant. Or call up your friends and ask if you want to hang out together.
And sign up to have driving lessons so you can go out and have fun without needing to depend on your friends to drive you around.
Find something to do: go out shopping, go to a fun fair, go and see places even if you've seen them infinite times. And during the evenings, watch a film which you both like together.
You complain, yet you don't try and fix it.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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