KellyHappy's advice column

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Q: okay, so yesterday i was giving my boyfriend mine and his first hand job, and he said i was doing great, but he never cummed. he said it wasn't my fault and that he was really close but it never happened becaue my hands got tired.

why didn't he cum? and what can i do next time to make sure he cums?

I agree with Neener.
She has every right to be asking this, Amber, and Katie, it's just rude to be insulting the people who need help on here.

Most guys don't cum their first time they get a handjob, they're nervous, and afraid it will gross you out a lot of times. Make sure he knows that you're completely comfortable with him, and ask him to tell you exactly what he likes, so that you know just what to do! It'll help both of you a ton.

Q: Alot of my friends are virgins, but I'm not. I've had a few sexual relations actually. I don't feel the need to defend myself or feel bad about it because I'm 21 and on the right path in life. Now, my best friend is becoming good friends with one girl who hates me and is also a virgin! For the first time in my life, I feel slutty. They basically advertise to everyone how "good" they are and I know this other girl will talk bad about me to my best friend. My best friend has never judged me, but I feel like she will now. It's my life and I feel like they have this virgin club going on, and I'll just be left out. What should I do? Let this all go or salvage my friendship?

amberTHEtherapist: Not to be mean or anything, but that is AWFUL advice.
I don't think someone who's planning on getting married at 15 should be giving relationship advice at all. That is the last thing you want to do, is be snippy and drive your friend to dislike you, and that girl to talk MORE about you.

I don't really have any advice for you, other than to not follow that. I've never personally been in this situation, usually where I'm from, it's the opposite problem that people have actually.

All I can tell you, is that if this girl is really your best friend, then she won't judge you because of this new girl. Since you're all 21, or around that age, they obviously aren't mature enough to carry on an adult relationship.

Q: i'd like to start off with your answer "how about she has a case of being a desperate idiot" to someone's question was lol funny. i needed a good laugh and that provided it.
now for the question. my dad was a police officer, but recently he was in a car crash chasing some murderer and he became paralyzed from the waist down.
he's become terribly depressed cause (a) he's paralyzed and (b) he knows he'll never get to go back to work, which, after his family, is the most important thing.
he's stopped eating, stopped sleeping (mostly) and i feel completely helpless. he feels like he can't provide for his family anymore, and that makes him a bad husband/dad.
i'm afraid he's gonna get really sick if he continues to reject food and good sleep.
what the hell should i do???

From the sound of your dad, he seems stubborn, so you probably just can't drag him to therapy without him putting up a fight, but i do think that therapy would be the best thing for him, or maybe you and your mom can talk to him.
Make sure he knows that you're supportive of him, and that he IS a good father, ask him for help with homework and stuff to make him feel needed.
To help him get better sleep, you could also take him to the doctor and get him some medication to help him sleep. Just make sure not to leave him alone with it, because he's depressed, and leaving a depressed person alone with medication is usually not a good idea.

As for the eating problems, try to get him to eat at least once in a while, and when he does, make sure it's a really good meal with lots of protein and carbohydrates. That way he'll be receiving nutrition from that one meal at least.
You could also get him appetite enhancers from your local GMC.

That's really all i can suggest for now, maybe in a week or so you could update me on his progress and i can give you some more advice :) I hope he feels better!

Q: I am 48 years old and I have some difficulties holding my urine. Like if I need the toilet, I lose control and little drips of my urine come out. I don't know why.. Could it be the food I eat or I don't exercise enough or, stress.. This is the first time it has happened to me. I recently moved to a new country, if that helps. Thanks! :)

Along with what the person below me said, here are some other problems you might be having:

If you're a male, you could have an enlarging prostate, and need to seek medical attention, this can be treated by medicine.

You could also have a urinary tract infection, but it's unlikely because you did not mention any pain or discomfort, this is more likely in women but also occurs in men.

You might also have a bladder infection, which isn't severe.

In any case, I'd suggest seeing a doctor if you're unable to control your urine for more than a week, it's probably nothing, but it can't hurt to get checked out.

Q: my boyfriend was really good playing college baseball last year. i met him this year and he hasnt been playing well. his team has been losing latly and hes not playing his best. i am being very very helpful. i wish him luck before a game, sending him cute pic messages about baseball, telling him he'll do better. anything i can think of a supportive gf can do. (we are in different states). today he had a bad game, he texted me and said hes turning his phone off adn doesnt want to talk to anyone for a while. he texted me back saying he talked to the coach and feels better. what do i do?

Nothing, he feels better. If he says he feels better, chanced are he's not lying about it, so you don't need to do anything.

Q: what is something that you would stay in a hospital for one week, without it being TOO serious. to be quiet honest my friend allie wants to fake an injury to even see if this boy cares about her, its cruel but she has the right intentions. and she wants to have ppl tell him that shes in the hospital (he doesnt live close so she wont even really be in a hospital) and i was wondering if you do answer this question, to give me good details. like something a car accident? what would have happend, what injuries. or a sickness? what sickness and how serious. you know what i mean? PLEASE HELP! ASAP.

She has a severe case of being a desperate idiot, how about that?

Q: This may seem like a dumb question but i am very ugly. how can i become prettier? if i need to add a picture i will.

adding a picture would be best, certain people look better in certain styles of clothing and make up, you'd probably get better feed back if we knew how you looked.

Q: i am a preppy 14/f that wants to be different and wear/ do different things for myself. ANY IDEAS ?!?!?

example: clothing, accessories, piercing, ..

If you're asking a group of people how to be different, and they tell you how they act or look different from other people, you're just going to look like them.
You won't be different unless it's you're own ideas, and the fact that you have no ideas, is the reason that you are not different from how you are right now.

Q: Me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months. After about 2 months of going out he lost his job and couldnt afford to pay his rent so had to move out and it was very short notice. He didnt have anywhere to go so my friend let him stay with him for a couple of days and then he ended up moving in with me, my parents and my brother. Unfortunately he has not had any luck getting a new job so has lived with me for 7 months. In the same room and everything. But now he says when he gets a job he's going to move out and that i can go and stay with him and he can stay with me. I knew him staying with me was never meant to be permenant but I am having a hard time dealing with him moving and me not going with him after we've been living as a couple for so long. He wont see me as much and i think it will affect our relationship. I'm scared I will lose him and dont really know what to do to deal with it. Any advice?

Tell him to get the job, but not move out cause you'll miss him.
It'll be easier because he won't have to pay rent and bills, and it will benefit your relationship. Tell him that when he gets a job, he can save up for a while, and then he can get a place for you to both move into.

Q: how does a girl eat out a girl

Same way a boy would, with her mouth.

Q: ok well 15/f i recently had sex and i eat a lot of chocolate (you'll find out why thats important later) but i dont know from what but i got this pimpples on my chest and now on my back there not big just liek red dots but its scaring me because i had sex and yea we used a condom and his not sick with anything but i dont kno if it could be from that or if it could be from eating chocolate because i love chocolate and one time i got realli bad hives like red patches on my skin from eating an oreo sundae in dunken donuts..and ever since then my i think im allergic to chocolate but i really dont know what its from either that or that..any advice?

i got rashes and now these pimpeles becaus ei ate this huge block of chocolate and then 2 boxes of chocolate candies because i was on my period and then for new year a chocolate cake..so any advice?

If you think you got herpes or something from sex, you don't get that all over your body until he rubbed his genitals all over you. You obviously are allergic to chocolate.
Eat carob instead, it basically tastes just like chocolate, cept healthier for you and you won't break out everywhere. You can get it at publix greenwise or a healthfood store.

Q: I was just wondering if it hurts when you "pop your cherry"?

The layer of skin at the opening of your vagina is pushed until it's broken through.
What do you think?

Q: After seeing the twilight movie i became very depressed..Edward and bella's love is so strong and he actually cares about her. I really want a love like that but i dont think i ever will. I felt very depressed after the movie..What is wrong with me. I havent had a boyfriend in like 3 years can that be the problem.

That movie is fictional, obviously. I highly doubt that there is a love like that anyways, seeing at it was COMPLETELY MADE UP. That book and movie are aimed at teen girls seeking "the perfect guy" it's what Stephenie Meyer was aiming for whens she wrote it, to make girls fall in love with her lead character, it's a love novel.

You're lonely cause you haven't had a boyfriend in 3 years, the movie just reminded you of that.
If you do start dating someone, don't compare him to Edward, you'll just fuck yourself over cause no one like that exists. It's a movie. Get over it.

Q: I'm getting a new phone this week, and looking online, I've narrowed it down to :
- the pantech matrix
- samsung a777
- lg shine

based on experience or anything, which phone would be best/most reliable? I was hoping the matrix but im not sure. i bought a phone a while ago and it was so cheap and i dont want to make the same decision again

thanks!!!

I've been using my brother's lg shine, and it's really annoying. If you like texting a lot, it's not the greatest cause the buttons are completely flat, you need nails to text the right things cause your thumbs will hit all the buttons.

Q: Apparently, some people are offended by Christmas trees in public areas because it is a Christian thing (or so they say). I heard some people talking about this in the WalMart here today. I'm really confused about why someone would be offended by Christmas trees, even if they weren't Christian.

Does the Bible even mention anything about Christmas trees relating to Christianity though?

I, personally, don't see Christmas trees as religious and I just can't understand why someone who doesn't celebrate Christmas would be offended by a Christmas tree. So, this now has me thinking about how the tradition of Christmas trees actually happened. Someone told me that Christmas trees aren't Christian at all and that they came from something called Pagan. What is true about Christmas trees?

Can someone shed some light on this, please?

One of the earliest stories of the origin of the Christmas tree is about St. Boniface. In 722, he encountered some pagans who were worshipping a large oak tree (other more radical/fundamental catholics believe that the pagans were about to sacrifice a child at the base of the tree, most likely religious propaganda). He cut down the tree in anger for the worship of a "false" God and a Fir tree grew up at the base of what was once the oak. He then told everyone that this evergreen, with its branches pointing to heaven, was a holy tree and the tree of Christ, and a symbol of His promise of eternal life.

The Christmas trees being brought inside was dating back to Western Germany in the 16th century. They were called "Paradeisbaum" (paradise trees) and were brought into homes to celebrate the annual Feast of Adam and Eve on December 24th.

Q: I just saw the movie Juno for the first time. Juno is a 2007 movie about a 16 year old teen girl, Juno MacGuff, who gets pregnant by her best guy friend, Paulie Bleeker. Juno is played by Ellen Page (also played in X-Men the Last Stand as Kitty Pryde) and Paulie Bleeker is played by Michael Cera (also played in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist as Nick, Superbad as Evan, and on Arrested Development as George-Michael Bluth).

Anyway, the movie has a lot of slang in it, like:

Rollo: "That ain't no Etch A Sketch. This is one doodle that can't be undid, Homeskillet."

Juno: "This is not a food baby all right? I've taken like three pregnancy tests, and I'm forshizz up the spout."

I know most of the slang so I wasn't very confused except a few parts when Juno says, "Pork Swords." What is pork swords? Is it a really gross food or something because she keeps calling guys (like the Dancing Elk Track Team) this name.

I just didn't get it, I guess, and I've never heard anyone else but Juno call people this name. What is a Pork Sword or what are Pork Swords (whichever one is right)? I don't want to look stupid in front of my best friends if they say it like Juno did!

Can anyone help me understand?
THANKS!

Pork swords are penises.
Just like if a girl calls a guy a dick, pork sword is like a synonym for it.

Q:
On the show Metalocalypse. (sorry if I spelt it wrong) Season 2.
What's the song they play on that episode,,

Where Dethklok is asked to perform at the jail.
And they get to choose how the people on death-row
are executed.
Yeah, the song they play.
"d-d-d-d-d-d-die!"
Know what it is?

:|

I believe the song is called Dethecution

http://www.broadcaster.com/clip/28672

^^That link is the episode :D

Q:
Hey, well I was wondering if anybody knew the German word for 'ten' :P

Because I know:
eins, one
zwei, two
drei, three
vier, four
fünf, five
sechs, six
sieben, seven
acht, eight
neun, nine

and I don't know 10.

Kinda silly i know.

and wunderbar means wonderful.
Irrelevant, but nifty to know.

Q: i go on porn sites right before i go to sleep. then i watch porn and masterbate....is this weird? because people say porn is bad, and i dn't kno wut to do.

As long as you aren't ditching your friends or ruining your social life over it, masturbating and porn is totally fine.
It's completely natural to be turned on by something, better take care of it yourself than go rape someone or get drunk and lose it to some guy you never talk to again.

Q: is it like a porn site or what.
like what kind of porn do you see.
and does it damage the computer.

i've heard people ask about it and now im curious to

It's porn, yes. Basically, you type in a 4 digit number, and it gives you random porn that the number is assigned to.
No, I don't think it would damage a computer.